24. Bella

24

BELLA

I sit in the living room of our small New Jersey hideout trying to pretend the monotony of my life isn’t getting to me. My old life feels like a distant dream now. The structured days at my father's house. The days at the cabin with Nic, falling for him despite knowing it was crazy to do so.

I stare into space, remembering how different things felt at the cabin. The isolation, the snow, the growing intimacy with Nic. It was like living in our own private world. Even with his injury and the danger, there was something magical about that time.

And now here in New Jersey, I’m biding my time until… well, until Nic kills his father and sets me free. But until then, I’m sharing his bed. Cooking his meals. Keeping the house. During the first week here, it wasn’t so bad. Nic stayed here with me except for a few outings to get provisions.

But this second week, he’s been leaving for hours at a time, working to put his revenge plot in place. When he returns, we still banter. I still read to him on occasion. And of course, there’s the sex which has turned out to be filled with so many different nuances. Fast and furious. Slow and sweet. And like a dope, a part of me still hopes that when he completes his mission, he’ll want me to stay even though he keeps encouraging me to think about my future. College, travel, a life beyond the Mafia. It should excite me to have those possibilities, yet they don’t hold my interest as much as they had before.

With Nic spending more time out of the house, I’m left alone, and I’m running out of things to do. The old me probably would have snuck out by now, found some adventure despite the risks. But Nic's warnings echo in my head. About his father's reach, about the police searching for us, about the dangers lurking around every corner.

So I stay put, watching life unfold through the window. Children bundled up in warm clothes walk to school. Pet owners walk their dogs. Normal life continues while I'm frozen in place, waiting.

To pass the time, I pull out the travel magazines I asked Nic to pick up for me on one of his excursions. I spread them across the coffee table, losing myself in images of Paris cafes and Greek islands. I imagine myself backpacking through Europe, meeting new people, trying exotic foods. Maybe I'll study art history in Florence or literature in London.

Nic encourages these daydreams when he returns each evening. He tells me about scholarship programs for international students, suggests cities I might like. He even brought me college brochures yesterday.

"You could start fresh," he said. "Build the life you want."

I smile, but inside, my heart breaks every time he says this.

I curl up on the couch, clutching a pillow to my chest. What good is freedom if it means being alone?

I try to stay busy. I really do. I've alphabetized our canned goods twice, folded and refolded our clothes, even attempted to learn Italian from an old textbook I found in a drawer. But the walls keep closing in, and my mind wanders to my family, especially Ava.

Today, I’m straightening Nic's drawer when I find one of his burner phones. I start to close the drawer when I realize I could use it to call Ava. I know I shouldn’t. But what is the harm? It’s a burner phone, untraceable, right? And Ava isn’t a danger to me. She deserves to know I’m okay.

The phone rings three times before I hear her voice. "Hello?"

"Ava.”

"Bella? Oh, my God, are you okay? Where are you?" Her voice breaks with emotion.

"I'm safe," I assure her, sinking onto the bed. "I can't say where, but I'm okay. I just… I needed to hear your voice."

“What happened? They’re saying Dad tried to kill Niccolo Nardone and when he failed, Nardone kidnapped you.”

“That’s not true.” My defensiveness toward Nic rises. “Nic saved my life. Someone tried to kill him when he was bringing me to New York." Okay, so he did tie me up at one point, but in the end, he didn’t kidnap me.

"Kill him? Why?"

“He thinks it’s his father. You were right, Ava. His father is a terrible monster. Nic is protecting me from him.”

“Oh, Ava.” I hear the anguish in her voice. “Why didn’t you call before?”

That’s a long story I don’t want to get into. “I’m okay now.”

“Where are you? I know Elio will support Matteo coming to get you and bring you home.”

“I’m not going back home. Dad would just make another arrangement, and I don’t want that.”

“Come stay with me and Matteo. We have room.”

“I’m okay, I promise. Nic has a plan to handle things."

There’s a pause before she asks, "You trust him that much?"

"Yes." I trace the pattern on the bedspread as I contemplate telling her the truth. How I’ve fallen for him, given my body and heart to him, even if he doesn’t want to keep it. “I don’t want to talk about all this. How are Sofia and Gianna? And you, how is Rocco? My goodness, he must be getting so big. Christmas is coming. I bet he’s excited about that.”

We talk in hushed tones about nothing important. She tells me our sister Sofia aced her math test and how Gianna's taking dance lessons. Rocco wants a real dinosaur.

“I don’t know how we’ll manage that.” Ava laughs.

"I miss you so much," I say, wiping tears from my cheeks.

“Oh, sweetie, I miss you too. Won’t you please let me help you come home?”

“When I can, I’ll come visit. I promise.”

I end the call feeling lighter than I have in days. Ava's warm and loving voice helped chase away my feelings of isolation.

Rolling onto my back on the bed, I clutch the burner phone to my chest. For the first time since leaving Chicago, I feel anchored again. No matter what happens with Nic or his father, I have options. Ava and Matteo's door is always open to me. Their protection means I'll never have to return to my father's control.

I sit up and tuck the phone back exactly where I found it. The restlessness that's been plaguing me has settled into something calmer. I may be stuck in this apartment for now, but it's temporary. I have people who care about me.

The click of the front door lock sends my heart racing. I quickly check that everything is exactly as I left it. Nic's footsteps approach the bedroom, and I try to act natural, grabbing the college brochure that I left on my bedside table.

“Everything okay?” he asks when he enters.

“Yep. Just resting. Being stuck at home takes a lot of energy.” I wince, hating how whiny I sound.

He gives me a sympathetic smile. “It will be over soon.”

“Do you have any news?”

He shrugs. “Things are developing.”

Why won’t he tell me what he’s planning?

He opens his drawer and pulls out the phone. I hold my breath, wondering why he’s retrieving it. Does he know I used it?

“What happened to your other phone?” I ask, hoping I don’t give myself away.

“Tossed it.” His face darkens as he opens the phone. He looks up at me. "You used the phone."

My mouth goes dry. "I just?—”

"What the fuck were you thinking?" His voice slices through me. "Do you have any idea of the risk you just took?"

I rise from the bed. "I only called Ava. She won't tell anyone?—"

"You don't know that!“ His voice echoes through the room, and I want to cower but fight the impulse. "One call could give away our location. One traced connection could get us killed."

“It’s a burner?—”

“Your sister is a Rinella. She could tell your father?—”

“She promised she wouldn’t say anything to anyone.”

“And you believe her?” He says it with a tone that suggests I’m an idiot.

“Yes, I do!” I think about how I told her I trusted him, and I do, but right now, I think he’s a jerk.

“Her phone could be tapped?—”

“No way. Her family wouldn’t allow that.”

“The D’Amatos could be the ones tracking, knowing you could call.”

I refuse to believe that, even though it could be true, I suppose.

Tears sting my eyes. "I needed to talk to someone. I've been stuck here alone?—”

"Better stuck and alive than dead because you can’t handle a little boredom." He shakes his head, his expression making me feel like a child being reprimanded. "I thought you understood what's at stake. I thought I could trust you."

The disappointment in his voice hurts as much as his anger. All my earlier peace from talking to Ava crumbles under the weight of his fury. I can’t take it anymore. I rush out of the room and to one of the extra bedrooms, closing the door behind me. My chest feels hollow, like Nic's words carved out something vital.

At least he didn’t call me a spoiled bambina, but I know he thought it. God, I'm such a fool. Here I am, barely nineteen, dreaming about forever with a man who keeps pushing me toward a future without him. He sees me as a child who needs saving, not an equal partner. Every time he talks about college or traveling, it's his way of letting me down gently.

All these weeks, I’ve been playing house. It’s not real. The sooner I get real with myself and give up a silly fantasy of a fairy tale, the better off I’ll be.

The worst part is, even knowing this, I can't stop my heart from wanting him.