18. Heidi

The last thing I want to go to is a baby shower, but I’m making strides with the girls and missing this will set things back. Trick casts glances in my direction as he drives us to the clubhouse, and I know he wants to ask questions, but he holds his tongue. I don’t like that I’m worrying him, but there is nothing I can say to make him feel better about the situation. This will be difficult for me, but taking control like this helps me to feel empowered.

As he pulls up outside the clubhouse and cuts the engine, his attention comes straight to me. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he says, giving me an out.

I lean across the centre console, squeezing his hands in mine. I love that he wants to take care of me. It makes me feel cherished and wanted, something I haven’t felt for a while. I’ve always been the burden, the annoying widow unable to let go of the past. But since Trick and I became… whatever this is… I’ve begun to heal in a way I didn’t think was possible. I want to be better, I want to live again and be happy, and he is helping me to do that. “I’m fine. I promise. I’m not going to break just because our friends are having babies.”

The pained look on his face has me cupping his. “You’re so fucking strong.”

I’m not. I’m weak and damaged, but I’m very good at hiding it. Trick makes me feel as if I don’t need to do that anymore. He makes me believe it’s not bad to show vulnerability. “Only because you make me that way.”

He grabs the neckline of my dress, pulling me into him so he can kiss me. The passion and need comes through in that gesture and it makes my toes curl inside my wedges. He sets my body alight in every way possible, and I’m not sure if he knows how deeply he saved me.

Blowing out a breath, he pulls back and climbs out the car. I follow him, reaching into the back to grab Sophia’s bag while he unhooks his daughter to carry her inside. Sophia rambles, her words becoming stronger every passing day. She strings together full sentences almost, though some of it is still hard to understand. Her father listens, as if he understands every word, responding as we walk into the clubhouse together.

I’m careful to keep my distance. No one knows what is going on between us, and I’d like to keep it that way. These people already judge me, believing my only motivation for taking care of Sophia was to steal her from her father. I can only imagine what they will say if they discover we’re sleeping together.

Bobby is on the main door and gives us both a lift of his chin in greeting as we pass. He grins at my little wave before we head towards the common room.

Inside is decorated with balloons, banners, and multiple baby-related things. My heart instantly squeezes as I take in the room and the two heavily pregnant women we’re here to celebrate. Skye is standing with Elyse, a hand resting on her round stomach, while Hope is in Terror’s arms across the other side of the room. The burly biker seems as if he doesn’t want to let her go, and she’s trying to talk him down. The possessiveness of these men never changes.

The other women stand around a long table filled with food and drink.

As always, I feel awkward and on the outside, though things have been getting better. They have never been outwardly hostile towards me, but I feel the judgement. I can’t blame them for that.

I was vile when I first returned to the club, but they don’t know why. If they did, I’m sure their suspicious looks would be replaced with pity, and I would rather have the former than the latter.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Trick asks again.

No, I’m not, but this is also part of fixing our lives. Just as Trick needs to rebuild bridges, I must do the same. This is our family, and I want to be a part of it again. “I’ll be fine.”

I hold my hands out for Sophia, and he hands her over. She settles quickly in my arms, just as she always does, though she tries to grab for the necklace around my throat. I gently pull her hands away, knowing how that usually ends.

“Be careful,” I say to Trick.

Intending to walk away, I barely twist to the side before his hand latches around my bicep. Confused, I turn back to him.

“You forgetting something?”

I stare at him, unsure what he means. “I don’t?—”

Before I can respond, he dips his head and kisses me. I should push him away because people are going to see, but the moment his mouth touches mine, I lose all sense of rationality. My body softens and every inch of me feels alive and needy for him. I press a hand against his chest, needing the connection between us as he deepens the kiss before pulling back.

Breathless, I gaze up at him, feeling a little dazed. His mouth pulls into a smug smirk, knowing the effect he has on me. I should be mad, but how can I be mad at someone who wants to show the world I belong to him?

“I thought we agreed we weren’t going to tell anyone about us,” I say.

“We didn’t tell anyone.”

I roll my eyes at him, readjusting Sophia in my arms. She is getting so big and heavy now. Soon, I won’t be able to carry her like this, and that thought breaks my heart. “You kissing me in public is very much telling people,” I chastise without any real heat.

He brings our faces closer together so he can speak quietly to me. “I don’t care what people think. The only opinion that matters to me is yours. If you tell me you have a problem with what we’re doing, I’ll walk away right now.”

There is no way in hell I am going to tell him that. When I don’t answer, he kisses the tip of my nose. “If you need me to come and get you at any point, just drop me a message.”

While I appreciate that, the fact is that running away won’t fix anything between me and the old ladies, so there is no way in hell that message will ever get sent. “Thank you.”

“I love you,” he says in a low voice, emotion thick in his voice.

I did not expect him to say this, not yet at least. I feel the same way he does, but we hadn’t yet told each other those three little words that mean so much. The surprise must show on my face, because he says, “I just wanted you to know.”

“I want to say it back. I love you too.”

The rare smile he gives me is worth everything, and I want to make it my mission to have him smile. “Try to have fun.”

He kisses the top of his daughter’s head, and I feel as if we are the two most important things in his entire world before he steps away, leaving the room. Before he disappears through the door towards Howler’s office, he gives us a final look.

When I pull my gaze from where he disappeared, I realise everyone in the room is looking at me. I want to crawl into a hole and hide, but I’m not ashamed of my actions. Trick and I are both consenting adults, and what we’re doing is not wrong. Though I wish he had given me some notice before outing us in public.

Forcing a smile on my lips, I shift Sophia in my arms and wander over to the girls. There is certainly tension as I approach, but it’s not the negative attention I was expecting. Instead, I feel like a teenager caught in my bedroom with a boy.

It’s Pia who speaks first, breaking through the awkwardness. “You and Trick.”

“Me and Trick,” I confirm. Do I sound defensive?

“Okay, we’re going to need all the dirty details,” Ophelia says, eating one of the cupcakes instead of displaying it on the stand.

“There are no dirty details,” I protest.

“Woman, he kissed you as if you were his lifeblood.” This comes from Wren. I glance around at the women, uncertain what I should say.

“You don’t feel the same?” Elyse asks, grabbing Max as he rushes past her, almost knocking into the table.

“Of course, I do.”

I expect judgement, but that is not what I get. The relief I feel knowing no one is seeing me as the bad guy here is overwhelming.

Skye watches me, and I wonder what she’s thinking. It’s no secret she does not like Trick, and while I understand, I wish she would give him a chance to show her who he truly is. But that’s not what today is about, so I force a smile onto my face and let go of everything but helping Hope and Skye celebrate the babies they’re about to welcome into the world.

There is a hint of sadness that beats inside me during the shower. I try to keep it at bay, focusing instead on the moment and not the hurt and pain I feel knowing what happened to my child. There are games, far too much food, and despite everything, I have a good time. The old ladies ensure I’m made to feel part of everything, and I appreciate that.

Full of cake and far too many carbs, I help the others to clean up after the shower is done. Skye and Hope seem happy, a sure sign that today has been a success.

I carry some of the dirty dishes to the small kitchen behind the common room. I load the dishwasher and head back to the room. Before I enter, I hear a snippet of a conversation that stops me in my tracks.

“I had no idea they were together,” Wren says.

“Me neither, though I have noticed they were getting closer.” Elyse says this and my stomach twists.

“It was bound to happen. They’re living in the same house, raising Sophia together. It brings you closer having a kid.”

“It’s not their kid, though,” Skye says. “I mean, Sophia’s his, not Heidi’s. Surely, that creates a different dynamic.”

Those words are a knife to the gut. I’m well aware that Sophia isn’t mine, and I know everyone in the club thinks my agenda is to become her mother, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m not trying to replace Mara.

“My kids aren’t Hawk’s, but we still parent together because he lives with us and he takes care of them every damn day.” Wren’s words are snippy.

“I’m not trying to offend,” Skye says, her tone placating. “I was just curious about their situation.”

“They were both suffering,” Pia says, “but they found something in each other that makes them happy. Who are we to judge that?”

Go, Pia.I wish I could hug the woman right now.

“And you can’t help who you fall in love with.” This comes from Ophelia. “Madden and I shouldn’t have worked on paper, but I love him. He’s my world.”

“Pia’s right,” Hope says. “It’s not our business to judge what two consenting adults do.”

“It’s been almost a year and a half since Mara died,” Pia says. “Over three—maybe four—years since Crow. How long are they meant to stay alone for?”

“I don’t know,” Skye admits.

“If anything happened to me, I would want Howler to eventually find happiness again,” Pia says. “I can’t bear the thought of him being sad and lonely.”

I walk away, having heard enough. I knew we’d be judged, which is why I didn’t want our relationship to be public. I don’t know if the conversation I overheard makes me feel better or worse about this situation.

I head back into the kitchen, busying myself so I don’t have to go back into that room and face everyone. My stomach twists itself into knots as guilt eats at me. Am I a husband-stealing bitch? I didn’t mean to fall for Trick or to love him, but I can’t change that I do.

I feel someone step into the room, and when I turn, Skye is standing in the doorway. She’s the last person I want to see right now, but I don’t want to make any enemies here.

“Did you need something?” I ask, forcing a smile.

She’s not far off her due date, and her rounded stomach presses against the fabric of her dress. I don’t know how I feel about this woman now. I did have sympathy for her, knowing how scared she must have been when Trick attacked her and the things she overcame to get her and her baby to safety.

“I just… I wanted to thank you for coming. I know it can’t have been easy.”

That is not what I was expecting her to say. I straighten from packing the dishwasher, turning to face her fully. “Right. Thanks.”

She doesn’t move to leave, so I wait to see what she’s going to say. “I think… I think you and I have gotten off on the wrong foot.”

I can’t stop my eyes from flaring. “We don’t even know each other to get off on any foot,” I counter.

“I’ll admit, I’ve judged you based on things I’ve heard or seen, and that’s not who I want to be.”

Is this an apology? An olive branch? A moment of insanity?

“I judged you too, Skye. I thought you were your father’s daughter.”

“I am in many ways. I’m rash, I judge without knowing all the facts, and I’m very stubborn. I was blinded by my upset and anger at Trick for what happened.”

“Understandable, but he is a good man,” I tell her. “You just caught him at a bad time in his life. I promise you, he isn’t the monster you think he is, but what happened to him… it broke him in ways we can’t even imagine.”

She nods. “I see that. My father has a way of bringing out the worst in people.” There is sadness in her voice when she says this. “I have so many conflicting feelings. Part of me remembers the father who raised me, who never treated me badly. It’s hard to know who he really is.”

I wanted to hate her so much when she first came here. She was the enemy, the reason why my friend was dead, except… she wasn’t. Skye didn’t do a damn thing. Her only crime was being born into a family she had no choice about. When I look at her, I see the fear reflecting in her eyes.

Her father still wants her back and has a bounty on her head for her return. It’s only the vigilance of the club that has kept her safe. Until her father’s caught, she will never be able to live her life, and that is incredibly sad. “I think it’s normal to feel like that,” I tell her.

“I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to hear people talking about killing your dad.”

Her brow wrinkles. “Surprisingly, that’s the part that is the least hard.”

“Skye, I know you don’t owe me anything, but I’m asking you to please, one day, forgive Trick.”

Her expression softens. “You love him.”

“I do, and somewhere in our twisted minds, we’ve found peace together. I know people are going to judge that, but I don’t care anymore. I’m not living my life to make other people comfortable.”

“You heard us talking.”

I’m surprised she admits this, but it makes me respect her a little more. “Yeah, but I’m not surprised. Everyone already thinks I’m trying to steal Sophia. Of course, I’m also stealing Trick.”

She leans against the counter behind her, tipping her head back to look at the ceiling. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have heard that. It’s a terrible situation you’re both in, and no one should judge how you choose to handle it.”

“Yet everyone does. I’m not sure when my life became a democracy that everyone gets a vote on. I love Trick. When I was at my lowest, he helped me and supported me… and I’ve done the same for him. We’re both broken by our pasts, and I don’t want to give him up because everyone thinks we’re doing something bad. He told me I saved his life, and it wasn’t a dramatic statement, Skye. I truly believe he thinks I saved him because he saved me too, and I won’t apologise for loving him and making his world a little less dark.”

I slide the plate I’m holding onto the counter before heading for the door.

“I do forgive him,” Skye says before I leave. I twist to look over my shoulder at her. “How can I not when all his pain was caused by my father?”

I blow out a breath and step back towards her. “You’re not responsible for your father’s actions.”

“Trick said something similar to me.”

“He’s right. Desmond did what he did because that’s who he is. You’re nothing like him, Skye.”

“I hope you two find happiness together, and I mean that sincerely. At least some good can come from this fucking mess.” She stares at me for a beat. “I hope one day we can be friends.”

This could go two ways. I tell her no, refuse to accept the hand of friendship she’s extending, or I stop living in the past and try to build a future here.

I sigh, running a hand over the nape of my neck.

“We’re both part of this club, Skye, which makes us family, not friends.” Her smile is relieved, and I feel bad for what I’m about to do. “But that only extends as long as you accept Trick too.”

Her expression morphs, the smile getting lost. I wait while she mulls this over in her head. “Okay,” she says finally, and I smile.