Chapter 24

A Study In Truth

Alexander had not expected to find Rose in the study, much less ogling his unblemished portrait. The reminder of all he had lost and all he could have been. Anger flared within him.

How dare she break her promise?

"I was looking for you." Rose's voice was level.

"Well, you have found me." Alexander folded his arms across his chest as he strode into the room, closing the door behind him. "And broken your promise to me."

Rose met his gaze, her eyes full of an emotion Alexander could not quite place. "And what about your promises to me?"

"What promises?" Alexander deliberately did not look at his portrait.

"We agreed, when we moved to the castle, that things would be different. That we would dine together. That we would take time to get to know each other and we would not return to life as it was in Emberly House." Rose narrowed her eyes. "Or do you not remember?"

Alexander turned away from her. "I remember."

"Then why are you treating me this way?" Rose's voice was confused, full of hurt.

"Treating you what way?" Alexander let the anger in his chest seep into his words.

Let her see that I am not someone to be relied on. That this has just been a passing fancy.

"Like a stranger. You have been distant and cold. Ever since the ball, you have been avoiding me." Alexander heard her footsteps and turned to see that she had moved closer to him.

"Perhaps that is just who I am. And I have grown tired of pretending." He scowled. "If you find my treatment so contemptible, then perhaps you will find solace in the company of others."

The image of Rose and the Earl dancing flashed in his mind, unbidden. It twisted inside him, like a knife in his heart, and fuelled his rage.

Rose's eyes widened. "Are you trying to drive me into the arms of another man?"

"I am sure Lord Verimoor would be only too happy to console you," Alexander spat. "You two seemed very well-acquainted last night."

"Lord Verimoor is the last person on Earth I would want to spend my time with." Rose scowled.

"Then why were you dancing with him?" Alexander clenched his jaw. "You hardly looked uncomfortable when I saw you."

"You were the one who left to tend to some urgent business that you refused to share with me. And I only danced with him because he asked and you were not there." Rose threw up her hands in exasperation.

"It is comforting to know that you find me so easy to replace." Alexander knew he was being ridiculous but found he did not care.

"How dare you? Do you truly think so little of me?" Rose moved towards him, her entire body shaking.

"What?" Alexander asked, confusion trying to break through his anger.

"You seem to be under the impression that I am some wanton woman who would be only too willing to throw myself at the first man who came my way." Rose's voice was cold.

"What? I did not say that." Alexander frowned.

"Then you think I care so little for my marriage vows, for my duty, that I would commit adultery." Rose's voice could have cut glass. "You think I care so little for my family, for propriety. You think my heart is so easily won that all it would take to woo me would be a few minutes of your absence and a pretty face?"

"I never said that." Alexander knew he sounded defensive.

"Then why are you treating me like this?" The words echoed through the room, not quite a shout but not far from it.

"Because I do not deserve you!" he roared, turning towards her as the shame finally washed over him. "How could I? You are lovely beyond compare. You are loyal and kind and clever. You should have had your pick of any man in the land."

He then turned away from her shocked face, unable to face her. He gritted his teeth, desperate to stop speaking, but the words spilled out of him.

"I saw you with Lord Verimoor. Saw the way the ton regarded you with warmth. I saw the way that his beauty seemed to only highlight your own. The way you two moved seemed to bring the entire world to life. And I heard people admire you. And at that moment, I realized how selfish I had been. How could I, the disfigured coward that I am, hope to compete with someone like Lord Verimoor? In another life, if circumstance had not forced us together, he would have been your husband. And you would have been happy."

The words tasted like bitter poison in his mouth.

"When I saw you two dance, it was a reminder of the future I have robbed you of. And I knew that I had been wrong to indulge myself these past weeks. Wrong to seek to keep you." Sadness crept through him, and his shoulders dropped. "So I pushed you away. Or I tried to. All I bring is ruin and destruction. I do not deserve love. And I do not deserve you."

Silence stretched between them, broken only by Rose's soft footsteps. Alexander waited for the sound of the door to open and close. For her to finally leave. But it never came.

Instead, he felt her warm hand on his shoulder. He did not turn to face her.

I cannot bear to see the pity in her eyes.

"You are a fool, Alexander Rokesby." Rose's voice was soft but firm. "You bring so much good to the world. Circumstances may have forced us together, but you have not robbed me of anything. You have saved me."

Alexander shook his head. "You do not need to lie to me, I know the truth. I have doomed you."

"If you say that one more time, I shall slap you." Rose cupped his face and turned it towards her.

Their eyes met, and Alexander saw the blazing fire he had seen when she had told him they would remain at the castle. He swallowed but did not look away.

"Marrying you saved me. I had lost sight of who I am and what I want. I was consumed by duty and my need to do what was right by my family." Rose smiled sadly. "I was lost, but these last months, I have remembered who I am. You saw me for who I am, even before I had remembered, and did not flee."

"How could anyone who knows you flee from you?" Alexander shook his head in wonder. "Knowing you, spending time with you, it is a gift unlike any I have ever known."

"And the same is true about you." Rose's eyes met his own, an earnestness in them that captivated him. "Being married to you, knowing you, and being with you is a gift. You have given me the gift of myself, of understanding who I am, and what I want."

"What do you want?" Alexander's voice was barely above a whisper.

"You." The word hung between them, fragile and beautiful. "I want you, Alexander Rokesby."

"Why?" He hated how childish he sounded. "Why would you want me?"

Rose laughed softly but not unkindly, bringing her other hand to his face so that she could cradle it. "How could anyone who has known the wonderful, brave, loyal man that you are want anything else?"

Alexander's eyes flitted to his portrait. "But I am scarred."

Rose traced his scar with her fingers. "So?"

"I am broken. Ugly. Unworthy." His shame seeped into each of his words. "Not like Lord Verimoor."

"It is true. You are nothing like Lord Verimoor." Rose smiled. "You are one hundred times the man he is. If anyone is ugly and unworthy, it is him."

Alexander raised an eyebrow at her.

"I have seen the way the ladies of the ton look at him. And I am not blind, I know he is handsome. And yet he has the most boorish personality." Rose shuddered.

"Then why did you dance with him?" Alexander couldn't help but ask.

"If you had not been so overcome with hysterics, you would have seen that I stopped dancing with him." Rose let her hands drop from his face. "In fact, I left him halfway through the dance and came to find you. Though without your stature, it was much harder to move through the crowds."

"You left him in the middle of the dance floor?" Alexander smiled to himself, imagining the handsome man jilted in front of the entire ton.

Petty, but I am by no means a saint.

"I am almost sad I missed it."

Rose laughed. "Well, perhaps next time, you will not flee as soon as you see me dancing with another man."

"Do you plan on dancing with many other handsome men?" Alexander raised an eyebrow.

"I only plan on dancing with you." Rose glanced at him, and a hint of mischief flickered across her face. "Besides, I find that Lord Verimoor's looks are not to my taste."

Alexander chuckled dryly. "Oh, really? And, pray tell, what is to your taste?"

Rose grinned wickedly. "Well, I happen to have a particular weakness for tall men with dark hair and eyes that become pools of molten amber in the sunlight. And scars. I do love a man with a good scar."

"You love me?" Alexander asked jokingly even as his heart raced.

Rose smiled at him. "Of course, I do. I love you, Alexander."

The words hung in the air between them, and Alexander shook his head, unable to believe she had really said them.

She loves me.Rose loves me.

Silence stretched between them as he wrestled with this revelation.

Love is what most people want.

Nigel's words ran in his head.

"You know, I believe it is customary to say something when a woman professes her love." Rose's voice was teasing, but Alexander could sense the nervous edge to it.

You fool, she thinks you do not love her.

His heart thundered in his chest. He felt like it might explode at any minute. He took a step towards her, unsure of himself.

"I love you too, Rose." He smiled. "I did not believe I could feel love like this. Did not know how loving someone else would consume me. I did not dare hope that my feelings would be reciprocated. That someone could love me as deeply as I love you." He sighed. "I love you with all that I am. And I cannot believe that you love me."

"I do. I love you. I love you so much that it scares me. I love you so deeply that I had not thought it possible." Rose's voice was soft, her eyes full of warmth and tenderness. "I love you. I love everything about you."

"Everything?" Alexander raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I do not love the way you seem determined to believe you are not worthy of love." Rose laughed. "But if I must spend the rest of my life loving you and showing you just how worthy you are, then I will."

She reached for his face again, her hand gently stroking his cheek. Alexander caught it in his own, leaning into the warmth of her touch. His eyes found hers, and her lips parted.

There was a pause as the air around them seemed to thicken. Her breath tickled his skin. His lips found hers, and the world exploded. He did not know where he ended and she began.

All his thoughts were of Rose. In one deft movement, he swooped her up into his arms. He laughed, twirling wildly as they kissed each other and laughed.

"I love you!" he cried out as he spun them.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

"I love you, too, you absolute fool!" Rose threw her arms around him and nuzzled his neck.

As they stopped spinning, his eyes found hers. She touched his scar and smiled. Outside the window, a cloud shifted, and sunlight filled the room.

A rumbling sound filled the room, and Alexander glanced at her stomach. Rose flushed a deep scarlet.

"I think it is time for lunch." Alexander smiled.

"Quite possibly." Rose glanced at the floor. "Are you going to put me down?"

Alexander laughed and shook his head. "No. I plan on carrying you to the dining room."

"How gallant." Rose giggled.

"Perhaps. Or perhaps it is simply that I wish to kiss you often and wish always to have you in my arms." Alexander pressed a kiss to her lips.

Rose sighed. "I should like that very much, but I fear it may make eating rather difficult."

"I am sure we will find a way," Alexander teased.

As he stepped out of the study and into the hall, he felt as though he could fly.

I really must thank Miss Carstairs and her nosiness.

Everything was turning out more perfectly than he had ever imagined. Nothing could take this from him. Nothing at all.