Chapter 4

Ruin Is His Only Gift

As soon as Alexander took a step towards the two women, he knew it was a mistake. He had only meant to explain the situation, to reassure the older of the two that nothing scandalous had taken place.

Although, a man alone with a woman without a chaperone would be scandal enough.

He opened his mouth to say something, but it was too late. The older of the two let out a yelp and ran.

Miss Carstairs… I almost did not recognize the gossipmonger.

He hesitated a moment. To her credit, the young woman whose necklace had caught in his cravat a moment before did not scream, nor did she feint.

Though she looks as though she might.

As soon as she saw him stop, she, too, turned on her heel and fled.

"Drat," Alexander cursed under his breath.

He ran a hand over his cravat, feeling the tiny tears from her necklace. The look of fear on her face, it was as though she was seeing a monster. Shame and anger swelled in his chest.

What right has she to treat me like this?

He threw his hands up in exasperation and began to make his way towards the carriage. He knew that if he re-entered the ballroom, the whispers would worsen. His ire rose at the thought, but he violently shoved it down.

Let them think I am some brute. I do not need to prove it.

He did not care if he offended his hosts. He could not bear another moment among the so-called high society. The hypocrisy of it all!

I should never have left Emberly House.

As he climbed into the carriage, he let out a frustrated growl and buried his face in his hands. As he did so, he breathed in a warm citrusy smell that reminded him of something from his childhood. It was clearly the scent of Miss Pembleton's perfume, but it tickled his memory.

Puzzled, he inhaled the scent, realizing with a jolt that it reminded him of the orangery at Emberly Castle when it was in bloom. It had always been a scent he enjoyed. He loved the contrast of winter—a barren, hibernating world—with an orange tree determined to fruit.

Those trees are long since dead or dying.

The carriage rocked from side to side, jolting him out of his thoughts. He looked up, expecting to see either his mother or his sister. Yet, to his surprise, he found himself looking at the ashen face of Nigel Maxton.

"Is it true?" Nigel asked, confusion and concern etched on his face. "Is what they are saying true?"

"And what exactly are they saying now? They say so much about me that I can scarcely keep up." Alexander's voice was flat and dispassionate.

"Do not be coy with me, Rokesby. Everyone is saying that you were in the maze with Miss Rose Pembleton… That you were… That you were kissing her." Nigel shifted uncomfortably, tugging at his cravat.

So, that is her name. Rose Pembleton.

"I see rumors travel fast." Alexander scowled. "That much has not changed. How refreshing."

"Rokesby, is it true? Please, tell me the rumors are baseless." Nigel's eyes narrowed, anger coloring his voice. "She is not just the Diamond of the Season, but she is the daughter of the Viscount Cotswalts. She has sisters, Rokesby. Please, tell me you were not kissing her in the gardens!"

"What does it matter?" Alexander shrugged. "Their minds are already made up. The truth is immaterial."

"It matters to me." Nigel ran a hand through his hair, breathing slowly. When he spoke, his anger had ebbed away, replaced by earnest warmth. "Pray, tell me what happened."

"We were in the maze, that much is true. But nothing untoward happened." Alexander tried to keep the pain out of his voice. "I would not do that to a young woman. I have no wish to cause scandal, much less on the night of my sister's debut. The only reason I left was to avoid causing a scene."

"Well, I must say your idea of avoiding scandal leaves much to be desired." Nigel shook his head, confusion still in his voice. "Yet, how has Miss Carstairs come to such a sordid conclusion?"

Alexander dropped his head in his hands. "I was distracted. Not looking where I was going. And well… we collided—Miss Pembleton and myself, I mean, not Miss Carstairs. Her damned necklace caught in my cravat." He gestured to his disheveled cravat. "I had almost freed us when the queen of rumor-mongering herself appeared. She saw us, and before we could explain, she ran."

"Miss Carstairs is claiming you tried to kill her to silence her." Nigel raised an eyebrow.

"I only took a step towards her. I wanted to explain what she had witnessed, to try and fix some of the harm done. Yet, she took flight as though I meant her harm." Alexander let out a bitter laugh. "Perhaps I should have, then I would not have ruined an innocent woman's life."

"I suspect the murder of Miss Carstairs would only add to the scandal, rather than detract from it, Rokesby." Nigel's words held an emotion that Alexander could not place. "Besides, only a monster would harm a woman."

"Then I am a monster. I may not have physically harmed Miss Pembleton, but that is of little consequence now." Alexander slammed his fist into the side of the carriage, startling the horses. "I have doomed the poor girl. No one will marry her after tonight's events."

"That is quite unlikely, it is true. Yet, all is not lost." Nigel gave Alexander a serious look. "You could marry her."

"Me? Would that not be an even cruel punishment? She deserves someone who will bring her happiness and joy. A life with me will lead to nothing but misery for us both." Alexander felt his temper begin to rise.

"Why are you so certain that your company would cause the girl such misery?"

"Look at me, Maxton. What woman would choose to spend her life with this?" Alexander gestured to his face, refusing to look at Nigel as he did so.

"Whether she would choose it or not, it is the most honorable option." Nigel's voice was firm. "You are the only one who can fix the situation, my friend. You said yourself that no one else would have her. And it is likely that this scandal will affect her entire family."

Alexander's heart sank. "But to force someone so young into a life with?—"

Nigel cut him off. "If you say ‘beast,' I'm afraid I shall have to thwack you on the head. You are not a beast. You are a most honorable, fiercely loyal man. You are a true friend, and now is a chance for you to prove that you are worthy of your title."

But perhaps I am not worthy.

"But is it fair to force her into a loveless marriage? To deny her the chance at love? She may still find a love match."

"Would that we lived in a world where love was all that matters. Yet, you know as well as I do that is not the way of things. No respectable man would have her, not after this. And her sisters will be tarred with the same brush."

"I suppose a loveless marriage is better than an entire family's reputation in shambles." Alexander drummed his fingertips on the carriage wall. "It is better that I at least make the offer, that I attempt to make amends. I shall call on her tomorrow and ask for her hand."

"Excellent." Nigel nodded in approval. "You never know, perhaps this will turn out for the best."

"I wish I shared your optimism, Maxton." Alexander glanced out the carriage window and saw the throng of guests leaving the house.

"Then I shall have to be optimistic enough for us both." Nigel made to leave the carriage, turning his head back at the last moment. "Please give my regards to the rest of your family. And know that you are always welcome at Glassley."

"You know that you are welcome at any of my residences, whenever you wish." Alexander nodded to his friend. "Thank you, for everything."

"Think nothing of it, my friend. I am sure I shall see you again soon." Nigel bowed his head and disappeared into the night.

A moment later, the Dowager Duchess and Olivia arrived.

Olivia smiled sadly at her brother as she sat beside him, while the Dowager Duchess's face was full of worry.

"Are you well, Brother mine?" Olivia asked softly.

"I have been better." Alexander tried to smile. "I am sorry that I have ruined your debut."

Olivia shook her head, smiling kindly. "Brother, it would take more than a scandal to ruin such a night. I danced with many young gentlemen and made the acquaintance of some fine young ladies."

"Yes, once the Duke of Glassley had broken the ice, it seemed more people came to their senses." The Dowager Duchess glanced at Alexander, biting her lip as if unsure of what to say. "Actually, I spoke with the Viscountess Cotswalts. She is an… interesting woman. Very astute."

Rose's mother.

Alexander cleared his throat. "And I take it you approve of the family?"

"Well, what little I learned during our conversation was satisfying. But I do not suppose it matters what I think. Or, indeed, if I approve of the family." His mother gave him a frank look. "What are you going to do?"

Alexander sighed. "I will go to the Viscount Cotswalts tomorrow and ask for his daughter's hand. I will, of course, speak to the girl herself, and if she agrees to the proposal, it shall be done. It is the most honorable course of action."

Both his mother and sister nodded in agreement.

Olivia squeezed his hand and said, "I knew you would do the right thing. You know, I have heard she is very pretty. And kind."

"Yes, no one had anything bad to say about her. Well, until…" The Dowager Duchess flushed and looked away. "I am glad you will make it right. I would not wish such pain on anyone."

But is the pain of a lifetime of loneliness better?

The thought remained on Alexander's mind as he lay in bed that night. He did not want marriage, did not want to force someone to tie themselves to him body and soul.

If she is to be chained to me, let it be the least heavy of chains. She shall be a wife in name only, and anything she wants, she shall have it.

Her heart, her body, those were for her. He would not claim them, and he would make this clear to her.

He ran a hand over the thin scar on his cheek. He wondered what his father would think of the situation. Would he be proud? Alexander had not talked to his father about marriage, but he had seen his parents' love for each other as clear as day.

"Keep them safe." Those had been the last words his father had said to him. "You must protect them."

"I will keep her safe. I will keep them all safe," Alexander spoke into the night, a vow to the heavens.

Even if it means keeping them safe from me.

He would marry Miss Rose Pembleton, and she would live with him in his London townhouse. He would let no further harm befall her or her family. He would honor his father's wishes and be the man he needed to be.

Safety is its own kind of happiness.

With that thought, he drifted off to sleep. An uneasy sleep full of the sting of steel and screams that slowly shifted into something gentler that smelled of oranges.