6. Austin

6

AUSTIN

It's the night of the mixer at Poli House, and I'm nervous as shit, despite being 99.5 percent certain that guy is not showing up. I didn't see him in my line last shift, not that it's a sign. There are other coffee carts, after all.

But it's more than that. Being social is awkward for me, especially something like this, where there will be a lot of people. Thankfully, Kael is going with me and is currently putting up with my many shirt changes.

"That's the one," Kael says as I glance in the mirror. "That shirt slaps. You sure you don't want an edible?"

"Think I'll pass." No way to gauge how it'll make me feel, and I need all my faculties tonight.

I can admit I look pretty good. My hair is styled a bit differently, and I'm wearing clothes I bought on an outing with my mom. She insisted, and this time, I didn't push back.

The blue shirt brings out my eyes. I stare harder at myself, at my copper-colored hair and freckles, wondering what anyone might think of me from a distance. Maybe Dex is right. Maybe I can be someone's type.

My renewed confidence fades the closer we get to Poli House. I'm holding the damn flower like it's a treasure, though it only came from Dex. Okay, I sound ungrateful. He didn't have to give me one at all. Kael has one too, and we both show them at the door to gain entrance. There's also a donation bucket to help the needy, so I add a couple of bucks. Dex will be proud.

Speaking of Dex, he's standing near the door like he's part of the welcome committee, and he looks very handsome. He's always handsome, though, and he doesn't even have to try. He's naturally lean, with wavy dark-brown hair and eyes nearly the same shade. Kind eyes, I always think, as they crinkle at the corners upon seeing me.

It helps me relax. Just a little. God, maybe I should've taken the edible.

"You're late," Dex says as we make our way through the crowded front entrance.

Kael smirks. "That's because he changed a dozen times."

"I can't help that I'm nervous."

"Just be yourself." Dex squeezes my shoulder. "That's good enough."

"Gee, thanks."

He sputters. "What I mean is, you are enough. Even though you have your doubts. You'd slay even without the new clothes, but I must say you look nice."

"Mom talked me into them. You know how she gets." Still, warmth crawls across my cheeks because I enjoy the compliment. "And besides, you have to say that as my best friend."

"No, I don't. Any guy would be lucky to date you."

"That's what I told him," Kael says, and my chest clenches. It's nice to have supportive friends.

Some strange emotion flits through Dex's eyes, and I wonder what that's about. Is it because I have a new friend in Kael? Isn't that what he's always hoped for me? Confusing.

"Where's Angelica?" Dex asks Kael.

"She had to bow out—stomach bug. She lent me her flower."

"Bummer about her being sick. But glad you were able to come." Dex smiles. "Come on. I'll show you around."

We follow him into the dining room, where the food and drinks are set up on the long table. I have trouble making eye contact with the people I pass, but how else will I know if the guy shows? With my luck, he'll bring his girlfriend or maybe a boyfriend. No way he comes alone—or at all, for that matter. I need to stop obsessing.

I point to a large bowl on a side table, surrounded by cups. "What's that red stuff?"

"Punch." Dex winks. "You might like it."

"Maybe it'll help me relax."

He uses the ladle to pour the concoction into three cups. We say cheers and start sipping. I wince when it burns going down. "This is strong."

Dex chuckles. "You've always been a lightweight."

We move from room to room as Dex introduces me to a couple of housemates I haven't officially met yet. Bruce seems nice, and Carson is a bit too smug for my taste, but my stomach still tightens with jealousy that he has these people to lean on now instead of me.

"You okay?" Dex asks, likely noticing the warring emotions on my face.

I deflect. "You know I'm not good in social situations."

"You're doing fine." He playfully elbows me. "And that's not always true. Only when you're too self-aware."

I nod, marveling at how well he knows me.

Two gorgeous guys walk by hand in hand, and Dex greets them.

"Wait, why do they look familiar?"

"Perry works at Shenanigans," Dex replies, "and Theo is his boyfriend."

"Oh yeah. Isn't Perry…"

"Ty's brother? Yeah."

"Damn, they have good genes."

Milo steps up with another guy with blond hair to his chin. Craig, if I remember correctly.

"Hey," Milo says, smiling at us.

I smile back, feeling grateful it's someone I've actually interacted with.

Craig stares at me. "You're the guy in the photo."

I look at Dex. "What photo?"

"The framed one I have of us from that time on Mission Beach."

"Oh yeah." He had it displayed in our dorm, so I'm pleasantly surprised he does here too.

Dex gestures to Milo. "He thought you were my boyfriend."

I nearly choke on my drink, though it's not the first time the assumption was made. "We've gotten that before."

"Have you two ever—" Kael inquires.

"Hell no!" I say at the same time as Dex says, "Strictly friends."

My face is warm, and I can't look at Dex—either because I'll start laughing or I'll die inside.

It's not like we never considered it over the years, but even having a conversation revolving around fooling around made us laugh too hard. Plus, losing him as a friend would suck.

"Sorry for being curious." Kael winces. "It's just that you two are cute."

"Right?" Milo adds. "They practically finish each other's sentences."

I bury my head in Dex's shoulder and feel him chuckle. "Okay, I think we've had enough of this topic."

"Let's go play beer pong or something," I say, and Dex's eyes light up. "Don't act so surprised. You admitted I can be fun." Besides, just standing there like I'm waiting for something to happen with the coffee-cart guy feels too awkward.

"Hey, I wasn't the one needing convincing. I'm down," Dex says, and since it's too crowded around the table, we opt for the dartboard instead. Kael and I team up against Dex and Milo, and it's actually fun.

"Two out of three," I say after we lose again.

Kael smirks. "Who knew you were so competitive?"

When Dex smiles gleefully, I'm even more determined to beat them.

But Kael and I aren't very good at aiming for the center of the board. I smile anyway because it's a fun diversion. "Maybe next time."

"Shenanigans has a dart board too," Milo says. "Maybe you can practice."

I stick out my tongue as he walks away laughing.

"Be right back," Dex says. "Gonna see if Ian needs help."

I blink and look around, wondering how much time has gone by, and that feeling sets in again about the stupid fucking flower.

That's when I see him. My crush from the coffee cart.

I stare with my mouth hanging open—he actually showed. My stomach churns because I'm woefully bad at making conversation, not to mention my gaydar is broken or has never worked to begin with.

And that becomes apparent as he walks straight up to me, and I say, "Came, you…you did."

"Yeah, I figured, why not?" The guy's eyebrows arch up. "Are you practicing your best Yoda voice?"

Oh my God, kill me now. "No…yeah…I mean…"

I tilt my head back and guzzle the rest of my drink.

I'm sure I look like a complete fool, especially when I start coughing. "Wrong pipe," I say in a hoarse whisper while I hack my lungs out.

Kael claps me on the back, but I can't seem to stop. "I'll go get you some water."

The guy seems uncomfortable as he looks around at the crowd, waiting for me to get my sputtering under control. Yeah, good luck with that.

"So, where's your other friend?" he asks, and I know he means Dex. More than likely he showed up because of Dex and his charming ways.

My best friend materializes out of thin air, concern in his gaze, not only because my face is no doubt purple by now but also upon seeing my coffee-cart crush.

"Oh, there you are," my crush says, and I can hear the relief in his voice. "My name is Brandon, by the way."

"Dex," he replies, then pats my shoulder. "And this is Austin."

Brandon barely acknowledges me as he addresses Dex. "Thanks again for the invite."

"Technically, it was Austin who invited you."

"Oh, I…" Brandon's eyes widen. "Fuck, I didn't realize…sorry about that."

I try not to let my disappointment show, but what did I expect? I'm practically invisible to guys like him. Plus, if Dex didn't constantly try to save me, I might be able to figure some stuff out on my own. On the other hand, if Dex didn't nudge me to get out more, I'd never have any opportunities to begin with. Quite a conundrum.

I tune back into their conversation.

"You live here?" Brandon says, taking in the room. "This place is sick."

"Uh-huh." Dex motions behind him. "Feel free to get a drink while I refill the chip bowls. Maybe Austin can show you to the punch."

Dex gives me a quick thumbs-up and turns to go. I want to beg him to stay, but thankfully, I see Kael approaching with a glass of ice water.

"Thanks," I say as he hands it to me.

"So what's with the punch?" Brandon asks. "Might be too strong if that's what you were choking on."

"Eh, I've also choked on my own saliva, so…"

It dawns on me what I just admitted. Kael snorts a laugh, and I can't help joining in mortification.

Brandon smiles blandly as he looks between us. "Are you two together?"

That only makes us laugh louder.

"We're roommates," Kael says.

"Got it." Suddenly, Brandon raises a hand and waves to someone across the room. "Oh, I see an old friend."

The silence is deafening, even with the music playing in the room. I might actually pass out from holding my breath for so long.

"I'm sorry," Kael says just as Dex approaches again.

"No punch?" He glances to where Brandon is speaking animatedly to his old friend in the corner. Probably more like an old hookup, the way they seem so cozy.

"Are you really that surprised?" I deadpan. "That guy has no interest in me. I'm not good at this stuff like you are."

"That's not true," he argues. "I just put myself out there more than you."

"It's so cringe."

"No, it's not," Kael adds. "Nothing you did was wrong. You gave the guy the flower, no strings attached."

"I think I need to head back to the dorm," I say, tugging on Kael's sleeve. "Before it gets awkward again."

"Hold on," Dex says, "give it some time. Maybe now that Brandon knows it was you and not me—" At my pointed look, he clamps his mouth shut.

"Okay, I'm out," I say, turning for the door, and Kael follows.

"Wait." Dex pulls me into a hug. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

I sink into his embrace, which brings a flutter of comfort, though I'm still bummed and embarrassed. "You're not allowed to pull any stunts like that again."

"I already promised. But after tonight, I'll swear again," he mutters. "You still love me?"

My stomach warms because I can't stay mad at him. "Always. Now go have fun instead of babysitting me."

"You know that's not how it is." He kisses my cheek. "Thanks for coming."

As we walk across campus, Kael pats my back. "You good?"

"Totally. I will not allow Dex to talk me into anything like that again. He's worse at matchmaking than me."

He snorts. "He kind of is. But his heart is in the right place. He cares about you, that much is clear, or he wouldn't try so hard."

I kick at a stray rock. "Yeah, I know."

"What's his dating status, anyway?"

"He gets plenty of interest, believe me."

Kael hitches a shoulder. "He's friendly and charming. Makes sense."

"Yep. But he only ever hooks up and isn't interested in a relationship."

I don't tell Kael about his past and how his dad has been a big disappointment and terrible role model. It's not my place.

"Nothing wrong with that."

We pass Indelible Ink, which is the local tattoo shop. There's a blond guy working there who's a total snack. Getting any ink is out of the question though.

"I know I need to get more comfortable around guys I find attractive, but…" I trail off, unsure how to put into words what I'm feeling.

"Instead of Dex trying to encourage you to talk to guys on your own, he should show you how it's done."

"Been there, done that. But he throws me to the wolves every time, thinking it'll come naturally. It never does."

Kael is quiet for a minute before he says, "Don't take this the wrong way, but…the two of you are so natural together. Why not play pretend sometime to get more comfortable, or ooh , I know! Use him to make someone jealous."

I inhale a sharp breath. "Use Dex in, like, a romantic way? Hell no!"

"Only for make-believe."

"That would be too strange. I can't even imagine…"

But I admit the idea makes all sorts of thoughts spring up. It would be kind of funny—and hot—to see Dex act lovey-dovey when his brain isn't wired for romance.

To shake the feeling, I turn the tables. "How did you and Angelica meet?"

Kael doesn't reply right away. We walk across a grassy area that's busy with students sitting everywhere and blasting music. Eventually, he says, "Being trans adds an extra layer of doubt to dating because you never know someone's intentions or preferences."

"Damn, I'm sorry." I feel guilty for complaining about my woeful ineptness. "Guess that hasn't occurred to me."

"No problem. It all works out one way or another." Suppose he's right about that too. "Anyway, Angelica and I became friends first, and then she took a chance kissing me."

"Sounds romantic." I sigh dreamily. "I want something like that."

He bumps my shoulder playfully as we head inside our dorm. "You never know. Things can happen when you least expect it."

"Doubtful," I mutter.

Once in bed, I turn on my Kindle, and it opens to the last passage I read.

I get lost in the romance between the pages since it's better than reality.

This one is about childhood friends who become lovers later in life, and given what we just discussed on the way home, it's a bit too on the nose for me. Still, I keep reading until my eyes grow tired.