Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31

A ll she could think was that this couldn’t be happening.

Not now, not this. Charlotte closed her eyes as she leaned her forehead against the door. His hands were braced on either side of her head. Though they weren’t touching, she swore she could feel the heat radiating from him.

No, Adrian, don’t do this to me.

A hot tear rolled down her cheek when he proclaimed his love. It was everything she had wanted to hear. But after everything that had happened, after their last conversation, Charlotte wanted to be far away.

Far away and free, which she couldn’t manage if he was right there.

“Adrian.” She swallowed hard. “Please…”

His hand moved down to cover hers gently. The little moonlight they had illuminated their hands.

“I never thought I could love. I don’t even know what to do with this feeling, Charlotte.” His voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper. It tickled her ear, making her heart skip a beat. “I hardly know what to do with you. But I can’t go another day without telling you.”

How am I supposed to believe him after everything that has happened?

Feeling her body vibrate with raging emotions, Charlotte gritted her teeth. She pulled free of his grip. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want him!

She turned around. If they were going to talk, then she had to face him. Doing so required more courage than she had anticipated. Her back was pressed against the door. She wanted to melt when she saw the heat in his gaze. When she shifted, she thought he would get the hint that she needed space.

But he didn’t move.

“You’re a horrible man,” she growled. “You cannot just lie to me like this––”

“It is not a lie!”

She jumped when he pushed away from the door, granting her the space she wanted. And yet she missed him. She could smell him, sense him, and she struggled to control her feelings.

This was her chance to leave. Adrian moved back to pace about the small room, circling the furniture. Charlotte knew she should go. Someone could already be nearby. Someone would be wondering where she had gone.

Though she tried to push herself out of the room, she couldn’t move.

Raking a hand through his unruly hair, Adrian stormed back toward her. She sucked in a deep breath. There was wild emotion in his eyes that made it hard for her to think.

“I would never hurt you,” he started.

“You did hurt me. You were horrible, Adrian, and that cannot be denied. All you have done is hold me at arm’s length as though I meant nothing to you,” she spat.

Grimacing, he dropped his head before offering a slow nod. “Fine. I was mean.”

“Cruel.”

“Cruel, even. It was easier… It still is easier than being honest. I don’t know what I’m doing, Charlotte. Don’t you understand? Every minute of this feels like madness. I know I shouldn’t be here. But I cannot stand back while you sentence yourself to a life you never wanted.”

Struggling to make sense of him, she crossed her arms over her chest. “So now you wish to listen to me?”

“Yes. Yes, but… I want to make matters right between us. We belong together. I love you.” He swallowed noisily. “I’ve never said that to another soul. Being with you is the only natural thing I have ever known,” he whispered. Stunned by his passion, she could only stare. “I never thought I could love because I didn’t believe it was real… All my life, I have tried to be different from my father.”

She wrinkled her nose. “What about your father?”

“My father was a cruel man. He cared naught for his family and hurt my mother for his own pleasure. I never want to repeat his mistakes. The anger I can feel, the rage… I wanted to protect everyone from myself, including you.”

That earned him a scoff. “What, you feared you would lay your hands on me? You’re not that sort of man, Adrian. You only needed your words to break my heart.”

As she spoke, she pushed him away when he closed the distance between them. Bewilderment flickered in his eyes.

It made her angry. Furious, even. Everything about him angered her. For him to treat this as a game and then a miracle was foolish. He should be smarter than this. Smarter and better and not so cruel to her.

Am I just a toy to him?

“How dare you do this? That’s not even an apology,” Charlotte snapped, shoving him further away. “I’m leaving.”

But before she could even turn around, Adrian was pulling her back toward him. She was thrown off balance. Trying to stay upright, she found herself grabbing at his jacket.

And then in the next breath, his lips were on hers.

Charlotte was angry, so angry that she thought about biting him. But she couldn’t move. His lips moved against hers with what could only be hope. When she opened her mouth to protest, his tongue slipped inside, begging her not to leave.

Unsteady, she found herself letting go of her anger bit by bit. It melted like springtime. All she could focus on was how perfectly she fit in his arms, how much she craved him. No matter what she had told herself, she craved more and more.

Then he pulled away, and the two of them gasped for air.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“For what? The kiss?”

Eyes on hers, Adrian rubbed his thumb gently over her cheeks. He wiped away moisture she hadn’t realized was even there.

Was she crying again? She’d never been such a watering pot before.

“I’m sorry for all the pain I caused. For every time I walked away and for every time I pushed you away. And most of all, I’m terribly sorry for letting my fear come between us so many times.”

Charlotte struggled to process his apology. Lowering her hands to her abdomen, she felt her head throb. Or was that her heart?

She had forgotten everyone else in the world. No longer did she want to leave him. And yet a sliver of doubt lingered long enough to make her wonder what would happen if she forgave him.

“You hurt me.” Her voice broke. “Do you think just riding in like a knight in shining armor would solve everything, as though it never happened?”

“I… I…” Adrian put his hands on her shoulders, tightening his grip repeatedly before loosening it. His calming voice spread warmth through her soul. “I don’t deserve forgiveness, do I? But I shall beg for it on my hands and knees if that is what it takes.”

He paused when she hiccupped. A wry smile spread across his lips. The look in his eyes was unlike anything she’d ever seen before.

“I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you let me.”

Realizing what he was asking of her, Charlotte’s lips parted several times before she could ask, “Aren’t I supposed to be marrying the Earl?”

“No,” he said immediately. “No, you cannot.”

She huffed in indignation. “You cannot tell me what to do.”

Adrian brushed his fingers against her lips before giving her a pained smile. “What a fool I would be to think such a thing. And I am a fool. If you choose me, Charlotte, I know we will spend days arguing over incessant matters, from the proper way to hold a fork to the corn laws. But that’s it—I want that. I want you . I will give you all that I am in any way that is within my power should you have me. Marry me, Charlotte. Wouldn’t that be the best revenge?”

When he puts it that way…

An unsteady giggle escaped her. She sniffled before leaning into his touch. She found the cuff with the missing button and clung to it with a new desperation. Had he fallen apart without her?

“You’re a madman. What a fool I would be to consider you.”

“And yet?” he prompted hopefully.

Charlotte’s knees trembled under his smile. “And yet, I fear I have come to… care for you a great deal,” she managed. His eyes narrowed. “Fine, perhaps it’s love as well. It is love. But I will not just marry you as though nothing happened. I want guarantees, Adrian. Promises. You cannot treat me like you did in the past. I want to know you and everything about you. Including where it hurts most,” she added softly.

That was something he struggled with.

She saw the battle within him until he offered a stiff nod. “I shall do my best. I only ask for your patience. And you may call me out when I am wrong and… when I go too far.”

“I can do that,” she responded, eliciting a chuckle from him. “And you’ll not stray when we argue?”

“Never. Just… love me and know that I am trying,” he pleaded.

She saw the vulnerability in his eyes, how he struggled to share his heart with her. At one point, she had been convinced he had no heart. Now she knew it was simply well guarded. It felt like he was finally offering her a way to it, and she found she couldn’t resist the opportunity.

A lifetime with Adrian would be torturous bliss.

“Please,” he murmured, closing the distance between them. “We could be so happy together. Let me try. Marry me, Charlotte.”

“We will always find happiness. We will always choose it,” she added. And with that, she took a leap of faith and jumped into his arms. Nothing had ever felt more right. “Yes, I will marry you!”

She squealed when he dipped her and took her lips in a deep kiss.

“Thank God,” he muttered as he leaned his forehead against hers. “I don’t know what I would have done if you refused.”

Her heart fluttered, and they shared a quiet smile. She didn’t know how he had done it, and she didn’t know what she was doing, but Charlotte couldn’t deny the peace in her heart and the butterflies in her stomach.

This was all she wanted.

“It shall all be better now,” he promised when he heard her shaky breath.

She straightened up. “Yes, but now we must tell my uncle and the Earl.” When he winced, she couldn’t help but giggle. It would be awful, she knew, but it was worth it—for their happiness. “And I’m not doing it alone.”

“I deserve that. You don’t think they’ll demand satisfaction, will you?”

“No, I shan’t let them hurt you.”

He scowled. “I was going to say I would be the one walking away unharmed. But my heart is full, so I shall not hold that against you for now.”

Charlotte giggled again as he wrapped his arms around her waist. A small chuckle escaped his lips when she squealed, and the two of them laughed before he kissed her hard.

“With you, I can do anything,” he murmured.

She beamed as she kissed him once more. She felt warm and giddy and thrilled. Whatever future she had been looking toward had not been nearly as exciting as this one. Everything felt perfect.

“Then let us tell everyone the news,” she whispered.

She looked upon him with a full heart and a wide smile. And Adrian looked just as joyful as she felt.

They left the parlor, hurrying back to the party hand in hand, knowing that their lives were about to change.