Chapter Fifty-One Ivy

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

Ivy

I look up from my phone when my mother stirs beside me. I've been sitting with her for two hours just watching her sleep. She looks so peaceful. We look much the same, same black hair, same eyes, she just has been through so much. My daddy used to say she was the most beautiful woman in the world, but the world's just worn on her now.

Wade has gone to handle some ranch business and make some phone calls with the promise he'll return with some food before lunchtime. I think secretly he just wanted to give me some space to be with my mama. She reaches over and pats my hand when she wakes, and when I look in her eyes they're clear and loving.

"You thought I was driving drunk, didn't you?" she blurts out. My mama has never been one to beat around the bush.

I smile.

"I was worried, yes, I had no idea you were sober, Mama, I'm so goddamn proud of you." My voice breaks and she reaches for me.

"I wanted to show you, not tell you. After so many tries I wanted to make sure you knew this time I was serious. I was really struggling last night. I was lonely, thinking of you and Daddy and Cassie. All the years I let pass me by. All the years I drank away."

I squeeze her hand. I can't even imagine her plight.

"I wanted to drink so goddamn bad. I keep my one bottle. My backup bottle. It sits on my counter and reminds me that I can drink it if I want to. So far, for the last seventeen days, I haven't. But I still want to every day."

"What do you need, Mama? The hospital has an outpatient rehab program, it's a month long, you're already off to such a good start—"

"Who can afford that, honey? It's probably thousands of dollars."

"Some of it can be covered by the state; the rest, well, I have some savings—"

"Ivy Grace Spencer, you will not spend your hard-earned money so I can go to some hoity-toity rehab. I'm doing okay on my own. I was trying to get to a meeting when that deer came out of nowhere. I don't know why I didn't remember your daddy's words."

I smile because I know the ones she means.

"Never swerve for an animal because they'll end up walking away and you'll be in the ditch—" my mom starts.

"—just slam on the brakes and hold that wheel for dear life," I finish.

We smile at each other, and I realize there is so much of my father that still connects my mother and I, and maybe we should start using that to bond us instead of pushing each other away.

"I wish I could be closer to you. We're just so deep in training this horse right now."

"You'll do no such thing. I'm fine where I am. Look, if I had the money I'd go to the rehab program, but I don't, so I have to want it badly enough and work through it in my own time."

I nod.

"Can we talk about something more fun?" She grins, a spark of my old mama in her eyes. "Who is this absolute hunk of a man that is escorting you three counties over at seven in the morning?"

I blush.

"My boss, but he's also so much more. We're close." I'm struggling to label whatever Wade and I are.

"I never had a boss that looked at me like I hung the moon." She looks at me like her next statement is obvious. "That man is in love with you, Ivy Grace. He watches you like he's ready to take on the world for you at a moment's notice." My mom laughs then grimaces, holding the sore side of her face.

"It's how your father used to look at me." She smiles and snuggles her head back into her pillow.

I lower my eyes from her gaze, and another round of unpredictable tears fills them.

"I'm in love with him too, so much, but … I know he's going to want a family one day, and I'm just so afraid I won't be able to offer him that."

"Does he know it may be tricky for you to carry a baby to term? Has he told you it bothers him or that he's worried about it? You could find a surrogate, adopt; there are ways, honey."

"Yes, he knows, and I know that." I sniff. "He hasn't said anything about it, but I think that's because this thing between us went from a fling to something more when neither of us were looking. I don't know what the future holds, I'm leaving his ranch soon—"

"Baby." My mama looks at me and smiles a soft smile. "Take it from me, if you won't take it from anyone else. If a man is going to love you with his whole heart—and that man does, there isn't a doubt in my mind—never, ever let that go. Do everything you can to hold on to that for as long as you can, because you never know how much time you have with people."

I blink, and more tears spill over my cheeks.

A soft knock on the door interrupts us. I stand to wipe my tears away as the doctor enters the room.

I move to stand, but static begins to line my vision and an intense wave of nausea washes over me, creeping up my throat so fast I gag and grip the wall. I compose myself and look up at him.

"Sorry, doctor, I think I need to sit for a second. We gave blood, I'm … dizzy," I say, putting my head down into my hands.

"It is normal to be a little woozy after. How long ago?" he asks.

"About two and a half hours ago …" I mutter

"Hmm. That seems like it's a little long to still feel woozy, but maybe with the adrenaline of the morning. Just stay put, don't stand on my account."

I start to feel better as the blood returns to my cheeks.

"That's just been happening on and off … I'm in an intense time with my job … and I haven't been eating the best," I tell him.

"Stay seated, please. I just wanted to check in on your mother. Glenda, are you comfortable speaking about your sobriety with your daughter here?"

"Of course," my mom says to him.

He nods. "You were mentioning you have been sober and were worried about your family thinking drinking may have had something to do with this accident?"

My mom nods and smiles at him, then turns to me.

"I filled him in that I'm sober, because for once, I'm proud of myself."

"You should be," the doctor tells her and me, looking back and forth between us.

"There is a program you could enter right from here. We even offer transport—"

"Thank you, but Ivy and I were just talking about that, I just simply can't afford that right now—"

"That's the thing I was coming to tell you about, the state will cover some and I just found out that the hospital donor program has some availability. I didn't think we did but when I checked, we've added some new donors recently. The program is to help people in your situation. You qualify in every aspect, and we'd be happy to help you apply, I think you'd be approved right away."

My mom's eyes fill with tears, so mine do as well naturally, and I hug her.

"Yes, we'd like that," I say.

"When will we know?"

"We may know by tomorrow if we process the application today. I'd like you to stay a day or two anyway, Glenda, so we can keep an eye on that concussion, and we could arrange for you to leave here and head straight there if you like? Probably Saturday. I can give you some info on the center in the meantime."

I turn to my mom. "I could get anything you want to take with you, and I can fill Mrs. Potter in, I'm sure she'll keep an eye on things for you."

My mama nods and the doctor writes a few notes down.

"I'll have the nurse come back to help you fill out the forms shortly. Until then just rest and I'll leave you two to visit." He looks through his paperwork again.

"And, Miss Spencer, if I may say, I am the main doctor here, but I also run a family practice right across the street. Since you're going to be around over the next couple of days, pop in to see me, I can draw a little more blood from you, make sure you aren't lacking in something that's making you dizzy … could be something as simple as low iron." He shrugs.

Although having any more of my blood taken sounds like the last thing on earth I want to do right now, I agree.

"Yes, thank you, I'll come tomorrow morning on my way in here, give myself a day to rest after this." I smile at him, pointing to the cotton bud on the inside of my elbow, and he nods and smiles before saying goodbye to us and heading off to his next patient.

He no sooner exits than Wade appears in the doorway looking so perfect, so settling, and his gorgeous masculine features flex as he stands there in a pair of perfectly fitting jeans, a white hoodie and his backwards Titans hat. Even having rushed to get ready this morning he looks like casual perfection. I feel my heart melt even more when I see he has food with him and a tea for my mama.

His eyes meet mine and I see it, the way everyone keeps telling me he looks at me. I bask in it for a brief moment before my mother speaks.

"Come in," my mother says to him, breaking the silence. "I'm Glenda Spencer, and I hear you're Wade. I'm sorry we didn't really get a formal introduction earlier; I was still pretty out of it. I understand you've been getting to know my Ivy."

Wade looks at me as he answers her. "I have, she is pretty great …" He gives me the smirk I literally can't get enough of, then turns his eyes back to my mom.

"Ivy said you like tea? Two milks?"

"I do." She is already a goner for him—I can tell by the smitten little grin she's wearing. Who wouldn't be? Wade Ashby is the definition of dreamy.

"Thank you for coming with her this morning," she says as she accepts her tea from him.

I stand, but I have to steady myself a little before I make my way over to him.

"What's wrong?" he asks instantly, panic lining his face.

"I'm just a little dizzy. The doctor said it's probably from donating."

Wade meets me in the middle of the room and grips my elbow.

"I brought you lunch, that should help," he says, holding up the most delicious-looking club sandwich I've ever seen.

My stomach grumbles at the sight. I look up at him. "That sandwich looks like everything I could ever want right now," I tell him.

He shrugs and then smirks at me.

"Just out here making your dreams come true, Trouble."

Goddamn, isn't that the truth?

I don't think I could ever love this man more than I do right now, standing in front of me, offering me something as simple as that lopsided grin and a club sandwich.

All I have to do now is tell him.