Chapter Thirty-Seven

Maeve

"What a fecking eejit," I say out loud as I read their message with the widest smile on my face.

"What?" Arabella asks me as she takes a drink of her wine.

"Oh, nothing," I say, like a fecking eejit myself.

"Yeah, that's not going to work." Bella places her glass on the table and pins her eyes on me.

"Well, it was worth a try," I mumble, picking up my own wine and wondering if I can take a sip that lasts long enough for Arabella to forget this line of conversation completely.

"Who was it?" she demands, her dark brown eyes daggers on mine.

"Nobody."

"I'll be honest with you, hamster, coy doesn't suit you."

"Well, I'll be honest with you, munchkin, nosey really suits you."

"Which is why I'm not going to drop it. I'm not being funny but you never smile like that at your phone these days. So tell me, who is it?"

I sigh, heavily. "Loncey."

"Finally!" she declares, her hands slapping the table hard enough that a small group of men in suits near us turn to look at where the noise came from. We've met in the same bar we usually meet at, again shortly before end-of-work time so we're surrounded by the usual crowd. It's the only time Arabella can seem to grab together, so I'll take it, especially with her busy Christmas Nutcracker season already in full swing.

"Sooooooo," she drags out the word, "what did they say?"

"They're telling me my fecking horoscope." I read their message again.

"Jesus, really?"

The smile is back on my face, stretching my lips and bunching up my cheeks. "Yeah, it's their thing."

"Oh. Fuck." Arabella's earnest tone has me dropping my phone and looking at her.

"What?"

"You're in love with them."

"No, I am not," I say and surprise myself with how confident I sound when my whole body knows it's a blatant lie.

"You are!"

"I haven't seen them in weeks, Bella, and this is the first message they've sent since then."

"Hmm, very interesting facts, but they are totally irrelevant. Your smile says it all."

"My smile is because they're a fecking eejit, thinking that I give a shit about Mars being in Cancer right now."

"Ooh, that does sound bad. What does it mean?"

I glance at my phone again. "That it may make me feel a bit emotionally unbalanced."

"Emotionally unbalanced." Arabella holds up one hand before raising the other and moving them like scales. "Or… hopelessly in love."

"Listen, I told you about what happened with Loncey in Vegas because you're my best friend and I had my first positive sex-related story to share. I didn't tell you so that you could jump to these wild conclusions about me being in love."

Wild conclusions that are completely accurate, I think to myself.

"This has nothing to do with you giving them front row seats to the Maeve Masturbation Matinee. This is about how they make you feel when they send you a ridiculous message about planets and stars moving all around. I haven't seen you smile like that in weeks – no, months."

I look at Bella and take a deep breath. I could tell her everything. About how food doesn't taste right since I left Las Vegas. About how lonely I feel at night with only the stars for company. About how I fall asleep imagining them sitting astride me, painting my back. About how even before I open my eyes each morning, I reach for my phone to see if they've messaged while I've been asleep. About how I think about their hands on my arms, my waist, my face, my hair when they kissed me.

"I'm going to LA next week," I say instead.

"Oh, that's cool. Why?" Bella takes the bait, and I almost can't believe I've gotten away with it.

"A fashion show for an ethical brand I've been working with for a few months now."

"A fashion show? The week before Christmas?"

"It's kind of anti-Christmas-themed. It's supposed to highlight how problematic mass consumption is, and how this time of year is the worst. All the clothes are made from recycled festive wear, apparently."

"Like repurposed Christmas jumpers? I'm not sure how good that will look."

I shrug. "I don't really give a shit about looking good. I'm trying to help save the planet."

"But you're getting paid to do this show?" Arabella gives me one of her best Bullshit Detector smirks.

"Actually, no. They're just paying for my flight and accommodation," I say and I'm not above getting a little kick out of correcting her.

"Yeah, because flying you halfway across the world is really great for the environment." Arabella doesn't miss a beat.

"Listen, they're not perfect. But they're trying."

"Don't they have local models?"

"They want me to be there," I say but I don't add how I want to be there too because then I'm that bit closer to Loncey. And now they've got in touch, maybe I can even see if they want to meet up. I mean, they probably don't but I don't think I'm above trying to find out.

"Wait, isn't LA like close to Las Vegas?"

Damn Arabella and her near-telepathic ability to read me like a fecking book.

"They're completely different states."

"But on the same side of the country, right? The West Coast."

"Sure," I say but don't elaborate.

"You're going to get in touch with them, right?"

"No," I say. Or rather, I lie. I was planning on telling them I was in LA but now they've reached out before I get there, I can reply and tell them in advance.

"You are the worst liar, Maeve Rosaline O'Martin." Arabella shakes her head.

"Well, now they've gotten in touch I might tell them."

"Oh, now you might?"

"Don't tease me." I push her shoulder and she moves her wine glass to make sure it doesn't spill.

"I'm not teasing." Arabella sets the glass down. "I just want you to admit what's going on here. You have feelings for Loncey. Big feelings. And that's okay, Maeve. In fact, it's a fucking good thing."

"Then why does it feel so… not good?" I bring my hands to my stomach which honesty hasn't felt settled in weeks.

"Ahh, now we're getting to the heart of the matter. You're lovesick."

"That sounds ridiculous," I say with a roll of my eyes. It also sounds very accurate.

"You love them but you don't know if they love you. You love them but you can't see a way for you to be together. You love them but you miss them so much it hurts."

I blink at my best friend and all my walls come crashing down. "Something like that," I admit.

Much to my relief, Arabella doesn't jump on my confession but instead levels me with a kind look that is full of love. "Oh, Maeve. I'm so sorry, but I'm also so happy for you."

"That I'm in pain?"

"No, that you're in love and that there's a strong chance they feel exactly the same."

"Where do you get that idea?"

"From everything you told me about Vegas. From the way they kissed you for hours without even discussing doing more. From the way they just sent you a superfluous message about your star sign. It doesn't take a genius to conclude that they likely have big feelings for you too."

"And yet they haven't been in touch," I point out.

"But you didn't contact them!"

I pout at Bella. "Because they live on the other side of the world!"

"Yeah." Arabella sucks in a breath through her teeth. "That part is a bit annoying, but you could live anywhere, Maeve. Fuck, I would hate to see you leave, but you know that you can do your work from anywhere and you already travel so much, it's not like much would change."

"But Marty and Jenna are about to have a baby…"

"True," Arabella nods. Then she leans a little closer to me. "And I say this with all the love in the world, for you and for them. But that is their life. That's their little family they're creating. Don't you deserve a chance to have your own little unit of love?"

"Unit of love? Jesus Christ," I mutter in a scathing tone.

"Look me in the eye and tell me that's not what you want," Bella tells me, and while I do hold her eye contact, I don't say anything.

"Thought as much. So go on." She nods at my phone on the table between us.

"Go on, what?"

"Message them and ask to see them in LA and promise me, for the love of all that is holy, when you do see them, you will tell them how you feel."

"I don't like to make promises I can't keep," I say as I lift my phone.

"Then make it and keep it."

"I promise you I will see if Loncey can make it to LA. And I promise I will talk to them," I say carefully.

"About you two being together, one way or another, yes?"

"I promise you I will talk to them," I say again, and I avoid Arabella's scalding stare as I type out a reply to Loncey.