Chapter 38

Polly

“I really appreciate this, Tori. I know I must seem like—”

“Not the first hockey wife or girlfriend … or me I’ve had to sneak from the showers.”

“You?”

Tori nodded, a blush creeping over her cheeks as she gave me a ‘Shhhh’. “Have you met Bas?”

An assortment of faces scrolled through my mind. “Bas…. The weird-ass goalie?”

“Uh-huh.” she blushed, “He’s my … my weird friend .”

“Ahh. The kind of friend you take secret showers with, huh? They’re my favourite kind.”

Giggling, Tori led me down a series of corridors that opened up into a large open-planned dining hall where officials, players, their wives had gathered. It seemed my arrival was not welcomed by all. “Those aren’t the clothes you left in,” snipped one of the girlfriends, a pretty brunette named Rina whom I’d loathed at first sight. Apparently, it was a three-way agreement, as Tori snapped straight back.

“And that’s not the nose you were born with, Rina. Do I need to remind you of last season’s all-star game locker incident?”

“Bitch,” Rina muttered, dropping her head and pushing out from the table. Tori waved her off, then crossed her arms across her chest.

“I don’t need to look to know where she’s heading.” she huffed. I did though, so I followed Rina’s swagger until her ample ass filled the seat next to Dallas and Clara. “Her loyalties are as obvious as her fake tits. I’m not sure why you were so determined to be nice to her, Polly. Or Clara, for that matter. Not after what she did to Luca.”

“Let’s just say I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my time. I’d like to give her the benefit of doubt I was never afforded.”

“That’s my girl.” Luca’s proud smile washed over me as he and Rory childishly jostled their way toward the table. Pressing a kiss to the top of my head, he slid into the chair beside me, tucking me under his arm in the way I’d come to expect, and adore. “I saw you talking to Clara. I was so damn proud of you, Princess.”

“Give it up, D’Cruz.” Rory laughed, “We all know Tori just snuck her out of the locker room.”

“Ahhh,” Tilly sighed, pointing back and forth between me and Luca. “Is that why you look so … what’s the word I’m looking for, Rory?” she teased as her husband sat opposite Luca, mirroring his around–the–shoulder tuck actions. It must have been a hockey boy thing.

“Relaxed? Refreshed? Rejuvenated?” he smirked.

“Nope, sated. That’s it. Sated.”

Snatching a breadstick from the largest collection of carbs ever amassed, I tore off a chunk and tossed it across the table. “Hey, Tori said I wasn’t the first to partake in a little … rejuvenation in the showers. I consider it a welcoming act.”

Luca huffed out a laugh. “I consider it damn-near unlawful and now absolutely necessary after each session. I’m going to stow you away in my kit bag and take you everywhere I go.”

“As tempting as living amongst your sweaty socks and jockstraps sounds, you can shove it. I have no time to travel around with you now that I have a job.”

“A job?” Luca dropped the forkful of chicken pasta he’d just picked up. “You found a job?”

“I did.” I nodded, “Well, Tilly did. Remember that day we went out and that asshole reporter leaked news of our wedding?”

Luca scoffed and rolled his eyes. “How could I forget?”

“Well, just before all hell broke loose, Tilly had mentioned Rory being so sweet and kind to the people she works with. Something about it buried in my brain and as soon as I remembered, I asked her what she did.”

Luca’s flirty blue eyes sparked, “You’re a speech therapist.” He pointed to Tilly.

“I am.”

“And you know Auslan and ASL,” he said, spinning back to me.

“I do.”

“You’re going to work with Tilly?”

“I am.” I giggled, my enthusiasm bubbling over in a most unlike me manner, “Tilly has an Australian family that needs support transitioning to ASL. I’m going to work with them and we’re going to develop a special cooking program to run at a few inclusive local schools.”

“No way,” Luca beamed down at me in a way no one ever had, that I was beginning to think I deserved.

“Yes way. We have a meeting on Monday with two school boards and I’m going to tour Tilly’s clinic after we leave here.”

“And after I drive you home to change into clothes that fit you,” insisted Tilly. I probably should have been embarrassed, but I wasn’t.

“Yeah, that too.”

“Shit, Princess,” Luca beamed, squeezing me even tighter, “I’m so damn proud of you. A few days in a new city and you already have a job and a new … shit.” His face paled, as he paused and ran his hand over his clenching jaw. “Ahh, what time do you think you’ll be done at the meeting?”

“We should only be an hour or two. Why? Is something wrong?” Then I remembered. “You had a surprise for me, didn’t you? Shit, I forgot.”

“It’s okay, Pol. This is more important. I have a few things I have to take care of anyway, so why don’t you go with Tilly and give me a call when you’re done?”

“Are you sure? We could reschedule. It’s just an informal—.”

“Nope. I am positive. Go and impress the fuck out of the board, then come home to me.”

Hmm. There was a distinct difference in his tone when he smirked at the word home that I probably should have followed up with. But the rate at which he was shoveling pasta into his mouth made me smile so hard that I forgot all about it.

With the meeting at Tilly’s workplace done and a long-forgotten feeling of pride swelling within me, it was, of course, the moment Mum decided to reach out. Using the noise of Tilly’s cute white Jeep as an excuse, I ignored the first call, but when she rang again and again, I knew the time had come to face the music. I turned to my new friend, who would hopefully remain so after the impending shit show.

“You haven’t known me for long, and you just got me a job, so I beg of you now. Please do not judge me for what I might say. This is not going to be pretty.”

“Polly, I have parents, too, and from the little you’ve told me, I think you need to talk to her. Even if you decide to cut her off, at least you can have your say.”

“I do.” I nodded while staring at my phone as though it may explode in my hand then sliding the ominous green button. “Hi, Mum.”

There was no ‘Hi, Polly, how are you? How’s New York?’ It was just BAM … “You’re like my exact clone. Sometimes, I’ll catch myself saying the things I say to you, and I cringe. Honestly, I don’t know how you put up with me as patiently as you did, for as long as you did. I just didn’t want you to end up like me.” She paused to breathe, sob, and blow her nose right into the phone. Lovely.

“Nineteen, I was—nineteen and pregnant by a boy I hardly knew. All I wanted was to see the world, but they wouldn’t let me. I was trapped. When I was forced to marry your dad, I prayed each night and day that I would fall in love, and thankfully, I did. God listened. Murray saved me, and I just wanted the same for you.”

I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip, rolling it back and forth while trying to decide what to say. “Are you still there, darling?” Mum asked.

“Yes,” I whispered, stubbornly refusing to let her hear the emotion in my voice. “I’m here. I just don’t know what you want me to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that I love you, and I’m sorry, and that you never needed to change for me, Polly. I needed to change for you.”

Emotion closed off my throat, strangling the ability to speak right out of me when there was so much more I wanted to say and so many things I, too, needed to apologize for. But all I could manage was a weak, “Okay, mum.”

“I’m going to let you go, but there are just three more things I want to say.” I smiled, hearing the crinkle of paper and picturing her sitting in her chair, holding her handwritten script. “I am sorry for pushing you into marriage with Elias. That was wrong and stupid and … I’m happy that things went the way that they did … that you found your Luca.” My Luca.

“Number two. Holly told me about Luke Bailey—please don’t be mad at her,” she quipped, knowing I would instantly be just that. “She was just trying to get through to me … and she did. Looking back, I saw the change in you then. I knew something was wrong, but I ignored your pain because I was too scared to face it. I need to apologise for that. And I also want to apologise for always comparing you to her, to Holly. I love you so much, but you look and act and talk so much like me, while Holly is patient and forgiving and not so impulsive. She’s your dad through and through, and it wasn’t just that I wanted you to be like her per se … I just … I didn’t want you to be like me.”

How many times had I wished for that very same thing?

“I’m going to hang up now,” she continued. “But if you want to talk about this more, I am here. Or if you want to call and just tell me about New York instead, that’s okay, too. And if you never want to talk to me again, I will understand because I love you, Polly, and I just want you to be happy.”

The breath I’d held deep inside for almost fifteen years exited my body in a whoosh that left me dizzy and struggling to process the foreign emotions swirling around my body. By the time I collected myself, the line was dead.

Tilly remained silent, watching me from the corner of her eye till I forced a weak smile of acknowledgment. “Wow. Polly, your mom is intense,” Tilly said. “And loud. I promise I didn’t mean to overhear, but ... are you sure you’re okay? We can drive around for a bit longer if you need to. Or we can take a walk on the beach? Maybe some familiar scenery would do you some good.”

“I’m still new to this city, and I don’t want to sound like a reverse Dorothy lost in Oz, but there is no place like home in Brooklyn.”

A smile tugged at her lips. “Lucky we’re not in Brooklyn, then.”

“What?” I hiccupped. I’d buried my head inside the neck of my sweater to hide my tears, so I had no idea where we were. Not that visuals would have helped me in the strange city. I pulled it free, swiped my hair from my puffy eyes and took in my surrounds. We were parked off this street next to a beautiful grey weatherboard-cladded home that had me gasping. Shingled gables, Stone paths. A white-trimmed veranda wrapping the entire length of the property. A porch swing. “Oh my god, Till. This looks like the beach houses on Succession .”

Tilly tilted her head. “Oh, you’ve seen that show?”

“Of course I have. I’m from Australia, not Mars.”

With a cute shrug/wince combo, she exited the car, waited for me by the hood, then led me through a little gate where a dirt path wound toward the beach. Our pace was slow, and I was grateful. Emotional upheaval having aged my bones ten years in days. That soul deep weariness faded the second my feet left gravel and found sand. Each grain sliding between my toes soothed me. Each breath of ocean breeze calmed me. “Do you know much about Greek mythology, Till?” I asked as we walked hand in hand to the water’s edge.

“About as much as I know about what TV shows you have in Australia.”

“Excellent. That means I can tell you my abridged version of my alter ego Nyx, and you can’t correct me when I fuck it up.”

“Sounds like a sweet deal. Go for it.”

“Okay, tell me if it gets boring because I love this stuff and tend to ramble.” Bending my knees, I sank into the sand and buried my toes beneath the chilly grains. “So, there was this chick named Nyx, right? She was the daughter of Chaos and the very first of all deities. When she grew up or emerged from the seas or whatever goddesses do, she would go on to become the goddess of night. Many considered her the most beautiful of all goddesses, and art always depicted her as this stunning woman dressed in black and surrounded by her gazillion children. Two of them were Aether and Hemera, otherwise known as Light and Day. Each night, Nyx would appear from her little cave to block the light of her child and bring darkness to the world. The next morning, the tables would turn. Hemera, the other kid, would arrive to sweep mum and the night away.”

“Aww, poor Nyx.”

“I know,” I squeaked, trying to wipe the tears from my cheeks but only gunking them up more with sand. “I don’t know why, but I always felt some weird affinity with Nyx and twisted the tale to suit the relationship between my mum and sister. Mum was the chaos, Holly was her golden shining day and light, and I was Nyx, the dark, disappointing one that could never shine in the same place at the same time as either of them.”

“That’s really beautiful, Polly. And really fucking sad.”

“It’s also bullshit, but you know. You gotta have a hobby, and I have a very active imagination.”

“I don’t think it’s bullshit. People twist and turn stories to find elements of themselves in books and movies all the time.”

“True. And in some ways, this isn’t even that much of a stretch. I truly am the daughter of chaos. I never stood a chance.”

Grunting on her hands and knees, Tilly crawled through the sand, positioning herself before me and looking straight into my eyes. “Your kids will, though. All you’ve been through will make you the best, most supportive mom. I truly believe that with all my heart.”

The sweet but crushing sentiment broke me. Big, ugly tears no one should ever have to witness streamed down my face and shook my body. “Can I tell you one more thing? Something you have to promise to keep a secret. Even from Rory?”

Tilly stilled. “No. No, you can’t.”

Wow. Okay. Wow. That … hurts. This is why I don’t do friends. Digging deep inside me, I found the strength, or maybe the stubbornness, to halt my tears and begin to stand. “Oh, right. Okay. sorry if I’ve been too much. I get it. I’ll make my own way home—”

“No, no, Polly,” Tilly grabbed my shoulders and held me in place while grabbing a tissue from her bag and dabbing over my face. “It’s not that, I promise. I’m here any time you need. It’s Luca, he’s coming up behind you.”