Chapter 3

Luca

Four weeks later.

T he all-too familiar flash of the paparazzi lit the way as I marched through JFK, head down, Ana’s arm protectively linking around mine as I grumbled. “I can’t believe they followed us inside, but I really can’t believe I let you talk me into going to Australia with my ex–whatever he is, and his future baby daddy. This is beyond desperate.”

“It’s not pathetic, Luca. Asher and Teddy are your friends, and they want to help.”

“I said it was desperate. Not pathetic. But thanks for the upgrade.”

Ana dismissed me with a playful nudge. “Oh, stop complaining. You’re jetting off to paradise. It’s going to be amazing—Ooh, there they are. Oh, and yay! Rachel’s with them. Look at her glow! I can’t believe she’s being a surrogate for Teddy and Ash. God, she’s incredible.”

A burst of color emerged from the crowd. Running full sprint toward me in all his glory, with a tote bag featuring a large sketch of Hugh Jackman’s beautiful face bopping at his side was Teddy Digby—boyfriend of my first... boy... thing, Asher. “You look amazing, Luca. Depression suits you.” Like he knew it was coming, Teddy turned and plastered on a dazzling smile just as the cameras flashed. “I could get used to this,” he beamed, spinning back to face me. “Want to be plane buddies? My friend Scarlett, the one you’ll soon be meeting, said she lost the will to live several times on the flight, so I’ve come prepared. I’ve packed oodles of snacks and magazines, adult coloring books, and pencils in every shade.”

We hadn’t left the terminal, but I could already empathize with Scarlett.

Asher popped out from behind Teddy, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. “I would have thought you’d be sitting with me… your boyfriend?” He turned to me then, a shy smile graced his lips, and he tugged me into an awkward bro-hug that had my heart skipping a beat. “Hey Luca.”

I breathed him, his always soft but messy ebony locks brushing against my neck, reminding me of that messed-up kid reading fairy porn in his bed. Not much had changed. His equally hot sister Rachel, whom I hadn’t seen in maybe three years, appeared next, pushing Asher aside and wrapping me in another delicious vanilla-y scented embrace. “I’ll just start checking in our bags, shall I?” Ash muttered before disappearing.

“I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through,” Rachel said, nuzzling. “And I hate that Clara floozy,” I said nothing in reply; I was too busy ignoring the golden flesh revealed by her rising top. Yes, she was pregnant, and yes, I was playing into the stereotype of the slutty bi, but Asher and Rachel Kim had held a grip over me since puberty. The gangly boy that followed them around like a pup may have become a famous bulking hockey star, but nothing had changed when it came to them.

After letting me go, she popped her hip and crossed her arms over her chest, the tiny curve of her belly poking out. “She never deserved you, Luca. You can do so much better.” That was utter crap, but I knew better than to say anything of the sort with her terror twin, Anabela, matching her pissy pose, so again, I remained silent, replying only with a flushed cheek nod.

Teddy cleared his throat and laid his head on my shoulder. “So, it’s not just the male variety of Kim’s that not-so-little Luca fancies?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I lied, my cheeks turning from flushed to ablaze.

“Oh, but I think you do,” he shimmied closer, eyes narrowing. “You can keep your filthy mitts off Asher, but Rachel broke up with her boyfriend just before we found out she was pregnant. Forget that she’s carrying Teddy Junior inside her. She’s single and hot. You’re single and insanely fucking hot, and … Oh my god.” he gasped, “Imagine if you two got married, like me and Ashy will. Oh! We could be bros-in-laws. Oh! We could have a double wedding.” He clasped his hands together at his chest and swooned to the left. “Oh, bloody hell, I can just picture it. Lucky we have twenty-odd hours to plan it.”

And that’s it. I’m out.

Turning on my heels, I headed toward the exit. “Where do you think you’re going?” Teddy asked, tugging on my elbow and pulling me to a stop with surprising ease. “I get it. It feels too soon to talk about marriage, especially since you just got dumped at the altar. But one can never be too prepared, and the Rainbow Room can never be booked too soon.”

“Teddy, stop harassing the pretty man,” Rachel laughed, threading her arms around my waist and pulling me free. “Leave that to me.”

I groaned internally. The affection, the touch, the high cheekbones—it’s all too much. It had been a long time since I’d seen any action. To say I was a smidge backed up would be like calling Dallas a tiny bit of a cunt. With one thought, a wave of guilt and remorse crashed over me. For months, I had declared that woman was my world, yet there I was, walking away. Giving up without a fight... at least off the ice.

What kind of man did that? My pathetic father, for one. We shared an uncanny likeness in face and body, but with the Grecian profile and beneficial six feet, four inches came more moral deficiencies than you could poke a stick at. No wonder Clara never loved me back. Unworthiness was embedded in my DNA.

Picking up on my sharp decline into self-loathing, Rachel began caressing my back in swooping circular motions that I instinctively leaned into. “You okay, babe? You look like you’re heading to your funeral, not an Aussie beachside paradise.”

“Just a little nervous about the flight, Rach. I’m sure I’ll be calmer after the first twenty-one hours have passed.”

My sarcasm fooled no one.

“Hiding what’s going on in that pretty head of yours is what got you in trouble in the first place. You need to talk.” With her free hand, Rachel pulled Teddy and the mango smoothie he was now sipping into a huddle. “Ted, I’ve got a job for you. Luca needs to dump his load, and you’re the perfect man for the job.”

“I need to do what in the what now?” Ted splattered, my NHL-level reflexes not saving me from the juice spurting from his mouth. “As much as I would enjoy sampling Luca’s load, wouldn’t Asher be a better option since he is somewhat familiar with his… offerings?”

Poor Rachel pouted and furrowed her brows in genuine confusion… for about five seconds. “No! I meant his emotional load, not his… his...” She pointed to my junk. “Asher can’t handle talking about feelings. You know this, Teddy. Stop being a dick and take it.”

“Can we please stop talking about loads and dicks and taking it?” I moaned, wiping my face clean with the bottom of my tee.

“Whose dick are we talking about?” inserted Ana. “Coach Brown? I wanna talk about dicks.”

“Dicks?” Asher returned from luggage duty at exactly the wrong moment.

Fighting a grin, Teddy bit down on his straw. “I tell you what. I’ve had some doozies, but this is the best conversation I have ever been involved in.”

Yeah. I could not say the same and attempted to remove myself from it. Teddy followed, though, catching me by the back of my shirt only a few paces away. “Baby Mumma’s right. As well as being a world-class architect/dancer, I am an excellent listener. We’re about to be wedged in together for hours on end. You may as well take advantage of me... of it.... Not me … unless you really want to … but even then, Ashy would not be happy, so no. Thank you, but it’s best if we stay friends and stick to talking.”

“But I didn’t…” With a quick pat on my ass, Teddy sauntered off, and I stormed into the men’s room, taking the only free stall, slamming the door, and collapsing against the wall. “What the fuck am I doing here?”

We flew out of JFK around seven thirty Thursday night and after seventeen-ish hours of flying, arrived in hazy New Zealand at six a.m. Saturday morning. After a splash and dash refueling, we were off again for another three hours and forty-five minutes of flight time. Yet we were due to land in Sydney at nine a.m.

If that wasn’t disorienting enough, hours of Teddy’s scattered questions were: “Hey Luca, why do you hockey boys wear shorts over your pants?”

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Talk to me.”

“Hey Luca, want a sweetie?”

“Want to hear a story about a skank named Polly?”

“Tell me. Tell me. Hey, Luca. Tell me.”

With an hour of flight time left, he tried one more, “Tell me. I can keep a secret. I promise.” I cracked.

“I didn’t mean to fall in love with her.”

Teddy’s head volleyed side to side as he poked himself in the chest. “Are you talking to me?”

“Who else would I be talking to? You’re literally the only person here.” Asher was in the opposite row, but he’d fallen asleep the second we took off and had dozed on and off since. At first, I thought he was pretending, but the drool Teddy kept snapping photos of convinced me it was genuine.

“Sorry. Right.” Ted sad, squishing closer. “You didn’t mean to fall in love with her, who? Rache–”

I clamped my hand over his mouth. “Are you trying to get me killed? No, not Rachel. I am not in love with Rachel.” Slowly and with a stern look of warning, I released my hold.

“So, you just want to bone her,” Teddy said instantly. “Got it.”

Since there was no denying that, I continued. “I mean Clara. My ex. The one I was supposed to marry.”

“Ohh. Her. Right. Wow, you do have a lot of pokers in the flame at once, don’t you?” he giggled. “Asher, Rachel, Clara. Is that a hockey-man thing or just a man-slut thing?”

I sighed, nervously rubbing the back of my neck. “Not sure. Bit of both, I think. Either way, Clara is the only one I love.”

“Well, of course you do, silly Billy. That’s why you were getting married.”

“It’s not. Do you remember those photos that leaked? The ones of me—”

“The ones of you performing calisthenics with a chick on your dick and some guys in you?”

“Yeah. Those. Well, this is between you and me, okay? But they were taken almost two years ago. I was out celebrating a win and drunk off my ass. Both are rarities for me because I don’t really drink, and rarely risk getting loose and flirty with guys in public. As you’ve seen, I’m not very good at hiding my interest.”

“You really are the worst.” Teddy laughed. More than I felt was warranted.

“Yeah, well, anyway. My management and PR cooked up a deal. Long story short, they hired Clara. The whole thing was fake.”

Teddy jumped in his seat and grabbed my thigh, “Holy shit! A fake wedding. That’s one of my favorite tropes. Okay, let me guess the rest. So, you and the little missus became friends, and after a night of drinking and truth or dare, you kissed, and everything changed. You began sleeping together because it was convenient, but all the while, you two were developing real feelings and falling in love.”

Sweat dripped from my forehead onto my clenched fist. “All of that, yes. Except for the kissing and sleeping together and both of us falling in love.”

“So, she didn’t fall in love?”

“Oh no, she did, just not with me. That’s why she ditched me for another man on our wedding day. Oh, and he was the teammate that I was beating the shit out of before he sliced my leg open with his skate.”

With his arms waving in the air, Teddy rose to his feet, catching the attention of a nearby flight attendant. “Alcohol, please. Can we have some alcohol, please?”

I grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him into his seat, “No alcohol, and if I can’t drink this shit to oblivion, you can’t either.”

Pure disgust crossed Teddy’s face. “Not going to lie, Luca. I know you’re into me, and what’s between us could be love. But if you think I am going to spend a month with Evie Austen-Myers and her spawn without the numbing effect of alcohol, you’re delusional.”

“I’m delusional?” With laughter erupting, I lurched forward, slamming my head into the seat before me. My tear-stained cheeks ached because I couldn’t stop smiling. It felt good. Natural. For the first time in a long time, I felt like me, Luca, the tall queer kid from Brooklyn who liked playing street hockey with his friends, not Luca, the star athlete with the famous girlfriend and a secret.

Across the aisle, one eye popped open on Asher’s incredibly handsome face. “What did you do, Tedward?”

“Nothing of particular importance. Just trying to pry your boy Luca’s heart open. I think it’s working.”

“Of course it is, babe. You’re pretty hard to resist. Lord knows I tried.”

“Hey!” Teddy sulked as Asher’s smirk faded, his long eyelashes fluttered a few times, and he was reclaimed by sleep. Teddy watched over him with an adoring smile no one had ever blessed me with before turning his attention to a passing flight attendant and ordering himself a gin and tonic.

“You’re a miracle worker, Ted. I never thought I’d hear Asher Kim be openly affectionate. Him calling someone babe is the equivalent of water to wine.”

“You never thought?” Teddy scoffed, “It’s taken saint-like patience and Miyagi-style training on my part, but I got him there.”

Despite my outward appearance as an egotistical hockey dude, as a rule, I never want to be the guy who made everything about himself. But Teddy and Asher’s second chance at love was a thread of hope I had to tug at. “How did you know when to walk away, when to stay and fight, or when to lose yourself in a pile of anonymous ass?”

Teddy dropped his head against my shoulder and sighed. “The ass was tempting, but it wasn’t a choice, Luca. Wanting Ashy back came as naturally as breathing. I had no idea if it was delusion or fact; I just knew we weren’t done.” He paused when his drink was handed to him, then continued as soon as the flight attendant left. “I should probably pretend I know nothing more than what you’ve told me about the whole left at the alter thing, but we both know I have internet-stalked the shit out of you. If Clara were to see the error of her ways and wanted you back, do you think you would forgive her?”

“Yep,” I replied without thought. “But it’s not likely. Why would she want me now if she didn’t before? I’m not good enough for her.”

“Luca, You’re an incredibly attractive, bisexual, hot hockey man. As Fergie Ferg of the Black-Eyed Peas would say, guys and girls would be lining ‘round the block just to see what ya got. You’re Fergalicious. Why chase someone who, despite what you think, doesn’t deserve you anyway?”

“But she does deserve me. She’s so sweet and looked after me. She would cut my hair, make me dinner, and leave it out for when I got home from training. We used to go for walks, and sometimes, when we got back, she would play sock hockey.”

“Luca, listen to what you’re saying. Walks, grooming, playing ball, leaving your dinner out. She treated you like a dog. Played hide-the-bone with your teammate while living in your kennel.”

“Yeah, but I forced her into an agreement. I stole her life, was too needy, and drove her away—”

Ted braced my face in his hands. “Putting all of that aside because it’s bullocks, did you or did you not have an agreement to remain faithful to each other?”

“Yeah, it was in our contract.”

“And did you ever once break that agreement?”

“No. Never.”

“And did she?”

I shifted in my seat. Tapped my thigh. “Yes, obviously. But—”

“But nothing. From what I can see, you treated this girl respectfully while she did the opposite. You can put yourself down and say you stole her life, but she is an adult who walked into this with her eyes open, then lied her ass off, and broke her promises. You didn’t trap her, and you certainly didn’t steal her life. You fell in love and asked to be loved in return, something every human deserves.”

5 ways to get the lag, out of jetlag.

● Expose yourself to daylight or, if this is not possible, bright light to help ‘reset’ your body clock. The stimulus to reset the clock is light entering the eyes, especially that in the blue spectrum,

● Drink caffeinated drinks in moderation during the day.

● Avoid alcohol or caffeinated drinks for a few hours before sleep.

● Try to mimic your usual bedtime routine.

● Use relaxation techniques.

What a load of shit.

I’d tried all of the above, plus a variety from Google’s other experts, but nothing had worked. It was 11 p.m. Sydney time—who-the-fuck-knows New York time—and I’d never been more awake or annoyed. Which was saying something after surviving almost thirty hours of Teddy.

Overtired and buzzed after landing, we dropped our things off at the hotel and went out for a day of sightseeing. After hours of walking, in addition to the twenty-eight-hour flight, I should have been exhausted and primed for sleep.

I was not.

At least the room next to mine had silenced, meaning Asher and Teddy had either fallen asleep or fucked themselves into a coma. The hot-as-sin noises coming through my wall provided me with plenty of spank bank material, but not even coming like a damn king seconds after Ash cried Teddy’s name could wear me out.

By midnight, I’d had a hot bath, gorged on room service, and then foolishly tried to walk it off by pacing circles in my five-star, two-thousand-dollar-a-night room. But as beautiful as it and the sweeping views of Sydney harbor were, I’d had enough. I threw on some clothes, grabbed my keycard, and headed out.

It was Saturday night, so the streets were abuzz. People were spilling out of restaurants and stumbling into clubs, pumping dance music so loud it pulsed in my veins. After sleep and physical rehab, staying out of trouble was my number one priority. Avoiding any bar seemed important. And I did… until I wandered by one called SWING. Unlike most I’d seen with the interior shielded from the street, the exterior of SWING had ground-to-ceiling windows allowing a view of candle-lit tables and elegant patrons taunting me with smiling, laughing faces.

I hated those people.

Clara and Dallas were those people. What was she doing right now? Was she living her best life? Lying in bed, wrapped in the arms of the man she loved? The man who wasn’t me?

The bitter burn of rejection soured my mouth, my well-intentioned promise of sobriety slipping from my grasp. Maybe one drink won’t hurt.

Something shifted inside me as my foot crossed the threshold of SWING. An energy, a pull unrelated to that of the alcohol, drew me to a set of double doors at the rear of the room like it was meant to be. They swung open, a sea of bodies parted, and there she was—a raven-haired beauty. The most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen.

In one thumping heartbeat, I knew how my night would end.