22. Austin

22

AUSTIN

I grab my keys and wallet. "I'm heading to Poli House to have pizza with Dex and his housemates."

"Nice." Kael looks up from his computer. "Have fun."

I laugh to myself about the whole Molly House underwear thing. Maybe I wouldn't want to participate, but I sure as heck would be up for watching. Maybe Dex is right, and I'm starting to learn more about my preferences. Maybe it's time to get the nerve up to watch gay porn. If I can buy a dildo, I can punch a bottoming scene into one of those sites and figure out how much of it turns me on—or at least what about it.

My stomach rumbles with the usual unease when it comes to socializing. It's one thing to have to do it for your job, quite another if it's on purpose. Probably why I suck at it. It was easier when Dex and I lived together because he'd convince me to go somewhere, and before I knew what was good for me, we were out the door. Sort of like it was a team effort.

And while I'm glad Dex thought of me, I still wonder if he made the effort only to help dissipate the tense weirdness between us since the night at the club. Or maybe not weirdness, exactly, but rather an awkwardness that we touched each other's junk. Though I must admit, it's gone a step further for me. Every time I spot him around campus, it takes my breath away. Not only because he's so handsome, but because someone that handsome was turned on by me—even if it was all pretend and out of some sense of obligation on his part. He's just that kind of friend, and I wish I could return the favor.

And maybe I am in a way because, for someone who never dates, he sure knows how to be attentive and romantic. So for the future guy he inevitably falls for, I did him a solid. My stomach sours at the thought, maybe because I'm afraid that Dex being that focused on someone else would take away from our friendship.

I knock on the door, and Ian pulls it open. "Hey, Austin. Dex is up in his room."

"Thanks." I step inside, notice the large table with utensils and paper plates in the center, and then take the stairs to his room.

The door is ajar, but I lift my hand to knock anyway. I stop when I hear Milo's voice. "So your boyfriend's joining us?"

I can hear the smirk in Dex's voice when he replies, "He's not my boyfriend, but you know that."

"Like I said, you totally should be dating. You've been distracted just waiting for him to show."

"Lies. I'm just excited to hang with my best friend."

I clutch my chest because fuck, that's sweet. But now I feel self-conscious walking in after overhearing that. Instead of stressing, I decide to make light of it.

"Hey there, boyfriend," I announce, stepping into the room.

Dex's eyes widen, and he appears speechless. I'm not sure what Milo's expression is because I'm so focused on not laughing.

"Look at his face." I huff out a laugh. I can't help it. "Just the word boyfriend freaks him out!"

Dex lobs a pillow at me. "That's not fair. Well, maybe it is, but I didn't expect you to play into Milo's BS."

"Your comedic timing was perfect," Milo says, and I give a little bow. Maybe I'm not as awkward as I seem. Maybe I need to get out of my own head more often.

Right then, Ian shouts up the stairs, "Pizza's here."

We head downstairs with the others and take our seats, but then Dex stands and heads to the kitchen. He returns with a couple of sodas and hands me one. "Thanks."

There's that attentiveness again.

The nerves kick up in my stomach as the other five roommates eye me across the table during introductions. Craig's girlfriend is in attendance too, and she looks way more comfortable than I feel as we grab our plates and dig in.

Thankfully, there are plenty of conversations going on to fill up the silence, so all I'm required to do is eat and listen to mostly political talk, which doesn't surprise me. It just reinforces that Dex moving here was a good idea. He lives for this shit and adds his two cents here and there to the discussion. I notice how his responses always seem human-rights oriented, which is something I admire.

Soon enough, the table is cleared of dishes, Ian brings out the trivia board game, and Craig passes out beers. We divide into teams of three since Craig's girlfriend and Bruce had to leave early. So it's me, Dex, and Milo, and between the three of us, we rock it.

Carson seems miffed that we're a couple of points ahead and gets overly serious about their answers, which I can tell is a downer for Ian and Craig. A few rounds in, I'm comfortable enough that I can tease Milo about his counting skills, and it almost feels like old times between Dex and me. Almost. Except for the couple of times his thigh accidentally brushes against mine, which makes my stomach feel funny. Fluttery. And that's not good. But I remind myself I'm apparently that hard up, and it helps the feeling pass.

"For the win," Ian says, holding up the card. " The Vampire Diaries is based on what book series?"

Dex smiles because he knows I got this. "Vampire Diaries! Duh! Easy-peasy."

"What?" Carson whines. "That sounds like a trick question."

"Please, you would've never guessed it anyway," Milo says.

"Have you even heard of The Vampire Diaries ?" I ask with a smirk.

Milo and Dex high-five.

Carson harrumphs. "You guys are never allowed to be teamed up again."

"The gloating is a little much," Ian adds with a wink.

Everyone laughs.

Milo announces he's got a hot date to whoops and hollers, and then everyone is packing up and going their separate ways.

Dex stands and stretches. "Feel like heading up to my room and watching something?"

" The Vampire Diaries ?" I tease. "The characters are total snacks for being the undead."

Dex grins. "Bloodsucking is hot."

"Have fun, kids," Milo says as he heads out the door.

"Back at you," Dex replies.

I follow him up, glad that his roommate isn't there because I'm pretty peopled out. Just the way it is with us introverts.

"Does Milo date a lot?" I ask when I notice his disheveled bed, with clothing strewn about, like he's been deciding what to wear.

"Actually, this is the first time I'm hearing about anyone."

"Aw, hope it goes well."

"Austin, the hopeless romantic," Dex says as he climbs into bed.

When he holds open the comforter for me, it reminds me of our time at the dorm when I was always fiddling with the thermostat.

"Says you, who remembers how cold I get," I reply, sliding in beside him.

"That doesn't make me romantic, just a good friend."

"Okay, whatever you say." He fires up his laptop, and we decide to rewatch a comedy we've seen one too many times.

As we wait for a pop-up ad to end, I spot something on his desk chair. "Hey, there's my hoodie."

"Darn, I forgot to hide it," he teases. "I hope you don't plan on stealing it back."

My stomach floods with warmth over the idea of him keeping it because it smells like me. "Did you finally wash it?"

"Nope."

I playfully push his shoulder. "Ew, all yours."

"Yay, I win."

As the opening credits roll, Dex reaches over to cut the light, and we relax against his pillows.

By the time the movie ends, I'm in the fog of sleep, and we're pressed against each other from shoulder to thigh, much like we used to be in the dorm.

The difference this time is that his bed is bigger, so there's no need for us to be this close.

I know I need to move, to get up and leave, but it feels too damned good. Dex must have the same idea because when I open my eyes, he's staring at me.

"I thought you were asleep," he whispers. "I would've left you alone."

"Not asleep yet." I turn to my side, and he does the same so we're facing each other. "Just too cozy right now."

"It is." He yawns. "And I wouldn't mind if you stayed a while."

We lie breathing side by side as the air crackles with tension.

His gaze slides from my eyes to my mouth, and as I do the same, I wonder if he's thinking the same thing. How his lips would feel against mine. In the stall, his mouth at my neck made me tingle all over, and now I ache to reach out and touch him, but it's probably a bad idea.

It's disconcerting thinking of Dex in this way after living together and being best buds since childhood. That night at the bar, we got each other off, and that's something I never could've dreamed would happen with him. So maybe having these thoughts about my best friend is natural after what we shared. At least I like to think it is because if not, it means something else that's way more intense.

Dex hesitantly lifts his hand to push my hair behind my ear, though it's barely grown out enough to do that. My pulse is going crazy as his fingers brush along my jawline and up to my cheek.

"I've always loved your hair."

I've had the overwhelming desire to be seen by someone, to be touched, and the way Dex is looking at me right now makes the butterflies in my stomach perform dive bombs.

"I'd trade you in a second, Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome." My thumb feathers against his cheekbone, and when I hear his breath hitch, I realize this is different for him too. That maybe he enjoys being with me just as much. Just comfortably ourselves.

Except, lately, he makes me feel all warm and shuddery, and I don't know what to think about any of it. Not only because we're best friends but also because Dex doesn't want anything real with anyone.

"I know you won't believe me, but you're gorgeous." Dex's voice is throaty, and I hold my breath, praying I won't pass out. "You're going to find someone who deserves you. Who loves everything about you and makes you happy."

"Jesus, Dex. Do you even realize how wonderful you are? How beautiful? I want that for you too. For someone to make you smile."

My heart aches with a different sort of longing as we silently watch each other.

"You make me smile." His expression is filled with melancholy. "Other than that, I make my own happiness. That's all that matters."

Dex angles his head to kiss my temple, something he's always done, but this time, it feels more intense, almost gloomy. "You're free to stay."

"But it's not even our third date yet," I tease.

He bites back a yawn as he moves his computer to the floor. "We can always pretend it is if it makes you feel more comfortable sleeping over."

After he closes his eyes, I watch his breaths softly even out as all sorts of thoughts and emotions consume me.

My fingers itch to touch again, but I don't want to wake him. Instead, I angle a bit closer and study his mouth, how his bottom lip is fuller than the top, and wonder if they're as soft as they look. Before I know what I'm doing, I close my eyes and pretend. Pretend that I've closed the distance between us and that our lips are meeting.

"What are you doing?" Dex murmurs.

I spring back. "Oh shit, s-sorry, I th-thought you were asleep."

His eyes blink open. "Not when I can feel your breath on my face."

"I didn't mean to get that close. I was just imagining…" I trail my fingers down my face, mortified.

"I don't mind." He reaches for my hand to steady me. "Tell me what you were imagining."

"Just what the end of a real date might be like when you like, you know…" My face is flaming hot. "Make out with someone."

He frowns. "Have you never made out with anyone?"

"Not really," I admit. "I've kissed a handful of guys, but none of it was like full-on tongue."

He intertwines our fingers. "Guess that's something else we have in common because I try to avoid kissing."

"Why?"

"Because it's just a hookup, a quickie. I don't know most of them."

"But you have sex with them, so what am I missing?"

"There's protection involved. It's strictly physical."

"Isn't kissing physical?"

"Okay, you got me." He sighs. "Suppose there's no one I wanted to stay with and kiss afterward."

I blink in surprise. "Guess that makes sense."

"Can you shut up about it now?" he teases. "Or do I need to do it for you?"

When he cups my cheek, I can see the raw affection in his eyes, and it makes me ache with want and need.

"How do you propose to shut me?—"

His lips press against mine, once, twice, before I'm gripping his shoulder and getting as close as possible. He smells like Dex and tastes exactly as I imagined, a mix of mint and beer, as his soft mouth grows more zealous. Our tongues flick and tangle, sending a lightning storm through me.

And then our hands are frantically reaching, our teeth clanging, our mouths eagerly meeting again and again until we're full-on kissing, deep and long, and I don't know whose groans are louder. We kiss until my lips feel tender and we pull away, breathless. I lick my dry lips as I pant softly, and then Dex is already pulling me back for more.

We break apart when we hear the doorknob jiggling.

Milo sweeps inside the room, then stills upon seeing us. "Shit, sorry. I didn't know?—"

"No biggie," I reply, sitting up. "We fell asleep watching a movie."

I hope he doesn't notice how hard I am as I slip back into my sneakers.

"I'll walk you out," Dex says, pushing the covers aside.

"No thanks, Dad," I jest. "I got it. See you later."

And then I slip out the door, glad for the cool nip of nighttime air against my heated skin.