18. Fletcher

Ifluff the pillow on the couch for the fiftieth time in the last ten minutes and try to force myself to relax. So Ronan is coming over to my place for the first time. That's totally fine. It's no big deal.

I jump and nearly fall off the damn couch when there's a knock at my door, though, so maybe it is a big deal. I don't know why. Maybe because my mom and siblings break in here often. But I don't think that's it.

I try to catch my breath as I walk to the door and open it, grinning immediately when I see Ronan standing there in slacks and a crisp white button-down shirt. "Don't you ever dress casually?" I tease.

"No," he says instantly, and I'm starting to not mind that curt answer so much, especially since I've also been hearing a lot of yes's from him lately.

I want to pull him in for a kiss right away, despite the door still being open and him standing out in the hall, but I think about it and realize that's probably not a great idea in case someone sees.

It's a big deal for him to come over to my place, and I want to make him comfortable. I motion for him to walk inside, and he does before I close and lock the door behind him. Then I'm on him in a hot second, my arms wrapping around his neck as my lips fuse to his.

But no matter how much I want to get him naked, I want other things too. Like to make him dinner. So I slowly pull out of the kiss, nipping and licking at his lips, and okay—it takes me a bit, but I finally extract myself out of his arms and walk around the counter to the stove. "Make yourself at home."

I go to stir the sauce I'd been working on before fluffing the pillows, and he looks around the apartment for a minute, a low whistle sounding from him. "This place is really nice."

He really doesn't sound like he's judging me at all, but I still feel a little bit of shame. "My parents pay for it, remember?"

He offers me a soft smile before taking a seat at the counter and watching me carefully. "I actually think it's really nice that they pay for it after everything you've been through." His smile grows. "It's very economical."

I laugh at that, a real feeling of joy because damn, I really was a shithead to him in his class. I can't believe he didn't kick me out. I turn my back to him to stir the pasta and sauce and murmur, "Rhett never wanted anything. Bree really didn't either. I was the only one who didn't fight Blair on spoiling us."

I stiffen only momentarily when Ronan slides up behind me, his hand on my shoulder, and then I immediately relax into him. "We all process things differently. There's nothing wrong with you wanting to be taken care of, Fletcher."

"I was so tired," I admit. "So damn tired already."

"I know, baby," he says as he wraps his arms around my waist and holds me as I stir the food on the stove. When he nuzzles my neck, I breathe in his expensive, delicious smelling cologne. "This smells incredible," he rasps.

"I was just thinking something like that." I put the spoon down and turn around so I'm facing him, still wrapped up in his strong arms. "It's almost finished."

"You didn't have to cook me dinner."

"I really wanted to," I say as I lean in and kiss his soft lips. Lips I'm addicted to. Lips I dream about when I'm not with him and lips I can't seem to stay away from him when I'm with him.

A timer goes off, startling us both, and then we laugh, quickly moving to grab plates and set up at the counter bar, sitting side by side before we dig in. I've never cooked anyone dinner before, but I actually like to cook. "This is really good," he says as he takes another bite of the pasta.

"I'm glad you like it. Self-taught, you know," I say with a wide grin.

"Your mom didn't teach you?"

I laugh at that. "God, no. Blair does not cook. She can order dinner with the best of them though." I smile, thinking about the few times she's tried to cook over the years, nearly burning the damn house down each time.

"You really love her, don't you?" he asks, a look on his face I can't quite decipher. Is it so odd that I love the woman who adopted me? Maybe. It's not the ending to most of the foster care stories I've ever heard.

"Blair is incredible." I almost say wait until you meet her, but I quickly catch myself and bite my tongue. Summer. This is only for summer.

I try to remind myself that, and then before I can move on to another topic, there's a loud knock on my door.

"Oh no," I grumble, and I notice Ronan looks a mix between petrified and amused. I'm sure he's worried about anyone seeing him here, but my instant annoyance is likely amusing to him. "If that's one of my siblings or my mom, I swear."

Yeah, he's definitely smiling now. "Do they knock? I thought they just let themselves in."

Oh shit. He's right. "Well, not always," I say. "Shit."

He stiffens a little bit now. "You don't think it's them?"

"I'm sure it is." I start toward the door. "Maybe they learned manners or something," I try to joke, but then there's another bang on the door.

"Hey, Fletcher, you home?" My eyes widen at the sound of Josh's voice. Josh. What the hell?

"I, umm..." Ronan is still seated, but his arms are crossed as he watches me.

He's probably waiting for an explanation, but I don't have one. What is he doing here? I sigh. "Yeah, I'm here. Just a second," I holler through the door and look over at Ronan. "So... it's Josh."

Ronan is watching me carefully. Obviously, he doesn't know who Josh is.

"He's a friend." Sure, that's a good way to describe him. "He's safe. I promise, okay? He doesn't go to this school or anything, so we have nothing to worry about," I try to assure him because his safety is everything to me. "But I can send him away. Don't worry," I babble like an idiot.

"Fletcher." I look over at Ronan, who's pretty damn calm while I'm here freaking the hell out. I have no idea why the hell he would be here. I haven't talked to him in months. "Breathe and open the door for your friend." Something about the way he said friend makes it clear he knows something is up.

But honestly, that's the only way I can really describe Josh. We fooled around a couple of times, but we were never lovers. We didn't date. Hell, we barely talked. We probably can't even be called actual friends. Acquaintances who bang? Is that a thing?

"Fletcher." I look back over at Ronan and realize my thoughts have gone rogue. He nods toward the door. "The door."

"Right." I make my way over to the door and pull it open just a crack. Ronan didn't seem too worried about being seen, but I still feel myself wanting to protect him.

Josh is standing there, staring at me with wide exasperated eyes. He tosses his hands up. "Finally! I didn't think you were going to answer, man."

"Uh, sorry," I say awkwardly because it definitely crossed my mind to not answer it, thinking maybe he'd just go away. "What's up?"

"I was in town and super fucking horny. Thought I'd stop by, and we could bang one out." I make some sort of choked noise, and I swear—though it has to be my imagination—but I swear I hear a low growl coming from inside my apartment.

"I, uh..." I stand there, frozen in this awkward sort of limbo. This is so not happening.

But then I hear footsteps coming up behind me before the door is opened wider. Ronan stands by my side. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" Again, the word friend has an emphasis, telling me he thinks we're more.

And Josh's loud mouth all but just confirmed that. Josh's eyes widen as he stares at Ronan. "Woah, dude. I didn't realize you had company. Sorry about that."

"It's fine," I say it, but I don't mean it. I like Josh. He's a decent guy, but I also want him to go the hell away so I can go back to eating dinner with my professor. "Josh, this is ummmm..." I turn to Ronan, not really sure how to introduce him.

"Ronan," Ronan supplies, reaching his hand out for Josh.

Josh grins and shakes his hand. "Nice to meet you. I'm Josh." Josh turns to look at me. "Didn't know you were dating anyone."

I'm about to tell him we aren't dating before Ronan freaks the hell out, but Ronan surprises me and speaks up first. "It's new."

Josh nods his head, but I can't help gawking at Ronan. Did he just say we're dating? I mean, I know he did it for Josh's benefit, although, I'm not totally sure why, but still. My mind does a little happy jig, despite myself.

Only for the summer. Only for the summer. Only for the summer.

I chant that phrase over and over again and nearly miss Ronan inviting Josh inside my place for dinner. "Oh, I couldn't impose."

I'm about to accept that and usher Josh out of the apartment, but Ronan won't have it. "It's not a big deal. Come in. It's good to get to know Fletcher's friends."

He's got to be kidding.

Josh doesn't seem to care, though, because he just barrels into the apartment and helps himself to a big portion of the pasta, plopping his ass down next to Ronan. I close the door and walk slowly over to my seat.

"So how do you two know each other?" Ronan asks Josh casually, and I just want to scream. Surely, if Josh doesn't talk, he can stuff his face sooner and I can get him out of here.

I should feel guilty about that, but damn it, all I have is the summer with Ronan. I want every single second.

"Oh, we went to high school together," Josh says with a mouth full of food. "And his brother is attached at the hip to my best friend."

"Ah, I see," Ronan says politely.

"And you know, we used to bang. But I'm guessing that's over."

I chose the wrong moment to take a bite and nearly choke on my food. And I swear I hear that low, deadly growl again. "It is."

I look at Ronan, surprised by him staking his claim, but Josh seems totally unaffected, still stuffing his mouth with food.

"I need to use the restroom," Ronan announces and stands up from his seat. He turns to me. "Show me?"

"Oh, right." I stand up too before looking at Josh. "I'll be right back."

He waves me off, grabbing a breadstick, and I chuckle. Goofy bastard. I actually do consider him a friend, I realize as I lead Ronan back to my room where my bathroom is. I could have shown him to the small bathroom off the kitchen, but I wanted to explain myself a little first.

But when we get to my room, I don't get a word in before my body is slammed against the wall, and his large, warm body is blanketing my, his firm lips fusing to mine as he devours my mouth.

Okay. We don't need to talk.

I wrap my arms around him and kiss him back, my mouth accepting his plundering tongue as his hands go into my hair and lay claim, his fingers gripping my strands. "Okay, I thought you were mad at me," I breathe heavily against his lips, kissing him again after getting those few words out.

His kiss grows softer, and soon he stops it all together, resting his forehead against mine. "Friends?"

"We had a couple of hookups, but it was nothing. I haven't been with him since Christmas, and I have no idea what he's doing here."

"Okay," he says so simply I want to scream.

"Okay?"

He sighs and then pushes away from me, stepping back. "I'm not used to this, Fletcher."

"Used to what?" I ask, genuinely confused.

He huffs, throwing his hands up in frustration before pushing one of them through his hair. "Being jealous. Or possessive. That's not..." He drops his hand and shakes his head. "I don't get that way, but as soon as I heard him say that he was here to fuck you, I couldn't control myself. Growling like a fucking dog."

So that wasn't my imagination. I walk closer to him. "It was hot." I shrug it off with a grin.

He pins me with an annoyed look. "No. It wasn't. I'm an adult. I know how to use words."

"So why did you invite him in?" I have to ask because he has to know I'd have been on board sending poor Josh on his way.

"I was trying to be an adult," he says as he starts to pace, and God help me, he's really cute like this. All discombobulated and truly annoyed with himself, it seems. "But then he started talking about fucking you, and again, I wanted to mark my damn territory."

"Well, thanks for not pissing on my leg," I try to joke.

He looks distressed though. "Fletcher..." His eyes meet mine, and I move to him, my hands going to his hips.

"It's okay. I wouldn't like anyone talking about being with you either."

"But—" he starts to say, but I can't hear it again right now. I can't hear that it ends with summer. I press my lips to his in a soft, devastating kiss.

"But nothing." I pull back enough to look into his eyes. "Let's go finish dinner and kick Josh out." I grin, and he laughs.

"You're a terrible friend."

I shrug. "I'm okay with it," I say honestly.

He presses another kiss to my mouth before he takes my hand, and we go back out to the main room. Josh has cleaned his plate, and he looks amused when we walk out with our hair messy, our clothes rumpled, and our lips still glistening with each other's saliva, but he doesn't really call us on it.

"Well, thanks for dinner. I should get out of your hair," he says just as we both sit down to eat.

"You don't have to rush off," Ronan says, but I don't hear any hint of him actually meaning that, and I don't think Josh does either.

"Yeah, I better get going." He stands up, and I do too so I can walk him to the door.

"Sorry about this," I say as I open the door, even though I'm not really sure what I'm sorry for. He did show up unannounced, and I fed him. But he was hoping for some no-strings-attached sex, and he didn't get that so yeah. Sorry works.

"You seem happy, man," he says with a bright grin.

It takes everything in me not to glance back at Ronan. "I'm always happy."

Josh chuckles and shakes his head. "Sure, man. Well, see you around, I suppose."

I nod, and he leaves with a quick wave in Ronan's direction. I close and lock the door before heading back over to finish dinner with my man.

No.

Not my man.

But my summer man doesn't sound good.

"So that happened," I say awkwardly, and Ronan laughs.

"Is this what it's always like at your place?"

I want to say no, but I don't lie to him. "Yup. I'm sure my mom or one of my siblings will be busting through the door any damn minute."

Ronan laughs at that, but then tosses his napkin onto the counter and stands up, taking my hand. "Then we should probably get to the good stuff now."

I smile just as his lips meet mine for a kiss. "Sounds like a plan."

As we make our way to my room again, I can't stop thinking about the future. How it would be if we lasted after summer. Having meals at my place, my mom or Josh or someone else busting in but it not really mattering because we have more than just a few months.

Is it really so damn bad to want that?

Ronan starts to undress me slowly, his lips back on mine in an instant, but then he's pulling back and looking into my eyes before his gaze drifts over my body, then back up to my face. The way he watches me... it's like he has so many things he wants to say to me.

So many things he won't let himself say. He's put up a wall. He knows everything about me, but he still doesn't allow himself to tell me much about him. All I know is how important his job is to him.

A stinging sensation in my gut feels an awful lot like guilt because what I'd be asking for if we went past these few months could jeopardize that. Could take away his career that he clings to so fiercely. That he loves.

Summer.

I can't let myself think there will ever be anything else.

This is all we have.