Chapter 20

TWENTY

CHIP

In the three days since Monroe and I made our truce and shook on it, I'd seen a totally different version of him. And it only added to the layers of confusion I felt with regard to him. Had Pickles been right? Did I like him? Was it really a hindsight thing? Would I one day look back at this and laugh? I didn't know yet, and the doubt in my mind made my emotions a frizzy mess.

He'd been in great spirits when we escorted him to his room after we played sardines Monday night, but by the time I went to check on him Tuesday morning, he was miserable again. I'd watched him for a minute before he'd seen me, and I almost wished I hadn't because I felt the heaviness in his heart as if it were my own. I didn't even know what was weighing on him so heavily. He'd said maybe one day he'd talk to me about his past and his story with hiding his siren side, but I didn't want to push him. He just seemed so depressed. He was in a dark place that I couldn't reach.

All day Tuesday I'd taken him around to meet a bunch of other sirens, especially ones our own age so he could start to make friends down here, and he'd seemed to be having fun. He talked and laughed with everyone. We all commiserated on the lack of yummy food down here. We probably spent half an hour alone talking about the beignets until Brownie succumbed to the temptation and went up to the festival to get a few boxes. We all had sat in the cove where we could eat the beignets while still allowing Monroe's tail to be in the water. Luckily, his wounds had healed. He just had the broken tail to suffer.

But once we were alone, his mood plummeted. If I got him talking, then he seemed okay, he made jokes and laughed at mine, yet if I let him go silent, it felt like he buried himself into a hole with no intention of coming out. So, that night, I'd moved him into the room my sisters and I shared. They must have sensed what I had because none of them flinched at all at me bringing a boy into our room. I'd given him my bed and taken Pickles'. That seemed to help. He woke Wednesday morning in a significantly better mood, but he was still miserable.

Today, I woke up with an idea. Perhaps he was having a hard time adjusting to being a siren again. Monroe, as it turned out, was quite personable and charming when he wasn't trying to make your life miserable with pranks, so he had no issues talking with the other sirens. It was almost like every time he realized he was in the ocean, it sucked his happiness right out of him. This made me think back to the day he'd dropped the pocket watch off the boat. He'd been so mean and nasty to me without even saying hello first, without giving me a chance. I wondered if that mood, that Monroe, had been triggered by all that ocean. In hindsight, they'd clearly taken a group of Islanders down to Key West for a snorkeling adventure, and he didn't go in the water . . . because he was hiding his true identity. That had to have affected his entire demeanor that day.

So, my new mission was to teach him how to be a siren again. I'd tried the last two days to get him to let me swim us out, but he seemed to fall into a darker mood when I suggested it. Yet I followed his gaze as he watched the others swimming with ease. I also didn't miss the way he waited until everyone else had left before he let me swim him back to the castle, like he was embarrassed. While that might have been silly since he was very injured, I suspected there was an underlying issue.

Thanks to a quick trip up to Bow Ties before he woke up to see Peggy, I had a whole new agenda for the day. As I swam through the window into our room and spotted him lying in my bed, I tried not to swoon. He was lying there shirtless, which was normal for sirens. But I'd never had a boy in my bed . . . and Monroe was definitely not a boy . It made my pulse do weird little skips and beats. Cool it, Chip. Get ahold of yourself. You're just friends.

He looked up and saw me approaching. A slow smile spread across his face, and his dark eyes sparkled. "I thought you'd given up on me today."

I frowned as I swam over with my bag of goodies. "Why would I do that?"

He shrugged and his gaze lowered. "I know I've been a bit . . . mopey. Thought maybe it was annoying."

"Nah." I held up the bag and sat it on the edge of my bed. "But I have an idea to help you feel less mopey."

He narrowed his eyes on the bag and sat up. "Should I be nervous?"

I chuckled. "Go ahead. Take a look."

He took the plastic bag and cautiously pulled it open. His brow scrunched. "Is that . . ."

"Yup."

He reached in and pulled out two floaties—as in the inflatable bands kids wore around their arms in pools so they wouldn't drown. His jaw dropped. "These are floaties."

"Adult-sized. Keep going." I gestured toward the bag.

With a concerned and puzzled expression, he reached back in and pulled out a thin weight belt and a thick belt with a fan on the back. "Okay, you've got me stumped. What is all this?"

I bit my bottom lip and curled my tail up under me. "So, I went up to talk to Peggy, and she told me that they give kids training wheels on land when learning to ride a bike so . . . I got you training wheels."

He blushed. His eyes widened. "You got me . . . training wheels?"

"Yeah, well, I thought . . . You'll have to trust me. Just c'mon, I have a plan." I grabbed the floaties and belt and shoved them back in the bag, then threw the bag over my shoulder before reaching for his hand. "Come on. You trust me, don't you?"

He smirked and placed his hand in mine. I ignored the rush of hot electricity that shot up my arm at his touch. My body needed to go sit in the corner in timeout. With a smile on my face, I tugged him up and out the window of my room to where my eldest sister, Brownie, was waiting. She watched us carefully, and I knew she didn't miss the way our hands held on to each other's. Those brown eyes missed nothing. But she just smirked and tossed her long red hair over her shoulder. The sunlight streaming down from the surface made her red tail glow like flames in a fire.

"Hey, Brownie," Monroe said with a tense voice. "Do you know what's going on here?"

She whistled, then smiled back at him. "I am playing a small part in it, yes. It's okay. You'll be fine."

He nodded and looked down at me like he was trying to read my mind. But then a dolphin swam up to Brownie's side and Monroe gasped. I reached out and ran my hand over my sister's pet dolphin's nose. He and I went way back.

"What is happening?"

"Try not to look so worried. He's a dolphin, not a shark." I chuckled. "He's going to give us a ride. Trust me, you'll like that part. He swims fast, don't you, Peanut?"

Peanut made that little squeaking sound.

Brownie put her hand on her dolphin's back. "Peanut is happy to help. But be careful out there, Chip. Okay? Just whistle?—"

"I know, Brownie. Thank you."

"You're welcome." She stared at us for a moment, then gave Peanut another pet before swimming off into the castle.

I dragged Monroe over to him. "Peanut, this is my friend Monroe. His tail is broken."

He rubbed Peanut's head like he was a puppy. "Interesting name for a dolphin."

"Peanut was orphaned as a baby, but Brownie adopted him and raised him, even helped him find a dolphin family. She was just a little girl at the time and was named after food, so she named him the same."

Monroe chuckled. "That's cute. Well, nice to meet you, Peanut."

"Right, hang on to his fin and don't let go."

He looked more than a little nervous, but the fact that he followed my instructions anyway sent a little jolt of happiness through me. Once he had both hands on Peanut's fin, I gave him a nod and we were off. I swam beside him so that if he fell or let go, I'd be able to catch him. I'd talked to Peanut before I brought Monroe out and told him to go full-speed so that Monroe could really feel the water and be reminded of what it felt like to swim this fast. I peeked over at him a few times and caught him smiling, so I made sure to look away quickly to not ruin the moment by embarrassing him.

When we got to the spot I'd wanted, I whistled to Peanut. He slowed to a stop but didn't leave yet. Monroe's eyes were wide as he glanced left and right and back again. I knew what he was seeing: open ocean. I knew it'd been too long since he'd come into the ocean, so I wanted him to reconnect. And it was different out in the open water.

Also, it meant there were no witnesses for what we were about to do.

That was crucial for my plan and his pride.

"Okay, give me one arm, please." I pulled one neon-blue floatie out of the bag and held it out. "C'mon now."

He grimaced but held his arm out. "Not gonna lie . . . I'm a little nervous," he said as I slid the floatie into place. Then he switched and held on to Peanut with his other hand so I could put the other one on.

"Okay, Peanut. I'll whistle if I need you."

He nodded and then swam into the deep blue, fading into the nothingness around us.

"I forgot how creepy it was out here," Monroe said in a rush, his wide gaze locked on mine. "Trying not to freak out right now."

"Then keep your eyes on me." I moved in close so we were only about a foot apart but not touching. "Now realize you're holding yourself up."

He gasped and looked down at himself. His jaw dropped. "I'm floating."

"You are. Now for the fun part. Remember, keep your eyes on me." I smiled and then slid down the length of his tail to wrap the thin weight belt around the end of his tail, right at the top of where the fins fanned out. "Your tail is gonna sink a little so don't-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. CHIP-"

"-freak out." I giggled and caught him by wrapping my arms around his waist so our chests were flush against each other. "I've got you."

He nodded, keeping those dark eyes locked on mine. "What is on my tail?" He said through clenched teeth, his breath sweeping across my face even in the water. It was different than on land yet still the same.

"To help you swim without swimming." I licked my lips as I stared at his mouth. Then I had to shake my thoughts clear. "One more second."

I grabbed the thick belt with the fan on it and carefully wrapped it around his hips where his ab muscles met the scales of his tail. I tried to ignore the way my pulse fluttered every time my skin touched his. When I slid my hands across his ribs, goosebumps spread over his skin. I peeked up and caught him watching me with a deep blush in his cheeks.

For a moment, we just stared at each other. But my thoughts were growing foggier with every second.

"This is a propeller Peggy whipped up for you real quick," I said in a rush because if I didn't break this tension I was afraid of what would happen. I cleared my throat. "Ya know, just so you and your tail can get reacquainted before you're fully healed. Remind you how it feels to swim. I brought you out here so no one would watch."

His eyes glistened. "Chip, I…don't know what to say. This is…it's…"

That made me grin. "Come on, let's swim. You can find your words later."

He nodded. I took his hands in mine, tangling our fingers together so I could pull him forward. The moment he began moving through the water the propeller started doing its job pushing him forward as if he was swimming. The floaties and weight belt served to keep him at the right angle in the water.

I meant to drop one of his hands and swim beside him like a normal siren, but we just stayed like that—hand in hand, our eyes locked on each other. Something was happening between us, but I couldn't put words to it. I just felt it. All I could do was stay there in that moment.

The water pulsed but it didn't register, didn't break through the haze in my mind until the dark object was almost on us. The water rolled in waves, pushing us to the side a split second before the boat's engine sliced through the water right where we'd just been. I cursed and dove straight down, dragging Monroe with me. But we couldn't move fast enough. There seemed to be a line of boats coming in hot. Some of them circled around us. Monroe's whole body locked up. He froze, his muscles tensed and tight. His eyes were wide as his skin turned a faint blue— OH GOD!

"MONROE!" I flicked my tail to turn up toward him, then shoved both hands into his chest. "brEATHE!"

He gasped and then panicked, desperately trying to swim deeper into the water, but in his panic the propeller fell off. He was hyperventilating and was going to give himself a heart attack. I cursed and wrapped my arms around his waist and dove down. I pushed through the water as fast as I could. I had to get out of danger's way.

Dammit, Chip. DAMMIT. We'd gone too far. I'd been so swept away in his eyes that I hadn't paid any attention to where we were. We'd gotten too close to shore, to human shore. My heart pounded in my chest. I didn't understand this seizing up in Monroe. The panic. He'd never behaved like he'd lock up like that. I had to get somewhere safe, so I swam as fast as I could, carrying him with me, until I spotted my secret little cave.

It was too deep in the water for a human to get to but too close to the coast for the other sirens to linger. The opening for the cave was about five feet wide at the top, but after a few feet, it opened up at least fifteen feet wide. It was my treasure cave, my top-secret hiding spot where I kept all my goodies. Only my sisters knew where it was and what I kept in here.

At the bottom of my cave, tucked under the spot where the cavern's wall curved, I'd stashed a chaise lounge from a nearby shipwreck I'd found years ago. That was where I sat Monroe, then I yanked his floaties off so his body would stop trying to float to the surface. I shoved his floaties back in the plastic bag still hanging on my shoulder, then sat it down next to him before shooting back up to the top of my cavern.

I whistled and waited, but Peanut was there in mere seconds. I pressed my hand to the side of his face. "Tell Father where we are. Tell him about the boats here. Go."

He was gone faster than he'd appeared.

I dove back down to Monroe only to find him rocking back and forth with his arms wrapped around himself. Slowly, I lowered down to sit beside him on the chaise. Up close, I realized his entire body was shaking. His skin was pale like snow. There were unshed tears in his eyes, but it was the haunted expression in them that shook me the most. Something had just happened, I needed to know what, but there was no way he was in any shape to tell me.

So, I wrapped my arms around his shaking body and just held him with my chin propped on his shoulder. We didn't speak or make any sounds. I just held him until he stopped rocking back and forth. His pulse had slowed a little but not enough. Whatever was happening inside his head, he was stuck in it. I needed to get him out of it. I needed to distract him.

I glanced around my cavern full of treasures to see if I had something he'd like to see when I realized that this whole cavern was a perfect distraction. I took a deep breath and rubbed circles on his back. "This is my treasure cave," I said softly, my voice cracking.

He didn't respond, but that was okay. He didn't need to yet. I was just going to talk to him until he felt stronger.

"My mom's favorite hobby was to swim around and find all the things humans dropped into the water. She got me into it. We'd scrounge the ocean floor for anything that didn't belong, then we'd sit and try to guess what the object was used for. I was little, but man, it was my favorite game." I chuckled, remembering the first time I saw the cartoon The Little Mermaid and realized I was a lot like Ariel. "I've been obsessed with humans and all things land since the first time I found a water bottle. It'd blown my mind. We didn't go up to land as much when Mom got pregnant. Shifting is apparently weird when pregnant."

His body stopped shaking, but he didn't move or pull away from me, so I kept going. "You should've seen this place ten years ago. It was full of so much garbage. Brownie helped me learn how to decipher between human trash and human treasures. It reminds me of the museum on Main Street. It's just a collection of things. Whenever I find something that was lost to the sea, I bring it down here and add it to my shelves. It . . . it helps me feel connected to land. Like I'm not a complete fool on the world up there."

His breathing smoothed out.

"At first, when Mom died, I kept collecting just for her, like she was somehow watching . . ." I shrugged and smiled up at my shelf of sparkling rings. "It helps me feel connected to her still. Even now. But also, it's what drove me to venture out. To go on land. To find other sirens. This cavern of treasures my mom started with me led me to Chickles . . . and to you. "

My face burned, so I knew I was blushing. I rested my face against his shoulder, just letting the heat of his skin calm my own racing heart. Talking about my mom hadn't gotten much easier, but it felt nice to do.

Finally, Monroe looked down at me, the haze cleared from his eyes. "How did your mom die?" he asked softly.

"I don't actually know. I was little when it happened, and I wasn't there." I looked down at my collection of soda bottles and cans. "I remember seeing her before she passed. I heard my mom tell my dad not to tell us little ones the truth, that it would scar and traumatize us. She wanted us to love the ocean and never fear it. That's why I've never asked for the details, I wanted to honor Mom's last request."

Monroe let out a ragged sigh. "I'm so sorry, Chip."

I smiled against his skin. "Thank you."

After a long silent moment, he made a little whimper sound. "I wish I didn't know how my parents died. I wish I hadn't been there. Wish I hadn't seen it. Wish someone else would've been there to make the same request your mother did."

My chest tightened. I cringed, knowing I didn't want to know the answer but needing to ask it anyways. "What happened to them?"

"We used to explore, used to go out into the ocean and see other parts of the sea, not just Megelle Island," he said just barely louder than a whisper, his voice cracking. "My parents loved to watch the humans from the shore, and when it was safe, we'd go up and look around."

I nodded but said nothing so he'd continue.

"One night, I'd fallen asleep on my dad's back while we were swimming away from land a few hours from here. Next thing I knew, I woke to Mom screaming . . . There were . . . boats." He shuddered, then cleared his throat. "To this day, I don't know how it happened. I was asleep and then woke up to it. A lot of the details were lost. I blocked most of it when they died."

Then his words clicked. "Wait, they were killed by boats?"

He nodded.

I cried. "And I took you out to where boats are?—"

"Not your fault." He reached up and squeezed my arm draped around his chest. "You didn't know. And for those moments, I forgot."

I frowned. "Forgot what?"

He stared at me for a moment. " Everything but you ," he whispered.

My pulse quickened. I squeezed him a little tighter. "Is that why you left the sea?"

His face fell. "I had no family down here. It'd just been the three of us. I knew my grandfather and I even knew my aunt and uncle and Dawson. Our dads were half-brothers. That's why I'm a siren and he's a mage. My dad's mom, the woman he was with before he met his wife and got married, had been fae. And you know how it goes with us hybrid species. If a mage has a child with a fae, that child is born a siren. Dawson's grandmother was a mage. I'm actually a couple years older than Dawson, but when I came on land, they put me in the same grade as him."

I frowned and shook my head. "Why did you stay up there?"

"I couldn't handle the ocean, not after the accident. I was traumatized." He exhaled a deep breath, his gaze locked on mine. "It was too painful, losing them, not having any other family or any friends down here. But I knew Grandad. I knew Dawson and his parents. Dawson's grandmother had always been so kind to me, like I wasn't the son of her husband's illegitimate child. She and Grandad took me in and made me feel like I had a home, like I hadn't lost everything. So, I blocked it."

"You never came back? Not once since?"

He shook his head, then looked up to the surface of the water way in the distance. "It hurt too much. One night I looked up at the sky and prayed . . . I vowed to never return to the ocean if the pain would just stop."

I cursed. "That's awful, Monroe. I'm so sorry."

"It worked. Not that I think it was divine intervention. I've studied psychology and the effects of trauma on the mind. But it helped me cope, helped me survive the dark days until they were few and far between."

I groaned. It was so sad.

"I had my rope bracelet made by Peggy when we started Starlight Tours so I could travel without fear."

"Have you missed it? The ocean? Even a little?"

He frowned as he thought about it for a moment, then he nodded. "Yeah, I think I have, even if I didn't realize it at the time. That's why Dawson had that pool built in my backyard. He wanted to give me a safe place to shift."

"Did you?"

"Yeah, a few times but I haven't in years." He smirked. "We had huge pine trees planted to give me some privacy, but even then I got pretty self-conscious."

"Is it hard to see the water and not go in?"

"You mean like guiding a group of mages on a snorkeling trip to Key West on a boat while knowing I couldn't go in?" He smiled. "It was more triggering than I expected. I was an asshole that whole trip to everyone."

"Hindsight is a bitch."

He snort-laughed. "That does seem to be the general consensus."

"It's just unfair." I smiled.

"I'm sorry, Chip." I must've made a face because he waved me off. "I lost my shit when I dropped my father's pocket watch and thought I'd lost it forever. I wasn't . . . that wasn't cool of me."

I cringed. "That was your father's?"

He nodded.

My heart sank. I felt gutted. If he'd have told me that, I wouldn't have kept it at all. Of all people, I understood where he was coming from. This whole treasure cave was basically a shrine to my mother. I dropped my arms so I could turn to my right and grab the little jewelry box sitting on my coral shelf. His eyes were on me. I felt them burning lasers into my back, but I didn't say anything. It was time I returned what I never should have kept.

I lifted the gold pocket watch by the chain and held it out to him.

His eyes watered. With fingers that trembled slightly, he reached up and wrapped his fingers around the watch, then pressed it to his chest. He let out a deep sigh. "Thank you."

"For the record, I never intended to keep it once you told me it was yours. I just . . . I don't know why I get so spiteful and petty when attacked or provoked."

To my surprise, he chuckled. "According to the therapist I saw twice when I went to live with my grandfather, it's a coping and self-defense mechanism."

I smiled. "We're awfully alike, aren't we?"

He nodded, then met my stare. "Thank you for giving this back."

"You're welcome."

"I think . . . I think that day on the boat I was a little too unprepared for the emotions losing it provoked that I couldn't handle thinking clearly. I mean, I have dozens of pictures of me and my dad with this in my house, so I don't know why I couldn't just grab one to show you that first day back. So silly."

We both chuckled.

Then he looked down at my mouth and I thought maybe he was about to kiss me. I thought he'd been about to when we were swimming.In a strange turn of events from when we'd first met shouting at each other across that sunny cove, I wanted him to kiss me. I leaned in and licked my lips, his eyes tracking the movement.

"Chip? Chip, you down there?"

I gasped. "Brownie? We're in here!"

Brownie swam down in a rush. "Peanut came to get me. Dad sent out a Code Red. We gotta get back."

Monroe straightened. "What's a Code Red?"

Brownie grimaced. "Oh, Code Red means all sirens are to get home and stay home."

"But why?" He scowled.

She pushed her red hair out of her face. "Like fifteen years ago, some sirens were killed by humans in boats, so whenever the activity is too high up there, Dad locks us down so we don't lose anyone else."

His face fell and I knew where his thoughts had gone. "Oh."

I squeezed his hand. "C'mon, I'll keep you safe."