Chapter 27

Polly

S hock. I’m in shock.

To volunteer as sign language interpreters, Luna and I had to first take an extensive CPR and first aid course. This meant I knew all the signs. Slowed pulse rate. Body chills. Cold, moist skin. Altered state of consciousness. I also knew I was in the car with Nate and Teddy, and I knew they, mostly Teddy, were talking. Some might say rambling. But for most of the trip home, all I could hear was the crack of Luke’s nose, and the blood covering Luca’s gorgeous face was all I could see. Was it just that? The sights and sounds of chaos that brought on the wave of shock rendered me speechless. Or was it Luca’s actions? Or Nate’s? Or the realization that I’d left my parents and Elias behind?

I’d been involved in, and the cause of many a fracas, but no one had ever fought for me before. That just wasn’t my story. What was mine, what I’d held inside for all those years, was suddenly not so hidden. Not so secret. But free.

“Are you okay?” Nate asked as we neared the pub, his soft tone and eyes dripping with empathy I didn’t deserve. Not from him, anyway. “Tell me if I’m crossing a boundary here, Pol. But can I ask you something?”

A haughty laugh slipped out, surprising even me. “Natey, I think any boundaries that existed between us were eliminated that time I laid before you stark naked and invited you to eat sushi of my bare snatch. Ask away.”

Teddy choked on nothing in the backseat, but Nate gave me one of the cute lopsided smirks I hadn’t been blessed with for a very long time. “When my years of sluttery first began, Mum sat me down and gave me a good talking too. She was worried, you see. How I was treating the girls I was with.”

Janet, Nate’s mum, had nothing to be concerned about. Yes, her son was a hoochie, the biggest I’d ever known. But he was a respectful one who always laid his cards on the table before he laid anything in his bed… and he always sought consent. “Among the conversations I wanted to burn from my brain and never, ever remember again was a story I could never forget. Technically, Mum wasn’t a virgin when she met Dad. She had this boyfriend in high school, a guy called Wayne, who used to own the electronics store on High Street. Remember him?” I nodded but remained silent, my normal witty quips not quite ready to return to action. “Well, when I was nine, I was out with Mum and Dad, and we ran into Wayne, and the look on Mum’s face was just the same as yours was when you were talking to Luke. And Dad …” Nate shook his head. “Dad looked as fucking psycho as Luca did. It wasn’t until Mum’s sex chat that I knew why. Wayne had forced himself on her. Had taken what was never his to take and left Mum empty. She never told a soul, but one day Dad finally forced her to tell the truth about why Wayne the sparkie always freaked her out.”

“Poor Janet,” I whispered, instantly picturing the warm smile she always wore when she gave me a chunk of lemon poppyseed cake. “She’s always been so good to me. She used to stick up for me when Mum was being a cow. She gave me cake, too.”

“I know. I remember.” Nate smiled. “You never deserved the wrath of your Mum, Pol, and you most definitely didn’t deserve what I suspect Luke did.”

“Yeah, well, you and Evie didn’t deserve what I did, but just like Luke and Wayne, I can never take it back.”

Nate leaned over and nudged me with his elbow, just like he used to do as a brat with a board beneath his arm at the beach. “No, you’re right. You can’t. But unlike them, maybe you deserve and can earn forgiveness.”

Standing beside a boy I’d grown up with and a stranger who’d complimented my boobs five times and brought up Taylor Swift seven in our brief car ride home, I huddled beneath the back porch listening to my parents arguing. It was something they didn’t do a lot of, but when they did, more often than not, it was because of me. Clearly, they hadn’t heard Nate’s car pull up, and I wasn’t about to barge in and say hi. In hindsight, that was a mistake.

Or maybe it wasn’t.

“I’m done with her, Murray. I don’t care if we need her help at the pub; I don’t want her here. She has humiliated me for the last time.”

“Connie, that’s enough. You’re being unreasonable. We don’t even know what happened.” The surprise at hearing my sweet dad raise his voice at Mum distracted me from her words. But not for long.

“What do you mean we don’t know what happened? Of course we know what happened. Two men, one of them being Pam-bloody-Bailey’s son, were fighting over her. She’s probably sleeping with them both or their wives, and they found out. Poor Elias is upstairs packing his things, and I will be the laughingstock all over again. Why can’t she be more like her sister?” she continued, her voice breaking as her tears increased. “Settled with a baby. We should never have had her. I’m so ashamed. That bloody accident may as well have kill—”

“Connie, I said that’s enough!”

The first fat tear rolled from my eye, landing on my cheek with such a force I’m sure Teddy and Nate heard it splat. Then came another, and another, and another till I was Alice in fucking Wonderland, lost so far down the rabbit hole I didn’t know light from day.

“Polly,” Nate whispered, “she doesn’t mean it, yeah? She’s just upset and lashing out. Fuck, Eves wishes me dead three times a day.”

“Bullshit.” I sobbed, wiping the snot from my nose. “She thinks the world shines out of your arse. Now shut up so I can listen.”

“Con, no matter how upset you are, you cannot talk about our Polly like that. Do you hear me?”

“But she—”

“I said, do you hear me?” Dad’s stern words were followed by a string of Greek curses words mum would have slapped me for using, and a slamming front door. For a second, all was quiet. Then, suddenly, the back door flew open, and Dad marched out, his face red, His expression, broken. He stopped when he heard my whimper, regarded me with haunted bloodshot eyes, before dropping his head. Without a word, he stormed away, disappearing into his greenhouse, which shook violently as he slammed the door closed.

“Well, fuckity-fuck, if today isn’t just the gift that keeps on giving.” Teddy grabbed me by the shoulders and squared me to face him. “Polly, I am from the WORST family you could ever imagine, and that was hard for even me to witness. Are you okay?”

When I didn’t respond, Nate ducked into my line of sight and waved. “Pol. Do you want us to come in with you? Or call Holly?” The possible rupture of every cell in my lungs made breathing, thinking, replying impossible. Speech was suddenly the most unnatural thing in the world. Mental calculations. Stringing together words and facts and dates took the entirety of my brain’s capacity. In one crushing breath, so many little comments, so many sibling comparisons and actions over the course of my life suddenly made sense. The woman outright hated me. “Polly,” Nate repeated.

“Why are you even here?” I snapped, pushing him in the chest before taking a wobbly step toward the still-open doorway. “You hate me. Your wife hates me. I’m the bitch that tried to end you two.”

Nate shrugged and looked at his feet, straightening the welcome Dad’s hasty exit left hanging off the step. “Like I said. I recognized that look on your face and … you know … sometimes people do bad shit ‘cause they are bad and sometimes …” he sighed, then looked me directly in the eye. “Sometimes people do bad shit because they’ve been treated badly. I guess, just now, I figured out which one you were.”

Not sure if I wanted to slap him or hug him, I did neither. I just… stood. I didn’t know for how long. “Nate. How do I just walk in there after that?

Nate shrugged as Teddy handed me a cup of tea, its steam rising and vanishing into the air in a way I wished I could. “Fierce as fuck, that’s how. Here, take this.” Teddy smiled, pushing one of Mum’s favorite cups and saucers further under my nose. “Sorry for letting myself in to the house. But I’m English, and tea is the answer to so many of our problems.”

“Thank you, I’m Polly, by the way. We were never formally introduced.”

“Oh, don’t you worry, my little crumpet.” He laughed, sipping from his own cup, pinkie perfectly raised. “I know all about you. Our pal Luca is quite smitten. Then there’s Evie … though, of course, what she’s said about you is not quite as glowing.”

“Of course,” I repeated.

The shut-the-hell-up look Nate shot Teddy softened as he turned back to me. “Murray loves you with his whole heart, Polly. And Connie does too.”

“Does she, though?”

“I’m sure of it, but maybe you should ask her.”

Humidity and the stench of Dad’s beloved blood and bone fertilizer slapped me in the face as I stepped inside his beloved greenhouse. Throughout my life, whenever the world, or Mum, had really gotten me down, the quilt my yia-yia made me for my thirteenth birthday was my go-to hidey-hole. Like she had always done, that hand sewn piece of cloth kept me safe from Mum’s cruelty, sheltered me from my fears, kept me warm. No matter how many years passed or how long I remained buried beneath it, it always smelled of her, too. This space, and the plants he nurtured within it were his yia-yia blanket. Knowing and respecting that meant it was a place I rarely entered. My rendezvous with Luca being a clear exception.

There was only one way in and out, it was only a few meters square so there should have been nowhere for him to hide, but still, hidden he was. “If that’s you, Connie, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s not Mum. It’s me.”

“Plop?” His heartbroken whisper made my skin crawl, as did the name. I’d hated it my whole life, why it hit me so hard then was anyone’s guess. Perhaps I’d just had enough for one day.

“Don’t call me that.” I snapped, “I hate it.”

Dad’s face, wrinkled with stress and worry, popped out from behind a small palm frond. “Do you, Plop? Do you really?”

“What do you think? Plop goes the waffle. Plop, plop, plop, here comes floppy Polly Waffle. It’s hardly endearing.”

The rest of Dad appeared, and his expression darkened further. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“I did. Why didn’t you ever listen?”

Dad exhaled, his body deflating as his lungs did. “Touché.”

An uncomfortable silence descended, and we both stood there gawking at each other while rubbing the leaves of the closest plant beneath our fingers.

“So,” I said eventually, “me and half the street heard you and Mum fighting.”

He deflated further. I’d be scraping him from the chipped concrete floor if he kept going, and I feared summoning the strength to do so may be imposable. “I’m so very sorry, my darling.”

“Am I your darling? Am I hers? Does she really wish I …?” Like a tidal wave of fear and doubt, vomit rose from my belly, ticking the back of my throat before I forced it back down. Perhaps I looked as poorly as I felt as Dad hurried to my side and pulled me against his big, broad chest.

“You are forever my darling. Forever my girl, and your mum feels the same way. She just …”

“No!” I cried pushing him away, “Don’t. You’re going to defend her, and I can’t hear it anymore.” I turned and ran three whole steps to the glass door, slammed it open with my palms and barreled outside. The crisp morning air hit my lungs, stinging my red raw eyes as I rushed towards the house. With Dad hot on my trail, I raced through the kitchen, up the stairs, and down the hall towards my room. I didn’t even stop for Elias who popped his head out of the guest room door as I passed. Still fighting the urge to vomit, I grabbed my suitcase from beneath my bed, flung it open and stuffed it with every item I could find in my wardrobe, dresser, and laundry hamper.

I never should have come back. I don’t belong in this town, in this house, with these people.

Dad burst through the door, his face awash with tears as he begged me to stop and listen. “Your mum, she was so beautiful, so far out of my league and so not interested in me. Her boyfriend, the one she really loved had broken up with her and I was there, just something to fill her summer nights. It was different for me, though. I’d loved her almost my whole life.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I yelled as I leapt onto my bed and plonked my ass on my overflowing suitcase.

“Because she fell pregnant the first time, we …” he paused, blushed. “Our first time together and her parents threatened to disown her if we didn’t get married. So, a week later we did, and it was the best thing I ever did, Plop— Polly.” He stopped, catching and correcting himself just before I really lost my shit. “Your sister and then you, were the best decisions we ever made. Please don’t leave like this.”

I gave up my fight with the zipper and collapsed back onto my bed. It was not comfortable. “Best decision you made. But what about—”

“Don’t try and stop her, Murray,” Mum’s voice echoed from the hallway. “She doesn’t belong here anymore.”

My eyes fell closed. “I never did.” Slipping off my half-closed case, I dragged it onto the floor, grabbed whatever else I could carry and walked into the hall, passing mum who was standing just outside the door. Arms over chest, chin jutted in defiance. I could have been looking in a mirror. “Just so you know, Mum. I wasn’t sleeping with Luke.”

“It wouldn’t change how much we love you even if you were, Polly.” Dad replied. His big sausage fingers wrapped around mine, encompassing my whole hand, just as they did in every other photo I’d ever seen of the two of us. For a second, I let him hold it and found comfort in his touch.

“It matters to me,” Mum barked, inserting the rubber end of her crutch between me and dad. “Once again, you’ve ruined everything, Polly ... almost everything. I’ve managed to convince Elias to go ahead with the wedding but only if you agree to get married as soon as legally possible and don’t you dare argue with me. No one else will want you now and who could blame them. Now go back to Sydney and wait for my call. I’ll organize everything from here myself. I don’t want to look at you anymore.”