SOREN

That day, Skye showed up at my door with a laptop in hand. I let him in, biting my lip. Whatever was going on between us was so weird, so undefined, and honestly kinda dangerous, that I'd stopped even thinking about the consequences of what we were doing.

I could tell that since he wasn't here for sex, he was acting differently—more nervous, clenching his fists, rubbing his cheek, and shifting from foot to foot. Before, he moved differently, almost predatory, like a wildcat about to jump on prey, with this crazy intense gaze, but… not today.

Frowning, I waved toward the chair I'd dragged out from the furniture storage down the hall earlier. I didn't want us sitting on the bed while we studied, ‘cause, well, we both knew where that would lead.

Skye dropped into the chair with a bit of relief, like he'd come to the same conclusion.

"There's one thing that's non-negotiable," Skye suddenly announced, like he'd just remembered something important.

"Oh yeah? And what's that?" I raised an eyebrow, instantly ready to push back.

"I checked out what tutoring for programming goes for around campus, averaged out the price, and I'm gonna pay you for these lessons." His tone was firm, like he wasn't taking no for an answer. But I had to try.

"I already told you, I don't want your money."

"Everyone on campus does it this way. It's your time, and I'm gonna pay for it."

He pulled out some cash and laid it on the table.

I grimaced a bit, but from the look on his face, it was clear he wasn't backing down. And honestly, I didn't feel like arguing. Maybe this was better? It made things more straightforward and official, I guess. So I just shrugged and pocketed the money.

"Whatever."

We both opened our laptops, and he showed me his last Python exam, which he'd barely passed.

I glanced over his answers—honestly, they weren't as bad as I expected. He made a few mistakes here and there, but I felt like the professor was a bit harsh. With some guidance, I knew Skye could catch up quickly.

"Alright, let's go through all these problems, and I'll show you some techniques to help you optimize your code. Looks like you've got a bit of trouble with that. For homework, I'd suggest diving into time complexity (O(n)) and practicing with tools like timeit or cProfile to measure code performance."

He nodded eagerly.

"Basic debugging with print statements works when you're starting out, but for more complex projects, it's not gonna cut it. I can see you struggle with debugging code that has a lot of dependencies, async stuff, or is spread across different modules. I'd recommend getting comfortable with the Python Debugger and practicing debugging asynchronous functions."

Skye stared at me with this intensity, like he was hanging on every word. It was kinda nice how closely he was paying attention.

We spent the next 15 minutes going over his exam, breaking down the problems. I gave him a few exercises, and we worked through them together as he made corrections. I was trying hard not to stare at him, but my eyes kept drifting his way. Skye had this super expressive face; you could see every emotion while he programmed—the hesitation, the thinking, and the moments when he finally got it. I watched as he furrowed his brows a little, bit his lower lip, and lightly rubbed his chin, so focused, so determined to get it right, completely unaware that I was checking out his ridiculously handsome, masculine face.

His lips were really well-shaped, like they were sensitive to the touch. I'd felt them on my body more than once… Maybe when this lesson was over, I could feel them again? That thought sent a wave of unwanted excitement through me.

I couldn't understand why he had such a strong effect on me, why he stirred up this intense hunger… for closeness? Even with Anton, I never felt this kind of chemistry, and I always thought we were a good match. But this? This was something else, otherworldly.

No, just no. I couldn't let myself fall into that trap. Fuck, if he knew what I was thinking, he'd probably think I was a desperate slut. And besides, there was no future for us. The stats were brutal—relationships between alphas and betas had only a 1-2% success rate. All it took was for them to catch the scent of an omega with a higher mateship, and it was over. Sure, Anton resisted a few times when he met his Half Mates, but he was just delaying the inevitable. Eventually, a better mate always came along. That's exactly how he found his High Mate. He came to me with tears in his eyes, fell to his knees, and begged for forgiveness. And me? That's when I realized I'd made a critical mistake.

I should never have gotten emotionally involved with an alpha. There's no way a bond like that could survive, and all it would lead to was another heartbreak. I was this kind of person for whom a relationship meant ‘all or nothing.' If I let myself fall for Skye, it'd be so much harder to say ‘no' to whatever this was.

When I closed my eyes, I could still see the images from those first few days after Anton broke up with me. It was hell on earth—razor blades cutting my wrists, gallons of alcohol, vomiting, obsessive thoughts about ending it all, repeating for months. Everything fell apart, and I never really put myself back together. If it wasn't for Liam, I wouldn't even be here.

But even with his support, I still did risky things. At my old college, seeing Anton every day with his new guy was killing me. It lasted for the last three months of my sophomore year. I drank, did drugs, and got a sketchy tattoo at a cheap parlor where I seriously doubted they sanitize their tools. I pierced my ears, lip, eyebrow, and nose—myself! No needle, just shoving earrings through my skin. It hurt like hell, but I weirdly enjoyed punishing myself. It was a messed-up time. If Liam hadn't come to check on me every day, I don't know what would've happened. I couldn't go through that again. Never. I needed to protect myself.

It all only started to get better when I transferred to this college at the beginning of senior year and threw myself into keeping my grades up. It helped me refocus.

So there I was, sitting next to Skye as he typed out another line of code, fists clenched so tight they hurt, fighting the urge to run my hand along his forearm, where those beautiful veins stood out. Fighting the need to touch the warm skin of a young, vibrant, horny alpha, to inhale that intoxicating mix of pine and lime, fresh and overwhelming…

The strength of alphas, that spark of life they ignite in fertile bodies, their life force, more potent than any beta's, like an unstoppable river—I wanted to drown in it.

At some point during my chaotic thoughts, I noticed faint freckles on Skye's pale forearm. Like someone had sprinkled tiny sunspots on him. It took everything in me not to reach out and feel the electric energy that seemed to pulse between us.

He could've revived me with that spark, lit up my burned-out beta body, given me that life I couldn't sustain on my own. For a moment, I would matter. As much as his hands allowed me to, it'd be an illusion of being valued, desired… and then it would fade away. Inevitably.

Fuck, Soren, slow down.

And once again, I was fighting to shut down my spiraling thoughts. With every minute that brought us closer to the end of this lesson, my mind focused more and more on the image of his mouth wrapped around the head of my dick. Skye really gave it his all as he sucked me off with so much passion and enthusiasm. I could feel how much he enjoyed it and that made it even better, more satisfying.

Seeing a big, strong alpha kneeling in front of me, for me… the feeling of my dick sliding down his throat, left me breathless.

Skye looked up at me, his turquoise eyes locking onto mine.

"Soren, it's really hard to concentrate when I can smell your slick all the time."

Fuck, I cursed under my breath and quickly got up.

"You alphas and your annoyingly good sense of smell. It's like you've got unfair insight into someone's private stuff. I bet you can hear my heartbeat, too, right?" I muttered sourly.

Skye chuckled softly.

"Yeah, ever since I first approached you to introduce myself, I could hear your heart race when I stood close to you."

"Asshole! No wonder society considers it rude to talk about stuff like that."

"What can I say? You brought it up."

I tilted my head, teasing. "Bet you're the kind of alpha who makes obnoxious remarks about his boyfriends' nests."

Skye laughed even harder and rubbed his face.

"You got me. My family always said it was off-limits to comment on nests unless the alpha was really close to the omega. But I never gave a shit. I've commented on omegas' nests plenty of times. The whole taboo around it just seems weird to me."

I shrugged and sighed a little.

"Honestly, I don't get the taboo either. Omegas are really touchy about it. Anton and I once rented a place off-campus, and we sublet one room to another student—an omega. One time, I saw him nesting and said something innocent like, ‘Oh, that sash is a nice color, like a rich turquoise. It'd be perfect for carrying kids.' And the dude freaked out, called me a ‘brazen beta', told me to ‘shut my mouth', said I didn't understand what I'd just done, that it was like ‘sexual assault', blah, blah… Total overreaction."

"For real? That's rough. But my exes were more chill about it. Then again, I'm an alpha, and we were in intimate relationships."

The way he said ‘I'm an alpha' had an obvious effect. My hole clenched, probably producing even more slick for him to sniff.

I knew I shouldn't bring it up because it wasn't my business, and small talk with him could lead nowhere good, but I asked anyway, "How many boyfriends have you had?"

Skye raised his eyebrows, visibly amused.

"Four. Dated one all through high school, then two during my freshman year. I met Martin junior year—he's the one who left me for his High Mate. That's why I transferred here."

"And besides that, you didn't… you know. Hook up?"

Skye looked at me carefully.

"I know what you're thinking. That because I wanted to pay for sex, I must do that kind of thing a lot. But believe it or not, I've only been with those four. You're the exception."

The silence fell. I didn't know what to say. I could sense he was telling the truth. I could almost feel it physically.

"What about you?"

"I only dated Anton."

"That's not all I'm asking."

I didn't answer.

Skye watched me for a moment but didn't push. He went back to fixing his code.

I sat there, feeling waves of anxiety rolling through me. It almost came out. It was right on the edge, forming into words. I wanted to scream it, to finally let it out, but I clenched my mouth shut. Only my thoughts wailed desperately: I've only ever been with Anton—consensually! But something happened… something that wasn't my choice.

Skye's gaze shifted from the screen to me.

He frowned slightly. Then his hand gently brushed against my clenched fist resting on my thigh.

"You okay? I can… feel that you're upset."

It was shocking how well he could sense my emotions. I wanted to snap that it was just like with my heartbeat, that he shouldn't dig into what's inside… but I didn't. I just grunted.

"Everything's peachy."

His fingers gently stroked my knuckles.

He knew it was bullshit.

"Soren—"

"I don't want to talk about it," I muttered, my voice wavering.

He nodded, his fingers lightly tracing along my thumb toward my wrist—then suddenly froze.

I knew he felt the scars that the barbed wire tattoo around my wrist couldn't quite cover, despite the wider band of ink there.

Skye's gaze dropped to that spot, and he swallowed. With a sharp motion, I yanked my hand away from his grip.

"Focus on programming, that's what you're here for!" My voice came out cold and harsh.

Those bright turquoise eyes searched my face for a moment, then he slowly nodded and turned back to the screen. He finished the debugging exercise I'd given him, but I could tell he was disturbed by what he found on my wrist.

And me… I felt like shit. I stood up and walked to the window, staring out at the rainy landscape. Streams of water poured from the sky, droplets sliding down the smooth glass. Inside, I had this overwhelming need for someone to hold me.

That's when I felt his arms wrap around my waist, gently pulling me into his embrace from behind. My back pressed against his chest.

I should've pushed him away, run—I shouldn't have let myself have any stupid moments of weakness.

But I let myself have it anyway. Unfortunately.

"Touch me," I whispered, my voice choked with emotion.

A moment later, his hot hands moved down my body over my chest, traveling toward my treacherous crotch.

I felt something expand inside me, a pleasant, pink wave began to obscure the gray, heavy, suffocating one that had filled me just moments before.

His lips finally found my glands, his scent enveloped me, his warmth invigorated me, and when an hour passed, and he left my room with a double portion of my sperm in his stomach, I felt much better in some ways, but in others… even worse. My body was sticky with sweat and pleasantly relaxed—I hadn't even showered. A little longer with his scent on me, just to keep it… his existence overshadowing my fucking non-existence.

Fighting the desperate urge to pace around my room, I sat down in front of my laptop.

The second my status icon lit up, a green video call notification popped up. With a heavy sigh, I clicked ‘accept'.

"Liam… What's up?"

Seeing his face on my screen was usually a relief. Our talks always left me feeling better, more optimistic. Liam could stay so focused, and his steady vibe balanced out my chaotic energy. But today, he could tell right away that something was off. My restless mood must've been written all over my face.

"Spit it out. I can tell something's been bothering you for almost a week, and you haven't said a word," he pointed out, tilting his head slightly and giving me a sharp look.

Yeah, I had to tell him eventually.

"For about a week now, I've been seeing Skye."

Liam's eyes went wide behind his thick glasses.

"You can't be serious. You kept saying how much you hated him, how much he pissed you off!"

"He does piss me off, kinda. But he also turns me on."

Shock spread over his face, his lips quivering before he leaned closer to the camera.

"He's an alpha, for fuck's sake, Soren. What the hell are you doing?"

I cursed under my breath, expecting this reaction.

"Is he paying you?" he blurted out.

This time my cursing was even louder.

"At first, yeah, but I gave the money back…"

Liam put his hands on his head in this dramatic gesture, though I knew it wasn't just for show—he was genuinely freaked out.

"You've lost your damn mind, seriously. So what now? Is he your boyfriend or something?"

"No!" I practically yelled. "We're fuckbuddies. Blowjob buddies. I told him no ass."

Liam sat there, still pressing his hands to his temples, rubbing them in circles like he was getting a headache. I knew how much this was blowing his mind…

"Sorry, man, but I know you too well. This isn't gonna end well. You've got zero experience with this kind of thing. You won't know how to set boundaries, and this is gonna go south fast. You'll get attached, and you know this is a bad idea. You're only setting yourself up to get hurt."

"He gives really good blowjobs…" I mumbled, knowing how dumb that sounded.

Liam rolled his eyes and knocked on his forehead like he was trying to knock some sense into me.

"If you just want someone to blow you that bad, I'll do it, but seriously, don't do this to yourself—not after what happened almost two months ago."

I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Stop…"

Silence.

We didn't say anything for a bit.

"I gotta go. I've got a ton of work. Director Nolan sent me a new project yesterday. I'm also helping Skye with Python. Gotta catch up."

"Wait! You're helping him with Python?! Are you crazy?"

"He's paying me for it."

Liam's jaw dropped.

"You're spending time with him. You're getting closer. That's how it works. The relationship's gonna get more intense."

I didn't respond because what could I say? He wasn't wrong.

"By the way, his surname's Nolan too. Like the director."

Liam shrugged.

"Common surname. Is he at least similar looking?"

I snorted. "Not even close. Skye's got dark auburn hair. The director's almost white-blond. Just a coincidence, I guess."

"Soren, seriously, don't get involved with this alpha. It's not gonna end well. Don't you get it? There's no future in this. You said it yourself, he's hot. Omegas are always gonna be all over him. Sooner or later, someone better is gonna come along. Period. Do you really want that? ABs aren't a thing. We're just recreational use for them!"

"I know. It's just temporary. There's only a month and a half left in the school year, and I'm not planning on sleeping with him. Just blowjobs."

"You're so naive, man. You're not built for casual hookups. You're gonna get attached. I know it."

"You don't know that. I've never had a hookup before. Who knows? Maybe it won't affect me."

I saw Liam's skeptical look and I just shrugged, feeling a wave of irritation. There was no point in arguing about it. And honestly, I didn't want him to convince me either. I wasn't ready to give up on these meetings with Skye just yet.

"Soren, what about… you know. How's your health?"

I growled a warning, and Liam immediately backed off, shaking his head in defeat.

Usually, talking to him made me feel better. Lighter. I'd see things in a more positive way.

Not today.