Chapter Three

CAL

Excerpt from Androphobes Anonymous forum:

oBITCHuary: Legit gonna hurl myself off a cliff.

McMonster: This better be a figure of speech because I'm about to find your address and have someone bust your door down. My conscience can barely fucking cope as it is.

oBITCHuary: Aww. Who did you kill?

McMonster: Don't change the subject. Are you okay?

oBITCHuary: If you are asking whether I'm suicidal, the answer is no. I just need to vent.

McMonster: Vent away.

oBITCHuary: Do you want the long version or short one?

McMonster: Short.

oBITCHuary: Returned to the small town I grew up in for a personal matter and everything is…off.

McMonster: That's small towns for you.

oBITCHuary: How would you know? You grew up in Philly.

McMonster: Educated guess. How can I make you feel better?

oBITCHuary: Tell me it's okay to take back my promise to my mom and go back to NYC instead of staying here for eight weeks?

McMonster: You know the answer to that question, kiddo.

oBITCHuary: Boo.

oBITCHuary: Well, give me an incentive.

McMonster: Do the right thing so Karma doesn't get your ass?

oBITCHuary: Karma is literally still stalking me for a chocolate bar I stole from my grandma when I was six. Too late for that.

oBITCHuary: Let's meet up when I'm back in New York.

McMonster: Aw. Socializing? I thought you were better than that.

oBITCHuary: Come on. We've been talking for three years.

oBITCHuary: And before you say anything, no, I don't care that you work at a fast-food chain and I don't care if you think you look like an ogre. I LIKE you. And I don't like men. Hence why we're here.

McMonster: I'll think abou tit.

oBITCHuary: Okay. Mine are great, BTW.

McMonster: *IT.

oBITCHuary: Sure, Jan. smiley face

McMonster: Shouldn't you be scared of men?

oBITCHuary: Well, it's easier to flirt when you have no idea what my real name is or where exactly I live. It's not like you can come over and take me up on my non-offer.

oBITCHuary: Also, my androphobia is not so bad that I can't work around men or talk to them in public settings. I just…don't want to date them. Kiss them. Be in a relationship with them. I'm not asexual. I am EXTREMELY sexual. And THANK YOU Harry Styles for making me discover my sexuality. But I'm scared if I entered a relationship with a man, he'd hurt me. Physically. Mentally. Make sense ?

McMonster: Perfect sense. So you're not gonna hump my leg if we meet?

oBITCHuary: I mean, I'd like to keep my options open.

oBITCHuary: Remind me what YOU are doing in an androphobia forum?

McMonster: Abusive man in my life made me very fucking wary of my kind.

oBITCHuary: Don't write all men off. They're not all bad.

McMonster: Yeah?

oBITCHuary: Yeah. There are also people like you.