11. Tad

Over the next week, Ollie barely left my side unless I was at work.

Every night, he slept beside me in a diaper so he could drink freely, and every morning, we made love before he drained me out again and I headed off to work.

It was perfect. We had both found what we were looking for, and what started out as a temporary arrangement was feeling more and more like destiny as each day passed. We had no reason to be apart.

At least until Collin invited me to speak at one of the workshops in Vegas during the upcoming conference.

My situation of coming into my milk so late in life was unusual, and he wanted me to speak to others who were in a similar situation. Without even thinking, I agreed to go, mostly because I was so damn grateful that I found The Lactin Brotherhood and that they were able to connect me to Ollie.

Besides, a weekend in Vegas with my boy sounded like a fun first trip for us.

What I didn't know at the time was that Ollie had a debilitating fear of flying. When he was a kid, he was involved in an emergency landing that ultimately didn't result in serious injuries, but scared him and his mom so badly that they promised each other they would never get on an airplane again.

We considered driving, but with several storms in the forecast, there was really no way that was a safer option. Which meant I had to go without him.

I hated leaving him alone. We had only been together for a few weeks, but I already felt like I was letting him down by not being there to take care of him if he needed me.

But Ollie assured me that he would be fine. "I know you find this hard to believe, but I did take care of myself until you came along." He crossed his arms and smirked as we waited for my rideshare to arrive.

Remembering the way he tried to mush his broccoli into tiny little pieces so he didn't have to eat the night before made it a little bit harder to remember that he was a grown adult. But he was grown, and if he wanted to prove that he was not only independent but that we could survive a few days apart, I felt like it was an important test for our relationship.

I never wanted him to be fully dependent on me, and I was already becoming completely needy and dependent on him in so many ways that a couple days of space felt like the right thing to do. I held his cheeks in my palms and looked right into his eyes. "You promise to call me if you need anything. Anything at all?"

He stepped closer, pressing his chest to mine. "I promise I will. And you need to promise me the same thing. I hate that you're gonna be stuck using that dumb pump."

I grimaced at the reminder, definitely not looking forward to that either. We'd been practicing, so I knew I could basically make it work, but I still hated it. "I will."

"And if…" He looked up at me and bit his lip, clearly uncomfortable with whatever he was about to say as he cleared his throat. "I mean, if the only way to get empty is to let someone else help you, that's okay." He pursed his lips as if trying to keep them from quivering. "I understand you need to do what you need to do."

"That won't happen, baby. You're the only one who gets to touch me that way." I lifted his chin and waited for his gaze to lock with mine. "I promise."

All the tension was released from his body as he nodded. "You don't have to promise. I just want you to know you… Well, you have my blessing."

I kissed him hard, trying to ignore the car that had pulled up to the curb behind me. My ride to the airport was ready, but I wasn't. "I'll call you as soon as I get to the hotel." It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him how I felt, but it was still too soon.

I worried I was putting too much pressure on Oliver to keep me comfortable. It was only fair to give him these few days of space to really think about what he wanted out of a relationship. And if I told him how much I loved him already, that might cloud his judgment, which was the last thing I wanted.

"I miss you already," he said quietly before I gave him one last kiss and then turned toward my car, unable to look back because I was afraid I'd see tears that would only cause me to shed some too.

Despite missing Oliver with my whole heart, I was really grateful I went to the convention. My talk was standing room only, with over a thousand people crammed into a banquet hall to hear me talk about my geriatric lactation, as they called it.

Most men started in their teens or early twenties, so being in my thirties when it first happened was extremely uncommon…but not unheard of. Most of the people in that room either knew of somebody who started late or expected a loved one to start lactating at some point and wanted as much information from me as possible.

I spent almost two hours in the QA session, making sure every last person was able to ask whatever questions they had for me.

I just wished I had better information to share. I wasn't exactly a poster child for the cause, but I did my best to assure the attendees that a late diagnosis was not a curse or something to fear.

Quite the contrary. In my case, it had been the greatest blessing of my life. And the only reason Ollie was now mine.

As soon as I was able to sneak away, I went back to my room to pump. But as gentle as I tried to be with it, the damn thing just wasn't doing what I needed it to do. It provided enough relief to keep me from pouring out, but the discomfort never eased up.

I did my best to hand express in the shower, but that was still just barely enough to take the edge off. I needed my Little Ollie with me to help me out.

As if he could hear my thoughts, the phone rang, and it was Oliver.

"Hey, sweetheart. How are you doing?"

"Fine, but I miss you. I wish you were home."

I poked one of my pectoral muscles and winced at the spike of pain that went through me. "Me too. So badly."

"How was your talk?"

"It was great. Lots of people showed up and had a ton of questions. I'm really glad I came, even though…" I paused, not wanting to unload on him while we were so far apart. "Well, anyway, I'm glad I came."

Ollie didn't miss a beat. "Even though what? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's fine. How are you doing?"

"I've got my toys and my books and all my special presents from you, so other than not having you here with me, I'm great. But I wanna know what's wrong with you. Please tell me, Daddy."

I couldn't keep something like that from him. Not when he sincerely wanted to know. "I'm just having trouble with the pump. You know how bad I am with that thing."

Ollie giggled softly. "You really are uncoordinated when it comes to getting those things in place."

I chuckled, trying to appreciate the humor in the situation. "Yeah, which is why I always need you to help me. I don't have to try to hold you in place. You just know where to go, so it never hurts."

Oliver sighed into the phone. "I wish I were there to help you, Daddy. I don't want you to be in pain."

"I'll be okay, little one. I've got a lunch session scheduled for tomorrow, and then I'll try to change my flight and head home early. I've done what I need to do here."

"Isn't there another talk tomorrow night that you wanted to attend?"

"Yeah, but I don't think I'll make it. I just need to get back to you. I'll try again next year. By then, maybe I'll have figured out how to make the damn pump work." I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "Or we can plan a road trip so I don't have to leave you behind ever again."

"I'm sorry I'm not there, Daddy. I hate that you need me and my silly fears are keeping me away."

"No, baby. Your fears aren't silly, and you are not responsible for me. I take care of you, remember? This is my problem to deal with, and I don't want you to worry about me at all. Just enjoy your toys. I'll try to be home before bedtime tomorrow night."