28. Bella

28

BELLA

M y head spins as I stare at Nic. Pregnant? How can that be?

Morning sickness. Fatigue. Crying more easily than usual. All the signs are there.

I study Nic, trying to figure out his thoughts about this. Is he mad? After all, a baby would complicate everything. He’s not a man who wants a family. He as much as told me so. And then there are my plans, such as they are. Sure, I don’t know what I want to do, but I know it didn’t involve being a single mom on my own.

My chest tightens as panic sets in. Nausea churns again, but not from morning sickness. This time, it really is stress and fear and uncertainty.

Finally, his deep voice breaks through the tension. "If you are pregnant, I'll take care of you."

The words hit me like a slap. Take care of me? Like I'm some problem to be managed? Some responsibility he needs to handle? I thought he was going to stop doing that.

Hot tears spring to my eyes as anger and hurt surge through me. "Take care of me. Like you've been taking care of me by keeping me locked away? By planning to ship me off somewhere once you're done with your revenge?"

The sadness weighs heavily in my chest as I realize that even now, faced with the possibility of us having a child together, he still sees me as something to be handled rather than someone to be loved.

I push away from the sink, my legs steadier now as anger replaces my earlier fear. "I don't need you to 'take care' of me. I'm not some obligation you have to fulfill."

The words pour out before I can stop them. "You promised me freedom when this was over. The chance to live my life how I choose. Being pregnant doesn't change that."

His jaw tightens at my defiance, but I press on. "I won't be another person you control, another responsibility you have to manage. If I am pregnant, I'll figure it out on my own."

The thought terrifies me, but I lift my chin higher. "You made it clear there's no future for us, that I should go live my life somewhere far from all this." My hand gestures vaguely at the space between us. "So don't suddenly act like you need to step in and handle things."

His eyes darken, but I'm still not finished. "I want someone who chooses to be with me, who sees me as a partner, not a duty. So don't worry about taking care of me, Nic. I can take care of myself."

Nic's hands grip my shoulders, his dark eyes intense. "You think this is about duty? Christ, Bella. I'm happy about the baby."

My breath catches. I feel like my brain comes to a screeching halt as it tries to process what he said. "What?"

"The idea of you carrying my child…" His voice roughens. "It means you could stay. With me."

I step back, my head spinning. "Stay? But you're the one who keeps pushing me to leave. College. Travel. Building my own life."

"Because I thought it was what you wanted. What you deserve. A chance at normal life, away from all this."

“So, now there is a baby, you want me to stay.” I suppose he’s doing the right thing, but I don't want him to do the right thing. If he wants me to stay, I want it to be for me, not just for a baby.

“How am I fucking this up?” He lets out an irritated sigh. “The baby gives me a reason to ask you to stay. The baby gives me the courage to admit what I've wanted since the cabin."

Again, I can’t wrap my brain around what he’s saying. "Then why push me away? Why fill my head with dreams of another life?"

"You deserve better than this life. Better than me." His hands cup my face. "Every time I encouraged you to leave, to build a different future, it killed me inside. But I wanted you to have the chance at something more.”

“How can I believe that?”

His thumb traces my lower lip. "You seem to have noticed that every time I try to do what I think is best for you, stay away, I can’t. All my life, I’ve never wanted a relationship, a family. I told you that. And yet here I am, fighting against myself, because I want you and this baby, even though I know you’d both be better off without me.”

I shake my head. “Why do you think that?”

He scoffs. “Let me see… I’m plotting to kill my father is probably the biggest reason.”

“Only because he’s plotting to kill you. Because he’s threatened your sister and me.”

His eyes soften. I feel like I gave him a gift by recognizing his motives.

“The truth is, Bella, I’ve been falling for you since you nursed me to health at the cabin. The baby just gave me the excuse to finally admit it."

It finally sinks in and joy bursts through me. I launch myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I’ve been falling for you too, even though I knew I shouldn’t.”

“You have?”

I nod.

“But you didn’t want to.”

“I didn’t think it would ever come to anything. I knew you didn’t want what I wanted.”

He lowers his head, resting his forehead against mine. “What do you want, Bella?”

"I don't want to leave. I want to stay with you."

"Then stay." His voice is rough with emotion. It’s that and the look in his eyes that have me believing his words.

Happiness floods through me, making me feel lightheaded. Or maybe that's the morning sickness. Either way, I don't care. Nic wants me to stay, wants our baby.

I kiss him, pouring all my love and joy into it. He kisses me back, fully and thoroughly as he lifts me into his arms. I melt into Nic's arms as he carries me from the bathroom to our bed. His touch is like last night, reverent, possessive, loving. At the time, I believed I was reading more into it than was there. Now I know differently. There’s no more holding back or second-guessing.

“You forgive me, then?” he says as he lays me down.

“Of course.” I’m not sure what I’m forgiving him for, but I feel like I know his heart. He’s sincere in his feelings.

“I’m not Willoughby?” His lips nip along my collarbone.

“Not even close.”

“Colonel Brandon, then?”

I look up into his soft eyes. “You’re Nic. My Nic.”

His smile is wide as he kisses me. After that, there are no words, just sweet kisses and soft touches, sighs and gasps of pleasure. But in this too, I want to show him I can hold my own. So I push him back and straddle his thighs.

He looks up at me in amusement. “Take what you want, Bella. I’m all yours.”

I’m a little nervous. He’s always led when it comes to sex. But he always tells me to do what feels natural. My body knows what to do. So I rise over him and take him inside me. It feels different. More electric. More connected. Like our bodies and souls are joined into one.

“Yes.” He levers up, his lips capturing mine again as his hands fondle my breasts. I’m in sensation overload and I love it. I rock over him, then start to ride.

“Oh, fuck… Bella…” He lies back, his face an expression of bliss. It makes me feel powerful in my femininity, my sexuality, that I can do that to him.

I let go, let my body do what it wants, riding him, fast, faster, until pleasure bursts through. The minute it does, he yells out, and warmth fills me. Together, we move like in a dance until I collapse over him.

I rest my cheek on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. "Are you really happy about the baby?"

His hands wrap around me, holding me closer than I’ve ever been held before. "The thought of you carrying my child… I can’t explain it.”

"What if I'm not actually pregnant?" After all, it really could be stress or something else.

He puts his finger under my chin and lifts my gaze to his. "The baby just gave me the courage to admit what I already knew. I want you, pregnant or not."

I smile. I know I’ve never been as happy as I am now.

He gives me a cheeky grin. “Besides, you just fucked my brains out without a condom. If you’re not already pregnant, you could be now.”

Heat floods my face as I realize he’s right. “I wasn’t thinking?—”

“Good. It shows how badly you wanted me.” He waggles his brows. I’ve missed this version of him. Playful. Sexy.

“And if not this time, well, we just need to keep practicing.” He rolls me over and proceeds to practice baby making.