Chapter 3

Jake

"So that's why you were in such a hurry to get home," Cruz says under his breath as the girls make their way up the stairs.

"Dude." I hold up my hand and give him a look that says not another word, then turn back to the stairs. Once Ellery and Jenica hit the top and start down the hall, I motion for him to follow me downstairs.

When we hit the lower level, I stride past the game room, heading for my own."Not a word until we get to my room."

When Ellery first bought this place I thought she was crazy. She insisted the four of us needed more space, but I never imagined she would buy an entire house.

The lower level had been converted into two bedrooms, with their own bathrooms, as well as a game room with a TV with a screen big enough to make the theater on campus jealous. She'd also updated all the flooring in the living areas, and new carpet had been laid in all the bedrooms, as well as fresh paint all throughout the house.

I know Ellery will go wherever Cruz does once he's drafted, but I hope she keeps this place. It could be fun to come back now and then for reunions and what not. If anything, it could be one hell of a rental property. I've suggested it to her before. Maybe she'll consider.

We reach my room and not two seconds after I've closed the door, Cruz starts talking. "How long?"

"How long, what?" I ask casually.

"You and Jenica," he waves off my feigned ignorance. "How long have you two been a thing?"

"We're not a thing," I roll my eyes.

"But you two have hooked up, right? I mean, from what I saw earlier…"

"Surprised you could see anything with the way you and Ellery were going at it on the floor."

"We weren't going to go at it," he grins.

"No?" I arch a brow.

"No," he laughs, "because we already went at it in the parking lot."

I hold up my hand, shaking my head. "TMI brother."

"Sorry," he shrugs. "You asked for it. But back to you and Jenica."

"There isn't a me and Jenica," I shoot back. "We've fooled around. That's it."

"You what?" His pupils get bigger. "When?"

"I don't know." I kick off my cleats, then peel off my socks, tossing them into the hamper in the corner. "Why? Not getting your rocks off enough, so you need a blow by blow when I do?"

"Oh wow," he drops his head back. "So much to unpack in that comment."

"First, there's nothing to unpack."

"The hell there's not."

I look at him, confused, and he folds his arms across his chest and grins. "You said when I do, brother. So tell me, when and how many times?"

Cruz is relentless, and his focus is unparalleled. It's exactly the combination that makes him one of—if not the best pitcher—in D1 baseball. That's why I know if I don't give him something, he's going to keep at it until I do.

"More than a few," I confess. "But you can't say anything. I mean it. Not to Ellery or Marcus."

"I don't keep secrets from my girl," he says with abject seriousness.

I don't want to put Cruz in a bad position with Ellery, but I made a promise to Jenica and I intend to keep it. "You do now. Zip your lip, got it?"

"Jake."

"No man," I shake my head. "I'm serious. Not a word. I kept your secret last summer. You can keep mine now. Jenica hasn't even said anything to Ellery, so what does that tell you?"

"Why not?" He lifts a hand. "Ellery wouldn't care."

"She has her reasons, so swear you won't say anything. I'm not telling you anything until you do."

"Fine," he says reluctantly.

"Say it…I swear I will not open my mouth."

"Yeah, I swear. Now spill it. And I want every detail, starting with how many times?"

"Come on, Cabron."

"How many?" he presses.

"I don't know. How many times has she been here since last summer?"

"I knew it!" He snaps his fingers. "I told Ellie—"

"Wait," I cut him off. "You told her, what?"

"That I thought there was something going on between you and Jenica."

"You two talk about me?" I ask, incredulously.

"Sure," he shrugs.

"Why?" I laugh in disbelief. "What are you, a couple of gossipy teenagers?"

"Sure fuck like it," he smirks.

"Man," I shake my head. "Come on with that shit."

"Sorry," he laughs. "Can't help it."

"Yeah, I know. You couldn't help yourself that time you two thought I fell asleep while we were watching Cadence and decided to fuck on the couch right next to me. Or the time you decided sex on the kitchen counter at midnight would be safe, because no one ever needs a glass of water at that time."

"Hey, he lowers his head a bit and runs his thumb along his chin. "Got you a fridge down here, didn't it?"

I can't help but laugh. "Yes, it did. But man, I swear, you two…I hope to hell you're being careful because the last thing I want to be is Uncle Jake at twenty-one."

"Twenty-two?" he counters.

My eyes widen and he holds up a hand. "She's not PG, but that doesn't mean I can't wait to see her beautiful—"

"Cruz!"

"Cheeks," he laughs. "Those beautiful cheeks glowing. Fuck, I want like ten babies with her."

"Well, good thing you have the money to hire help because you're going to need it with that brood."

He laughs and I do, too.

I wonder what that's like…dreaming about having kids and a family. I never longed for it. Sure, I have a family. I love my parents and sister fiercely. But having my own kids…it felt dangerous. Plus, I'd never cared for anyone enough to want to have kids with them.

I didn't do relationships. The one and only girlfriend that I had in high school ended quickly because I wasn't attached to her the way she wanted. The emotion she wanted me to have, I just didn't. I never got emotional about any girl.

That wasn't to say I didn't love women. I did. The way they smell, talk, walk, laugh. Tall, short, fit, or curvy, doesn't matter. But I didn't do the whole connection thing. Especially when it came to sex. I liked to make girls feel good about themselves and did whatever they wanted me to do to achieve that. It wasn't about getting myself off. It was about satisfying their needs.

But Jenica was different. There was a connection between us. I felt it the first time I saw her and felt it growing the more time that we spent together. She made me think and feel things I hadn't before, and I had to keep it in check because I didn't want to lose her friendship.

That's probably why I went along with the idea that we do not tell Cruz and Ellery about us. Even if our chemistry fizzled, our friendship would still be there and I didn't want to lose that. Just as she'd come to rely on me, I too, had come to rely on her. I looked forward to her calls each night. I even stopped going out because I didn't want to miss hearing her voice. She was someone I wanted in my life for the long haul.

"Look." He grabs my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. "I don't like keeping things from my girl, but I swear I won't say a word. And you don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to. But please, for the love of God, tell me you're getting some or I'm going to be seriously worried."

"We're not hitting it." I run a hand through my hair, hating the way it sounds. "And why are you worried?"

"But you just said…"

"There are ways to fool around that don't involve sex," I say with exasperation. "You do know that, right? Or do I need to draw you a diagram?"

"Man, fuck you. You know damn well I need no pointers in that department."

"Yeah, I'm aware, Cabron. The whole house is."

He flashes me a cocky smile and I can't help but laugh.

"We fool around. That's it. It's…nice."

"It's nice?" he repeats. "Man, brother, a hot shower after a long practice is nice. Fooling around is more than nice."

"Well, I don't know what you want me to say?"

"Tell me you're into her," he says matter of fact.

I drop my arms and take a deep breath. "It's not like that."

"Then what's it like?"

"I don't know." I place my hands on my hips and look around. "When it first happened, I chalked it up to right time, right place. But then all that shit went down and we became friends."

"Wait." Cruz holds up his hand. "Are you talking about last summer?"

I nod slowly. "That weekend you went to Elmhurst. The night I helped her hang up those missing persons fliers for Caleb's sister. That was the first time."

"Well, all be damned," he shakes his head.

I know he's likely feeling the same way that I did when I first learned he had a stepsister. But the reason I'd kept Jenica from him was completely different than the one Cruz had for keeping Ellery a secret from me.

We didn't have a tortured past or family dynamics at play. We were the best friends of our best friend's soulmate. The only thing we had to worry about was feeling awkward around one another for the next sixty years if things went south. When she explained that rationale to me it made sense which is why I didn't push for anything beyond what she was willing to give.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Cruz asks when I grow quiet.

"I don't know," I look back at him. "Maybe because last summer wasn't about me and Jenica, but you and Ellery."

"And now?" he asks.

"Now," I look down, "it's about not breaking the promise I made the night she shot Royce. I'm here for her. In whatever way she needs. No pressure, no strings attached."

"That's why you rushed to get home," he says simply.

I nod. "She left a message on my machine before the game to let me know she was coming up a day early. Didn't say why, but I could tell by the sound of her voice something was wrong."

"Well, that says a lot," Cruz rubs his chin. "The fact she called you and not her best friend."

I dismiss the comment, even though I had the same thought earlier. "It's not that deep, man. She's worried about her brother and she knows I understand that."

"Siblings may be one thing you two have in common, but I say it's more than that. In fact, I think you two like one another, more than you're willing to admit."

"Of course we like each other," I nod. "We're friends. But, last summer was a lot, and I just want her to know I am there for her. That's what friends do. Even those that fool around."

Cruz turns to my computer desk and grabs the back of the chair, looking at the bulletin board on my wall. "Some days it feels like another life, doesn't it?"

"It does," I agree. Sometimes I can't believe I helped cover up a murder. Me. A cop's son, and former Boy Scout. Still, I have to imagine it pales in comparison to the weight he, Ellery and Jenica carry from that night.

Jenica killed a man, and Cruz has to live with the memory of the girl he loves more than anything being nearly raped and killed, right in front of his eyes. I can't imagine how that must haunt him, or Ellery for that matter, who was on the receiving end of Cal and Royce's brutality.

"How's Ells?" I ask gently.

Cruz doesn't say much about that night. It's hard for him. I know because I saw the red in his eyes when he came down to the basement that night to question Cal. But when he does talk, I listen.

He hangs his head and takes a deep breath. He's gripping the chair so tight his nails dig into the fabric. "She's Ellery, you know. Always smiling. Always happy. But some nights she can't sleep."

"Jenica, too," I confess. "She calls me when it happens. That's how we've gotten so close. We talk every night."

"Every night?" He lets go of the chair and turns around, leaning against it. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" I tilt my head.

"Everything. Baseball, school, a long distance…friend," he says as if he was going to say something else.

"Same way you do," I smile. "You just do. Only, your girl is here and my friend is on the other end of the phone."

"I don't have the best grades on the team," he shakes his head.

"Third isn't small potatoes, Cabron."

He nods and shoves a hand in the pocket of his baseball pants. "You two talk every night?" he asks, almost incredulously.

"Pretty much."

"Is that why you don't go out anymore?"

I answer honestly. "Yes, and no. Yes, because I don't want to miss her call, and no, because I've had a lot on my mind and lost interest in making the rounds at sorority row."

He pushes up from the chair and surprisingly doesn't say anything. Deciding now is a good time to head to the shower, I lift my jersey overhead and change the subject.

"What do you think for dinner, pizza?"

"Sure," he shrugs as I head into the bathroom and turn on the shower. "Hey, that body back in Cherry Cove," he calls out. "It's not Royce. You know that, right?"

I hold my hand under the spray in the shower and yell back. "I do."

I unzip my pants, peel them down, then reach into my sliding shorts, take out my cup, and toss it onto the counter, before taking them off.

"I didn't want to say this in front of the girls," I holler as I stick my hand under the water. Feeling it's hot finally, I step under the stream. "But with the ocean currents and bottom feeders, there wasn't anything left of him after a week."

"Yeah," Cruz agrees. He's no longer shouting and when I look through the shower glass, find him standing in the doorway, forearm pressed against the frame. "But now that I know what I do, there's something I'm curious about."

"What's that?" I ask while reaching for the soap.

"Why Jenica was at the house that night. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful as hell that she was, but I was always curious how fate worked that night—bringing her there with the means to stop Royce. Now I know."

Ignoring the comment, I dip my head back and run the bar up and down my neck, then across my chest. "And here I was thinking you were going to ask me why my dick is bigger than yours."

"You mean how my dick is bigger," he calls back.

"Go shower," I reach for the back scrubber, rub the soap over the bristles, and lift it over head to wash my shoulders.

He says something but I don't hear. Voice is drowned out by the water pounding down on top of my head, and my guilty conscience.

I hate knowing I'd broken my promise to Jenica by telling Cruz about us. She didn't give her trust easily and would never forgive me if she knew I betrayed her. I could not only kiss goodbye to fooling around with her ever again, but possibly our friendship.

The idea of it being me, of all people, to be the one to betray her made me feel sick to my stomach. I wanted to be the one she called when the demons of this world haunted her. Not the villain in her story.

But as much as she needed me, I needed her, too. That night on the beach last summer didn't just haunt her, it stirred up some shit in me as well. Being there for her reminded me that it didn't matter what may be in my DNA, I created who I wanted to be and she liked that guy enough to trust him and keep her safe.

But as I get out of the shower and get dressed, I can't help but wonder about what Cruz said. Could Jenica and I move out of the friend zone and be more? She didn't do athletes. I knew this. But somehow, she'd put aside her reservations and let her guard down with me. What if she was willing to let it down even more?

Jenica wasn't like other girls. I loved the fact she didn't fall at my feet. From the moment I met her, she seemed totally resistant to my charm. My focus had been on her, yet hers wasn't on me. No matter what I did, she always seemed to be looking elsewhere. I wasn't used to it, and it fascinated me.

That night at the cave when we kissed for the first time, her lips were a contrast to all I'd seen from her to that point. She was soft and gentle, and that kiss…shit. I'd kissed dozens of girls—hundreds, in fact—and that first kiss with her was the best I'd ever had.

But what we'd shared since…touching her, having her touch me back…my God, my dick gets hard just thinking about it. Lying in bed with her, listening to music…it filled me with peace, and making out and fooling around until the early hours of morning, had become a pleasure I'd come to crave. But what if there could be more? What if Jenica and I could be something neither of us expected?

I'm not sure which version of her I will get tonight. Will I get the brazen and bold woman that wants to be touched, or the girl who needs to be held when she is haunted by the past? Honestly, it doesn't matter. I want both versions of her—the woman who wants me, and the girl who needs me—and when she comes downstairs tonight, I will give whatever version that shows up whatever she wants because when it comes to Jenica Miller, I will give her everything.