Chapter Forty-Two

Maeve

"Merry fucking Christmas, Maeve!" Jake says as I take the phone from Jenna. "I know it's only been a few months since I saw you but it's far too long and I would like to amend this state of affairs going forward."

"I'm not the one about to go on a world tour with their DJ boyfriend!" I declare.

"Ooooh, say that again. DJ boyfriend. Twenty-year-old Jake would be so proud."

"How is Rami? Is he there?" I ask.

"Currently helping Carol with the nut roast. He will insist on eating bird food for Christmas dinner." Jake rolls his eyes and it hits me how much I miss him. I've been so busy missing Loncey I didn't know I had the capacity to miss anyone else.

"Is it going okay? With your dad?" I lower my voice.

Jake's eyes ping to look away from the camera but then he's back. "Better than expected," he says with a smile. "But maybe that's just because we opened the sherry at ten-thirty this morning." He raises his glass so I can see. "How are you all? Jenna says Marty and Cynthia are busy in the kitchen. How many desserts has your mum made this year?"

"Only three. She's been very restrained."

"I wish I was there, you know," he says. "I mean, I'm glad I'm here and I'm especially glad I'm with Rami now, but last year was fun being with you in Dublin. And Jenna tells me we have a lot to catch up on."

It's my turn to roll my eyes before pinning them on Jenna who is sitting next to me on the couch rubbing her very pregnant stomach and holding a glass of orange juice in her hand. Her face is the picture of innocence as she looks up at the ceiling.

"I don't know what you mean," I say, my tone both stubborn and teasing.

"You know exactly what I mean. I want to hear all about them!"

I lean over and push Jenna lightly.

"What?" she protests. "You told me I could tell Jake."

I chew on my lip as I recall that I did say she could. Frankly, I want everyone to know about me and Loncey. Well, everyone but my three million social media followers. Loncey and I haven't discussed going that kind of public yet and I'm not even sure they want to. And I kind of like it being offline. I kind of like it being just for me, for them, for us.

And apparently also for Jake. "A porn star, Maeve!" he hisses, his eyes wide with excitement.

"Ethical porn star," I correct him.

"Whatever. That actually beats a world-famous DJ by miles!"

"I didn't know we were in competition," I say, smiling despite myself. Jake has always had that effect on me. "Will you pass on my love to your world-famous DJ? And tell me when I'm likely to see you next considering you're about to fly to the other side of the world."

"We're back in Europe in the spring and we have dates at the end of May for Dublin and London. Any chance we could get you VIP tickets? You and your ethical porn star?"

"Jesus Christ, Jake. Give it a rest. Loncey is much more than their job."

"You tell him." Jenna nudges me back but it's full of encouragement.

"But what about when Jenna pops?" I ask.

"Which could easily happen immediately after lunch if you could see the feast Marty and Cynthia are working on." Jenna leans over to appear in the video call.

"Please don't. I have drinks at Arabella's later."

"I promise I won't give birth today. At least not to anything other than a food baby."

"Anyway, Jake, aren't you going to be here when the baby is born in March?" I ask.

"I'll be there. One way or another. Even if I have to leave Rami to fend for himself. Did you know he received his first pair of underwear last week? Ladies' knickers. Size 16. Worn. And with a small hole in the crotch."

"For God's sake Jake, that sounds like you inspected them very thoroughly." Jenna shakes her head.

"I need to know what I'm up against. I almost wrapped up a pair of my used boxers for Christmas but then realised Dad and Carol may not appreciate that."

Jenna and I laugh.

"Ah, I miss you Jake."

"Me too, Jakey." Jenna agrees.

"Just be grateful I'm not there and quizzing you for all the details about your ethical porn star." Jake wags his finger at the camera.

"I swear to God, Jake, if you call them that to their face!"

"Of course I won't. I will likely be shocked into silence what with me knowing what their penis looks like."

"For feck's sake, I don't even know what their penis looks like!" I hiss, remembering Ma and Da are only in the room next door.

"And that's okay." Jenna places a hand on my leg. "You and Loncey have much more of a connection than they will ever have with any of their subscribers."

"Are you," Jake pipes up, "are you bothered by the work that they do?"

I think about this for a few seconds before answering, although it's not the first time I've asked myself this question. I suppose that's why my voice is calm and controlled as I reply. "Honestly, no. I don't know if it's because I'm asexual or because Loncey is very clear about how separate their work is from their personal life, or both, but I don't feel anything close to jealousy about what they do. Sometimes I feel curious. Sometimes I feel a bit horrified. But most of the time I sort of forget that they're, you know—"

"A porn star!" Jake finishes for me.

"An ethical porn star," I clarify again, lifting my eyes to double-check again that Dad hasn't returned to the room, and that I can still hear Marty and Ma in the kitchen.

"You know," Jenna says. "I'm thinking of pitching an article about ethical porn."

"You should interview them." I turn to her. "They'd be happy to help."

"Really? I'd love that but I didn't want to overstep," Jenna says.

I pout at her. "I think you already did that when you were a subscriber who used to watch videos of them shagging."

"I swear we unsubscribed the minute you said you were friends with them," Jenna holds her hands up.

"Well, if Jenna and Marty have seen their videos, maybe Rami and I should too, just to be even."

"I think I've changed my mind about us spending more time together this year, Jake." I give him my best scowl, but when he mirrors the expression I just end up laughing with him.

"Seriously, Maeve," he says, his voice softer. "I'm so happy for you. It sounds like they treat you right and I know long distance is going to be hard—"

"A fecking pain in the arse, to be exact," I say, thinking yet again how it's been less than a week since I saw Loncey and it already feels like forever. "I hate it so much."

"I hate it when Rami travels on his own too. I guess that's why we're doing this tour together."

"You're not helping, Jake." I give him another pout.

"I'm simply saying you'll find a way to be together, Maeve. If you both want it enough, it will happen."

"I want it. I want it a lot. But I also don't want to leave Dublin this year. Not with what's happening." I slide my hand over Jenna's bump. Her hand lands on top of mine and squeezes.

"She's going to have the best aunt and uncle."

"Ew, that makes us sound like a couple," I cringe as Jake winces in the camera.

"Can you even imagine?" And he pretends to vomit.

"Although our sun signs are very compatible," I find myself saying. "A Virgo and a Cancer would make one hell of a loyal couple and our house would be spotless."

Jake arches an eyebrow. "Since when are you interested in horoscopes?"

"Since Loncey," Jenna answers for me.

"I'm not as bad as they are, but I signed up to this app, and well, I'm just saying it might not be a complete load of bollocks."

"I have a good feeling about this, Maeve," Jake says with a big grin. "You and Loncey, I mean. And I couldn't be happier for you. Just do me one favour?

"What's that?" I ask, trying but failing to hold my own smile back as the love in their words washes over me.

"Don't get married before Rami and me. That would be so fucking embarrassing."

"You're not even engaged," Jenna tells her brother.

"Don't remind me!" Jake snaps.

"It's not going to happen," I tell Jake reassuringly. "Loncey and I are almost certainly never going to get married. It's just not for us."

We haven't had that conversation but I assume from the way they're still exploring their feelings towards polyamory, and what they said about having children, that getting married is not something they see as being essential and I am relieved. I've never imagined myself married. Possibly because for many years I never imagined being loved enough, but even now, when I think about the future with Loncey, a wedding doesn't feature anywhere.

"Phew," Jake says and I can hear his genuine relief.

"Can you never mention to Loncey that you've seen their penis?" I lower my voice.

"Does that mean I get to meet them?"

I feel my cheeks heat. "I hope so."

"I can't fucking wait! Oh, here comes Rami!"

A few seconds later and Rami's face is squashed next to Jake's on the screen. His grey eyes shine as he smiles at me and Jenna and I can see he's wearing a tartan apron over a black polo-neck jumper.

"Maeve! Jenna! Good to see you!"

"Merry Christmas, Rami," I say as Jenna blows him a kiss.

"Happy Christmas!" He beams back. "How are you doing, Jenna? Still feeling good?"

My hand is still on Jenna's tummy as she replies, "Mostly, yes. Some pelvic floor pain, but you don't want to hear about that."

"Loncey says orgasms are good for pelvic floor problems," I say for absolutely no rational reason.

"Do they now?" Jenna says ruefully. "I'll make a note of that."

"I would probably ask your doctor first," I say quickly now that I'm mildly embarrassed by what I said.

"Don't worry." Jenna squeezes my hand. "I will. How's lunch going, Rami? We hear you're in charge of the nut roast."

"So far, so good," Rami says. "And Maeve, I wanted to say how happy I am to hear about you and Loncey."

"And not just because they have a lovely penis," Jake adds and I close my eyes to gather my sanity.

"Jake! I thought we said you'd not mention that again," Rami says under his breath but he's obviously old enough to think phones momentarily stop working when you want them to.

"We also said we'd spend New Year in the Maldives but you moved your tour start date early instead so it looks like we both have problems keeping our promises," Jake says with a level of snark even I'm impressed with.

Rami gives Jake a firm look. "We did that so that you could be back in Europe by the time Jenna gave birth!"

"Fine. Whatever." Jake tuts but a second later he leans over and presses a quick kiss to Rami's cheek.

"When are you seeing Loncey next, Maeve?" Rami asks me.

"We don't have any plans at the moment as I have enough travel this month what with all my fashion week gigs in Milan, Paris, Copenhagen and London, but hopefully some time in February," I say and I force a smile. It feels all kinds of wrong to be cranky about not seeing Loncey when only a few months ago I was grumpy about not having somebody in my life to see, but I can't deny how hard it feels not knowing when we'll be together again.

"Jenna! Maeve! Dinner's ready!" Marty's voice carries through my parents' house and a second later my dad appears in the doorway sharpening a knife.

"Are you ladies ready?" he asks.

"Is that James?" Jake demands and I turn the phone around so they can see each other.

"Well, Merry Christmas to you, Jake, and Rami," Da says as he bends down to get in the frame. "You're both looking well."

"Certainly a bit happier than Christmas last year," Jake says.

"Ah, it wasn't so bad, was it? We looked after you."

"Oh, the hospitality was second to none. I was referring to my delicate mental state."

"I think we can spare James this story," Rami says. "We hope you all have a lovely day."

"Yes, don't miss me too much!" Jake calls out.

"We will," Jenna and I chorus as we are expected to.

"Love you," Jenna adds and I hand her the phone for her final goodbye.

When she's done, I help her off the sofa and we make our way into the dining room. Just as we're about to sit down, my phone buzzes in my jeans pocket and I pull it out.

I smile like a fool in love when I see Loncey's name.

Merry Christmas, Maeve. I wish you were here, waking up with me in my arms but I'm happy to know you're with your family. Have an awesome day.>

I read their message three times before I return my phone and then I'm surprised to feel Jenna's hand nudge my arm.

"I'm so pleased you have someone who makes you smile like that," she says as she moves past me and takes a seat.

Me too. I'm happy too that I have someone who makes me smile like this.

Even if I don't know when I'm going to see them again.