3. Wes

Chapter three

Wes

August

I t’s an unusually warm day today in the city, so how am I spending this fine Saturday? With Layne and her little friend. Well, I’m tagging along and they are none the wiser of my presence. I’m dressed in a pair of black shorts, a white Pennywise shirt, a zip up jacket, a backwards hat and my glasses. The nerdy music lover look might get me caught, but does it really matter? I need this girl more than I need air to breathe. It’s almost as if I’m begging her to catch me.

Layne’s friend drags her around the mall to shop. As I discreetly follow Layne and her friend Atlas, I can’t help but notice the stark contrast between them. Layne, my introverted and reserved girl, seems to despise every moment of this shopping expedition. Meanwhile, Atlas, the epitome of an extrovert, skips around with boundless energy by her side. Even from a distance behind them, his voice carries and I listen in on them chatting away.

“What store should we hit first? Or should we get a smoothie? I could kill a strawberry banana smoothie right now.” He asks over his shoulder, Layne’s shorter legs desperately try to keep up with him.

“Whatever you wanna do…” she huffs, out of breath. “We can look around and then hit the smoothie place. I think it’s at the end of this floor, anyway.”

It’s baffling to me how Layne and Atlas became such close friends. I’ve done extensive research on him, trying to understand what draws her to him. But no matter how much I analyze their dynamic, I can’t seem to comprehend it. They met in high school and have been inseparable since.

As they walk through the mall, I watch as Layne follows Atlas, her eyes filled with minor irritation and affection. It’s clear that she values their friendship, even if it means enduring activities that are outside of her comfort zone. I stand aside, watching them explore a few stores. Atlas drags her to a little smoothie shop that’s tucked into the corner. Layne orders a tropical smoothie, with pineapple and coconut. I watch as she takes a sip and her eyes roll back.

Mental note: She likes pineapple and coconut smoothies.

I can’t help but feel a pang of envy as I follow them through the bustling mall. I long to be the person who brings a smile to Layne’s face and fills her days with laughter. Yet, here I am, an invisible presence, merely observing from a distance. I could simply ask her out and she might say yes.

But, I’m not a normal guy. I don’t think I have ever been “normal”. Even growing up, I was the nerdy jock that kept to himself. I was way more into science and comic books than partying and getting drunk, like my peers. I found solace in my own world of curiosity and imagination. I never dated in school with the exception of taking a friends sister to the prom, but nothing ever came of it .

Here I am, grappling with insecurities, questioning why I can’t be like other guys. Why can’t I just muster the courage to ask Layne out like any other person would?

Because your an obsessive asshole that’s why.

I’m not what you’d call a “people person.”

Atlas drags Layne into a lingerie store, and Layne’s face turns a deep shade of scarlet. This time I follow inside and lurk in the corner, albeit like a creeper, but still. I pretend to browse the racks of lacy lingerie and catch her reaction to being in here. It has piqued my interest.

Why is she so uncomfortable?

“Come on La La, let’s find you something sexy as fuck to wear underneath your skirts and dresses.” He picks up a black thong bodysuit and shoves it in her hands along with a few other things.

I can’t deny that seeing her in that bodysuit would definitely do something for me. Once Atlas turns his back, Layne puts back the bodysuit, but keeps all the other undergarments he handed her. I pick up the bodysuit after she walks away and a smirk creeps across my face. I casually walk up to the register while they continue to shop.

“Did you find everything you needed today, sir?” The cashier asks as she rings up the bodysuit, giving me a smile.

“I did, thanks. My girl is gonna love this.” Peeking over my shoulder, watching Layne look extremely embarrassed as Atlas shows her a pair of crotchless underwear. I hand the cashier my debit card and she bags up my purchase, handing me my card, receipt and the bag.

“Have a great day,” the cashier says.

“Thanks, you too.”

Making my way out of the store, I catch the tail end of the crotchless panty conversation,and it takes everything in me to not burst into laughter.

“I just don’t understand the concept of them. I mean, why wear underwear at all? Just go commando. ”

The perplexed look on her face kills me. She holds up a pair flimsy lace underwear and just looks so lost. Has she never had a boyfriend surprise her with lingerie? Actually, scratch that, I don’t want to think about her with past boyfriends. I leave the shop and stand aside, waiting for their departure.

After they left the mall, Atlas and Layne ended up at the grocery store a few blocks from her apartment. So naturally I follow them around, watching as Layne fills her cart with items. I take note of all the things she puts in, from the cereal she buys to the brand of feminine products. All things a dotting stalker should know about his girl. You never know when that information will come in handy.

Layne turns down an aisle and about halfway down a random guy just about breaks his neck looking at my girl. She doesn’t even look his way, and I watch as the guy dead stops in the middle of the aisle. I can just see his puny brain try to decide if he wants to approach her. Just as she and Atlas turn the corner, I pass by him.

“Don’t even fucking think about it.” I look him dead in the eye, my voice dripping with disdain. “She isn’t available.”

“Oh, sorry bro. I didn’t mean to stare. Beautiful girl, you’ve got there.” He looks back toward the way she walked. I clear my throat and he makes eye contact with me and he quickly rushes past me with his pasta sauce. The asshole turns the corner toward the registers in practically a sprint.

Yep, pretty sure I scared the shit out of him. Score one for Wes.

He’s right, I do have a beautiful girl, and she is mine. All mine . Soon it will be her and I shopping together, doing all these little mundane everyday tasks. I can’t fucking wait. Just the thought of Layne and I, and I get the urge to be all domestic. I have never in my life ever felt that I would be the type of guy to settle down and have a family, but when I look at her… all of those thoughts fade away. I look at her and I envision her pregnant with one of our many kids, or she and I together at some music festival. It’s wild.

They finish up and head to check out. I grab an energy drink from the fridge at self-checkout, pay, and leave before I’m spotted. Cutting across the parking lot, I hop in my car, and head back to my place. I’ll be visiting her later tonight, leaving her my little gift.

A few hours later, I park my car at my usual spot a few blocks up. I’ve already driven by and seen that the lights were out. It’s only one in the morning, so she turned in early tonight. The gravel in the alleyway crunches under my sneakers as I reach for the bottom rung of the ladder. The pizza maker, in efforts to protect Layne, has raised the ladder of the fire escape. I can’t help but smirk at the misplaced efforts, I’m in peak physical fitness and having to pull my body weight isn’t going to stop me.

Too bad for you, dude. I jump and grab onto the bottom rung and hoist myself up, then make my way up the fire escape, using the familiar route to reach Layne’s apartment. As I climb, I can’t help but admire the new addition to her balcony – a vibrant potted plant that adds a touch of life to the space.

Reaching the top, I quietly step onto the landing, careful not to disturb Layne if she’s already asleep.

The soft glow of the moonlight illuminates the scene, casting a peaceful ambiance over the bay. Taking a moment, I appreciate the contrasting tranquility of the view amidst my intense work .

With the Bowen file fresh in my mind, I can’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment. It won’t be long now before we can bring him in and let justice take its course. Davis will finally have the evidence he needs to ensure Bowen pays for his crimes.

The view of the bay from her fire escape is obstructed by other buildings, and I know she will enjoy the view from the loft way more. I crack open my energy drink and take in the quiet street below.

As I stand there, sipping on my energy drink, I imagine a future where Layne and I share this life together. The thought brings hope and warmth, a vision of life beyond chaos and danger. I believe that someday, we will both find solace in each other’s company, enjoying moments like this.

Eventually, I leave the view and go to Layne’s apartment window. The lights are still off, confirming my earlier observation that she turned in early tonight. I reach for the window, tugging at it upward, and it opens. The vodka bottle on the counter sits empty, and the glass that usually accompanies it is missing. My sneaker hits the floor and the sound of broken glass crunching has my eyes pinned to Layne in her bed.

She doesn’t stir from her position. Layne is lying on her stomach, clutching the corner of her comforter. I set my other foot down and the glass crunches even louder. I run my hand down my face in irritation. “You trying to booby-trap me, baby?” I whisper, chuckling to myself. Side-stepping through the broken glass, I search the kitchen for a dustpan. I find one under the sink and quickly clean it up. The last thing I want is my girl cutting her feet on some glass.

Once that’s taken care of, I make my way over to the bed and take in her tear-stained cheeks and disheveled appearance. Tonight wasn’t a good night for Ma Petite Mort . She drank more than usual and went to bed without her normal routine. All that I want to do right now is crawl under the covers with her and hold her. My entire being burns for this girl, to see her suffering so much kills me. “Tell me what’s hurting you, baby. Let me fix it. I swear to whatever deity is out there that I’ll make it better.”

My whispered plea goes unanswered. I take a step closer and reach down to pull the comforter up over her exposed back. I so desperately want to reach out and brush the strands hairs from her face, to place a tender kiss on her forehead.

This is an obsession. It’s all-consuming, crippling. All I can do is wait, and hope that once I finally decide to make myself present in her life, she accepts me for who I am. Fuck; I hope she does. I don’t think I can live without her.

I take a deep breath, trying to steady my racing thoughts. As I stand there, gazing at Layne’s vulnerable form, a wave of sadness washes over me. I can’t bear to see her in pain any longer. It’s time for me to make a choice – to reveal myself to her and risk everything, or to continue hiding in the shadows, unable to fully be there for her.

What are you thinking, Wes? Give it some more time.

I slip my backpack off, as quietly as possible – unzip it, and pull out the sexy bodysuit I bought for her. I walk over to her dresser pull the top drawer open and place it inside among the other underwear. As much as I would love to leave it out and have her find it, tonight that doesn’t seem appropriate.

“See you tomorrow night, beautiful,” I whisper before making my way to the window. Looking back over at her, wishing I could just stay.

Soon Wes.