Chapter 6

Jenica

I'm wide awake and it sucks because I really want to go downstairs and lay into the person responsible for my not being able to sleep. But with the music still on in Cruz and Ellery's room, I'll have to wait a while longer to confront said person, which only irritates me more.

Damn Ellery and those thoughts she put into my head yesterday about Jake. I would have never paid any attention to him talking to a girl at a party. They always talked to him, and he always talked back and I didn't care. Why would I?

But no, she just had to put that little bug in my ear and now I couldn't stop thinking about everything she said. Not to mention that redhead at the party. The way she looked at Jake, it was like she knew him, knew him, and the idea made my cheeks burn to the point I turned to the next guy who looked my way.

Matt—or was it Mitch—was everything I loathed. Simple, narcissistic, boring… Just listening to him go on and on as we made our way downstairs took effort. With Jake I never had to pretend. He had this way of making the most mundane seem interesting. Even the night we met his ease was disarming. It's why I ripped him a new asshole, truth be told. Most guys came at me head on with a confidence that was nauseating. But not Jake. His bright, genuine smile and charm intrigued me.

How dare he start shit with me then flash me that same sexy smile and leave. I mean, I asked him a simple yes or no question. How hard would it have been to say, ‘no, I'm not fucking anyone,' and leave it at that? I answered him. Why couldn't he do the same? Unless the answer wasn't no, and he worried I would close up the all you can eat buffet between my legs.

When the music coming from Cruz and Ellery's room finally stops, I push the covers off me, and storm toward the door. Pulling it open slowly, I peer down the hall, and when I don't see any light coming from under their door, start down the hall in the opposite direction.

Once I make it to the stairs, I hurry down to the main level and loop around, taking the next flight to the lower level. When I reach Jake's door, I don't bother to knock. I know it's open.

Slipping through the door, I close it behind me and stand there in my cut-off tank and pajama shorts. He's right about the cold tonight. At the party I didn't notice because I was dancing and the frat house packed. But now, even with the carpet in his room and heater on, a chill curls around my toes, sending goosebumps down my arms.

"Are you going to stand there all night shivering or are you going to get into bed?" he asks with a yawn.

I hurry over to the bed and reach for the comforter, yanking it back. "Shut up and scoot over."

He laughs as I crawl in, and burrow under the covers like a squirrel. Wrapped in his flannel sheets that smell like leather and Irish Spring, my body starts to warm up.

Once the goosebumps fade, I poke my head out of the sheets like Punxsutawney Phil and look at him. "Better?" he asks cheekily.

Light from the moon slices through the egress window above the bed and cuts across his face. Seeing him lying there with one hand behind his head and a smile on his face I almost forget that I'm annoyed with him. Almost.

"No," I reply with a grumble.

"If you're so cold, why didn't you just stay in bed?"

"You know why."

"Yeah," he laughs and turns his head up toward the ceiling. "I know why. The question is, do you?"

I push up, keeping the comforter close to me. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He exhales and turns his head toward me. "It means that anger you're feeling, there's a reason for it, and it's not the cold."

"Oh yeah?" I push up more. "And what is it I'm so angry about?"

"You're jealous."

"Jealous?" I scoff.

"Yeah," he pushes back, "jealous."

"Funny. I seem to recall saying the same thing to you earlier."

"Yeah," he nods, "and I'm man enough to admit you were right."

"What?" I sit up all the way, comforter falling away. "Now you admit you were jealous. What changed between then and now?"

"Everything," he says matter of fact.

My mouth falls open but no words follow because I don't know what to say.

Reaching out, he brings his finger under my chin and pushes it up gently, then drops his hand. "Seeing you with someone else made me feel things. Just as seeing me with another girl made you."

"It didn't make me feel things."

"No?" he asks, tauntingly.

"Nope."

He pushes the covers off himself and sits up, then turns and maneuvers his body so he's hovering over me. "You were jealous, Sparky. Admit it."

I lock my gaze on his. "No."

Pushing my legs open with his knee, he drops one down on the bed between them and then the other. Grabbing the waistband of my shorts, he starts to pull them down slowly. "Admit it."

My stomach quivers as the pads of his fingers brush my skin, sending goosebumps shooting down my arms again. "I'm not admitting shit."

He slides my shorts down further, and lowers his head, kissing my abdomen. The idea of his mouth on anyone else like this makes my cheeks burn, but I'm not going to tell him that. Not when I've made it clear I don't expect anything from him.

"I don't want her," he says while peppering my stomach with soft, gentle kisses.

I close my eyes and try to bite back the jealousy clawing at me. "Sure looked like you do. In fact, it looked like you were—"

"Saving her from face planting?" He cuts me off with a laugh. "Because that's what I was doing."

I look down and open my eyes, finding him grinning at me. "That's right. Some asshole bumped into her and she spilled her drink all over me so I was helping her. But the minute I saw you head downstairs with O'Brien I left her high and dry."

My cheeks flush with heat; the idea that I misread what I saw earlier, making me feel a little stupid.

"But go on, Sparky," he finishes sliding off my shorts, and drops them to the floor, "stay jealous. It will make you that much sweeter when you come."

His words are carnal, his touch wicked, as the way he looks at me stirs a primal, possessive heat.

"Damn, these legs…." He slides his hand up the inside of my thigh. "You have no idea how badly I want to feel them wrapped around me."

"I'm sure you can find another pair," I fire back.

He pushes up, and hovers over me again, bringing his face inches from mine. "I don't want another pair. And do you want to know why?"

"You bought…a blow up doll?" I close my eyes, breath hitching as he rubs his hand over my pussy.

He growls and leans in, nuzzling my neck. "I do not want other girls and I am not fucking other girls because this," he dips a finger inside me, "is what I want. Your sassy little mouth, silent and compliant as I make you come."

"Shit," I puff out, the heat of his words and warmth of his touch, igniting my nerves.

"Open your eyes, Sparky. Show me those baby blues."

My lids open slowly, and he pulls his finger back and plunges it into me again. "I haven't touched, haven't looked at another girl, since we met because this is what I want."

His confession makes my chest tighten while his thrumming makes my pussy throb. I've never let any other guy have this kind of access to me. The guy I lost my virginity to when I was fifteen hit it then quit it, and sex with every guy since has been transactional at best.

But not Jake. He loved to make me come. Whether it was using his hand or mouth, didn't matter. He was always focused on my pleasure and my needs. He never once put his hand on my head and tried to push it down to his crotch. He knew my rules, and never once tried to break them.

I widen my legs, and he dips a second finger into me, his two fingers filling me in a way no dick ever has. Warmth pools in my stomach as my pulse starts to race.

"You're….lying," I pant.

He rakes his teeth over his bottom lip, eyes heated and locked on mine as he thrums me faster. "The fuck I am."

My heart pounds violently in my chest, as he moves his mouth to my ear and pulls the soft flesh of my earlobe between his teeth.

"We could be so good together," he groans when he feels me rocking my hips against his hand.

I grip the pillow under my head with one hand, while grabbing his forearm with the other, chasing my climax. "Shut up."

Dropping his forehead to my chest, he curls his fingers, stroking my G-spot, as his thumb presses on my clit, sending little shocks through me. "Let go and feel what only I can give you. I have your demons, give me your desire."

"Fu…fuck," I pant, digging my nails into his arm, as an intense orgasm hits hard and fast. "Don't stop."

Crashing his mouth down on mine, our tongues stroke against one another with hot possession. "Only if you say it," he whispers against my mouth as my legs shake and my pussy pulses. "Tell me you want me and I will give you everything."

I arch my back, refusing to tell him what he wants to hear. I want him, I can't deny that. But he isn't mine because he is destined for more. Still, that doesn't deny the fact I don't want anyone else to have him, either.

Pushing up on my elbows, he falls onto his back and I swing my leg over his body and straddle him. "Say it," he grips my hips with both hands.

Sliding my wet pussy over his groin, I cup his face with both hands and shake my head. "No."

"Just admit you want me and I obliterate that line of yours and give us what we both want."

"Ours," I correct, while stroking his hot cheek with my thumb.

"Right," he laughs. "Ours."

My body hums as the hangover from my climax lingers. "Why do you say it like that?"

"You know why."

"Maybe I don't," I shrug. "Maybe I need you to tell me."

"And therein lies the rub." He lifts his hips so I feel the outline of his cock against my slick slit. "Pun intended."

I arch my brow and he drops down on his back. "You drew the line, Sparky. Not me."

"No," I shake my head slowly. "We both agreed sex would complicate things."

"No," he brings one arm behind his head, "you said it would and I nodded."

"Yeah, in agreement."

"In acceptance," he counters. "Never said I thought it would mess things up."

"But you've gone along with it."

"Because I am a gentleman."

This time, it's me who laughs. "Says, who?"

"Says half the female student body at Highland."

I start to get off him, not wanting to hear about his well-known reputation, especially when he's just made me come, but he grabs my hips, and holds me in place.

"I can't believe you," I seethe. "I can't believe I was this close to ignoring that line we both drew and you're…"

He sits up again, cupping my neck with a kind of tenderness that is in contrast to his earlier heat, and kisses me. It's soft and tender and says more than all his words tonight, combined.

"This thing between us," he murmurs. "You don't have to be afraid of it, Sparky."

"I'm not."

"Then what are you afraid of?" he asks, pulling back.

As his eyes search mine, I can't help but ask myself the same question. What am I afraid of? Why can't I just admit there is something between us and seeing him with another girl tonight made me feel a way I'd never felt before?

The answer is simple. Because confessions are feelings, and feelings are complicated, that's why. I told myself from the beginning this would not be complicated. I wouldn't let it be. No emotions, no attachment. So why does the idea that this could be my last weekend here with them—with him—make me feel things I never wanted to feel?

"Admit it," he presses. "Admit you want me. Here, if it makes it easier, I'll go first. I want you, Sparky. I've wanted you from the moment I first laid eyes on you. I haven't been with another girl because they're not you. No one is. And tonight when I saw you with O'Brien, yeah, it made me jealous because you're mine. You've been mine from the moment we met."

He's breathing hard. His words, charged by tension and heat. Do I want Jake? Yes, but now wasn't the time to have an existential crisis because I need to close this chapter between us, not start a new one.

Or maybe it doesn't have to be a new one. Maybe this is the way we end. I once told Ellery the only way to get over one guy was to get under another. Did that same thinking apply if the guy I needed to put behind me was the same one who had become my safety? Maybe giving us what we both want was the most fitting last line of our chapter.

Jake needs to move on from this arrangement of ours, and so do I. If one night, one trip around the bases will do it, why not? There are far worse ways to end things, then admitting you want the very hot guy who has just admitted he wants you, too.

"Fine," I exhale, "I want you. Happy?"

A big, beautiful smile lights up his face as he pushes my hair back. "There, now was that so hard?"

Wrapping one hand around my lower waist, he grips my chin with the other and kisses me. Only this time, it's full of hunger as I reach for his shirt and pull it up and over his head, and he does the same with my tank.

"Christ, I love your tits." He cups my breasts with both hands, his touch feather light as he rolls my nipples expertly between his thumb and forefinger. "Perfect for sucking, while fucking."

Shit, his has a dirty mouth. Has he always talked this way? Was it new? I liked it and wanted more.

Dropping my head back, I sigh, and when I feel his mouth on my nipple, followed by a gentle tug, I grab a fistful of hair and arch my back.

"Easy," I hiss, sucking a breath in between my teeth. "They're cold."

He laughs and brings one hand back to my neck, as his other kneads my hip. Pushing a hand under his pajama pants, I grip his sizable girth and stroke him. My mouth may not go there, but my hands do and I've jerked him off more than a few times with success.

He lies back and reaches over to his nightstand, opening the top drawer and rummaging around. When he finds what he's looking for, he closes the drawer and lays back down, holding a gold foil packet in his hand.

"If you keep that up," he moans, watching me in rapt fascination, "I'm going to come in your hand."

"And?" I stroke him, nails grazing the skin of his balls ever so slightly.

"Get up," he taps my thigh, "now."

I let go and place both hands down on the bed, pushing myself up in downward facing dog position as he pulls his pajama pants off and rolls the condom down his shaft. When he's done, he pinches the tip then reaches for me.

I bend my knees, and ease down onto his lap. "Take a deep breath," he warns as he nudges the head of his cock against my entrance.

"Wh—" I start to ask but the question is cut off as he breaches my entrance. Jake's a big guy, his dick big enough to make the average guy envious. But damn, it feels like he's splitting me in two.

I draw in a sharp breath, while gripping his shoulders with both hands. "You okay?" he asks, eyeing me with concern.

"I'm fine," I puff out, and dig my nails in deeper. "Don't stop."

He inches into me further and looks down. "God damn," he shakes his head. "You're so—"

"Tight?" I swallow.

"Full," he puffs out. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes," I swallow. "But shit, you're not exactly small, Hot Shot."

"No shit." He looks up and shoots me another grin. "The way your pussy is gripping my cock like a hungry boa constrictor…fuck, Sparky."

"Feels like…I'm…being choked by one."

His eyes me with concern once more. "You said you were okay."

"I…am," I stammer. "Just…shut up and…give me a second."

He arches his brow, and when I match it with my own, he slides a hand between us. "Here," he leans in and kisses my neck. "This should make you feel better."

He's right. It does. As he strokes my clit and sucks the pulse point in my neck, my arousal builds, spreading warmth across my lower back. Easing in and out of me slowly, my arousal builds, and when he can thrust into me more freely, picks up the pace.

"Yes," he moans with approval when I let go of his shoulders and move my hands to his biceps, matching his rhythm. "Just like that."

He falls back, and I take him slow and deep; every hips, meeting my own. Every inch of my body feels alive and I want more. I want to feel him in my very core.

Reaching behind me, I grab his thighs and lean back, flicking my hips in a way that makes him moan. "Jesus," he puffs out while grabbing both of my breasts. "Just like that, Sparky. Don't stop."

I move one hand to his chest, and shift the other to his thigh, working my hips like I am a rider on the Pony Express, as he massages my tits.

My breathing picks up and I dip my head back—heart pounding so hard I feel it in my neck—and when he sits up and kisses me once more, I think he's close to coming. But surprisingly, he wraps one arm around my lower back and spins me around, laying me down on my back.

Settling between my legs, he pushes them up and holding the backs of my thighs with his forearms, plunges into me again, fucking me harder and deeper, working up a sweat that coats his chest and mine.

The sound of our skin slapping echoes along the walls as he slams into me, and when his breathing grows ragged and every muscle in his body tightens, he slams into me harder and deeper than all the others, and groans.

As his dick twitches and pulses inside me, I feel my own climax tear through me. Reaching between my legs, he strokes my clit and draws it out, while moving his hips in small circular motions, doing the same with his own.

As our breathing slows, and heartbeats return to a more normal pace, he pulls out and rolls onto his back. He lays there for a moment, one hand over his head, then sits up and removes the condom. Tying it off, he reaches over and tosses it into the trash can on the side of the bed, then grabs his remote from the nightstand and turns on the stereo.

The gentle plucking of a guitar fills the room and a strange ache surfaces in my chest. "Nothing Else Matters," one of his favorites.

"Why do you like this song so much?" I ask when he drops the remote on the nightstand and lays back on the bed.

He reaches for the sheet and drapes it over his body.With his sculpted chest on full display, he looks not like the puppy I've always likened him to, but a wolf. A ripped, confident one that knows he's just fucked me in a way I'd never been fucked before.

"Listen to the lyrics," he looks over. "It needs no explanation."

I've already heard this song hundreds of times before. It's a good ballad. Strong bass, decent drums. But I can't find a meaning beyond the obvious.

As the song builds I look to the window above the bed. The light outside is changing, meaning the dead of night is behind us, and morning on its way. Knowing I should get back to my room, I lean over the side of the bed and grab my clothes.

"Where are you going?" he sits up.

"Back to my room."

"Why?"

I slide my tank overhead, then get up from the bed and step into my shorts. "You know why."

"So that's it?" He throws the sheet off him and comes around to where I'm standing. "You're just going to go back upstairs?"

Ignoring the buzz in my chest, I force a casualness that I'm not feeling. "Let's not pretend we're something we aren't."

He takes a step toward me, every inch of his bulging frame on full display. "And what aren't we, Sparky?"

"We aren't like them." I shake my head. "We never will be."

"Well good," he reaches for me. "I don't want to be like them. I want to be us."

"There is no us."

He pulls me into his chest and holds me close. "There could be, if you let it."

He breathes me in, holding me closer than any person ever has, and a lump forms in my throat. In another life, maybe we could have been something. But in this one, we're destined to be what we are—two people from different worlds, who once fooled around, but are now nothing more.

Tonight was it. One time, and never again. Jake needs to focus on his career and forget about this little arrangement of ours so he can achieve his dreams. And me, I need to let go of these weekends and go back to Cherry Cove and start working toward mine.

"Goodnight, Jake." I look up and take a step back.

"Jake." His eyes search mine as his arms fall away. "No Hot Shot?"

"No." I give him a wistful smile then press up on my toes and kiss his cheek. "Not tonight."

He will always be, Hot Shot. The golden retriever who made me feel safe when no one else in the world could. But now it's time for him to go back to what he was always supposed to be. The best friend of my best friend's boyfriend. The guy I met, the summer before he became a star.

But as I close the door and head back to my room, I can't help feeling as if I've lost something. Something that in another life, could have been everything.