SKYE

After a night spent wandering aimlessly, feeling like I was in a fever dream, I returned to campus in the morning.

I was in a strange state of shock, like I had split into two people. A small part of my rational mind told me I had to take care of some things not necessarily related to my love life, though it barely registered.

Since college was over, I had to handle some stuff at the dean's office, so I headed there first, walking as if in a dream, haphazardly drifting between the administration buildings. It wasn't until around 10:30 that I finally got back to the dorm.

Archer was nowhere to be seen, Alvin was in the room alone; he greeted me at the door with a weird look, while my face remained stiff and unresponsive.

"What's up? Had a good time? I have a feeling Soren kicked you to the curb," he spoke in an unnaturally light tone.

I froze even more, glaring at him murderously. I didn't have the strength for his triumphant ‘I told you so'. I spent the night trying to make peace with the fact that I had failed in my pursuit, that Soren and I would never be together again. It was the worst twelve hours of my life. I'd heard once that this kind of event is called ‘the dark night of the soul', and I had just gone through it.

And because I hadn't slept, it felt like my mind was detached from my body, out of phase. I wasn't fully in control of my movements, and certainly not of my emotions.

"Yeah," I responded mechanically, opening my laptop with a forced look of indifference.

There was an email from my parents, giving me all the details of their visit tomorrow.

But Alvin didn't give up. He came over, standing behind me as I read my parents' email in a half-dazed state.

"Are you gonna tell me how it went? Why didn't you come back to the dorm last night?"

"I don't have to explain anything," I mumbled.

"Oh, come on, it was totally predictable!"

Exactly ten seconds of silence—that was the time I needed to focus. I couldn't run away from this, could I? Alvin wouldn't disappear. Oh, well. I was in hell anyway, so if that's what he wanted, I let it out.

"We didn't really break up, since we weren't officially together. He just said he didn't want to keep seeing me, and that's it." My voice sounded more robotic than I expected, without any emotion. Like it wasn't even me talking. Maybe for the best? Why feed Alvin anything he could turn into a weapon?

But he narrowed his eyes, analyzing me. "I hope you're not taking this too hard. I warned you this would happen, but you just brushed it off. Man, you just dodged something really shitty, something that never had a chance of working out. You were so stubborn and naive."

And he chuckled.

The fucker.

Oh yeah, I was gonna feed him something after all!

"Shove your ‘I told you so' up your ass!" That was a scream.

Alvin froze in shock. Surely, my amplitude of emotions was steep. From being a robot to a madman.

Slowly, I stood up, turning to face him. I'm guessing I didn't look great—pale from a sleepless night, my lips drawn tight, and my eyes squinted.

He stammered uncertainly, "What's your problem? Why are you so pissed? I was just telling the truth—you shouldn't be wasting your time on that whore. You're worth more than that…"

I lunged at him, shoving him so hard that he stumbled back against his desk.

"Never. Speak. About him. Like that. Again." I made a point of emphasizing each word.

"Don't you think about him that way now too?"

Full stop. My eyes blinked as I stared into Alvin's scornful face.

A slight tremor ran through my body, as the memory of Soren walking away with Don, dragging him by the hand, flashed through my mind.

Don! The freaking rapist he hated so much, but that's who he chose to break things off with me… A wave of disgust and bitterness washed over me.

Alvin's eyebrows furrowed. He peered at my face for a moment before saying, "I told you the truth because I still care about our friendship. Friends should tell each other how things are. It's a shame you don't appreciate that, but I'm telling you, it would have ended badly for you."

"I don't need your ‘truth', since I know you're not unbiased. You didn't like Soren because he kept pulling Don away from you."

Alvin grimaced, but didn't answer.

"You have no idea what I see in Soren—and I have no idea what you see in Don. You were screwing Mark and Sean anyway, so why the greed?"

He hesitated and looked aside for a second. My question was honest—I truly didn't know his reasons, but I felt there were definitely some.

Were they into some strange, rare kink together? And was Alvin afraid he'd never meet anyone with similar interests? But oh well, judging by his defensive expression, I wasn't going to get an answer anyway, his reasons would remain a mystery.

Silence fell between us as we stared at each other for a moment.

"Is this how we're going to end it, Skye? We've known each other since high school, and now this?"

There was genuine regret and bitterness in his voice.

"It doesn't matter anyway," I muttered, sighing deeply and shook my head in resignation. "We're all saying goodbye. Life's moving on."

After that, I lay down on the bed, sliding my arms under my head. Sleepiness was creeping back in, ready to take over. My eyelids were heavy, and my mind was drifting away.

Alvin stayed quiet for a while, then murmured, "I'm sorry it didn't go the way you wanted, though I still think this is for the best." I barely heard him and didn't reply.

Just then, I heard my laptop ping like I had a new email. I didn't have the energy to get up, but I heard Alvin going over to check it, which miffed me.

There was a brief silence. Since the desk was behind my head, I couldn't see what he was doing, and there was no strength left in me to ask.

Suddenly, he spoke in a funny tone. "It's just some spam. I know some good filters—I can help you set one up to block stuff like this, you know, the kind about how to enlarge your penis, and so on…"

"How to enlarge your penis? Did I really get that kind of spam?"

"Yeah, maybe you've been researching it. You know how ads work—they tailor themselves to your search results," he tried to joke.

I just scoffed angrily. "I'm not even going to comment on that, but I'm always up for a little comparison session if you have any doubts," I muttered, feeling myself drifting away into slumber again.

He laughed. While we were talking, he was leaning over my laptop, clicking on something, but I had no idea what.

After a moment, he said, "Okay, I set up a filter that'll block stupid messages like that. You'll thank me later—you don't need that kind of stuff cluttering up your inbox."

He walked away from my laptop and sat down on his bed. I looked at him. His face still had that peculiar look, like a scared puppy, as if he had done something wrong.

After a moment of silence, he said, "I got confirmation today. My job application to D-Project was accepted."

It sounded like a desperate attempt to change the subject, but I didn't push it. I felt like a quivering jelly, melting sleepily into the bedsheet—nothing was how it should be.

"Congrats," I muttered, though I didn't really care. Nothing was ever going to be the same again, and I was just pretending to hold it together.

"I'm starting there next week. Don got in too."

Oh, no. No, no, no. I didn't want to talk about that scumbag anymore, not while feeling so weak. I just grimaced and turned onto my side.

"Don't ever mention that bastard to me again. I'm going to sleep—I can barely keep my eyes open."

It was strange, talking to him like everything was normal, like my world hadn't collapsed yesterday. It really felt like I had split into two people—a charred, burned-out husk and a paper- thin pretender, faking that everything was okay. But it was all just a big lie.

As I lay there with my eyes closed, I remembered Soren had sent me a text.

A wave of anger washed over me.

He wanted to talk? Really? After what he said to me? After he went off to give Don a bj? After telling me never to contact him again, now he thought he had the right to anything?

Unbelievable. Maybe he regretted how he treated me. I knew how he operated—he'd say things impulsively in a fit of anger, then come back later to apologize. Maybe he wanted to end things civilly, in a friendly way. Perhaps guilt was eating at him, pushing him to try and make amends.

But I didn't need his apologies.

Fucking bastard.

And then, that unwanted vision again—Don's disgusting expression when Soren offered to blow him. Don was probably thrilled to get off in Soren's sensual mouth.

Whore. Yep.

A disheartening conclusion, but an unavoidable one. Alvin was right—I was an idiot for getting involved with Soren. Bitterness and anger surged through me, effectively shielding me from pain. And reason.

If Soren didn't want me and preferred to pull some dumb stunt with Don The Rapist, that was his choice. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of accepting his apology.

No forgiveness, no blessing on his way out.

There it was, the boundless rage, and it just kept building. Up. And up.

It was my typical modus operandi. I'd always hidden my pain that way, and now that mechanism kicked in full force. Like a massive flywheel, it made everything else disappear—fury, like a gray downpour, flooded my nervous system, leaving no room for anything else. Promising to give me some relief.

I had to close this chapter—the pain wasn't just in my heart—it was all through my body, and I couldn't let that continue. The effort to convert it into pure wrath felt like a rusty, grinding machine slowing down, draining me of life force. I was getting exhausted, worn out.

In a weird, paradoxical way, I understood what Soren meant when he said he had to save himself from the pain. I had to do the same.

I had to hate him.

HATE.

It was the only way.

Cut him off! Block him out!

Soon… I fell asleep.

***

I woke up at 3:00 am after practically sleeping the whole day away.

My head hurt, and my muscles ached like I was sick, as if my body was manifesting the pain of losing Soren. But my mind was still filled with dark clouds of anger. I guess it was working—now I hated him even more. More than yesterday, for sure. Maybe they were right? Perhaps I really dodged a bullet.

I cursed under my breath when I realized I hadn't packed, even though I promised my parents I would. I was supposed to be ready to leave right after receiving my diploma.

Archer and Alvin were already asleep, and I knew rummaging around the room would wake them up, but what could I do? I got up and started packing. I pulled out my suitcase and tried to be as quiet as possible. As I gathered my things, I felt awful. I was finalizing this phase of my life. College was over, my education complete, and my future set. I was supposed to work for Nathaniel's software company, with hours that suited me. It should be perfect, right?

It was also a life that had no room for Soren. I was going back home to my parents—alone, with a broken heart, full of stark anger—stripped of hope and faith in people.

I managed to pack without waking my roommates, then crawled back into bed and forced myself to get a little more sleep, shutting off all thoughts and emotions. That was also my plan for the next day.

***

The morning was rough. My head felt like it was about to burst, like I was nursing a massive hangover. Alvin was pulling on his formal attire, so I reluctantly took a shower and did the same.

We didn't talk much before heading out to the graduation ceremony. I only mentioned that my parents would be driving over afterward to help load up my stuff.

Archer had promised to join us for our graduation, even though he still had a year left in college. He dressed up and walked over to give me a hug.

"Well, dude… congrats on graduating from college, and good luck with everything!" He hesitated for a second before adding, "And, uh… I'm sorry about the whole Soren thing."

When he let me go, I muttered, "You were right. I should've handled it sooner. Maybe things would've turned out differently."

"Maybe," he said, trying to be reassuring as he met my eyes. "Who knows, you might run into Soren again someday."

There was genuine sympathy in his expression, a kind of brotherly warmth. He put a hand on my shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

"I get it. It's rough when the one you want the most isn't an option. But you'll get through it. You learn to live with it. I did."

The empathy in his face, the understanding—somewhat soothed my soul.

"Thanks," I said, shaking my head slightly. "But I doubt I'll ever see him again. And even if I do, it won't matter. He's not gonna change his mind. I'll still be an alpha, and he'll still be a beta."

It surprised me that I could even say Soren's name out loud. Just uttering it felt like physical pain, like I had a wound in my mouth. I blinked, shocked by the sensation.

Archer tilted his head, studying my face, so I quickly shrugged, trying to brush it off.

"Whatever. I just need to get through this. Right now, I'm probably still in shock. Once it fades, I'll probably fall apart, but for now, I'm running on fumes of pure anger."

"I get that," Archer said. "But you know you'll see him at the ceremony, right?"

"Yeah, but I'm not talking to him. There's no point anymore. I don't want to dig any of it back up."

Alvin, who had been quietly watching us from the side, nodded in approval.

"That's the spirit. Clean break. Forget about him and move on. When you get back home, hook up with some hot omegas and get laid. Trust me, it helps—been there myself."

The thought of sleeping with someone else made my stomach turn. My whole body rejected the idea, but I wasn't about to tell Alvin that. He wouldn't understand.

A moment later, we heard a knock. It was Gabriel, already dressed up, coming to walk us to the ceremony. He also congratulated me, and since he didn't know what had happened, he was probably surprised to see me so dejected, so… NOT in a celebratory mood. But, oh well. Life went on, or… it seemed that way at the moment.

***

During the entire ceremony, I was out of phase, disconnected from my body, cut off from my own feelings—by my own choice.

My family arrived too—all my brothers, plus my cousin and boss, Nathaniel Nolan. Rain was there with his insanely gorgeous fiancée, Kay, who was his True Mate. I'll admit, seeing them didn't bring me as much joy as it should have; my emotions were completely numb, and I felt kind of dazed.

Spotting Storm among my brothers pissed me off even more.

So I snapped at him right from the start, "What the hell are you doing here?"

Ever since our fight over David, we hadn't spoken a word to each other.

My purple alpha brother shot back with the same scowl. "I'm just giving Nathaniel a ride! Don't think I actually care about your stupid graduation, loser."

"Idiot."

"Jerk."

"C'mon, can we not do this today?" Nathaniel muttered.

Shortly after I moved to the student section, I saw Soren from a distance, but I didn't pay him any attention. I stayed close to Gabriel and Archer, who were cheering for me and Alvin, clapping their hands.

After getting my diploma, while I was still on stage, Finn Delgado came over to congratulate me with a wide smile. I was grateful for his presence and thanked him for his help, but I didn't invite him to join the celebration dinner with my family since Winter, his ex, was there too, and that could've been awkward.

As soon as I said goodbye to Finn and stepped off the stage, I turned toward my family waiting at a distance… that's when I saw him again.

Soren.

He stood among the other students but turned to me, and came closer with a strange, determined look on his face.

He seemed different, like his whole figure had changed colors, everything turning black and white—monochrome. He seemed flat, meaningless, like a photo you'd swipe left on.

And that's exactly what I did when he started talking—I just walked past him and headed toward my family, who were loudly applauding and waving. They immediately surrounded me, hugging me tightly.

I kept telling myself over and over that I had to close this chapter—probably a hundred times by now. But deep down, part of me still wanted to turn around and run back to Soren. I couldn't, though. I couldn't let myself be that foolish, showing everyone how much of an idiot I was for falling for the wrong person. Just thinking about what he did made my stomach churn. Don's smug face haunted my mind after Soren offered him a bj.

If that's how he wanted to end things, then I wasn't about to show him any leniency now. My anger was too strong—no way could I say even a single word to him.

My brothers surrounded me like a protective wall, and my parents embraced me warmly. Only Storm looked somewhere behind me, then said, "Who was that?"

"Nobody important," I growled, clenching my jaw. I didn't need him prying into my business.

"I think you should talk to him, might be worth it," Storm muttered with a strange grin, but the rest of my brothers quickly made him shut up. He cursed and turned away from us.

I whispered to my dad, "Let's head back to the dorm. I'm already packed. There's nothing left for me here."

His turquoise eyes darted toward Soren as well, but when he noticed my sour expression, he gently placed his hand on my shoulder and said softly, "Of course, honey. Let's go. We've got a drive ahead, and it wouldn't be great to hit traffic."

I was glad he saved me from an uncomfortable conversation about this idiot. We started walking away, but for some reason, Storm kept glancing back at Soren and then squinting at me. I had no idea what was going on with him, so I just snarled, "Already thinking about sleeping with him?!"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but he's not my type."

"Never stopped you before, with all the exes you've fucked!"

"But this time it wouldn't work."

"Why? Is your dick malfunctioning? Poor thing, so many exes waiting to be fucked by the mighty alien, and you can't get it up?"

His eyes flared at me—he well remembered how we used to tease him with that nickname when we were kids. But he stopped himself from reacting and only muttered,

"No, he wouldn't fall for me."

"Oh, why's that? The purple alpha charm always worked before! No personality or decency needed, just the fucking monster dick and monster look. You're welcome to try your luck here; he's all yours!" And I waved toward the crowd where Soren had disappeared.

Storm's face looked tense, like he was tempted to say something. His eyes, turquoise like mine but in an even more intense, glowing shade (the ones we also teased him about, calling them ‘UFOs'), locked with mine for a second. He was clearly angry, but for some reason, he just clenched his jaw and muttered, "You're as stupid as ever. It's your loss."

"C'mon, guys," Nathaniel muttered again. "Can we please NOT do this today?"

Fuming, I sat in the car. I let myself be just angry—super angry. Sooo fucking angry.

Furious.

Enraged.

I even allowed myself to feel a bit of triumph over Soren. He pushed me away, and now I'd done the same to him. I didn't need that bastard. He could give bjs to whoever he wanted, even to his own rapist, and rent apartments with whoever he wanted. I was done with him and his bullshit.