84. Aiyana

Chapter eighty-four

Aiyana

H is words are barely making it through the haze in my mind, but when the realization of what's happening hits me, I panic.

"Will you marry me, little viper?" he asks me sweetly, sounding so nervous. The hand he has wrapped around my fingers is shaking, or maybe that's me?

This can't be happening right now.

I bolt upright, wrenching my hand from his, and make a beeline for the back of the wagon, hopping down quickly. I'm pumping my arms and legs as fast as I can, exerting myself more than I have in years.

I'm frantic, running as quickly to my truck as I can. I barely hear Kat calling from behind me, though her voice is growing louder the more exhausted I become.

I finally make it to the parking lot, and several people enjoying their dinner outside are staring at me with confusion.

As I look around, I don't see my truck. My eyes land on Alessandro's SUV, and my heart sinks to my toes.

"Aiyana!" Kat calls, just a few feet behind me. "Get in the car," she tells me abruptly, and my eyes widen.

What the hell does she mean, "Get in the car."

"Just because I don't drive doesn't mean I can't. Get in the freaking car, Aiyana. I won't tell you again. If you want any chance at getting out of here without having to see Kas, you'll get in the damn car and let me do my brother a favor so he doesn't have to see you right now." Her voice is so strained, hurt and confusion laces every word, but she's right. I just crushed her brother with no explanation and yet, she's still helping me.

I get in the passenger side, buckle in, and set my sights out the window, resting my forehead against it. What the hell has been happening these last few weeks? Has everyone found themselves in some strange, warped version of the space-time continuum or something? This amount of chaos just can't be normal.

Kat starts the SUV, backs out, and pulls onto the main road, heading in the opposite direction of our home. Before I can ask, she says, "I'm dropping you off at the hospital. Ale and I'll drop off your truck later. I think you need to speak with your dad."

That's all she says. No explanations, and frankly, I'm thankful. I have no desire to relive the last several minutes, but especially not with Kas's twin sister. My best friend, who I could have called my sister if I'd just said yes.

But I couldn't.

God, I fucking wanted to. In a perfect world, I'd be able to say yes.

In a perfect world, my dad wouldn't be dying , I remind myself.

We ride the rest of the way in silence, Kat not bothering to fill the empty space with music. When we get to the hospital, she pulls up to the main doors and turns to face me. "Go talk to your dad. I'll have your truck here in the next hour or so."

I have no idea what she wants me to speak to my father about, but it won't be about what just transpired. I don't need a lecture from him, and I definitely don't need to worry him right now.

All I can do is give her a nod as I grip the door handle and make my way out into the frigid weather. The wind chill picks up now that the snow has stopped falling.

The calm before the storm, as they say.

When I arrive at my dad's door, I'm relieved to find my mom isn't here. She'd know something was wrong and wouldn't stop until I finally gave in and explained myself.

As I enter the room, my father's face shines brightly, his smile broad as I approach. " Edoda ," I greet him.

"Aiyana," he says cheerily but looks past me, his brow furrowing. "You're alone?"

"Um, yeah. Was I supposed to meet Mom somewhere?" I ask, confused.

"No, no. Come, sit." He pats the space beside him as he works to sit upright. He stops, covering his mouth to cough.

"What's on your mind?" he asks me, sounding cautious.

Shaking my head, I tell him, "I just messed something up, and I'm not sure how to fix it or if I even can."

"All things can be fixed with enough care. Tell me what happened."

"I can't," I say, my voice cracking as tears burn my eyes. He wraps an arm around me, pulling me closer.

"You said no," he breathes out, and my heart stops.

"Wh-what?" I stutter.

"Kas proposed, and you said no, didn't you?"

I look at my father, bewildered. "You knew?"

He nods with a small but sad smile. "He asked my permission this morning."

If it were possible to be any more shocked, I would be in this moment. "And he proposed even though you said no?" I ask him.

My father's head jolts back, lips pursed as if I had just slapped him. "Told him no ? Why would you think I'd say no?"

My mouth hangs open momentarily. Is he for real? "Because when you got your freaking diagnosis six years ago, you told me, 'Our culture and way of life is dying; this is why it's important for you to marry within your own.'" I raise my voice slightly.

"You did not ," my mother shouts from behind me as she enters the room.

My father winces. "It's possible that I, uh, may have said something like that," he admits.

"May have? Edoda , you used those exact words. They've replayed in my head every day since."

My mother puts a hand on my shoulder, gripping me firmly. "Your father must have been really struggling with his mental health at that time because that is the only explanation for why he'd say something like that." She turns her gaze on him. "Isn't that right, my love?" she grits out.

"Yep, must've been having…" His gaze shifts between us. "What do your cousins always call it? A 'menty-b'?" I can't help the laugh that bubbles out of me at that.

"God, how do we fix this?" I ask my parents, frustration settling in.

"You said no to his proposal, so you can't take that back. It'll just tarnish the memory of how you got engaged in the first place. So you've got to propose to him instead. Give him some of the power back in this situation, and let him choose you all over again," my mother rushes out.

I look to my father. "And you're sure you won't be disappointed in me?" My heart breaks at the thought of losing Kas but also at the idea of my dad ever being disappointed in me.

"Aiya, I could never be disappointed in you. And the only reason I ever said those things to you was because I was venting. I was overwhelmed by my diagnosis, and we had recently held an elders meeting where we discussed how few Ani'-Yun'wiya' men and women are still around. It's not an excuse, and I'm sorry it ever happened. I should never have put that on you," he tells me in earnest.

"There's a Cherokee proverb that says, 'A woman's highest calling is to lead a man to his soul so as to unite him with the Great Spirit. A man's highest calling is to protect the woman so she is free to walk the earth unharmed.' I believe this applies to every true relationship, regardless of sexuality. The point is that you and Kas are united, soulmates who have lived many lives before this, traveling the earth with one another, just waiting to be reunited in the next lifetime. And that is something so rare and so beautiful."

"How can you be sure?" I ask him as my eyes prick with tears.

"Because, sweet girl, that's what I share with your mother." He smiles at her lovingly, and my heart clenches in my chest. Soon, my mother may have to walk this earth alone, without him.

"Go. Go home and find your path. Don't return to me without him." He nods his head toward the door, and I make my way outside.

***

She answers on the first ring. "I was wondering when you'd call. I'm out front with your truck. Get in, and we'll figure out what to do."

I hang up, sprinting to my truck parked out front. Kat pushes the door open before sliding into the passenger seat. "Where are we headed?" she asks me.

Tapping my chin for a moment, I think about it and say, "Step one: get a tattoo."

Her brows draw together in shock. "I'm not sure how that's going to change anything. Don't people usually wait until after a breakup to change their hair and get a new tattoo? I thought we were fixing things?"

"We are. Just trust me."

"Aiya, I've gotta be honest. It's a little hard to do that after what just happened. I love you, but you've got to let me into that brain of yours."

Her words tear through me, but I know I deserve them. "I'm going to get your brother's name tattooed on me, and while I cry in pain, we're going to plan the biggest, most obnoxious proposal ever."

"But you hate those big proposals," she tells me as if I'd forgotten.

"That's because they're cringey as hell. But your brother? He fucking loves public proposals. So that's what he's getting. I'm just not sure of all the details just yet."

She pulls out her phone, typing away at the screen. "I'm letting Kas know not to worry about you and asking him to meet me for lunch at a restaurant directly across from Love Park."

"You're a genius, Kat. I could fucking kiss you right now."

"Save that for my brother, girlfriend." She chuckles.

***

"Before I start, you're absolutely sure you want this name here? " The tattoo artist asks me—his lips pursed beneath a long, dark beard. The black tattoos inked into his dark skin travel down to his hand as he holds the tattoo gun. 1

"Don't be so dramatic." I roll my eyes at him. "It's just my clavicle; it's not like you're tattooing my ass."

"At least if it were your ass, you could cover it," he groans, clearly thinking this is a poor lapse in judgment on my part.

"That kind of defeats the purpose. I'm into big gestures today," I tell him, trying to sound confident.

He concedes, getting into position and pulling his tray closer to him.

"Wait!" I yell before he starts. He sits back, rolling his eyes at me. "Can I see that needle?"

"Oh, for fucks sake. Don't tell me you're afraid of needles." He huffs.

"Mind the business that pays you, Chad. "

"Aiyana." Kat snickers. "Are you serious? You're afraid of needles ? How did I not know this?" She laughs.

"Hardy, har har, it's so funny. Shut it, woman. Just let me see the damn thing." He brings it close to my face, and my eyes widen at the sight of the hair-thin needles. I almost pass out but do my best to convince myself that it's just a pen. No needles involved. Besides, this is for Kas.

"You ready, kid?"

"I'm not a child, but yes," I tell him, lying back in the chair and clenching my eyes shut.

The initial sting of the needles is a shock to my system, but I adjust to the pain quickly, and a few minutes later, he's wiping the cleansing foam away.

Sitting me up, he grabs a mirror from his workspace and hands it to me so I can check out my new, first-ever tattoo. "It's perfect." I smile, taking it in.

Kat leans forward, trying to get a better look. "Oh my gosh! That's so cute!" I snort at her reaction.

***

"I'm glad you told him lunch because I need time to get him a ring!" I realize as we're headed to our floor.

"Don't worry. I had Ale pick something simple up after he left the hospital. I figure you guys will want to pick them out yourselves eventually anyway, so he just got a simple gold band for Kas. And no, you're not allowed to pay him back. His words, not mine," she tells me.

"You're really too good to me, especially after what happened tonight."

"I'll be honest, I was pissed at first, but I've watched you two make googly eyes at each other for years, so I figured there had to be a reason why you'd say no. And now that I know? I just feel freaking terrible that you had to carry that weight on your shoulders by yourself for so long."

"I should never have let my fear of disappointing my father get in the way of Kas and me to begin with. It just took me too long to realize that, and I hope it's not too late."

"Stop it. It's not. Kas's love for you didn't suddenly die with your lackluster response," she tells me as we head into the apartment. "Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning, and we can work out the extra details."

***

Just as I'm finally about to drift to sleep, the realization that Kas hasn't texted me goodnight hits me like a freight train, knocking the wind from my lungs.

God, I really fucking hope this works.

I can't live without him.

1. Girl With The Tattoo Enter.lewd – Miguel