13. Dex

13

DEX

Holy shit, this is more nerve-racking than I thought it would be.

Maybe the texts were a stupid idea. No turning back now, though. I'm already at my old dorm and heading up the stairs to pick Austin up for our fake outing. Or practice date. Whatever we choose to call it.

I inhale a deep breath in front of his door and tell myself I'm just helping out my best friend. Nothing will backfire on me this time. I lift my hand and knock.

He's stiff and shy when he opens the door and can barely look at me.

Okay, that's actually not a bad thing. It means he's taking this seriously.

"For you," I say and hand him a real poppy this time—a pink one. "I figure we can replay the other night. Like a do-over."

"I, uh…" he sputters. "I love the color."

About to say, duh, I know you , I change course. "The pink was a guess."

I won't tell him how long it took me to find fresh poppies, but Luco Flowers came through for me.

"Well, it's a good one." I'm enjoying the flush on his cheeks as he opens the door wider and I step inside. I feel a pang in my chest, not because I used to live here, but because there's nothing left of me here. All of Kael's things are on my side of the room.

Speaking of Kael, he's wearing a sweatshirt that reads Under Construction with a trans flag across the front.

"The flower is definitely a nice touch," he says with a roguish grin, and I can't help smiling back because he's a good guy. My underlying jealousy has nothing to do with him.

Austin told me he confided in Kael about our little experiment, and I'm okay with that. Besides, if he didn't know what we were up to, he'd be mightily confused right about now.

"Let me put this in water." Austin fumbles around until Kael reaches for a cup and tells him he'll handle it.

"Thank you," he says, then looks at me. "Guess we should get this over with. I mean, get going."

I look away as I grin, then hold the door open for him.

When we step into the hallway, I say, "You look nice."

"Thanks, my mom helped me…" His hand covers his mouth. "Oh God, that sounds babyish. Um, thanks, so do you."

It's so endearing, and I feel a fluttering in my stomach. He's trying so hard, and I don't want to break character, so I head toward the steps, and he follows me out to the sidewalk.

"How about some Mexican food on the pier?"

"Sounds good." For a brief moment it feels like a real date, not that I've been on any. But it's that same nervous energy as a hookup, wondering if your vibes will match. Even though I already know I do with Austin.

"I like their guacamole," he offers as we head across campus, so apparently, he's not breaking character either because it's the whole reason I suggested the place.

As soon as we're seated, I say, "I hope you're comfortable going to the bonfire with me."

He hitches a shoulder. "Well, I'm comfortable with you, so that helps."

I wink. "But you only just met me."

He smirks. "Well, like you said, it feels like I've known you for longer."

"It does."

We share a smile as the server approaches to take our drink order. I almost wish I could order a stiff one, but instead, I suggest two virgin margaritas with salt, and Austin nods. Our usual order.

We dig into the salsa and guacamole as I lob more getting-acquainted questions at him. By the time our food arrives, the vibe is more relaxed as we share about our families and hometowns. We pretend not to be talking about each other when mentioning friends, and it's fun, like hearing about ourselves from another point of view.

"I walked into class, saw that pretty copper hair, and knew we'd be friends. Even though he was shy, with his nose constantly stuck in a book, I was drawn to his energy."

Austin's face is flushed, and I can tell he likes hearing me recount our friendship. "It was the same for me with my best friend. He's got this charisma and friendly face, and when I noticed we had joined the same after-school club, I sat next to him on purpose. Our parents were both going through a divorce, so we bonded."

Austin reaches for his drink as I say, "I'm glad you have such a good friend."

He snorts, chokes on the liquid, and almost spews it all over the table. I chuckle as I hand him a napkin. "Oh God, I'm so embarrassed. Sorry about that."

"No worries, I can make a fool of myself too." I purposely knock the saltshaker over, and it spills. "See?"

When the bill comes, he tries to reach for it. "Let's split like we always?—"

"No way. I asked you on this date."

"Dex—"

"You can get the next one. I mean, if you want there to be a next one."

His eyes grow wide at the suggestion. "I…uh, I suppose that remains to be seen."

My stomach bottoms out, though I know he's teasing. "Good one."

That's when I realize how truly important all this is to me.

Bill paid, we head to the door and then down a path leading to the beach.

The night air is a bit chilly for this time of year, so the heat from the fire will help. But when I feel Austin shiver beside me, I step in front of him to run my hands up and down his arms.

"You want my hoodie?" I ask.

"Then you'll be cold."

"I don't mind."

Austin pokes a finger at my chest. "See? You would be good at this stuff."

"I am good at it—with you."

His eyes glaze over before they clear, and I wonder what he's thinking right then. That I'm full of shit, or that he wishes I were someone else? That's what this is all about, after all, but I'm not bullshitting him. I've always cared about his well-being. Maybe I'm laying it on a little thick tonight, but it's not that far of a leap from the real me.

"Let's get closer to the fire." He motions to the partygoers surrounding the flames. "That'll help."

I recognize some familiar faces in the crowd. Austin hasn't belonged to any groups since middle school, but I think there's a certain camaraderie to being part of something like this. Association member or not, everyone is friendly. I wave to Jason, who's talking to a group of people. It's actually his older brother Steve who organized the club during his time at FU, but Jason seems to have taken the helm well.

Jason motions over someone's shoulder to us. "Drinks are in the coolers."

"Thanks!" I squat to open a lid. "I'm gonna grab a beer. How about you?"

"Sounds good."

I use the opener to pop the caps, then pass one to Austin.