12. Bella

12

BELLA

I stand frozen in the kitchen, my heart pounding as Nic's words echo in my ears. If you hadn’t done it, I would have. That kiss was inevitable.

My first kiss was… wow. The idea of mashing lips together never made sense to me. What’s pleasurable about that? Now I know. I was driven by a deep yearning, a need to kiss him. And once my lips touched his, the proverbial fireworks blasted through my body. That yearning seeped into my bloodstream. When he pulled me close, his hands touching me, I gave in to the sensations, needing more, more, more.

Now, in the aftermath, I feel guilt at essentially cheating on my fiancé, Nic’s father. What kind of person does that make me? He must think I'm terrible, a faithless woman with no morals or self-control.

Full of shame, I’d run out of the room. And when I heard the back door open, I panicked. I was sure he was leaving, disgusted by my behavior. It scared me to be alone, but more than that, I hate the idea of his thinking badly of me.

Seeing him walk back into the kitchen filled me with relief, but it didn’t alleviate my shame.

His words replay in my mind again. If you hadn’t done it, I would have. That kiss was inevitable.

Along with the guilt, I feel warm inside. Not hot, like before when his hands touched me. This is more of an emotion, not sensations.

He shrugs. “No worries, Bella. Your secret is safe with me.” He carries the wood past me to the living area. I think maybe he’s annoyed at me. Did I say something wrong?

I follow him into the living area, watching as he sets the wood on the hearth.

“I need to look through the house to see if there’s a generator switch. Find the breaker box. It should be there,” he says, not looking over at me.

Grateful for the direction, I set off to explore the cabin. It's not large, but there are plenty of nooks and crannies to investigate. I find the breaker box tucked away in a hallway closet, but its array of switches and labels leaves me feeling out of my depth.

"I found it," I call out to Nic, "but I'm not sure what I'm looking at."

As I wait for him to join me, a wave of unease washes over me. The isolation of our situation suddenly feels oppressive. We're cut off from the world, trapped here with no way to call for help if something goes wrong.

My gaze drifts to Nic, watching him examine the electrical panel. Concern for his health mingles with the lingering spark of attraction, creating a confusing swirl of emotions in my chest. I want to reach out, to check his wound and make sure he's not overexerting himself. But I hold back, afraid of crossing another line.

"I don't see an extra switch for a generator here," Nic mutters, frowning at the panel.

His words snap me back to our current predicament.

"What does that mean for us?" I ask, trying to keep the worry from my voice.

“It means we’ll have to make a fire if the power goes out. Do you know how nosy the neighbors are here?”

I think about my friend and her family. “They come here for outdoor fun. I don’t know if they’re friends with neighbors.”

He shrugs. “We’ll need to be ready to leave here once we can get out of the drive.”

I nod, feeling a flutter of disappointment at leaving the cabin and fear of the unknown in New York.

I help Nic bring in more wood. He still seems annoyed, but he tells me his side hurts and he goes to lie down. I’m not sure I believe him, and I chastise myself for my impulsiveness at kissing him.

I spend most of the day trying to distract myself with a book, but my mind keeps wandering to Nic. Every so often, I check on him, torn between concern for his health and the lingering awkwardness from our kiss.

He seems content to give me space, never pushing or prying, which I appreciate. Or maybe he’s angry or disgusted by me. I’m afraid that by kissing him, things have changed. I miss talking to him, the playful banter, the easy conversations we'd shared during his feverish days.

I make dinner, and I eat at the table, while he takes his to the living room. When it gets late, I head back to the bedroom to change into my pajamas and get ready for bed. I debate moving to another room for the night. Things are awkward enough now. It will be worse to sleep in the same bed. Besides, he’s much improved. I don’t need to be on hand if his health takes a turn for the worse.

When I emerge from the bathroom, Nic is lying in the bed, looking tired, but alert. His eyes meet mine, and all the guilt and yearning swirl in a toxic mix.

"I’ll go sleep in the other room.” I turn to leave.

"Stay. We’re safer if we stay close.” He holds his hands up in surrender. “I promise to keep my hands to myself.”

I want to tell him I’m not worried about that. In fact, I’m a little disappointed, but I shake that thought out of my head. What is wrong with me? I can’t be lusting after my fiancé’s son!

I waver, torn between what I know I should do and what I want. The memory of waking up next to him, feeling safe and protected, tugs at me.

"Are you sure?"

He nods, his expression sincere. "I'm sure. Come to bed, Bella."

Reluctantly, I climb in beside him, hyper-aware of his presence. As I settle under the covers, I feel simultaneously relieved and on edge. I’m glad to have him near, yet acutely conscious of the invisible line between us. It takes a while, but finally, I fall asleep to the rhythmic sounds of Nic’s breathing.

I wake slowly. The room is dark, but I can see the glow of dawn starting to creep through the curtains. As consciousness returns, I’m aware of the warm body beside me. Nic. My breath catches as I turn my head to look at him, still fast asleep.

In slumber, his face is relaxed, free from the tension and worry that usually creases his brow. I study him, taking in every detail. The strong line of his jaw, the stubble darkening his cheeks, the way his dark lashes rest against his skin. He looks younger like this, almost vulnerable.

A surge of emotion rises in my chest. It's not just attraction, though that's certainly part of it. There's a tenderness, a protectiveness that surprises me. I want to shield him from harm, to ease the burdens he carries. I’m sure he’d laugh at that. He’s the big, scary Mafia guy and I’m just a lowly woman, born to serve the family.

Without thinking, I reach out, my fingers hovering just above his hair. I hesitate for a moment, then give in to the impulse. Gently, I push his hair from his brow, marveling at its softness. The simple touch sends a thrill through me.

I know I shouldn't feel this way. He's my fiancé's son, for heaven's sake. But in this quiet moment, I can't bring myself to care about should and shouldn't. All I know is that being here, next to him, feels right in a way nothing else ever has.

Careful not to wake him, I shift closer, drawn to his warmth. My eyelids grow heavy as contentment washes over me. For the first time since this ordeal began, I feel truly safe. Protected.

When I wake again, the room is lighter, indicating the morning has fully dawned. The warmth of the bed is gone and I realize Nic is no longer next to me. My first impulse is panic. Has he left?

I scramble out of bed, hastily pulling on my clothes. A sense of urgency washes over me. I hurry out of the bedroom. Relief floods through me when I spot him in the kitchen. He's standing by the window, eyes scanning the snow-covered landscape outside.

For a time, I simply watch him. I’m like a silly schoolgirl with a crush, I realize. It’s embarrassing and at the same time, I relish it. This is the first time I’ve had feelings like this. They’re nice. Sweet. I wonder if this is how Ava felt when she fell for Matteo. I wish we could just hide away in this cabin forever and forget our duties to our families. But I know that’s not possible. When the snow lets up, Nic is well enough to leave. I’m sure he’s dying to figure out who tried to kill him.

I think of the phone I tucked into my suitcase once we arrived here. It’s my lifeline , I remind myself. But after all these days with Nic, I see that we’re a team of sorts. I understand that we need a phone for him to call his friend and figure out his next steps.

I return to the bedroom and dig the phone out from my suitcase. Then I walk back to the kitchen. "Nic?"

He turns, his expression guarded. "We’re going to need to leave soon," he says without preamble. "The snow's letting up. If we wait too long, whoever's after us might catch up."

“I have something that might help.”

He raises an eyebrow, waiting.

I hold out the phone. “It’s a phone.”

His eyes widen in surprise but quickly narrow in what I fear is anger. “What the fuck, Bella?” He snatches the phone from my grasp. "I asked if you had a phone and you said no.”

I swallow. “I didn’t know you, trust you, then.”

“Jesus fuck! We could be tracked… Do you know the danger?—”

I shake my head. “It’s a burner phone. My sister gave it to me… just in case.”

“Just in case what? Someone tried to kill you? In case you were in danger? Well, news flash, Bambina, you’re in danger.”

His words hurt, but luckily, they also anger me and I try to feel that. “Like I’d use it in front of you?—”

“You think you’re in danger from me?” His eyes flash with annoyed heat.

“I didn’t know, did I? I could have used it when you were lying half dead, but I didn’t. I stayed and took care of you.”

“Gee, you want an award? You’re such a fucking child.” He could have slapped me and those words would still hurt more.

“You didn’t seem to think so when you ran your hands over my breasts.” I have no idea why I’ve said that.

“I think we both know that was wrong.”

Again, his words stab at me. I lift my chin, hoping he doesn’t see how much he’s hurting me. “I can see why no one has ever loved you.” For a nanosecond, I think I see the same pain I feel flash in his eyes. But it’s gone so quickly, maybe it's only wishful thinking on my part.

He whirls away and examines the phone. The distance between us feels vast. It’s crazy how fast things have changed. Yesterday at this time, he was kissing me, touching me, and it felt like the most wonderful thing in the world. Today, he sees me as a stupid child.

“You’ve got your phone. You’re welcome.” I turn to leave, muttering, “Nic the Dick.” I want to hide in the bedroom, but that seems childish. So instead, I retreat to the living room, picking up my book to read, even as I can’t decipher the words.

I decide that this change between us is good. Liking him created complications. Now I can focus on the original plan. He’ll find a way to get me to New York safe and sound, and I’ll marry his father. Maybe if I found Nic attractive, I’ll find his father likable enough. Gino has a reputation for being cold, but he’s old enough that perhaps he’s mellowed. Maybe we can forge a friendship, a marital partnership. I’ll play my part as a dutiful Mafia wife, living in sophistication and glamor in New York, and Nic can live his life alone and lonely.