Chapter 16

Polly

L una, possibly the sweetest, most stupid person I’ve ever met, once said the wisest thing I’ve ever heard: ‘‘You don’t feel the weight of something until you feel the absence of it.’ Yes, she was talking about removing her pajamas after stepping into the running shower, but still. When applied to a non-ridiculous scenario, it was surprisingly brilliant.

The pain I carried since the night Luke Bailey … hurt me had become an invisible cloak I wore constantly without even realizing it. I didn’t choose to put it on. After two nights, and a series of ridiculous messages a golden-hearted boy with killer dimples had begun to lift it off, bringing a taste of joy, and sunshine and lightness back to my life. That boy, Luca, looked at me without prejudice. Without the mistakes of my past distorting his vision.

He just saw me . And he liked me.

Liked.

Past tense.

It had been three days since I walked into that stupid freaking cafe for the stinking delicious waffles my hips would instantly carry. In one fleeting glance across a crowded cafe, that cloak was back, and it was thicker and heavier than ever. Barbs had possibly been added too, and I deserved it. The just punishment would never end.

Desperate for her copy of T.V. Week and distraught that the hospital newsstand had none, Mum had pushed me out the door with a ten-dollar bill and a guilt trip only she could deliver. “This may be my last ever copy, Plop. Your old mum needs to know what’s happening on Home and Away before this fever takes her.” The woman hadn’t had a fever for days, but still, it worked. And since fate fucking hated me, I saw him. Walking down the aisle, then stopping to peruse the children’s coloring books, the oldest Austen-Myers cherubs holding a hand on either side.

“Luca. Pick me up,” they’d demanded in perfect unison, their round little bellies jiggling with mirth. And he did. Looking like he was lifting a feather, he picked up one twin, popped her on his left shoulder, then plopped the second on the right. Adorable.

“Let’s find your daddy and show him how tall you are.” Giggling along with them, he carried them right past me—so close I wondered how he couldn’t have seen me.

Then I realized he probably did. He just didn’t want to.

Evie got my man again.

Not that he was mine. And not that I cared, because as I kept telling myself while moping in my room, listening to Somebody that I used to know on repeat and pretending I had a cold, it was just a two-time, one-time thing.

“Are you okay, Plop?” Dad asked, his voice soft and sweet as he tapped at my door. “Are you still feeling sick?”

“A little, but I’m up and getting ready for work.”

“Are you sure, darling? You haven’t been yourself for days. Just promise me you will take the night off if you need it. You’ve worked every day since you arrived. You need to rest.”

I could hear the worry in his voice and wanted to climb off the floor and out the door to soothe him. But as long as he couldn’t see my tired, bloodshot eyes, there was a chance he might believe me. Then maybe I would believe me, too.

“I will, Dad, but I’m fine, I promise.”

Without the gym I frequented being just around the corner or my bedroom-cluttering treadmill, I did what I did as a fat teen desperate to lose weight and garner attention: I hit the beach. Mid-spring water temperatures could vary between freezing your knockers off and tolerable, so my morning jog, followed by a swim at my favorite local spots not only burned some calories but snapped me from my daily haze. And I needed that more than I had in a long time.

Evie’s shrill, “ That’s that skank, Polly,” spelled the end of my scandal-free homecoming. A few members of Mum’s beloved CWA, the Country Women’s Association, were present for my name reveal, and the subsequent pile-on to stop Evie from slashing with a syrup-drenched butter knife. No one seemed phased by her outburst. It was all on me.

What in heavens was I thinking? What gave me the right, the gall to want a green smoothie from the cafe I’d loved since I was a teen when it was Evie Austen’s favorite?

Little did they know Evie discovered Glutton because I took her there on a day off from school. We had just returned from the beach where she’d busted Nate and Finn wagging. The latter was her younger brother. His truancy should have caused her concern, but it was Nate’s behavior that fired her up. “Did you see the stupid smirk on his stupid face? Ugh. He’s so … stupid. And what was with the wink? He thinks he’s so hot with this tan and hot stomach. Ugh. What a dick. I pity the moron who ends up with him.”

How prophetic.

What I didn’t know was that that brunch would be our final one, that she would begin dating Luke a few days later, or that the pain that comes with betrayal in a female friendship could eclipse that when losing a lover and linger for years. Sometimes, late at night, the bitterness would fade away and I would allow myself to miss Evie Austen-Myers a slither more than I hated what she did to me.

Today was not one of those times.

Letting the icy water wash away my useless sentiments, I dipped beneath the waves. I held my breath beneath the waves until my lips tingled, then broke through surface into the sunshine, emerging as a new woman—one who was once again okay with being alone and who almost lost her bikini top. As I splashed through the water on my way back to shore, a rogue wave crashed onto the sandbank behind me, sweeping me off my feet and my ample boobs out of their triangular holdings.

“Oooweee!” A pathetic squeal turned to giggles, and I covered my nips with one arm and repositioned the scrap of fabric over them. The men surrounding had no such concerns, of course. Man nipples are perfectly, socially acceptable, but should I accidentally pop one of my spectacular set out, I could be arrested for public indecency.

Making it to my spread-out towel, I lay on my belly, twisted my arms around my back, and tied the knot.

“Is it true? Did you do all those things to Evie?”

“Luca?” Flipping onto my back, I gazed up at the man mountain looming over me. With such accusations at foot, it was not the time to think it, but holy fuck . He really was the most beautiful man. The way his dark hair curled and dangled into his ice blue eyes. The sharp angles of his jaw and cheekbones. Defined pecs, shoulders, and arms were on full display. As were the thickest, most muscular legs I’d ever seen packed into criminally short shorts. I wanted to pull him down, take a bite, and never stop.

He could never know that, though.

Lost for words and desperate for something to do while I unjammed my brain, I reached into my bag, blindly fished around my hand, and pulled out one of the unwanted lollipops I’d brought for Piper. Staying silent, I unwrapped it with my teeth and slipped it between my lips.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” he asked, shifting on his feet, his eyes locked on my tongue as I swirled and sucked. His hypnosis was the perfect antidote for my paralysis.

“What do you want me to say, Cowboy? Am I a bad girl? Did I seduce Nate to keep him away from Evie, a woman I’ve carried a useless vendetta against since school? Yup.”

“So … so …” His voice cracked, sending a wave of desire shooting between my legs. So, of course, I played to it, licking my lips and moaning just a little as I teased the head of my candy. “So … um … you cheated and lied? You don’t deny it?”

“How could I? Most of what happened is public record, although I resent the implications of cheating. I might have done some fucked up shit, but I’ve never cheated.”

“No, you just tried to get Nate to.”

“Ehh.” Pulling the lolly out with a pop, I sat upright, making sure I squeezed my biceps in against my ribs to push my glorious tits out. “That’s not true, either. Evie and Nate had broken up, so technically, he wouldn’t have been cheating.” I then deep-throated that lollipop like a true pro.

“Fuck, give me that fucking thing,” Luca whined snatching the white stick from my mouth. “How’s a man supposed to concentrate while you give a lollipop a head job?” My precious candy, which tasted like shit, was tossed in the sand. “It’s so easy to twist things into what you want, Polly. But I grew up that kind of chaos, and I can’t be around someone who would deliberately hurt—.”

“Hurt?” The image I could never erase, that I could still feel, the one of Luke pinning me down, tearing my underwear, and forcing himself inside me, blinded me ... choked me for the briefest of moments before unmitigated rage pushed it back to its dark corner of my brain. “Oh, okay. Well, by the sounds of it, you have already decided which side of the fence you’re going to sit your pretty little tush on, so I guess I am wasting my breath … but I will say this. Evie Austen and Nate Myers … this whole fucking town, are small-town hypocrites who seem to think it was okay for Evie and that prick Luke to rip my heart out and smash it to pieces but not for me to give Little Miss Sunshine a taste of her own medicine.”

Luca scoffed and shook his head. “Who the hell is Luke?”

“My point exactly. You know half the story, my muscly friend, and I am sick to fucking death of having no one listen without prejudice to mine.” Jumping to my feet, I grabbed and shook out my towel, flicking a beach load of sand into Luca’s face. “You want to be loyal to your nauseating hosts and their sweet-as-fuck precious family? Fine. You can go and get fucked … and not by me.” With that, I stormed away, knowing full well my ass was eating my bikini bottoms and hoping to hell Luca enjoyed the view of what he wished he could kiss.