Chapter 24

Twenty-Four

Head pounding, I heave myself up onto the trunk behind me. Clustered rain clouds race across the blue-gray sky and sharp gusts of wind shake the treetops. I get dizzy for a moment and see bright flashing patterns and then, without warning, I throw up right at my feet.

Dazed, I stagger to the side, hold on to a spruce branch and wipe my mouth with my sleeve.

Lou escaped. Naturally. I already suspected that when I came to, even if it took a while to sort through the memories. I can’t estimate how long I lay on the forest floor after passing out.

Now there’s only one way I can find Lou: I have to get back to the RV and put Grey on her trail. She could be anywhere by now. On the gravel road, on the cliffs, in the middle of the forest.

Pain and fear pound in the back of my head. With shaky legs, I start walking and make a mental note of all the things I’ll need later: a tarp to stretch out as a rain shelter, milk for Grey, dishes, warm clothes…

I pause for a moment and take a deep breath. In a storm and rain, Lou will never get a fire going, even I’d have a hard time.

Panicking, I swallow the nausea as I fight my way up the mountain step by step. After a few minutes, I can walk again without holding on to the logs and switch to the deer trail. Still, I’m too slow. It seems to be hours before I get back to the RV. Grey’s howling has stopped, and for a brief moment, I’m hopeful that Lou might have listened to me and ran back. But when I open the door, Grey dashes toward me, leaping awkwardly on my legs. Lou isn’t here or Grey wouldn’t be freaking out like this

I immediately realize I have to feed him before I can leave. My head suddenly goes blank. I’m wasting too much time. As if in a dense fog, I go outside, turn on the gas, and put on the water for the milk. As I stand in front of the stove, I feel like everything is swaying around me. My skull feels like it’s about to explode. I could take a couple of aspirins, but I’m afraid they might be useless against the aftermath of the emergency drops.

While the water is boiling, I grab my hiking pack from the compartment and hastily stuff in a full carton of milk for Grey, a box of oatmeal, beef jerky, hard crackers, and a lighter.

What else do I need? How long will I be gone? I have absolutely no idea. I have knives and tools on my belt. I’m looking at a gallon of water, which would add too much weight. Instead, I grab two regular liter bottles that I plan to fill up as necessary along the way. I also need tablets to disinfect the water. I slam the flap, tripping over Grey who’s been following me and give him a talking-to.

I can’t afford to forget anything. Back in the RV, I randomly stuff breakfast bags, tin dishes, nuts, a sleeping bag, a tarp, and a blanket into the backpack along with a change of clothes for Lou and me, bandages, and pills for the water.

What else?My head is on strike.

With trembling fingers, I prepare the milk, feed Grey, and mentally review everything. I can find enough to eat in the wilderness. Berries and leaves for tea, maybe even set traps depending on how long I’m on the road. Wire. I’ll need wire for that.

After Grey has finished the milk, I put him on the fleece sweater on the bench and retrieve the wire from the compartment. My eyes fall on a sturdy rope that can bear the weight of up to three people in an emergency. Without thinking, I attach it to my belt because there is no more room in the backpack.

Then, I turn off the gas, put on my thickest down jacket, and slip into lined boots. I might have to walk through the night and I don’t want to give up because of hypothermia.

When I’m all packed, I grab one of Lou’s sweaters so Grey knows who to look for and tuck the wolf between my chest and jacket.

I let him sniff Lou’s scent where I last saw her. Of course, it’s possible that she ran back and is now heading toward the road. Then my undertaking would be in vain, but there is no other option.

The sun has already set. It’s after ten o’clock now and Lou is all alone in the middle of the wilderness. What if I can’t find her and she freezes to death? Or she dies of thirst after days of torment? The idea of her struggling with the last of her strength and finally collapsing is killing me. With numb fingers, I untie the flashlight from my belt and run past the lake to the deer crossing.

“Lou?” I call out into the darkness, ignoring the pangs in my head. “Lou? Are you here? I won’t hurt you, just come back!”

Wind rushes over me and an eerie groan moves through the forest like the moaning of ghosts. “We’ll just carry on as before. I promise. I won’t chain you anymore, Lou. Just come back! Please!”

Grey is whimpering against my chest but I don’t have the patience to sooth him now. I continue calling Lou’s name.

Eventually, I come to the spot where the half-decayed badger carcass lies.

“Lou? Are you here somewhere? Answer me! Please!” I don’t care how desperate I sound. I wouldn’t even care if Lou saw me crying, if I could. I just want to find her and tell her that from now on, I’ll do everything better.

“Lou?” Something large and heavy crashes to the ground beside me. I spin around and my flashlight lands on a huge branch that must have snapped off a tree. “Lou?” I run on as the pounding in my head moves into my ears. “Lou? Answer me!”

I let Grey sniff Lou’s sweater, but he knows who we’re looking for anyway. On his clumsy paws, he moves along the edge of the cliff in the dark. Lou probably didn’t believe me that there is no descent here.

Shivering, I wrap my arms around myself. My fingers are frozen stiff and my ears are numb from the cold. I could pull my hood up, but then I might not hear Lou. I still call her name periodically, but only the dark howl of the wind answers. It sounds menacing as if it knows of some calamity that has happened to Lou. I look around anxiously. The gusts rip like hands at the treetops. In the middle of the forest, Lou could be killed by falling branches, so I keep hoping she kept walking along the cliff the whole time.

I barely managed three miles when the first raindrops hit.

I clench my teeth, hoping Grey doesn’t lose the scent with everything getting soaked.

“Come on, Grey, don’t give up!” I call to the little wolf, who has stopped to sniff around. “Do you have her scent?”

The rain beats down on us harder and harder. Grey is thoroughly soaked and shaking so bad, I’m afraid he won’t last much longer. He peers up at me, then keeps walking, but I can tell he is exhausted. After a few minutes, I call him back, pick him up, and tuck him under my jacket to keep him warm.

He lets out a pathetic whine as if to apologize for not being able to help me.

“It’s okay,” I whisper. “It’s fine. I’ll carry you a bit. Let’s hope Lou walked a straight line from here.”

Time blurs with the rain. A sharp pain runs up my legs to my hips. Maybe it’s the cold, maybe it’s an aftereffect of the drops. Again and again, I pull Grey out of my jacket to see if he can find Lou’s trail. When I place him on the ground this time, he smells the wet mud, turns in a circle, and looks at me helplessly.

“Okay. She wasn’t here,” I think aloud and pull out Lou’s sweater, which is also tucked into the front of my down jacket. I let Grey sniff it in the rain and then inhale Lou’s scent myself.

Immediately, an oppressive tightness rises in my throat and I quickly tuck the sweater back into my jacket. Now is certainly not the time for another flash.

I hurry back and Grey rushes past me like he’s regained enough energy from the rest. He stops short at a boulder overgrown with bushes and starts howling loudly. Immediately, I’m at his side and kneel next to him. “What do we have here?” My heart races as I shine my flashlight down the embankment. The rough cliff falls sharply, so deep the lamp’s beam can’t reach the bottom.

Did Lou climb down here? No, she couldn’t possibly have risked that. Suddenly, I have a stale taste in my mouth. Something silver glitters on a bush about six feet below me next to a tree stump. I shine my flashlight directly on it and my suspicion is confirmed. It’s Lou’s necklace with the colorful pendants.

Everything spins before my eyes. She must have fallen. She would never have dared climb down here. Especially not in this weather. Or would she?

I shine the flashlight into the abyss. I have to rappel. The rock is too steep and too slippery from the rain to free climb. I glance around frantically. There’s nothing here to tie the rope to. I shine my light down again and the glow of the lamp catches the tree stump on the outcrop. That could work. With Grey between my bare skin and sweater, I slide down on my back, my numb fingers clutching the edge of the cliff. Wind whistles over me and I’m relieved when my feet land on the horizontal ledge. Once I have a secure footing, I fish Lou’s chain out of the bush. The chain broke. I better not imagine why. I quickly stuff it into my pocket.

Then I loop the rope around the trunk so that I am holding two lines in my hands and shine the flashlight down again. The rock face is unpredictable due to the fissures. Hopefully, the rope will reach the bottom.

I push the thought away, place the flashlight in my mouth, and carefully lower myself down.

The first few feet are the most difficult. My arms are shaking, as soon as I can brace my feet against the steep rock, I feel better. Grey howls against my chest and inches downward. Good thing I tucked my sweater into my pants so he won’t slide out.

I think of Lou again, hoping not to find her with twisted limbs at any moment now. As I glance over my shoulder into the dark valley, my feet kick a few stones loose that rumble down the steep slope. For a second, I lose my footing and dangle from the rope midair. My muscles burn and the backpack pulls me down heavily. As if far away, I hear my scream echoing back to me from all sides as I bend my legs simultaneously and connect with the cliff face again. It takes me a few breaths before I realize the flashlight fell out of my mouth. I peer down and see its light a good fifteen feet below me. It lights up a shore with small pebbles.

Thank God!“We’re almost there, Grey,” I choke out breathlessly. As if he wanted to answer me, something wet trickles down my stomach into the waistband of my pants.

“Did you just pee on me?” I don’t know whether to laugh or scold him. He lets out a whimper that sounds quite rueful.

I venture another look and see gravel but no Lou lying there. However, I’m still too tense to feel relieved.

When my feet finally hit the ground, I illuminate the area. Although I can’t find Lou, I do spot a familiar-looking granola bar floating in a puddle.

“She did make it down here, Grey! Well done!” Grey is already bouncing ahead. I unwind the rope as I rush after Grey, who is walking along the river. Only now do I realize that my hands are wet with blood. I stop for a moment and dip them in the water. It’s icy, but it feels good. Suddenly, I’m sure I’ll find Lou again despite the cold slowing me down and my burning arms and legs. I just have to persevere.

When Grey eventually stops by the river and starts howling, my hope crumbles as quickly as it rose.

“That must be wrong, Grey, she can’t swim. She would never…” I stop and look at the black surface of the water, which slides through the valley like a snake.

Grey no longer smells the trail, so Lou must have crossed the river.

And drowned in the process. Suddenly I can’t think straight anymore. Not knowing what I’m doing, I grab Grey and dash into the river.

I feel my pant legs soaking up the water and growing heavy, but I don’t care. The water is icy, but I don’t feel the cold as if every part of my body is numb and desensitized from shock, as if I wouldn’t feel anything anymore if something happened to Lou. Only a part of my mind is aware that the river is not deep here.

This part removes Grey from the protective jacket and lets him search for Lou on the other side. And that part also hurries after the little wolf as if on autopilot while the other part swallows the lump in his throat, not knowing what he will do if he can’t find Lou.

My lungs begin to burn and a strange wheeze accompanies my breathing. Maybe I’m too cold now and haven’t noticed. I know the killer of the unprepared. Canada’s newspapers are full of it. A silent, unspectacular assassin. Insidious because you don’t feel it breathing down your neck until the last second.

“Lou?” If I’m like this, what about her? “Lou?” I feel feverish, weak, but there’s no way I can give up. I clench my teeth and hurry after Grey. Eventually, I realize I’ve lost the flashlight. It must have slipped out of my stiff fingers.

Stunned, I stare at the sky. The cloud cover has broken and a few stars peek out. Help me find Lou, I send a prayer to the sky. To a god I don’t believe in because he forgot me. Now I implore him to help me. I’d promise him anything if he’d just let me find Lou.

At some point in my prayers, I hear Grey howling in the distance. It startles me because he was merely whimpering the whole time. Without paying attention, I run faster and find her lying huddled on the gravelly bank.