Chapter 29

Polly

L uca D’Cruz is going to break my heart. It will be an agonizingly slow process. Piece by piece. Day by day. With every touch, every kiss, a little more of the novelty will fall away until I’m nothing to him. He could never love me. Should never love me. That’s why every dimpled smile I receive from this day on will be locked away. Preserved in my mind like a precious Grecian artifact, so that when he’s done with me, I can pack them up with my tattered remains, go back to Sydney, and start over. I’ve done it once. I can do it again. Shit, did I pack my glasses?

There I was, innocently predicting my relationship’s demise while rummaging through my hastily packed bags when a burst of bitter air bit against my back. “What are you playing at? Why are you here?”

Fucking Evie. The two rapid-fire questions from the wicked witch of East Coast Australia were an almost-welcome disturbance. If I wasn’t catastrophizing me and Luca I was stewing over about mum. The whole wishing me dead thing had hit hard. “Look,” I kept my gaze locked on the floor scarred with tiny suitcase wheel marks and attempted to keep my tone civil. “I’m running on three hours of sleep, four almonds, and a soy latte. What do you want, Evie?”

“What, are you losing your hearing in your old age?” she snorted. “I said, what are you playing at? Why are you here?”

Politely reminding Evie we were the same age crossed my mind, but I went straight to sass, instead. “Well, this is what they call an airport. Big planes fly people from here all over the world. Since I’m in Australia, but I want to be in America, the planes will take me there. Remember planes, Evie? The big things with the wings? You went on one when you flew to New York?” Chuckling to myself, I turned to face my nemesis and found not only her but her husband and kids, too. Nate looked hotter than ever, a toddler hanging under one arm, and another standing on his feet as he pushed a pram carrying the babies back and forth. Heat tickled my cheeks. Despite my reputation, badmouthing a mum in front of her babies was a low even I wouldn’t sink too.

“Hey Pol. How you doing?” he said, eyes darting between me and Evie.

With a smirk, I leaned in, inserting myself in the small gap between them. “Natey, you seem a little tense. Is the Mrs. not satisfying you in the bedroom?” It was a cruel blow, and I deserved the stinging slap I knew Evie wanted to lay on me. Her restraint was impressive,

“You know what?” her lips twitched as she sandwiched her girls’ heads together and cupped her hands over their still exposed ears. “I came over here to make peace, but you can go get fucked.”

“Oh... Umm, I’m going to wait … somewhere else.” Nate grappled with the twins and pram and dragged them to safety, leaving me and his wife to face off once and for all.

“You came to make peace?” I scoffed, “Why would you come to make peace with me?”

“Because I heard congratulations are in order. You’ve finally convinced someone to stick around. Will you and your soon-to-be hubby be starting your own family soon?”

My stomach clenched. Ouch, that hurt. Now. I hadn’t cried in front of Evie Austen since I was a fat, heartbroken sixteen-year-old. Hurt or not, and I wasn’t about to start. “Perhaps, but to be honest, we are planning on having so much fun travelling, spending his money, and fucking,” I said with a wink, “that I doubt that we’ll find the time for it. Besides, as excited as Luca is, and as good as the sex is, it can’t last. This is an … agreement of sorts. A coming together of kindred sex drives that also gets me away from mum.” Everything, apart from the getting away from mum part, was crap. Evie didn’t need to know that, though.

“So, you’re using him, then?” Evie snapped. “I should rip you to shreds for saying such a thing about such a sweet guy, but with your history and shithouse attitude, a temporary situation between the two of you is probably for the best. Especially if it means no kids. The world has enough problems without your offspring polluting it further.” Instinctively, my hand clutched my stomach. “Still, it’s a shame for Luca. He’s a goner for you. He’s also too good for—”

“Too good for the likes of me. Yeah, yeah. I get it.” Steeling my resolve, I gave a nonchalant shrug, picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder. “So that’s your peace offering, is it? Insulting me and my unborn while praising my soon-to-be husband?”

Evie opened her giant mouth to reply but paused and sunk her teeth into her bottom lip. “No, it’s not. That was uncalled for. I apologize.”

Well, fuck me.

“ Motherhood has tamed you, Eves.”

Scoffing, she looked off into the distance, her eyes glimmering when they landed on Nate and the kids. “Maybe. Or maybe I just watched Maleficent for the three-hundredth time and was reminded that all villains have an origin story. Even skanky ones like you.”

Surprised, I reared back a little. “Is that supposed to be a compliment? Because if so, it sucks.”

“Fuck, no. It’s a statement of understanding. I know how much the teasing and name calling affected you when we were kids, and I know how much you liked Luke. But I need you to know I didn’t know that until after we dated, and I definitely didn’t know what he did to you … that night.” Something changed in face, and for brief second, I caught a flash of the old Evie. The one who used to punch boys in the guts when they called me names, and who promised to always have my back. “I would never have gone out with him if I knew how you felt, and I know what an assault like that can do to your psyche. In no way does it excuse what you tried to do to me and Nate, but in some fucked up sick and twisted way, it does help me to understand where the motivation began.” Tears stung my eyes, forcing me to look to the ground. “Ughh, God. Are you getting all emo?”

“Fuck, no.” I said, parroting her tone.

“Good, ‘cause I’m only saying this because we plan to spend more time in New York when the kids get older, and Finn and Nate have fallen into some weird-ass best friend throuple thing with Luca that’s freaking adorable. If you and him stay together, I need to be okay with you being around … and I need to know you will keep your smutty mitts off.”

“Off Nate?” I scoffed. “Ahh, trust me, Evie. I have no interest in Nate.”

“Why? He’s not good enough for you?”

“What? Now you’re offended I don’t want him?”

She stood and stared for a second before flushing red. “Just shut up and for once in your life do the right thing … and be good to Luca. Okay?”

“I’ll do my best.” The sincerity in my tone seemed to shock the hell out of Evie more than any smart ass jab I could have dished out and we fell into an awkward staring competition I feared may turn into a fist fight if someone didn’t intervene.

“Evie. You came?” Thank fuck it was Luca who broke it, sweeping in to lift her off her feet and into a warm hug. Affection returned to Evie’s eyes. “I thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

“Snort. If you think I would let her stop me seeing my boys off, you’ve learned nothing about me during your stay. Besides, I had a few things to say to this.” After a stabby stink-eye at me then returned her doe-eyes to Luca. “When Ted and Asher first asked if you could come stay with us, they told me you’re trusting and loyal to a fault. They were right. I just hope you know what you’re getting yourself into here.”

“By here she means me,” I clarified. None was needed. “And as much as I appreciate such darling terms of affection as her, this, and here , I think it’s time for us to go.”

It was then that Teddy and Asher returned from bag check-in and the soppy farewells began. It was nauseating. But maybe kind of nice, too. Several weeks had passed since Luca’s arrival and the impact he made was clear to see. They loved him, maybe I did too.

Once everyone but me had been hugged and kissed a hundred times, and Finn’s daughter, Iris, had been surgically removed from Luca’s waist, it was finally time to say goodbye to Byron.

After an interesting Teddy-anecdote-filled flight from Ballina to Sydney, I used our layover time to make a mad dash to my apartment to collect more of my things. Which I really did need to do. But I also needed space. With each second that passed, my chaotic inner voice had grown louder. Her words increasingly cruel.

Eventually the other shoe will drop. The novelty will wear off. He will discover the real you and hate you like everyone … including your own mother, does.

Once cocooned in the safety of my own four walls, I hit play, turned my music to the highest volume, and suffered a complete and utter breakdown on the bathroom floor. Googling my man whilst there, didn’t help. Each picture and article increased my anxiety. Every TikTok confirmed my worst fears. Luca was everything I wasn’t. Loved and supported by family, friends, fans and teammates. So much so that a public bisexual outing, a scandal many would not have survived, served only to increase his popularity, leaving women and men across the States fawning.

Egged on by ballad after depressing ballad, I continued to wallow in unworthiness. But somewhere along the line, perhaps during the tenth scream-sung ten-minute version of All Too Well, a Taylor inspired, cliched, epiphany arrived.

After a life spent dancing with the devil, walking away from Luca would be my one unforgivable sin. The hockey god had shone his light on the darkness lurking within me. Found me worthy and capable of redemption and chosen to be with me.

Me.

Even if this thing collapsed around me, ending in nothing but my own deserved ruination, I had to give us a shot.

Glorious self-pity turned to uncharacteristic self-empathy, and everything shifted. Within minutes I was out the door, popping in to say goodbye to Luna and her family, before jumping in another Uber that rushed me to the airport to rejoin the boys. Only one thing, rather two people, came close to ruining my high. Dad and Holly. The duo called several times while my driver was navigating Sydney traffic, and I found the best way to deal with the constant interruption was to accidentally wedge my phone between the Camry’s leather seat and armrest and leave it there.

Mind you, it was a choice that made spotting Luca amongst the sea of transient faces all the more difficult. When I finally set eyes upon him snoozing against Teddy’s shoulder outside of a Starbucks, my heart gave a telling squeeze.

After receiving a nudge from his human pillow, Luca’s blue eyes slowly blinked open. Unsteady on his feet and deliciously rumpled from sleep, he rose to greet me.

God, he was gorgeous.

“There’s my girl,” he smiled, softly pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Not going to lie, Princess, I was a little scared you wouldn’t come back.”

“It’s rare for me to admit weakness like this, Luca, but I was scared I wouldn’t, too. I’m kind of terrified and may have freaked out. Not only because I’m a bad flyer, but …” Movement behind Luca caught my eye. Undoubtedly seeking better acoustics, Teddy had slid down the bench, tucking himself in behind Luca’s ass and smiling up at me, innocently batting his lashes. Grunting, I grabbed Luca by the elbow and dragged him out of earshot before continuing. “What if things don’t work out with us? What if we get to Vegas and you realize I’m a cold-hearted snake … a loud eater … a disgusting pig who gets toothpaste all over her mouth when she brushes her teeth. Or what if—”

Cupping my cheeks in his hands, Luca cut me off with a bruising kiss that left me giddy, calm, and reassured. He pulled away, carding his fingers through the errant strands of hair his kissed dislodged. “What if things work out? What If I think your toothpaste face is adorable and your sleep-farting lets me know you feel secure?”

“I never said anything about farting.”

“Who farted?” Teddy was back, slicing his hands between us like the jaws of life prying open a crumpled car wreck. “You can’t fart in first class. In fact, you can’t even say fart. Its space is reserved for classy shit only.”

“Thanks for the heads up, Ted.” Luca laughed. “I suppose we’ll be plane buddies again?”

Waving a dismissive hand, Teddy wedged himself in tighter. “Clingy doesn’t suit you, desperado. You’re old news,” he scoffed, sliding his arm into mine and leading me away. “I’ve got a new toy to play with. Come on, Pol. Let’s go chill in the first-class lounge.”

In all honesty, after that kiss I’d hoped Luca and I could have a little under the blanket playtime, but like the conversation I still had to have with my sister, my parents and Luca’s family, I guessed that, too, would have to wait.

First class was not as good as I expected. It was better. Our seats were not seats. They were suites. Each was a little pod with an armchair that massaged and became our bed, a little TV screen and a little spot for a companion to enjoy a meal together. I spent the first half of the flight sneaking into Lucas’s space the second the stewards’ backs were turned. Torturing him with sexy touches that could lead nowhere was beyond entertaining. But once the killjoys shooed me back to my own pod, Luca fell asleep with a boner that could pierce the seat before and my nerves returned. Luckly Teddy, a suspicious looking sleeping pill he provided and three complementary champagnes later, I was feeling funky.

Learning being tipsy around Teddy was not good. Not if I had secrets to keep, anyway.

It was me who initiated the trouble. “So, you and Asher are having a baby with his sister?”

“That’s right, and no, before you ask, I didn’t plant the bean in the belly. It’s all IVF. All above board.”

I laughed and sipped more sparkly. “It’s really good of Rachel to do that for you. IVF isn’t an easy process. The hormone injections alone wreak havoc on your body—” Oops.

“How do you know?” Ted asked, his eyes narrowing. “Was your little niece an IVF baby?”

“Umm. No. No, I just have… a friend who went through initial stages of vitrification. She never followed through with it, though.”

“A friend?” Wink. “Or a friend ?” Wink, wink.

“A friend ,” I winked back. A gentle, reassuring hand was placed on my knee beneath the little dining table sitting between us.

“And may I ask why your friend was looking into it?”

“She.” I paused, allowing our steward named Stewart to place out meals before us, and for Teddy compliment Stewarts on the size of his spicy Moroccan meat balls. “She an accident a few years ago and can’t …you know. My mum …” shit. “I mean, her mum was really putting on the pressure for her to settle down and pop out a million babies. IVF was the only way it would happen.”

“But you … I mean she , didn’t go through with it?”

“No,” I answered around a mouthful of the Chicken and Almond Tagine. “She decided she didn’t want that. Not yet anyway, and maybe not ever.”

“That’s very brave of her. Societal pressure on women to have kids is intense enough, without a family member adding you into it.”

“Well, it wasn’t my whole family. Just my mum… Shit, this coriander yogurt is fucking awesome. I’m drooling.”

Teddy chuckled and passed me napkin. “Polly. If you want to keep any of your secrets from that hunk-o-man of yours, don’t mix alcohol and sleeping pills.”

“Noted.”

We continued to eat, the gentle hum of chatter, chewing and occasional thud of turbulence filling the space between us until Teddy asked, “Polly, does Luca know?”

Keeping my eye on the final scoop of green beans and couscous, I shook my head. “This flight will be the longest stretch of time we’ve spent together. We were too busy fucking around. Kids never really came up.”

“Not that I’m judging but, since Luca wants to run you off the plane and straight into a chapel, don’t you think it should?”

I dropped my fork, the clang it made striking the gilded gold edge of my plate was enough to stir Luca, but not wake him. “Of course it should.” I replied in a whisper, just in case. “I just don’t know how, or when it should. When he found out his ex was pregnant, it really hurt him. I think that was more about her having a baby with someone else more than the actual baby, but still.”

“But still?” It was a question, one Teddy waited for a reply too. When all I did was lick the last drop of coriander bliss from my lips, he continued. “I’d hate to repeat myself, but again, that might be something you want to discuss before Elvis thrusts a ring on your face.”

“Yes.” I admitted, “But I really care about him, Teddy. What if he doesn’t want me anymore?” When my tears began to bubble, Ted slipped from his seat and swaddled me into the sweetest, most uncomfortable, high-altitude hug I’d ever felt.

“My sweet darling,” he pouted, “Luca’s keener on you than Kylie Jenner is on lip fillers. I don’t think that’s going to happen. But if it makes you feel any better, I can tell you that Asher and I faced the same issue. I can’t have kids either, you see.”

Still crying, I released a loud, snorting laugh that produced an embarrassingly large snot bubble. “You dick.”

Ted gasped, dramatically throwing his hand over his eyes and flailing back against the cushioned headrest. “How can you be so cruel? That’s the problem, I have a dick.”