1. Arielle Hanson

one

Arielle Hanson

Yanking on the wrought iron door handle of the Long Island Coffee Loft, I storm through the entry with so much anger bubbling in my gut, my gaze has morphed into tunnel vision. I barely pause to scan the lobby, making sure it’s clear of customers before I zero my gaze on my brother, Christian, and shriek, “Tom is lying. He has another girlfriend!”

Portia, Christian’s fiancée, pops up from where she was restocking supplies behind the counter. Her snow-blond hair is pinned in a messy bun, making her look like she hasn't combed it for the day, but that doesn’t slow her down. She immediately paces toward me, hands outstretched. “That dirty scumbag.”

I stand with my feet shoulder width apart, but still feel increasing weakness in my knees. Portia wraps her arms around me, and I drop my head on her shoulder and sob, unleashing a flood of tears.

Christian strides forward, determination in his straight path to us. “Are you sure this time?”

I raise my head enough to catch his gaze. He’s the one person I’m totally honest with, and I desperately need consoling on this. “Yeah. You know how I had suspected it, but he assured me so many times that was not the case? He always had perfectly reasonable excuses why we had to sneak around. Remember when he said he was a lawyer, who worked at the same law firm handling Grandma’s estate, and he was worried about the conflict of interest?”

Christian’s eyes narrow, red hues flaming on his cheeks. “Tell me he’s at least a lawyer.”

“He’s a lawyer.” I nod, sniffing back tears. “Yet, still a liar.”

Christian’s hands roll into fists and his lips snarl and twist to the side. “I'll show him what a loser he really is.”

“No, I don’t want him to know how much this bothers me.” I place my hand on his shoulder, attempting to take his fury down a notch. “I’m ready to never hear his voice or see his face again.”

“How did you get him to confess?” Portia stares at me, her eyes wide with piqued interest.

“He never confessed but nothing ever added up. Today is his birthday, and he said he didn’t have time to get together. I offered to meet him for lunch at his work, but he didn’t want me to come to the office. I thought that was weird, but he assured me he was concerned over the conflict of interest. I showed up anyway—”

“You did not!” Portia’s jaw practically drops to the floor.

“I did.” I swipe my eyes with the back of my hands, doing everything I can to restore my vision as Portia’s sweet face blurs in front of me. “That’s what you do when you love someone and it’s their birthday. I understood he was busy, but I thought I could still drop off a birthday lunch and give him a hug and kiss. But when I got there, he was having lunch in his office with his other girlfriend!”

Portia gasps, covering her mouth with her palm. “She was there?”

“It was a good thing too.” I don’t conceal the exasperation layering in my tone. I’ve been holding it in the entire drive here. If I don’t let it out, my emotional tank is going to explode. “Tom would have never fessed up. At least since his other girlfriend was literally right there in front of my face, there was no way to lie his way out of it.”

“I’m so sorry.” Portia squeezes me tighter and pats my back in a motherly way. “He really doesn’t deserve you. I know this hurts, but it’s better you find out now. You should be with someone who treats you the way you deserve.”

My bottom lip rolls under until I trap it between my teeth. I want to believe she’s right, and there is someone better out there for me, but I’m honestly so tired of dating. I stopped looking for the perfect guy years ago. He just doesn’t exist, and if I had to be honest with myself, I know I was settling with Tom. It’s part of my personality though, which I have an impossible time giving up. I don’t like to admit defeat at anything, including relationships. I had desperately wanted to make this relationship work, because I’m ready to move on to the next stage of my life—to get married and have a family.

Growing up without a mom taught me a lot, but the loudest lesson it imparted to me is there are no guarantees. Life is short. My heart hollows fractionally more with each depressing thought until it lands on this last one. I don’t want to start all over again. I’m gutted. I gave everything I had to Tom.

I can’t do this again.

“I’ll tell you what he deserves,” Christian cuts in, wringing his fists together. The sight of him puffing up his chest, acting so tough should make me giggle, because Christian is the last guy to ever be physically aggressive, but I don’t have even a snicker inside me.

“Violence is not the answer.” Portia raises her gaze to lock with Christian’s, but it’s not scolding. She has a way of making him even . He immediately comes down another notch, unrolling his clenched fists.

“I agree.” I sniff, finally straightening up with the bitter aftertaste of my dream of getting that Instagram-perfect wedding to disintegrate right before me. I take an urgent step back from Portia to look at Christian. “Violence will not help anything, but I can’t go back there anytime soon. I was hoping I could stay with you for a little while.”

“Stay here. Isn’t that what you did the last time Tom hurt you?” Christian rubs his clean-shaven chin; a challenging gleam sparks in his eye. “I’m detecting a pattern where you always run away from your problems.”

“It will not be a pattern once I get Tom out of my life for good. I’m humiliated. I can’t imagine running into anyone I know right now, while I’m still so emotional.” I sniff, and my shoulders shake from the internal pressure of holding back more tears. This isn’t one of those problems I can solve by eating too many pints of ice cream and blaring Taylor Swift while I drive aimlessly around town.

This is my heart squeezed so tightly, it’s impossible to breathe.

I’ve never been betrayed this badly before. I close my eyes, wishing the pain to go away, but Tom’s face floods my mind, making my stomach lurch. I can’t fathom ever feeling normal again.

I know one thing. If I do ever heal this pain, I’m not ever dating again.

This will not be my pattern.

I’m going to heal, but never date again. Problem solved.

“Don’t you have a job to get back to?” Christian’s protective-older-brother tone turns on. “I thought you had started cleaning for Dad’s offices.”

“I did, but it’s just cleaning. It will not be the end of the world if I skip a week.” I drop my voice into an indistinct murmur, adding under my breath, “Or a month.” I can’t afford to miss work with my dad, who’s not exactly the understanding type. He’ll more than likely “teach me a lesson” and fire me for not coming in. I’m willing to risk it, because as of right now, I can’t imagine ever going back there. People are going to find out what I did—dating a guy with another girlfriend—and they’ll talk. That’s not my personality at all, but are they really going to believe that it wasn’t my fault? I can’t imagine the rumors going around about me. Nerves quake out of the depths of my gut, and I desperately motion to the counter. “I promise I’ll earn my keep. I can take as many shifts as you want to help here.”

“I actually just hired an assistant manager, Gia. She’s not here right now, but she’s working full time. With her new position, I really don’t need any help, and I honestly can’t afford it.” Christian shrugs. His gaze bounces to Portia then back to me, all the while my heart sinks lower.

Is he really going to tell me I can’t stay?

I get he has a life, but he’s my older brother, who is always there for me.

“Christian.” My voice is soft, cracking. “I don’t have anyone back home but Dad, and I’m not ready to face him yet. He’s going to throw it back into my face that I quit college to be with Tom and tell me all the ways I ruined my life. I know I messed up, but I can’t hear that right now. Please—”

“I wasn’t going to say no.” He peers down at me, his words rushing out faster. “You didn’t give me a chance. I was going to say I don’t need help here, but I’m leaving on a business trip to acquire a new location. I’ll only be gone for a couple of days to get the paperwork done. You’re welcome to come with me.”

“You’re leaving?” I blink, and then blink again. Enough with my whining, this is great news! “I had no idea you were looking to expand. I would love to go anywhere as long as it’s not back home.” I jerk my thumb over my shoulder toward the parking lot. “My bag is already packed. We can take my car.”

“That’s fine.” He nods, and his gaze trails back to Portia, who beams an approving smile.

“That’s a wonderful idea, to have El come with you.” She winks, and tacks on, “She’ll keep you out of trouble.”

“Yeah, it’ll be good to have company for the drive, especially since I’m running late.” He takes a step back, rubbing his chin. “I do need to request a loan pre-approval form from the bank before we head out, so if you’ll excuse me a moment, I’ll be ready to leave shortly.”

“That’s fine.” I pace toward the nearest booth and plop down, staring at both my hands on the table. It’s as if my body prefers to stay frozen.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Portia asks softly, her kindhearted smile aimed at me. “I’m partial to the French press.”

I can’t even fake a warm smile to repay her generosity. My heart is ripped open, but coffee sounds soothing. “Sure,” I whimper as she turns on her heel to make my drink. I’m left to myself and it’s overwhelming. I lay my head down and weep.

“Oh, honey.” Portia comes from behind me and wraps both hands around me into another hug. “Please don’t cry. He’s not worth it. Trust me, I have a slew of men on my website who would love to meet you.”

“Please don’t even mention dating again.” I shudder at her suggestion.

“I hate seeing you so upset over someone who clearly isn’t worth it.” Her kind eyes never leave my face as she rolls her bottom lip under her top teeth for a beat. Then she breaks the silence she created by rushing out, “If I let you in on a secret, do you promise not to say anything?”

“A secret about Tom?” My brows spring up, and my heart slams against my chest. “How do you have a secret?”

“No!” She pats my back, soothing me. “Not about Tom. This is something to cheer you up.”

“No offense, Portia, but I just found out the love of my life was living a whole secret life. I really want to be miserable right now—”

“Stop!” She grabs both of my hands and squeezes them in a motherly way. “This isn’t your fault and trust me,” —she tosses a look over her shoulder before whispering— “This secret is so much fun, you can’t be sad.”

I slope my gaze up to her. “So, Christian doesn’t even know?”

“He knows.” She nods, dismissing my concern. “It’s something I’m working on, and I haven’t told many people because it’s in beta.”

“I don’t know,” I start slowly. After the worst day of my life having secrets being unveiled, I don’t know if I can handle another secret. “You know what they say. Secrets are lies.”

“This isn’t a lie.” She whips her phone out of her apron pocket and taps on the screen, and I immediately roll my eyes.

“I’m not going on your dating site—”

“It’s not my matchmaking app.” She slides her phone screen in front of me, and a bright blue screen flashes. “Karaoke Cash-oke,” I read out loud, confusion bunching my brows together. “What is this?”

Her index finger taps her lips as she breathes out a quiet, “Shhh.”

My eyes case side to side, confirming we’re still alone. Unsure of why I need to be quiet. Unless that’s just the presentation she does to drum up excitement for this thing. I give in and whisper, “What is this?”

“It’s my new app.” She taps the screen, and the app loads another screen where a personalized avatar with blond hair like hers pops up. A scoreboard floats above the avatar’s head. “Like I said, it’s still in beta,” she explains. “I’m mostly just letting my paying clients from my other app get a free account here, but you pay to join these karaoke battles. I actually went out of my way to get a lottery license so I could upgrade the prizes, and now you can win real cash.” She taps on the screen again, and a countdown starts on the top. “Here, try it.”

“I didn’t know you liked music.” I take the phone from her, and stare at the brightly colored numbers, counting down from thirty seconds.

“Sure, everybody likes music, and it’s just karaoke.” Pointing to the screen again, her expression pulls into a serious one. “When that gets to zero, it’s going to throw you into a round where you are randomly matched with another contestant. You battle it out, singing the same song.”

“What?” My arm automatically stretches, thrusting the phone farther away from me. “I’m not in the mood to sing.”

“It’s so much fun.” She pushes the phone closer to my face again. “Trust me, you will forget about what’s his name.”

The timer runs out, and the screen goes dark. My heart ticks up a notch. I have no idea what I’m doing. Bright red letters flash a song name, “I Will Survive,” and I resist rolling my eyes on Portia. I know she’s trying, but I just got done crying. I’m all nasally. “I’m not singing,” I assert, crossing my arms across my chest.

“It’s starting.” Portia wags her index finger at the screen. “Please just try it this one time, and if you hate it, I won’t even ask again.” She’s seriously the sweetest person ever, and I hate that she wants this so much. I roll my bottom lip in and glare at the screen. The lyrics scroll across the screen. I swallow and open my mouth to sing very softly and annoyingly monotone but on time. A gauge on the side of that screen turns green, marking the notes I hit, and it keeps glowing, seeding my confidence.

Portia bobs her head along, mouthing the words with me. I can’t carry a tune, but the app doesn’t seem to care about my pitch. It has some technology that senses the timing of the words.

I don’t know how, but the gauge is overflowing by the time I am done with the first chorus. Maybe it’s rigged or Portia has it on an easy setting to make me feel better, but since I’m doing well, I start the second verse. It’s clearly the song choice that’s helping, and I start to replace my shallow breaths with deep ones. When it’s over, there’s a pause on the screen. For a moment, I think it’s jammed, but Portia leans over. “The app has to wait for your opponent to finish and compare scores.”

Digital confetti falls over my screen and a giant “Congratulations!” flashes.

“I won?” My tired and rubbed-red eyes grow wide as a little bit of pride puffs up my chest. Christian always teases me there is no one on the planet who loves winning more than me, and I sort of agree. Even when I’m completely shattered, I still love winning.

The screen does some tally thing, and it flashes. “You’ve won a thousand diamonds.”

“Look how many diamonds I won.” I tap on the screen, watching them all pile up. “What do I do with them?”

“Since you start in the amateur level, nobody spends or wins money. So, this was just a way to make it fun. You can use the diamonds to level up your avatar and advance in levels, which will change the contestants you may challenge. If you make it to the pro level, you can win real prize money.”

“Really?” My eyes are glued to the screen as these shiny diamonds just keep coming.

“Told you it was fun.” Portia reaches over, taking her phone back from me, giving me the side-eye. “I’ll text you a promo code for a free download.”

I take a deep breath, about to tell her no thanks.

It’s a silly game.

I don’t have time for games.

However, upon second thought it was a mere three minutes of distraction that allowed my tears to dry. I’m not by any means healed, but I will take a distraction. “Thank you.” I breathe a little easier as the flood of tears I was holding back earlier has seemed to lessen.

Christian pops his head out of his office. His front hair spike looking extra disgruntled. “Are you ready to get this show on the road?”

“Yeah.” I stand, ready to walk out with him. “I’m ready to move on . . .”