Chapter 23
CHAPTER
TWENTY-THREE
JESSICA
Trench hasn’t asked me to stay. Not in words.
He hasn’t told me he loves me again, either.
But I feel it.
It’s there in the way he holds me—in the way he shares everything with me.
It was there when he ordered a heating pad and nine other things the nexus told him I would need when my period started five days ago.
It was there when he snuggled with me on the couch for the four days it lasted, soft and gentle.
He hasn’t asked me to stay, but he’s slowly making it impossible for me to leave.
How could I abandon the man who loves me? Especially when I love him too.
I watch his bike disappear into the blue tundra and then I run upstairs to my room, and the small piece of vellum I haven’t looked at since I arrived.
The comm code is easy enough to put in, and I sit on the couch, waiting as the call goes through.
“Jessica!” the woman who led me from the Agency ship answers with a cheery, albeit confused smile.
“Hi Mary.”
The view behind her is a plate-glass window and the spires of Ilidi City, a shimmering background that makes me wonder just how high up she is.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?” she asks.
“I had a question and knew you’d be the one who could answer it for me.”
“Shoot.”
“Are there any legal ramifications if someone was to bond with a Sian man outside the scope of the Agency matches?”
Her smile is curious. “Is this a personal or a professional inquiry?”
“Personal.”
“Oh!” That smile turns to an open-mouthed squeal, and she bounces in her chair before she leans forward. “That’s wonderful news!”
“I haven’t done it. I just want to know if there would be any problems if I did.”
“Nope. You are here as a private citizen with no restrictions. Your file was memorable for several reasons, but you have no contract with us, so we at the Agency wouldn’t pursue legal action if you did decide you’ve found the right man for you.”
I nod and then, because I am curious, I inquire, “How long have you been bonded?”
“We’re going on eight years.” She smiles indulgently and looks at something to the left of her screen.
“Do you have kids?”
“No, Kade’s a pilot for the Agency. He’s actually the one who brought you here. But his contract isn’t up for another two and a half years, and we decided it would be best to wait until he’s on the planet more regularly before we think about weeuns.” She looks at me for a moment. “You don’t have to have them if you don’t want to. ”
“That’s what Margot and Dr. Tuane have said.”
There’s a strange sound from her side of the call and she grimaces. “I have to take this call, but let me know when you’ve decided, and if you do take that chance on him, I’d love to be the one who updates your paperwork.”
I nod. “Thank you.”
“Bye!” She disconnects and I stare at the wall that is just a wall again.
I don’t move.
Scraping one thumbnail with the other, I chew on my tongue and think…
And then, I dial the only Earth number I know by heart.
Chrys answers and immediately drops her phone.
The image on the screen tumbles away on a mat and the phone stops screen to floor.
When she snatches me back up again, her cheeks are flush and she’s sweaty, but smiling.
“Hey!”
“Hey, is this a bad time?”
“Not at all. My last class just finished up. What’s up?”
She grabs a towel and scrubs at her face and neck and then sits down, rolling an exercise ball between her and the wall.
“What if I didn’t come back?”
Chrys is silent for a long moment and then she smiles. “Do you want to stay?”
I nod.
“Then stay.”
“You say it like it’s so easy.”
“Because it is.”
I start to disagree with her and she stops me.
“Jess,” she says, her tone softly scolding. “You never jump. If it’s the choice you want to make, it’s the right one.”
“Will you hate me for putting you in Mom’s death grip?”
She snorts. “No, but I may have to sign up to come over just so I can get away from her after this. Besides, the guy who came through the last time we talked was a pretty good sales pitch, and I only got a look at him for what… thirty seconds?”
“Oh god no, I beg you, anyone but Arc.”
“Arc…” She purses her lips and smiles. “I like that.”
I almost tell her no again, but with Chrys, that will just make her lean into it so she can tease me more.
“Stay there, Jess. If you do it for the job, or for Laurel, or for the guy I’m betting you’re in love with, it’s the right choice.” She taps the screen like she’s tapping my forehead. “You wouldn’t have called to ask me if you hadn’t already decided. And if it’s approval you’re looking for, you have mine. But you don’t need it.”
Another exercise ball flies into view and bonks her on the head. She looks past the screen. “I swear to God, Matthew, I don’t care if you’re twenty-nine, I will call your mother.”
“Go, deal with that,” I say. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay. I love you. And I’m happy for you, Jess. Really.”
She makes her familiar and odd kissing noises and hangs up on me. Leaving me alone in this place that—at some point—started to feel like home.
I’ve made up my mind. Chrys is right.
There’s only one more thing I have to do before I let Trench know.
I dig through my supplies until I find the box that I had Riann send over after giving them the vaguest reason why and pull out the phlebotomy kit.
Taking it to the lab before I open it, I go through the process methodically. I’ve only done this a few times, and it was years ago.
Hissing through clenched teeth when the first two sticks don’t work, I finally get the vein on the third try and I fill the vial to the line.
The cold room is within the temperature range for storing it. So I leave it there and go back into the house to wait.
TRENCH
When I get home, Jess is… subdued.
She follows me upstairs and leans on the wall as I strip down, her gaze lingering on the healing matrix.
“It doesn’t hurt anymore. The material numbs the nerve endings as it does its work,” I tell her. “It should fall off in the next few days.”
“Good.” She watches me as I kick my soiled clothes into the slot that carries them down to the laundry.
I can guess the answer, but I ask anyway. “Do you want to join me, Jess?”
“Always.” She sets her glasses on the dresser and pulls her sweater off before she finishes the word and wiggles out of her pants, eyes never leaving me.
The water is warm and she is warmer as we step under the spray and she kisses me, but only once.
And then, she sets about cleaning the remnants of the Zone from my body.
She’s so focused, I let her wash my arm a second time before I stop her and tip her chin up so I can meet her eyes.
“What’s going on?”
Her gaze is a little too wide, too unfocused. “I just want to care for the man I love.”
My heart stutters at those words. “Consider me very well cared for.”
I pick her up, holding her high on my stomach and kiss her in a way that has become so familiar.
“I love you,” she says the words against my lips, her eyes pinched closed like she’s in pain. I know the feeling.
“I thought I couldn’t have you. I told myself that trying to have you was folly, but there is literally no reason for me to hold myself back from you, Trench.” She kisses me like she’s afraid she’ll never be able to again. “I’m yours, bonded or not.”
I keep her held high. My cock has already started to weep at those words and she didn’t bring the plug.
Wanting something doesn’t mean you’re ready to take it.
“We’ll figure something out, Jess, we still have time. We don’t have to rush.”
She laughs, tipping her head back and I kiss the wet column of her throat.
“In terms of bonding, you and I have been crawling, not rushing.”
“That’s true. But we can keep crawling if you need to.”
“I don’t.”
My cock literally bucks up toward her and I grit my teeth.
I reach back and shut the water off.
She frames my face with her hands. “But I need to know you won’t regret it. I need you to promise me that you’ll love me forever, because I’m never going to stop.”
“How could I possibly regret you?” I smooth the hair back out of her face. “The only thing I would ever regret is not having the chance to love you for as long as I can.”
She kisses me, so deeply I wonder if she’s forgotten she needs to breathe.
And when she pulls back she says. “Are you still on the stopper?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I don’t want kids.” She hesitates. “Will that be a problem?”
“Not at all.”
All her tension washes away, and she kisses me again.
“Trench.” My name is a question and a plea at the same time as she tries to wiggle down my body.
I don’t let her.
“I’m not going to bond you in the shower.” I set her on the ground and wrap a towel around her. “I will give myself to you completely, Jessica. In our bed, where we’ve loved each other for weeks already.”
Lips pressed together, she nods and steps out of the shower, drying herself off quickly.
She doesn’t look at me as I step out and dry myself too—my cock aches when I run the cloth over it.
She’s almost mine .
Jess doesn’t look at me again until she throws the towel toward the laundry chute and starts walking backward toward the bed.
“I always felt like I needed to be here.” She pauses, “I wonder if it was you tugging at me from across the galaxies.”
She tugs at me from across the room, and I toss my towel after hers, letting my cock guide me to her.
Her fingers find me, and my eyes cross as they close on the sweet sensation of her skin.
A sharp tone peals overhead and she freezes, looking at me with wide eyes.
It takes me a moment to register what it is. I am so unused to visitors having to announce themselves and so grateful that I changed the lock codes.
“Someone’s here.”
Her shoulders drop and she scowls at the floor, toward the door, even though she can’t see it. “They can go away.”
I agree. The panel on the wall beside my door flickers to life when I tap through the commands. The small screen shows Laurel and Richter in the garage.
Clenching my jaw, I consider ignoring them, but Richter isn’t going to just go away. “Don’t say a word, I’m going to get rid of them.”
She nods and steps out of the way. Not that she needs to; I’m not about to enable the camera function.
I tab the settings to audio only. “What’s going on?”
“You changed your door locks.”
“Yeah, Arc came in unannounced when Jess was home alone. I didn’t want it happening again. What do you want?”
Richter flinches a little, and he and Laurel share a confused glance.
“To come in?”
That was obvious, and the way Laurel rolls her eyes, they knew I knew.
I could tell them to go away for any number of reasons, but I don’t think they’ll accept any reason to turn away if they think we’re here.
“We’re not home.” It’s a flat lie, but I don’t care, I just want them to go away.
“Your car’s here.”
“Yes.” I don’t offer him an explanation of how or why, just yes.
Richter looks down at Laurel and she shrugs, before he says. “Oh… kay.”
I can tell he’s suspicious, but he doesn’t push.
“Call ahead next time, so you don’t waste the trip,” I say.
“When will you be back?” Laurel asks.
“Not sure. Do you want me to have Jess call you when we are?”
“Yeah, that would be great, thanks. Or tell her to join the damn group chat!”
Richter glances curiously at the camera again before wrapping his arm around Laurel, drawing her away.
I hang up and watch them walk hesitantly back to their car, they’re confused and I am happy to let them be.
I don’t turn the screen off until they are out of the garage and the door closes behind them.
And when I turn back to her, Jess sits on the bed, chewing on her lower lip.
“There’s one other thing we should talk about before we do this.”
“Anything.”
She winces and holds up another specimen jar. “I’m sorry, I can’t turn it off.”
“I know the woman I love.” I go to her, glancing at the cups she hastily labeled while I got rid of her sister and Richter. “Before, after, second… and?”
“Always good to have a backup.”
I laugh and shake my head, looking down at her. “I think if you touch me right now, I’ll come.”
“Good, I’d like to get the science done and have my fun too.”
I don’t come the second she touches me, but it takes barely three strokes.
“Happy?” I ask when she quickly screws the cap onto one cup and scoots back toward the middle of the bed.
I follow her down, feeling like I might die if she tells me she’s changed her mind. Even so, I have to ask, “Are you sure?”
She nods, in jerking movements and clasps her hands behind my neck. “Fuck me like you get to keep me, Trench.”
The relief makes me shiver and I kiss her as my cock slides against her sweet, sweet—
She gasps and I freeze and we both stare at each other, eyes wide as awareness floods through us.
“You aren’t even—”
I follow her gaze down between our bodies to where my cock head nestles within her lips, I’m not actually inside her yet.
“How?”
“I don’t know. I…”
I have to take a deep breath and screw my eyes shut for a moment. Shock and… joy. Hers? Mine?
Both?
I feel her laugh before she does. “I guess we’ll figure that out later.”
Jess drags me back down to her and I sink into the heaven of her pussy for the first time.
She is perfect.
She is everything…
She is mine .
JESSICA
Oh . Oh my god.
I stretch to take him and love every inch of it.
The bond had slammed into me so fully, it’s like he rearranged my whole being. I’m still trying to process… to sort through the wash of feelings. He pulls back to thrust again, and every ounce of pleasure I feel is amplified.
Mine. His.
Ours.
I bury my face in his shoulder, not bothering to silence the little sounds that escape me as he fucks me.
He’s my anchor in this. He’s the only reason I know which way is up.
He is mine .
Something fizzy bubbles in my veins and my heart flutters as though I’m having palpitations.
It’s weird and wonderful and I want more.
I want everything.
Clenching around him, I test sensitivity and sensation. A rush of pure lust shoots through me.
I hadn’t expected to feel the difference in the three tubes inside his cock. Even the facsimile version of him hadn’t given me this same sensation of being perfectly fitted to him.
He chuckles against my hair, drawing back to look down at me, eye tracing over my face. I test it again, and he kisses me.
He brushes his nose against mine and uses it to tip my face up. “Are you experimenting on me?”
I smile against his lips. “Be worried if I ever stop.”
Every moment is amplified, every touch a ricochet of sensations.
I love every bit of it and briefly hate myself for waiting this long to give in.
“No.” Trench shakes his head. “Whatever you just thought, never think it again.”
“You could feel that?”
“I can feel everything . And self-recrimination is something I’m too familiar with to mistake. Whatever you were thinking, it’s wrong.”
“I’ll tell you what I was thinking, and then you can decide for yourself.” I intertwine my fingers behind his head and drag him down to me. “I waited too long.”
“You didn’t.” He nips my lip. “You took the time you needed. I would have waited forever for you, Jess. Even if you had to go back to Earth, I would have been here waiting when you found your way back to me.
“You are my mate Jess. I’ve known that for a while.”
“I have too.”
I kiss him so neither of us make any more admissions. They can wait for later.
I love him with my body and show him through our bond. He does the same.
He comes, and it triggers my own orgasm as the warmth of his second release fills me. It’s nothing like I’ve experienced before.
It’s so much better.
But I can’t turn my brain off.
Trench laughs as he kisses my throat, and then leans to the side, tipping us both.
“Oh,” I say as he hands me the next vial. “Thank you.”
He raises one brow ridge and waits as I take my collection, laughing through the bond the whole time.
I glance up at him, feigning reproach. “You’re curious too.”
“Yes I am.”
He takes the vial and sets it with the other.
As soon as it’s out of his hands, I guide him back into me. “I like the way you fit.”
“Me too.”
Hands beneath me, he holds me to him and lifts me, kneeling and then turning.
He sits just far enough away from the headboard that I can wrap my legs around his waist, and he wraps the sheets between and around us.
“You’re cold,” he says, with a little smile. “I didn’t know I’d be able to feel that.”
“Guess we’ll both get to learn about each other, now.”
Fully impaled on him, I kiss him and let his hands explore my skin.
Rocking on him, I close my eyes, just… feeling.
“Trench?” I like the way the bond fizzles when I say his name. “How are we ever going to get any more work done?”
“We’re working now.”
He chuckles and kisses me and we stay there for hours, learning together until we find that bright peak again and again.
I collapse against him, not wanting to separate myself.
“You’re mine now,” I stroke his spine and keep my legs wrapped around him. “And I don’t plan on letting you go.
“Good.” He laughs against my hair. The curious sensation of his humor is different this time.
“What is it?”
“I think you’re going to have to join the group chat.”