20. Fletcher

He's afraid of potatoes.

I can't help the goofy-ass grin on my face as I help Annie do some research in the library. I mean, I asked him to give me something, and he did.

Yup. My face might actually split open with how big I'm grinning right now. To some, it may have seemed like a joke or not enough, but to me? He's trying. Why? I'm not sure either of us will actually admit it.

Me for fear of being wrong and him for just... well, fear.

But he was dead serious. I could tell by the look on his face as he desperately searched for something to tell me. Something very real about himself. Something he doesn't tell other people.

It may seem small, but I know there's so much more to him than he lets on. I have no idea what he's hiding about his past, but there's something there. I recognize that pain.

So yeah, I'm a smiling goofy bastard today after Professor Ronan Barlowe shared his secret with me last night.

Annie closes her laptop and peers at me over the table. "Go see him."

"What?" I say, looking at her over my still open laptop. "Who?" She can't know what I was thinking about. There's no way. I mean, we haven't been super careful, but we've been pretty damn careful. Unless maybe she saw me coming out of his office a couple of times.

She rolls her eyes at me with a sweet laugh. "Do you really think I'm that dense?"

Oh shit. She does know. I'm pretty sure my jaw has hit the floor as I stare at her like a dead fish, my mouth just hanging open.

She reaches across the table and closes my laptop, her eyes lighting up with amusement and maybe a little bit of pity. "Go see him. We're done today, and I won't need your help until Tuesday. Go."

My throat is dry, and nerves are threatening to eat me alive, but this is normally where I thrive. I'm usually good at hiding a part of myself, but I can't seem to do that at all with Ronan, and apparently that seems to trickle down to his friends too. Because I know how important his friends are to him, I can't try to lie to her. "Does he know you know?"

She laughs at that and then she shakes her head. "No. Of course not. He'd freak the hell out and probably try to end things with you." She waves her hand. "He gets really damn dramatic sometimes."

I can't help the smile, even though the thought of him ending anything makes me sick to my stomach. He's going to end things when the summer ends, my mind tries to remind me. I push it away. "You aren't upset?"

"About you and him?" I nod. "No, of course not. Look, I love Ronan, but he thinks too much. He overthinks way too much, and you're good for him."

"Because I don't think about anything?" I ask with a grin.

Her eyes roll. "No. But you make him more fun. I haven't been around him much lately—I'm guessing that's because of you—" I should feel guilty, but I don't. And she only laughs and then goes on, "But when I have seen him, he's been so happy. Lighter. It's so good to see him that way and so rare."

My chest pinches with the information. "He is kind of wound tight."

Her lips are pursed tightly now, and it's like she wants to tell me something but stops herself. Has he told her about his past? I won't betray his trust by asking, not that she'd tell me anything, but it only makes me want to know even more. "You make him happy. You should go. You know, he's in his office, and if you don't make him leave, he'll probably stay there all damn night."

I smile at that because she's right. "It's just for the summer, you know?" I blurt out as I stand up.

She cocks her head to the side and studies me. I wait for her response. Why I need it I'm not sure, and I'm not sure what I'm hoping she'll say. Maybe she'll think it's possible to last longer. That there's some hope.

She just sits up a little straighter, lifting her chin and looking into my eyes. "Then make it the best summer."

Well, damn. Okay, so no hope from Annie, but she's right. If it's only going to be the summer, I'm going to make sure it's going to be the best damn summer.

I thank her, and on my short walk over to Ronan's office, a plan is already forming. My stomach is in knots by the time I reach his office door and knock on the frame to let him know I'm there.

He looks up from his computer, sitting at his desk, and the smile that comes over his face nearly knocks me over. It's so damn beautiful, it hurts.

Please don't say no.

"Done for the day?" he asks as I walk into the room. I don't shut the door behind me—I kind of think at this point that may look more suspicious than anything, and if he says yes, hopefully we won't be staying here long anyway.

"I am." I stop at his desk, my heart about to leap out of my chest.

"I'm almost finished. I was thinking about watching that Netflix doc about the couple who was kidnapped."

Again with the goofy-ass grin. I just can't seem to help myself. I'm way too far gone. I know I am, but still, Annie's right. I need to make the most out of this summer. The memories of this... that's what's going to make the heartache worth it.

"Come away with me," I blurt out, and he is, of course, a little taken aback because who the hell wouldn't be when someone blurts a command like that out of nowhere? Jesus, Fletcher.

"Where?" He's super careful when he asks me this.

"My brother's boyfriend, Grayson, has this pretty nice house by the lake. He said we could use it for the weekend." Well okay, he'll say it's fine, I'm sure. He's made us all a key and said we can use it when we want to. I'll send him a text later to make sure it's cool, but I know for a fact they're going to be at their place in the city this weekend and not at the lake. So it's fine.

He cocks an eyebrow at me, still watching me carefully. "Where is this coming from?"

Fear. Wanting. The nearly crippling need to have as much time with him as possible before the summer ends.

I don't answer him that way though—you know, with the truth. "I thought it would be nice to get away." And it would be. God, I want this more and more as I stare at him, knowing I can't touch him right now the way I want to. That someone could see. We always have to be on alert.

I want a weekend where that's not the case.

"Think about it. You have one class tomorrow, and it's at the butt-crack of dawn. The house is a four-hour drive. We could be there around one in the afternoon. You don't have a Monday class. We can get back that evening." He doesn't seem to be against it yet, so I keep talking. "It would be kind of nice to go somewhere no one knows us. We could just do whatever we want. Hell, we could hold hands out in public."

A small smile falls over his lips, and I blush a little. "You want to hold my hand?"

"Shut up," I say with absolutely no bite in it. "The way Rhett and Grayson talk about this place..." I bite my bottom lip and worry I'm giving away too much of myself but barrel on because that's what I do. "It was good for them at their beginning." Ronan's eyes widen, and I know why. I hold a hand up. "Not that this is a beginning of something, I just mean..." Shit, Fletcher. Shut. Up.

He stands and walks closer to me, his face deadly serious, and I'm almost certain I've botched the hell out of this. That he's going to just end it now because I'm clearly a super clingy mess, but instead he brushes a hand over my cheek and smiles. "It sounds amazing."

"Really?" I barely squeak.

"Yeah. I think..." He sighs, his hands twitching a little at his sides, and I wonder if it's because he wants to touch me again. God, I hope that's the reason. Because I'm fully gone for this man.

It would help me feel like less of an idiot if he had even a little of that going on.

"I think it would be really great, Fletcher. Are you sure it's okay with your brother and his boyfriend?"

"Yes," I say instantly. "Let's go pack so we can leave right from here tomorrow," I say far too excitedly, but he's saying yes. I'm too excited to contain myself.

He chuckles. "Okay. Let's go."

I can't believe he said yes, but I'm not going to waste any damn time worrying about that.

He said yes, and we're going to the lake house tomorrow.

For whatever reason, this feels huge. And I'm here for it.