24. Amanda

Chapter 24

Amanda

X ax had built a gorgeous rock garden. Flat rocks of various sizes had been artfully arranged, stacked on each other in a way that not only maintained the stability of the structure, but offered small nooks and openings where Gerain and her daughter could place dirt and plants. From the lushness of the vegetation, I suspected he'd done this for them some time ago.

He'd also built a gorgeous tea house for me, putting his heart into the way it was constructed, his sharp intelligence into the placing of the stools and tables, and his flare for art when he coaxed the vines from the woods and had them weave themselves into a colorful, floral mesh that would serve as decorative walls.

But it was the way he watched me, the intense longing in his eyes, that struck me the most.

I really liked him. How could I feel adoration for another person this fast? I was a receptionist. A thirty-year-old woman who couldn't get her act together long enough to go to college to find a "true" career, let alone find the funding for her new venture without making a shady deal with a wannabe mob boss.

I'd never considered myself a failure. I worked hard, and I saved whatever I could for the future. I'd done the best I could with what life handed to me.

But look at Xax. He was industrious, thoughtful, and determined. He'd eagerly helped me when he must have other things he needed to do—or would rather do.

I needed to put him from my mind, compartmentalize him so I could think clearly, not focus on the feelings roaring through me whenever he was around.

And I needed to make the best of this new life his "gods" had given me. They were not going to send me back to Earth. Even if they were, would I truly want to go?

I didn't have anything waiting there outside of my personal possessions. But despite lovingly selecting each and every one, they were things, not people. They couldn't generate love.

Here, I wouldn't need to worry about having enough money to buy groceries or pay my rent, let alone saving for retirement.

Remaining here meant getting to know Gerain and Floosar better.

Being with Xax completely, something I ached to do.

I could have friends, a new life, a purpose. My potential here was so much bigger than it had been back on Earth.

While I floundered, trying to put the pieces of myself back together after soundly ripping them apart, Gerain smiled my way and moved closer to the towering rock garden.

"We keep the spores here." She lifted a rectangular, ornamental crystal box off the top of the structure and lowered it to the ground. When she settled on the grass in front of it, Floosar joined her, patting a spot on her other side for me to sit. I dropped down next to them as Gerain placed the box on her lap. She smiled at Floosar and me as she unfastened a clasp on the front.

She shared her joy in this moment not only with her daughter but with me.

I shouldn't feel crushed by how they were welcoming me into their little circle. This was only one tiny moment. Once we left the meadow, they'd go on with whatever they were doing before I interrupted them. They'd forget about me until they saw me again. And I'd stand there like a poor kid outside a department store window, staring through the glass while dreaming of what it would be like to have even a fraction of the pretty things on display. All while knowing they'd never be mine, that maybe, just maybe, I didn't actually deserve them.

Was that why I was hesitating now? Did I truly think I didn't deserve to have friends or someone who loved me? My parents had done a number on me, but it looked like I was doing all I could to finish the job.

I didn't like that, but how could I move my past aside and step into a better future?

No one here saw me as the kid wearing clothes purchased from the discount bin at the thrift store, the kid who never had a bike like the others, let alone a parent to come to a school play or softball game to cheer her on. Back then, I told myself I didn't need anything like that, that what I had was enough.

Now life was giving me a chance to have everything I told myself I didn't miss, that I didn't need, and I wasn't sure how to handle it.

Gerain lifted the top of the box, and I focused on that, shoving aside my tumbling emotions.

Xax stood nearby, watching with the same anticipation that must be revealed on my face. Could he tell how confused I was?

She pulled out a small bag that looked like it had been made from pieces of woven plant and loosened the top, spreading it wide. Tilting it, she held it out for me to look. Six purple balls the size of big marbles nestled inside, glowing like they'd captured a bit of moonlight.

"This is for your tea shop," she said, lifting one out and holding it toward me. "Our shrooms rarely generate a spore so we treasure each and every one."

I took it, cupping it as carefully as Xax had the baby drettire. "Thank you."

She dipped her head my way and pulled out another spore. "This one will be used to grow an underground mesh that will, at our request, generate comfortable furniture around our fire at night." She handed the second spore to Floosar who also held it gently.

Gerain secured the top and returned the bag to the box, closing and latching it once more. We rose from the ground. I cupped my spore in both hands, wondering how I'd coax this tiny, lovely ball into producing the furnishings I'd need for my tea house.

"Can I ask mine to produce a mesh like you're thinking of instead of a full structure?" I asked.

"You can request whatever you'd like," Gerain said. "But why wouldn't you want a god-produced building instead of one made of wood and vines?"

"Because I like the one Xax made for me."

And there it was. Because he'd crafted it with his hands, it was even more precious than the things I'd saved for back on Earth.

He'd built it for me with his whole heart.

We walked back to the village, finding more Zuldruxians outside. Some weeded gardens near their shrooms while others carried logs from the woods, placing them near the big firepit in the center of the village. A few milled around near my new tea shop, including Tribon. They turned to face us as we approached. Tribon kept one of his arms behind his back.

"There you are," he said. His arm shot forward, and he held out a huge hunk of bright blue meat. "For you. An offering for my future mate."

"Oh, um, thanks," I said, tucking my hands behind my back. He looked so stern, I wanted to take it if only to avoid angering him.

But I didn't want anything he could offer me. I didn't want to be with him . I suspected if I took the meat, that would make him believe I'd changed my mind. Tribon belonged on the edge of the friend zone, while Xax . . .

I wanted to drag him to his bed. I didn't only long for the physical release he could give me. I wanted to snuggle with him and talk about how his day went. Share stories from my tea shop. Plan dinner with him and then sit together while we ate it. Laugh together while I told him funny stories from Earth and listen while he shared whatever was in his heart.

I could feel myself falling for him, and it was like an avalanche roaring down a hillside. A hurricane making shore to slam across the land.

A precious blossom opening in the forest.

There was no stopping the feeling now that it had started, and you know what?

I welcomed it with open arms.

Now I was truly worried about what Digaray would say when she returned.