56. Layne

Chapter fifty-six

Layne

Three Months Later

T he pregnancy test sits on the counter flipped over so I can’t obsess over whether there are lines forming on it. Three agonizing minutes. This test is only confirming what I already know. I’m late, like two weeks late. So unless there is something wrong with me, I am definitely pregnant. The minutes seem to take forever to pass. My phone pings in my lap. The group text with Atlas and Wes comes up.

I sent a clip of me modeling my new bathing suit, that I’ll be wearing at the beach today with Atlas and Sky. Wes has to work today, even though it’s a Saturday. Some big things are happening with his case and it’s about to get “crazy” as he said the other night.

Atlas: That suit looks fire on you!

Wes: Change. Now.

Layne: Make me.

Wes: Make you what? A mom? Because baby if you leave the house in that, I am gonna leave work and fuck you right there on the beach.

Layne: Leaving now.

Atlas: Bitches! This is a G-R-O-U-P C-H-A-T. YA NASTIES!

I burst into laughter as the timer on the phone beeps, filling the room with its sound. With a sense of anticipation, I flip the test over and I’m greeted by two vivid, dark pink lines. I let out a long, drawn out breath. Wes and I are having another baby. The baby we lost has been ever present in my mind, but I won’t let that devastating loss overshadow this moment.

My gaze goes to the mirror above the sink. “You are going to be an amazing mother, Layne. Everything you missed out on, you are going to give this little person.” Verbalizing these words uplifts my spirits. I CAN DO THIS. I send off a text to Wes in the chat.

Layne: You’re still heading to the beach after you’re done, right?

Wes: You still gonna wear the bathing suit?

I roll my eyes and respond.

Layne: Yes. We’ll see if you make good on your threat.

Wes: Brat. Yeah, baby. I should be there in about an hour. If any guy even looks at you, I’ll gouge their eyes out.

Atlas: Still a group chat motherfuckers.

Ocean Beach is busy today. The heat today has everyone out enjoying the weather, families and groups of friends enjoying the chilly water of the Bay. I sit on a towel guarding our cooler and towels while I watch Sky and Atlas in the water. A few feet away, a set of twins sits in front of their parents, building a sandcastle. Soon it’s going to be all of us like that with this baby. I can feel it.

“ Ma Petite Mort !“ Wes shouts from behind me. I turn around and I have to wipe the drool from my mouth as my husband walks toward me. Wes has put on more muscle over the last few months, and my eyes are thanking him for it. As Wes approaches me, desire builds low in my belly. His sun-kissed skin glistens under the scorching sun, accentuating his sculpted physique. I can’t help but admire how his muscles ripple with each step he takes. His energy drink in hand, he flashes me a mischievous smile, knowing exactly the effect he has on me.

I quickly compose myself, trying to hide the drool that threatens to escape my mouth. Engrossed in my thoughts, I realize the beach has become even more crowded. Laughter and chatter fill the air as people soak up the summer vibes. Wes settles beside me on the towel. “Hey babe, are you trying to give everyone a heart attack?”

With a puzzled look, he raises an eyebrow in confusion. “What?”

“I’m pretty sure every woman on this section of the beach just got pregnant when you walked up.” I laugh.

Atlas and Sky plop down on their towels next to us. “Me too,” Atlas says. “Get ready to pay all these child support payments, because I’m keeping it. ”

Wes takes a sip of his energy drink, trying to fight off the laughter. “Get the fuck out of here with that shit. I’m taken.” He holds up his left hand, his white gold band shimmering in the sunlight.

“Wanna go for a walk with me?” I turn to Wes, feeling the softness of his curly locks as my fingers glide through them.

“Sure, baby.” He hoists himself to his feet, holding out his hand to me. My hand fits perfectly in his as he pulls up into his arms.

Wes and I stroll along the shoreline, the waves crashing against our feet. I can’t help but feel a sense of contentment. The warm breeze brushes against my skin, carrying the scent of saltwater and sunscreen. Wes and I walk hand in hand, our fingers intertwined, and I can only think that I could have missed out on this.

We pass by families building sandcastles, children flying kites, and couples lounging in beach chairs. The vibrant energy of the beach surrounds us, filling our hearts with joy. It’s moments like these that make me grateful for the love we share.

We reach a secluded spot near the cliff. Wes pulls me close, his arms wrapping around me in a loving embrace. I bury my face in his chest, feeling the rhythm of his heartbeat. Time seems to stand still as we soak in the ocean’s beauty and the love between us.

I pull back. “So you really don’t like the bikini?” I tease, undoing the wrap I wore as a coverup, spinning around for him.

“Layne,” he groans. “Don’t get me hard right now. I’m always down to fuck, but,” he looks around, “there’s kids out.”

“You don’t think it makes me look pregnant?”

Wes pulls his sunglasses off his face and looks me dead in the eye. “Why would it make you look pregnant?”

I bite my lip, staring right back at him. “Because… I am pregnant. ”

Wes’s eyes widen in surprise as the words sink in. He takes a moment to process the news, his hand still wrapped around mine. A mix of emotions flicker across his face – shock, joy, and a hint of nervousness.

“You’re pregnant?” he finally manages to say, his voice filled with excitement. I nod, a smile spreading across my face. The weight of the secret I had been carrying suddenly feels lighter, replaced by a sense of anticipation for the future.

Wes pulls me into a tight embrace, his arms enveloping me with a newfound protectiveness. “You’re sure,” he whispers, his voice filled with fear.

“Yeah, the test was so positive it was almost comical. I’m probably about eight or nine weeks pregnant. I think?” Leaning into his chest, I place a soft kiss right where his heart is. “Are you happy?”

As we stand there, our bodies pressed against each other, the sound of the crashing waves becomes a soothing backdrop to our shared moment of joy. The world seems to fade away, leaving only the two of us and the life growing within me.

“ Am I fucking happy? Of course I am! I can’t wait to meet our baby,” Wes says softly, his voice filled with so much love. I lean into him, feeling the warmth of his body against mine, grateful for the bond we share and the journey we are about to embark on together. He cautiously places his hand right where our baby grows. “Is this okay? Can I touch you here?”

My heart aches because the last time he touched my stomach like this, I snapped at him. I place my hand on top of his, pressing down on. “Yes, it’s okay. I have a good feeling this time, Wes.”

With the knowledge of our impending parenthood, our walk along the shoreline takes on a new significance. A new beginning, one filled with some many new firsts, and I can’t wait to experience all of them with Wes. We talk about our hopes and dreams for our child, imagining the life we will create as a family .

In that moment, surrounded by the beauty of nature and the love between us, I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the love we share, for the life growing within me, and for the journey we are about to embark on together.

“I never really thanked you for saving me.” I look out at the water, the surface glimmering in the sunlight. “We wouldn’t be doing this right now if you hadn’t loved me the way you do.” I turn to face him. “Thank you for loving me, for fighting for me when I refused to fight for myself.”

“You’re my life, Ma Petite Mort. You are the very reason I get up in the morning and breathe. If they couldn’t have saved you, I would have jumped back into that water and died with you. There is no me without you. And now there is no me without us.” He scoots behind me and pulls me back to lean into his chest. One hand resting on my stomach and the other intertwined with mine.

As we sit there, hand in hand, I realize that this moment marks the beginning of a new chapter in our lives – a chapter filled with love, joy, and many unknowns. I can’t help but fall deeper in love with Wes. His presence brings a sense of security and comfort that I cherish.

The sun sets over the water and we cuddle closer, finding solace in each other’s arms. The sound of crashing waves lulls us into a state of tranquility. This kind of moment, when the struggle is worth it, magnifies the beauty of fighting for survival. The difficulties we face in life only remind us of the value and preciousness of each day. Just when it seems like the darkness will never end, a sliver of light breaks through. In order to find the light, you must be willing to battle against the shadows. It helps when you have someone to fight alongside you.