NINE

Zane watched Asher load his duffle into the car and didn't know what to do with the toxic cocktail of emotions churning in his stomach. If his brother didn't have to put out the flames surrounding his career, he'd ask him to hang around for a couple more weeks.

And not just because putting the family homestead to rights would take more than his efforts. He needed his big brother's brutal honesty and sage advice because, as much as he hated to admit it, he'd been teetering a lot closer to the edge than normal.

The three days that had passed since terror and old memories bounced off the interior of his truck like a bomb had not been his best.

The demons he kept regular company with had been in overdrive from the moment he'd left the hardware store, and he wished they'd take a freaking break. Not only had they torn at the little confidence he'd cobbled together about him and Olivia, but they'd made too many old failures resurface and gnaw at his bones.

The song and dance was getting old, and he needed to put the past to rest once and for all. And not just because staying at his end of Lady Bug Lane wouldn't last much longer. Though, that was certainly a big motivator since the muscle in his chest had been relentlessly campaigning for him to hightail it to Olivia's and offer a hundred apologies.

"Are you done chewing over the biggest mistake of your life?" Asher called out.

"Working on it," he responded before walking down the stairs.

"Despite facts on the ground suggesting otherwise?"

"Yes!" Hearing something knock through the trees, he held his breath, hoping Bella was about to visit. When the dog didn't appear, he let out a gust of air and knew it was probably best.

Asher pushed his sunglasses down, peering over the top of them. "I kinda want to hand you your ass but know Olivia already did a bang-up job." He thumped the top of his car and then shook his head. "Brother, you somehow managed to trip over a woman who is kind, sexy, and can make you laugh. The only appropriate response to something like that is to wife her up, plant your ass in this small town, and hide her fanny like it's drug money. Not torpedo your only chance at happiness.

He knew there was something to his brother's skewed advice but didn't think he could put together a time machine fast enough to take advantage of it. "Speaking of nuclear warheads, what are you going to do about the one that imploded your career?"

"I'm gonna wrangle with the powers that be and remind them that I won't hesitate to reveal where the proverbial dead bodies are buried if I'm not honorably discharged."

"Which answers my question about the veracity of your conviction and the hill you planted your flag on."

"I'm not a pawn that can be used for the Navy's dirty work. The charges against the SEAL were total bullshit and politically motivated. I wanted no part of the cake eater's need to cover their asses. Eventually, I'll retire with full honors, start my own firm, and make more bank than I know what to do with."

Walking around the car, he slapped him on the shoulder. "Proud of you, man."

Pushing his sunglasses up, Asher let out a snort. "It's not like I had a choice."

"Doesn't mean it was easy."

"Hawker men don't do easy."

"Ain't that the truth," he said quietly.

"Have you considered that it's time to do the hard thing and give in to what your heart wants? Fuck your walls, brother; they're not doing you any good. Jump. Because there's no better place for bravery than in love and war. And since you already proved yourself a hundred times on the battlefield, it might be time to have a go at the other."

"Just like that?" he asked, knowing the answer.

"Yeah, man. Just like that." Asher gave him a brief hug and then climbed into his car. "Rejection lasts a minute, but regret lasts a lifetime."

Unable to deny the truth or the emotion clogging his throat, he stepped back and gave him a tip of his chin. "Till next time."

"It will be sooner than you think."

"Hope so." He watched his brother drive away from the house and knew hermit life no longer held the same appeal.

A slice of sun slid through the thick foliage, and he took a step, placing himself in the center of it. The warmth hit his shoulders, and he quietly admitted that he was terrified.

Of letting her go.

And letting her in.

Of the day, she'd finally open her eyes and see who he was.

Was there an ounce of bravery left in his worn-out soul to see if happiness was still possible?

A brisk breeze skittered across the ground, lifting leaves, and he knew that finding out may not be a choice anymore.

There was no doubt about it; Olivia resembled a deflated balloon. Her spark had sputtered, her light had dimmed, and eating more Cheetos wouldn't change a thing. Pushing the half-empty bag to the back of her pantry, she closed the door firmly and decided that getting out of the house was necessary.

A nice hike around the lake would put her to rights. And no doubt, allow her mind to clear long enough so obliterating the short entanglement with Zane became possible.

Bella bounded into the kitchen, skidded to a stop, and gave her enough of a doggy grin to make some of the battered feelings in her chest slide away. "Let's go feed those awful rosemary crackers to the fish."

Bella tilted her head. "I know we didn't care for them, but the fish might." She straightened the orange ribbon on her dog's neck, squashed an unbidden picture of Zane's face that tried to float across her mind, and grabbed the bag off the counter. "Fresh air is what we need."

Pushing the screen door open with more force than was necessary, she skipped down the steps with Bella on her heel and heard the rumble of a truck engine. "Please, don't let it be, Zane."

Not that she couldn't handle seeing her neighbor because she most certainly could. It's just that she'd prefer not to since he'd made it more than clear that anything beyond the occasional distant wave wouldn't be welcome.

A red truck trundled in her direction, and she smiled when she saw her best friend's face. "Just the visit we need."

Bea pulled in and slung her door open. "I felt your sadness all the way in town and knew I had to come."

"I'm so glad it's you," she exclaimed as she hugged her friend. "I thought another woman was about to deliver a cake or casserole to the Hawker men. There's been a fairly steady parade of them since Monday."

"There's only one Hawker in residence. I saw Asher tear out of town a couple of hours ago."

"Oh," she replied quietly. "Then Zane will have to deal with the town's beauties on his own."

"The only woman he's interested in is you." Bea took her hand. "His aura is very murky. He doesn't know how to handle his feelings and is engulfed in gray. Poor thing."

"His aura is not my concern. Nor is his chi." She fixed the ribbon in her hair. "Or anything else about his person."

"We both know that's not true." Bea frowned. "The man is working overtime not to fall head over heels in lust. And since we"re more evolved, we must extend grace while he goes through the process."

"Is that what you were doing with Asher at the kissing booth?"

"The man certainly doesn't deserve an extra ounce of it," she huffed. "There are few people who cause my good intentions to falter, and that…that…infuriating man would test anyone's desire to be a good human!"

She snorted louder than was polite. "Perhaps we should discuss your situation and not mine."

"No, thank you," Bea said firmly. "Since Asher Hawker is of no interest to me." She pushed her fingers into her pocket. "What did Zane say anyway?"

"He told me in no uncertain terms that he had no interest in the chaos I would bring to his life."

"He used the word chaos?"

"I'm almost certain he did." She looked up and then shrugged. "That was the gist, anyway."

Bea rolled her lips together. "That was fear talking. Not his heart."

"It doesn't matter since my crush has evaporated." She snapped her fingers. "Disappeared."

"That kind of nonsense needs a glass of wine."

She whistled for her dog. "We're going for a walk first. I've eaten most of my feelings for the last three days and need to stay away from my pantry for a while."

"Fine." Bea patted Bella's head. "We can discuss your chi on our walk."

"Must we?" she whined as they crossed the road and headed into the woods. "I'm tired of dissecting my dead dreams and unrequited lust."

Bea rolled her eyes. "I see you're honoring Margret and giving into theatrics."

"I don't even know him." She took her best friend's hand. "How did he get ahold of me so quickly? It's not like he's got some great personality and showed me why being friends would in any way not be torture."

"What one's heart desires rarely makes sense."

"My heart never had a chance to get in the game." They tromped through the woods, and she felt some of her more wretched feelings soften. "It was just a stupid crush and likely rooted in nothing more than fantasy."

"If that's true, and I'm not saying it is, then those feelings can be worked out quickly and dismissed."

"I suppose so." She plucked a flower off a plant. "I haven't enjoyed the company of a man in a while. Maybe I just need some sweaty sex and confused my initial feelings for something more."

"Only one way to find out," Bea said with a knowing smile.

She heard her watch beep with a reminder. "Oh, shoot, I almost forgot; Hoyt is coming over later to see if he can get the Ferris wheel working."

"I bet that'll make Zane crazy. Nothing a man likes less than having someone encroach on their territory."

"Zane doesn't have any territory where I'm concerned," she replied as Bella ran ahead, barking loudly.

"Let me ask you this…"

"Uh-oh, should I be concerned?"

"Of course not." Bea took the mangled flower out of Olivia's hand. "If Zane offered to sex you up with no strings attached, would you accept?"

"I might." She let out a gust of air. "Scratch that. I totally would since it would surely cure me of any lingering fantasies of how we could make one another completely and utterly happy."

Bea grinned. "One good tumble in the sheets could be all you need."

"I can't disagree, despite the fact I've spent the last three days constructing elaborate scenarios in which he suffers greatly." She kicked the ground. "Which just shows that I'm not a good human since he did nothing more than reject me."

"He didn't rebuff you. He just couldn't grab hold of his courage to take you on."

Olivia winced. "Knowing I'm the type of woman that requires more bravery than going into battle isn't comforting."

"Getting to the good stuff is never about comfort." Bea put her hand on Liv's shoulder. "But you already knew that."

She ignored the memories that tried to fight their way to the surface. "All this theoretical talk means nothing since Zane will never try. Let's be honest; the chance of him pursuing me is about as likely as me deciding that cake is a bad idea."

"Of course."

She narrowed her eyes. "I mean it, Bea. I'm done tripping over myself. The man would have to do something spectacular to get me interested in a sexy shag."

"Not a doubt in my mind."

"Oh, shoot." She caught sight of a large figure in the distance. "Please let it be one of the Doherty brothers." The sound of a happy bark hit her ears, and she had a sinking feeling that the broad back she was looking at was Zane's. "He's going to think I'm tracking him." She scraped her running shoes along the dirt and whistled for her dog.

"Doesn't have to be a thing," Bea said firmly.

"I know, and believe me, I'm gonna be the coolest cumber you've ever seen." She moved down the trail and saw Zane's face when he turned in her direction.

"Guess God wanted y'all to have a conversation," Bea commented quietly as she followed.

"I can't imagine why." She watched Zane head in their direction and affected a blasé expression. Not going to say more than necessary!

"Hello," Zane called out.

Unable to read his tone, she gave him a short wave and held her hand out for her dog. When Bella bounded over, she let out a quiet sigh. "Let's go, girl." She took Bea's hand and headed toward the upper trail.

"No time to talk, Olivia?"

She turned and scowled. "Didn't think idle chit-chat was your thing?"

"Our conversations were never idle."

"Going forward, they will be." She tilted her head. "You remember my best friend, don't you?"

"Of course." Zane lifted his hand. "Hey, Bea."

"You look well, Zane."

Olivia snorted and watched Zane's mouth form a straight line.

"Do you have something to say, Liv?"

"Nope."

"That's a first."

She did her best to bank her frustration. "Don't worry; I won't fill the air with chatter and throw myself at you anymore."

"About that…"

She dropped her sunglasses. "You've had visitors all week, so I doubt you need any more human contact."

When he didn't make a rebuttal, she pushed her glasses up. "See you around." Not waiting for a response, she headed up the trail and told herself that it wasn't regret coloring Zane's features but relief. From here on out, she planned on giving Zane precisely what he asked for. And if he happened to choke on it…all the better.