Chapter 22

Polly

N ate Myers once drunkenly lay on his timber porch and asked me to fix him. I could do nothing of the sort because there was nothing to fix. For thirteen years, no one—not a single soul apart from Luke of course—knew my secret. But there I was, bad girl Polly and my broken shell of a body that was promised to another man, silently begging Luca to do the same for me.

To fix me. To forgive and heal me.

Unlike Nate, I was damaged goods—and now Luca knew it.

Revealing the filthy little pieces that littered my rotten core—my unforgivable crimes, the crap with Mum, the childhood weight problems and the lingering body insecurities, all those juicy little nuggets—were supposed to scare him away. But the more he listened, the closer I got to a truth I’d long tried to forget. The more I confessed, the more desperate I became for him to stay. Then, in a second unforgivable sin, I fell asleep atop Luca in my father’s greenhouse.

Hours later I woke up in my room … in my bed … alone. Naturally, I presumed the worst, that Luca had carried me in, or had my father do it, then run. But after crying till I made myself sick, and rushing to the bathroom to do just that, I found him sitting beside my precious free-standing bathtub on a step stool he must have taken from the kitchen, as it filled with steaming-hot water and glistening bubbles.

“Good morning, Princess,” he smiled, as he looked up from the newspaper.

“What? What are you doing here? What do you mean good morning?”

Whatever bullshit the Murdoch press was feeding the world crumpled at Luca’s feet as he stood, leaned over the bath, and turned off the faucet, watching me over his shoulder the whole time. “You slept all day and night, Pol. It’s 7 a.m. Sunday.” Once upright, his huge hands found me, circling my wrist and pulling me into his chest. On impulse, I inhaled deeply. Soap. Hair gel. Sweat.. Damn, why did he have to smell so good? “I was going to wake you after I filled the bath. In truth, I wanted to yesterday when your mom came home, but she said something about your cousin flying in from Greece and it being a miracle sent by God for you to sleep that long.”

What. The. Fuck.

Something, perhaps my cold, cold heart, stirred in my chest. “You ran me a bath? You met my mum?”

“I did, and I have.” He smiled. “She’s quite something. I always thought facing a girl’s dad would be the most daunting thing, but she went and proved me wrong.”

Seriously. What. The. Fuck.

“I can’t believe you talked to her. And that you’re still here … and breathing.”

“I did. And I am. And I’m probably … definitely … not supposed to be. I snuck back in about ten seconds after I waved your parents goodbye. Took me a while to find you, though. There’s an awful lot of doors in this house, Pol.”

On a huffed laugh, he pressed a kiss to my forehead, lingering a beat or two before pulling away with a groan that implied it was the last thing he wanted to do. “Now, I’m going to leave you in peace. The bath is ready, and loaded with bubbles and crystals, and lots of girly junk, and when your mum and dad left about thirty minutes ago, I snuck downstairs, got you some juice and made you vegemite toast.” He pointed to a tray I hadn’t noticed sitting on the vanity and screwed his face in disgust. “How they hell you guys can eat that … stuff is beyond me, but hey, I would eat SPAM straight from the can. Who the hell am I to judge?”

As I stood there, feeling like an idiot and shifting my gaze between Luca and the breakfast he had so thoughtfully prepared, I noticed one more thing. “There are flowers on the tray. Who … who got the flowers?”

“Me. And they’re still purple, obviously, but they’re not weeds this time. I checked.”

“Hyacinths,” I whispered, “I love them, Luca. Thank you.” The giant, sweet man who had really, annoyingly burrowed further beneath my skin—who’d witnessed the darkness within me and stayed despite it—and who I had to say goodbye to, nodded in agreement and began to move away. It wouldn’t do. Desperate to keep him with me for just a little while longer, I fisted the hem of his shirt and lunged. “Stay. Please. Everything is going to change after today. Please just stay with me.”

His eyes roamed my face as he towered over me. “Nothing is going to change unless you want it to. I’m not leaving. Not yet anyway.”

I let my head fall against his chest, breathing him in before meeting his gaze again. “Hop in with me?” A stupid, useless tear spilled free, and Luca looked almost pained as he whipped it away with his thumb.

“Princess, I can’t.”

“Please, Luca. I know you might be disgusted by me now—.”

“Fuck. Polly, is that what you think?” I nodded, shedding more tears. That dripped onto his already damp shirt. “Nothing could be further than the truth. Your vulnerability and strength make me want you more, and if I get in the water with you … you know, naked ….”

“Please.” I begged again, “I need you.”

On a sigh that rattled my bones, he nodded before I turned my back to him, lifted my nightgown over my head and shimmed my panties down my hips and legs. He exhales sharply, his warm breath fanning over my shoulder. I pictured the rise and fall of his Adam’s apple in my mind, and longed to take it in, but just couldn’t bear the thought of facing him.

Then he’d know.

Then he’d see.

Silence rippled between us as he took my trembling hand, steadying me while I stepped out of my underwear, and into the water that instantly began to sooth. Not a second after I was settled and safely hidden beneath the bubbles, he was reaching and pulling the back of his shirt over his head, stepping from his shorts, and standing in his tented black boxer briefs. “I’m sorry about … that.” Blushing, he pointed to his obvious boner situation, and I couldn’t help but giggle.

“It’s okay, Luca. It’s nice to know you still want me after everything I told you.”

“Polly, there is nothing you could say that would make me not want you. I know you don’t believe me right now but, but one day, when you’re ready, you will.”

“Tell me three places you want to travel to?” Luca asked as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. The man was a saint. His hard dick had been pressing into the small of my back for a painfully long time, but he hadn’t tried a damn thing.

“Anywhere really. Asia, pretty much all of Europe, but the States was always number one. I even have a work visa. I applied and was approved last year after I heard they had a shortage of ASL interpreters. Mum guilted me into staying though.”

“What’s her deal?” Luca grunted.

“Me and everything I have ever done is her deal. I’ve disappointed her from the minute I popped out, and everything over the last few years has solidified that, especially all the stuff with Nate and Evie. She was friends with both their parents, so yeah. That was not fun for her.”

“Hmm.” Luca’s deep, gruff tone rumbled into my back as tried to Ignore the throb it sent rushing through me. “Will you tell me what really happened with Nate?”

“What really happened with Nate … you know, I don’t think anyone has ever asked me that before.” I huffed out a sigh and sunk as deep as I could into the bubbles. Which wasn’t far since a man mountain with an anaconda between his legs was wrapped around me. “At first, I genuinely thought we might be good together. We’d always gotten along. He was never one of the mean kids. I mean, he called me Polly Waffle, but him, Finn, and Evie were never the ones to taunt me.”

“And when did it change? When did you see him as a ….”

“As a tool?” I finished. “After we first slept together. It was good. He was good. But I could tell he was with me, but not with me. He looked at me with the same wonky, empty grin he won all the tourists over with. That’s when I realized that I’d only ever seen those puppy eyes of his really shine around one person, and it definitely wasn’t me.” I paused when Luca, with the gentlest touch I’d ever felt, swept the hair from my neck and then caressed my exposed shoulders with the bright purple loofa Holly had given me for my birthday. “From that moment on it became a competition I had to win. Then one day I saw Luke in town. He was visiting his mum and called me over from across the street. I felt like vomiting on the spot and wanted to run. I might have even started to, but then it hit me. I’d been handed a golden opportunity. Evie would breathe fire seeing me and Luke together. So, I crossed the street, and I smiled, and I posed and flirted and made nice with the man who … did that, Luca. I was so disgusted with myself I didn’t show anyone that photo. It stayed hidden in a folder on my phone until Nate dumped me to run away and save Evie. Then it became a weapon, and once I fired that first shot, I couldn’t stop. I had to break her.”

“Did you think it would make you feel better? Hurting her?”

“I don’t think I even cared at that point. Having Luke’s sausage fingers on me again just pulled me further into the dark. I wanted the golden girl to know what that felt like.”

Luca dropped the loofa, but continued to apply feather light touches with his fingertips. “I get that. When Clara left me, I blamed myself for the first little while, but then I got really angry. I wanted her to feel like shit. I wanted him to eat shit, and I wanted someone to pay.”

“But did you? Did you go out of your way to hurt them in return?” The delayed response answered that question. “No, you didn’t. Because you are a good person. I am not.”

Gripping my biceps still hidden beneath the surface, Luca twisted me as much as he could to face him. “No. No, I don’t think it was that. Far from it. No one who holds as much anger towards a dead family member as I do can claim to be inherently good. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting Mom and Ana. I had too much to lose—my career, my money, pride. And I had too much hate for my dad. Once I saw where I was heading, I refused to let myself sink to his level.”

I studied his face. The sharp angles. The dark eyes that were trained on my lips as his monster cock pressed into my spine. His expression was one of lust and wanting, but there was more there, too. Understanding. Maybe recognition.

The intimacy was too much, so I turned away and again snuggled my back into his chest. Again, he swallowed, and sucked in a slow, deep breath as silence descended. We stayed that way for a while. Him washing me. Me melting into him.

Until.

“Polly, if you could go back in time and change one thing, would it be the night with Luke?”

The answer rolled from my tongue with surprising ease. “No. I think I’d change that last day with Nate and Evie, you know, when I confronted them naked and in his bed.” Luca released a tiny huff of disapproval, maybe jealousy? “I’ll never forget the way Evie looked at me. The pain and betrayal on her face was everything I thought I wanted, but it brought me absolutely none of the satisfaction I’d expected. I should have acknowledged it then, but I was so angry and bitter I couldn’t let it rest.”

Another chest-rumbling growl passed through me. “You know what, Polly? For someone who says they’re bad, rotten, and twisted, you’re the most honest person I’ve ever met. All that stuff you say about yourself is crap. You’re just afraid to be vulnerable, so you do whatever you can to protect yourself. If that means striking first, then that’s what you’ll do. I don’t think that’s because you want to do it. I think that’s because you felt that you had to do it. And that’s not your fault.”

He cocooned around me even tighter and pressed a kiss to my head.

“What about you?” I asked, desperate to shift the conversation from me while simultaneously sinking into his arms. “What would you do over?”

Luca froze. Even the constant, even rise and fall of his chest stilled before he gasped for air. “My dad, Abel. He was a bad guy, Princess. A coward who beat us all and ran off after Ana and I called the cops as we hid from him in the pantry. He didn’t show his face for years, but one day he just turned up and walked in the door like nothing happened. He was sick, you see. Dying of cancer and he wanted to ease his conscience before the Lord, or Satan took him. Because my beautiful, sweet mom has a heart of gold, she didn’t kick him out on his ass like he deserved. She invited him in. Made him food and prayed for him during grace. She even wanted to go to the store and buy him a pint of ice cream to enjoy after his meal. I was so damn angry that he was in our house … that she let the man who tortured us stay, I told her I would go get the ice cream because I couldn’t stand to be near him.”

“That’s perfectly understandable.”

“Not really. He died while I was gone. Had a massive heart attack and dropped to the floor like a stone.”

“Oh my god, Luca. I’m so sorry.” I tried to turn and comfort him, but he held me tighter.

“Mom had to sit there, Pol. She had to sit beside him and watch the only man she ever loved, who abused her and tortured her children, die. She was forced to watch the life drain from his eyes because I couldn’t take looking at them for another second.”

Again, I tried and managed to slip from his grasp, almost falling from the bath as I spun on my knees and dragged him away from the enamel edge. When I had the space, I sat in his lap and wrapped my legs around him. “Luca. How old were you?”

“Twelve … but that’s no excuse.”

“Of course it is! You were a child. A baby. You had been through enough. Your mum had too, of course, but as an adult, she would be able to process what happened better than you ever could have.”

“Maybe,” he admitted. “But I always felt like it was my job to protect her, and I failed.”

“You did not fail her, Luca. He did.” I buried my face on his neck and began to pepper his wet skin with kisses. “That is not your cross to bear. Tell me you believe me.”

After a brief silence filled with only shaking breaths and thumping heartbeats, Luca leaned back and captured my chin in his hand. “I will if you will. Tell me you don’t believe you’re truly bad.”

I shook my head then, pressed a soft, lingering kiss to his lips. “Sorry, but I can’t do that.”

“Why?”

“Because you deserve better than a lie.” Better than me. He shifted beneath me. His muscles flexed. His dick rubbed right against my pussy. “Now stop talking and fuck me.”