SKYE

I returned to the room feeling oddly calm, at peace with the situation, accepting that waiting for Soren was my fate. I had to arm myself with patience—there was no other option. Nothing else mattered, even if it meant waiting until the end of my days.

Fifteen minutes later, Soren walked into the room with a strange look on his face. For a moment, I worried that Winter had scolded him about what happened in the bathroom, but then…

"Listen up guys, next week, the company is sending some of us for training. Director Nolan has chosen two employees—myself and Skye—to attend a course on C# and Kotlin. From what I understand, Fay and Devon have already completed the C# course, and Jess and Randy have done the Kotlin course. We're the only ones who haven't, so that's the reason for the decision. The two of us will be away for five days, since that's how long the course lasts."

That was unexpected—I froze in surprise.

"Who's organizing the course?" Fay asked. "The one I attended was hosted by D-Project."

"Yes, it's them. They have a few specialists and offer additional courses for their employees and others who want to upskill."

Fay nodded. "They have good courses. You can learn a lot."

"That's what we're counting on."

Soren turned toward me, his stormy eyes meeting mine.

"I haven't even asked you yet if you want to attend this course. It's entirely voluntary, of course, but Director Nolan suggested your name."

"Of course I want to, and thank you for the opportunity. I'm always eager to improve professionally," I recited in an official tone.

Soren nodded, and only I knew what really hid behind his gaze.

***

The course was held in a neighboring city, at the same company where Alvin and Don currently worked. I hadn't kept in touch with either of them, and I certainly wasn't about to let them know I'd be there for training. I still felt a burning anger over what Alvin had done, separating me from Soren. Everything that followed after our breakup was because of that bastard. I dreamed of getting even with him.

The programming training sessions were scheduled to last five days, with a return on Saturday morning.

Everyone was responsible for getting there on their own, but the company would reimburse travel costs, whether for gas or a train ticket.

I didn't have the courage to suggest to Soren that we carpool, but he surprised me. On Friday, just before leaving work, he approached me while I was in the break room making tea.

"Hey, I've got a bit of a situation. Liam can't lend me his car because he needs it during the week to take his grandpa to the doctor. Would it be a big problem if I rode with you?"

I blinked, feeling a wave of joy. "It's not just ‘not a problem'—it'd be a pleasure."

Soren looked away, shifting from foot to foot as if he didn't know how to respond.

"I could take a taxi to your place—" he started, but I cut him off.

"No need. I'll pick you up at your place. The course starts Monday at 11:00 am, so I think we should leave around 8:00 to give us an hour of cushion after we arrive. It's about a two-hour drive, considering the city center traffic and all."

He slowly nodded. "Okay, give me your number in case it's different from before."

"It's the same. You can text me your address."

Soren stood there looking like he wanted to say even more, finally cleared his throat and said, "I had a rather peculiar convo with your brother."

"Oh?"

"Yep. I think he's interested in some alpha, but is in denial. Or at least is considering getting involved with one."

"What? Why would you say something like that?"

Soren shrugged and pulled out a cigarette, clearly planning to go out for a smoke.

"Are you coming?" he muttered, and I obediently followed him.

I discovered there was a small tiered terrace with a high metal fence on the side of the building where people stood to smoke. We found a spot far enough from others so they couldn't hear us talking.

"Could you elaborate? About Winter's interest in an alpha?" I pressed.

"Just a hunch. He talked weird shit about not feeling fully alive because he's never been in love. He seemed curious, like he felt he was missing out on life. It looked like he was deliberating what to do about the whole problem of betas risking a broken heart with alphas."

"Wait a sec… Winter confessed such things to you?! It's… fucking unfathomable!"

"Yup. It took me by surprise, too. No offense, but your brother seems robotic, super stiff."

"None taken, he is like that. Although not so much on the stiff part—he can be snarky and bitchy. However, he's pretty robotic to the outside world. Very guarded."

"I tried to imagine him having sex. It would be like with an ice sculpture."

I cursed under my breath, "What the fuck? He's my brother—I don't imagine things like that! Don't put it in my head!"

Soren rolled his eyes—it was so much like our convos back in college—surprisingly chilled and pleasant.

He even took a deep drag and puffed the smoke into my face, which made me swoon.

"He's not my brother, so I'm free to imagine what I want. I bet he prefers to top, just a vibe I get. So he'd have to break himself a bit if he wants an alpha. They're rarely bottoms—more are tops or sometimes verses."

Now I was rolling my eyes hard and making faces. I even leaned a bit toward Soren so he didn't miss it as I went cross-eyed. Then I acted like I was vomiting.

Soren… chuckled. Yep, the sweet sound I'd so rarely heard, even before.

"Stop with the monkey faces. If I'm wrong, though, there might be another reason for his strange confession."

I stopped goofing around and fixed my eyes on him. "What would that be?"

Soren put the cigarette in his mouth. My eyes were immediately drawn to the corner of it where the silver lip ring was, the one I played with during our kiss. I would love to do it again, but… I forced myself to focus on his words. "He was being a good brother to you. His whole rant made me change my mind about something. And it almost looked like he was aiming for that."

"About what did you change your mind?"

He took another deep drag and raised his head toward the sky, letting out a long wisp of smoke.

"Choosing you for the programming course."

I froze. "I thought he picked us both!"

Soren's eyes roamed over my face for a while.

"No. He picked me, and let me choose another person. I wasn't going to choose you. But what he said—" Soren paused. "I think he knew what he was doing. He may be a better brother than you give him credit for."

I hesitated and raised my eyes to the sky as he did before. "Well, two things can be true at the same time—he can be into somebody and… he used his own conclusions to persuade you this way."

"True."

There was another moment of silence. I stared at Soren's exquisite face, the black tattoo that snaked up the sides of his neck and along his jawline, giving him that badass, fierce look. But his light gray eyes seemed oddly vulnerable.

Without thinking, I blurted out, "Why are you so beautiful?"

He flinched slightly, then muttered, "Why are you?" before turning and leaving the smoke area to head back to the office.

As he walked away, I stayed there for a while, thinking deeply.

Then I pulled out my phone and texted:

"I have a feeling I should thank you. Your uncharacteristic openness with Soren made him change his mind and pick me for the course. He just admitted it was your strange tirade that made it."

A message from Winter popped up on the screen.

"Your thanks are accepted. I had to fraternize with my own employee for your sake! He probably cringed hearing my reflections."

"I appreciate it, and I owe you another one."

"You probably know by now he has a boyfriend. How are you going to proceed?"

"Using the difference between betas and alphas."

"And that would be? Being dumber?"

I snorted. "Being better in bed."

"Idiot."

"Never slept with an alpha? So you're not a judge here! Unless you plan on changing that?"

Winter ignored my question.

"You better tell me if that's really your strategy."

"I'll tell you my strategy if you tell me whether you like an alpha."

There was no answer.

I shrugged and went back into the building. Winter had his limits with openness, for sure.

But in the meantime, I awaited Monday with great anticipation.

***

When I arrived at the address Soren had given me, he was already waiting outside, with Liam standing next to him, ostentatiously wrapping an arm around Soren's waist. I clenched my teeth but pretended not to care. I got out of the car to courteously load Soren's suitcase into the trunk, but Liam wouldn't let go of the handle, circling the car in a showy manner before placing it in the trunk himself.

I shrugged lightly and opened the passenger door for Soren. Liam immediately pulled him into a hug and, in another ostentatious display, kissed him on the lips right in front of me. But I didn't miss the stiffness in Soren's posture. Was he embarrassed to be kissing Liam in front of me? Or was it something else?

Liam turned to me and said in a low, menacing tone, "You behave. And remember, I warned you."

I didn't stoop so low as to respond. I just got into the car, and Soren joined me a moment later. We pulled out into traffic.

For a while, we drove in silence, Soren staring out the window. But I couldn't hold back—the questions were burning inside me.

"How did you convince him to let you drive there with me?"

"Well, Liam trusts me. He believes that if I say I won't do anything stupid, then I won't."

"Something stupid? That all depends on perspective. What seems foolish to him might seem like destiny to me."

Soren didn't react, he was mindlessly playing with his lip ring, nibbling at it with his tongue, which was a bit distracting since I had already relished feeling it while we kissed, enjoying the slight coldness of it against the warm texture of his lips.

My next question was probably unwise, but I couldn't stop myself from asking it.

"So, what's it like having sex with a beta? You once said you weren't attracted to betas, yet here we are."

Soren flinched slightly, barely noticeable, but I saw it. The question clearly made him uncomfortable.

"That's none of your business."

"I thought so too, but it was Liam who came up to me and gave me a whole lot of information, describing how you moan and climax when he's inside you."

I could almost feel the wave of anger that surged through Soren. He looked at me sharply, his eyebrows drawing together.

"Liam said that?"

"Yes. His exact words were, ‘I'm not surprised you miss him so much. Soren fucks so beautifully', followed by some details about how you reach your climax when he's pounding into you."

I watched as his nostrils flared slightly. First, he went pale, then red.

"I've never had sex with Liam!" he snapped, as if I had accused him of killing a kitten. "We've never even made out."

"That's a bit hard to believe, considering I've seen you two kissing."

He huffed in irritation. "My mouth is always closed."

All of a sudden, he opened the window of the car and pulled out a cigarette in a rather nervous manner. Without asking my permission, he started smoking with a pretty annoyed look on his face.

"What about hjs and bjs?"

"Seriously, I can't believe I'm even telling you this. It's none of your business, but no, we don't do that either."

"Then what's this relationship even about, Soren?"

He rolled his eyes, as he often did, and snorted. "Typical alpha. There are different kinds of relationships. Just because you guys are always looking to fuck doesn't mean betas are the same—we have different libidos!"

"I wouldn't say yours is low, Soren. Not after what I saw. Four times in one hour? I'd say it's right up there with mine."

He cursed quietly under his breath and stayed silent for a moment. "Okay, maybe that wasn't the best argument," he admitted, a bit annoyed but also slightly amused. "We just have a different kind of relationship, a platonic one—based more on friendship and mutual support."

I pursed my lips and glanced at him sideways.

"That sounds like a load of crap a grandpa would say. I know how much you enjoy orgasms, touch, kisses on your skin… I don't get how you can be in an arrangement where sex isn't an important part."

Soren pouted his sweet lips. "I have my hand!"

"Seriously? That's enough for you?"

He stayed silent, brooding over something. We drove for a good ten, maybe fifteen minutes in silence before he finally responded, making it into an elaborate statement.

"It all comes down to what I've told you before. I really don't believe that betas should be with alphas. I had a brief moment when I was writing you all those emails where I forgot about common sense, but the facts are the facts. An alpha and beta relationship is doomed to fail. Sure, maybe there's this intense chemistry between us that could work for a while, but life isn't all about sex. There are other important things I value in Liam. I know I can have a stable relationship with him that will last for years without worrying that one day he'll leave me for his higher mate. And I'm only interested in a long-term thing, not in changing boyfriends every fucking year."

Unpleasant irritation washed over me. "Fear, self-blocking, rationalizing, giving up! That's all I hear in your words, Soren. You're not even trying to live—you're just convincing yourself that what you have with Liam is better than what you could have with me. But I know you don't believe that. You're twenty-two, and you've decided to give up sex? Okay, maybe when you're fifty or seventy, it's not the most important thing, but you've got twenty years ahead of you where, day after day, you'll be denying yourself what you could have with me, in unlimited amounts."

"Yeah, yeah, I already know how a passionate relationship with an alpha ends! I'm not a sex robot; I want more than just fucking, Skye. I want love. But the problem with love is… when people break up, it leaves you broken, crushed, and cursing the day you ever got involved with that person. I've been through that, Skye. I was in love, and I had good sex, and then it was all taken away from me. So, what's the point? I don't want to suffer again. I learned my lesson, maybe too well."

"Life is full of suffering by nature. It's not one big happy ride through fields of roses. No one can take anything for granted; we have to fight for everything, work hard for everything. If I was on suppressants, Soren, and I stayed on them for years, even if my True Mate walked right by me, I wouldn't be able to sense him."

Soren had a sulky face, looking a bit like an offended kid. He threw the extinguished cigarette out of the car window.

"And one more thing. You said you value things in Liam beyond sex. Are you sure I don't have those qualities too? Maybe I have them and more—because I can give you good sex. Isn't that a win?"

There was a long silence as he stared out at the road.

"Don't you want to have kids someday?"

I hesitated. That was the one downside I saw in being with a beta.

"You do. I can see it on your face, Skye. But I can't give you kids!"

"There's always surrogacy. If you produce eggs, and clearly you do since you get pregnant, they can be harvested, and we can have a child together that a surrogate can carry."

Soren almost jumped in his seat.

"Whoa, whoa! Stop, Skye. You're getting way ahead of yourself. Surrogacy? We're not even together, and have I given you any signal that suggests I'm planning to break up with Liam?"

I fell silent, realizing I had jumped the gun. But something about Soren made it easy to do that—I could picture our future life together, far ahead, even if for now, we weren't on the same page.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "You're right; I got carried away. It was just a conversation about possibilities. I intend to keep my word. I won't cross any lines you're not comfortable with. I said I'd wait for your decision, and I will."

Soren swallowed and turned his head toward the window. And that was the end of that conversation, at least for the moment.

For the rest of the drive, we talked about other things—work, school, even a bit about our parents. Soren was slightly shocked when I told him about how my oldest brother, River, ran away from home with an older man. He also asked for more details on my parents' story and was very sympathetic toward my dad, knowing he had once been a slave bought at an illegal auction. Soren made it clear how he felt about those auctions and how the government still wasn't doing enough to stop them.

I also noticed he still seemed a bit uneasy about my parents being True Mates. He stared at his hands for a moment and then suddenly said, "I heard that statistically, children of TMs have a much higher chance of finding their own True Mates—like, 400% more likely than children from a different type of relationship, with lower mateship."

For a moment, I didn't know what to say. Those stats were true, and I understood why that might worry Soren. If I had a 20% chance instead of just 5% of finding my True Mate, it increased the likelihood that one day I'd leave him if I met that person.

I decided to joke. "You know, that might also mean we're True Mates."

Soren just scoffed in irritation. "Nice try. I'm a beta. I once read that the chance of a beta meeting their True Mate is 0.1%, even in densely populated areas. So, I'm not getting my hopes up."

"I know, the odds are tiny. You just don't hear those kinds of stories. They're like urban legends. But every so often I have these thoughts, you know? Sometimes I feel like I can sense what you're feeling, and that's supposed to be a sign of True Mates. And the chemistry… it all fits together, also the fact that I want to be with you so badly. You're like air to me. I always want to see you, always want to be near you…"

Soren coughed slightly, avoiding my gaze. After a long pause, he added, "Sorry to break it to you, but if we were True Mates, we wouldn't have been able to stay apart for so many months. They can't be separated for more than maybe two weeks, from the moment they touch."

"I know," I replied quietly. "I just… brought it up randomly. Maybe I'm a romantic. But sometimes I feel this connection with you, so strong, like we're meant to be together… like we're destined for each other. Maybe we're alpha-beta High Mates, who knows? It's the next best thing…"

I trailed off, and my voice wavered. I saw that Soren tensed up, his hands clenching into fists as he looked out the window. But he didn't say anything. We drove in silence for the next twenty minutes, and it was clear to me that Soren didn't want to dig into the topic of our relationship. I had to try to hold back even more.

Luckily, as we got closer to our destination, the conversation shifted to the training course. We talked about that for a bit, which helped lighten the mood.

Soon after, we arrived at the D-Project company, and there was our hotel right across the street. They had a deal with the hotel and had booked rooms for us. The friendly beta at the reception desk handed us our keys, and I gallantly took Soren's suitcase. He let me do it without saying a word.

When I brought it to the door of his room, I said, "I'm going to freshen up. See you in half an hour?"

"Yeah, we still have 50 minutes until the first course starts. We can meet in the lobby."

That's exactly what happened; I took a shower, ate a sandwich, and headed downstairs, where Soren was already waiting for me, sitting on one of the couches in the lobby. We headed to the D-Project company's building together, where the room for the trainees was already crowded. From what I gathered, there were nearly 100 people from various programming companies attending the course. Nathaniel had given me time off to take part, as he also wanted me to improve my skills in additional programming languages.

We sat together, as usual, in the back row, which we both preferred. It was nice there; the chairs were packed tightly next to each other, and whenever I moved slightly, my elbow brushed against Soren's.

Throughout the lecture, I felt his presence next to me more clearly than I'd ever felt anyone's before, not even Martin's. I turned my head slightly and watched him for a moment—his flawless profile, his unblemished skin, his silky black hair. He sensed me staring and turned his head, looking directly into my eyes. I smiled softly, but he didn't return it. Soren had never genuinely smiled at me. Even before we ‘broke up', the most I ever got from him was a grim chuckle through clenched lips.

"Beautiful. Why are you so fucking beautiful?" I murmured.

He frowned bitterly and muttered, "You keep repeating it over and over."

"I know, it's because I see it in front of my eyes, like, all the time."

He didn't respond and turned his gaze back to the lecturer, but I kept staring at him. I just couldn't take my eyes off him. It seemed impossible to imagine how I'd gain anything from this course when Soren occupied all of my thoughts.

"You're staring like crazy," he grumbled under his breath.

"That's probably because I'm crazy about you. And it's just hard to believe I'm here with you. I'm simply happy."

"Doesn't take much to make you happy. I could give you many, many more reasons…"

I froze, feeling a slight twitch in my groin. The undertone of what he was saying was obvious, and I felt my cheeks flush.

"I know. Then I'd be ecstatic. For now, I'm just happy."

He didn't reply and focused on the lecturer again, and after a while, I forced myself to do the same.

That's how the first lesson went. The next was filled with exercises, so we found ourselves in a room with laptops that we could use. This time, I had to forcefully pull myself out of thinking only about Soren and make an effort to learn something from this course.

After another learning session, there was a short lunch break, followed by another course. We didn't talk much during the meal. Of course, I was staring at Soren—duh—but he mostly stared at his tray, lost in thought.

The second part of the day dragged on slower, even though it was shorter. Evening was approaching, and we went to grab a quick dinner. After that, we had some free time. Soren said he was tired and went to his room… even though it was only 9 pm.

I felt like he did it on purpose, to avoid getting too close to me, but there was nothing I could do about it. So, I went to my room and started reading, for what felt like the hundredth time, the emails Soren had once written to me…