Chapter 1

Chapter 1

London, England

Spring 1814

The rays of sunlight were much too bright for Kate's delicate eyes. She did not want to let the warm, late spring day into her life, but it refused to be ignored. The sun would not allow her to remain sleeping, however much she wished to, which was a shame because the life that Kate dreamt of was so much better than the reality she had to face.

"Please, leave me be," she whispered into the void, as if the sun would hear her apologize, then tuck itself away again behind the clouds so she was not compelled to face it. But, of course, that never happened. The sun remained bright in the sky, streaming through Kate's window, forcing the day upon her whether she wanted it or not.

Kate never used to wake up feeling like this. Her real life excited her, and she could not wait to leave her bedchamber to face the day ahead. Her positive attitude had lit up the household, and she'd had such a zest for life, particularly in the warmer months. Especially as she grew into adulthood and her life was moving in the way that she wanted. Kate knew that she was lucky, for she loved how perfect her life had become, she struggled to contain her happiness always...

But two months ago, that had all been stripped from her. The moment she felt her world turned upside down in the horrors of the carriage collision, Kate's life had been put on hold. She knew the crash would be bad as soon as she heard that terrible banging sound. When she was flung through the air and lost to pain and dizziness, she instinctively knew there could be no good outcome. However, she had not expected to find herself in quite such a horrifying position as she was right now. Stuck in that moment, trapped.

Her parents had been in the crash also, yet the aftereffects did not have the same impact, physically or mentally, on them as they had on Kate. Although Kate was not one to sink into self-pity, it was challenging for her not to wonder why it was only herself suffering in such a way. She was not sure if she could ever truly recover and become the person she was before.

Those eyes...of course, she could not think about that night without remembering the man who saved her. The man attached to those mesmerizing, coffee-brown eyes. If he had not been at the scene of the accident, Kate was sure she would not have survived. No one had confirmed as much, as no one talked about the accident, so it was simply a feeling she had.

His eyes had reassured her at the worst moment of her life. Without him, she would have had nothing to fight for. The pain may well have swallowed her up whole and sucked her life away. Much as Kate could not forget the accident, she also could not forget those eyes. The stranger and his warmth had plagued her dreams and idle thoughts ever since that day.

"Ah, no!" Kate tried to push herself up slightly, only into a sitting position, nothing too strenuous, but the throbbing in her right leg prevented her from doing so. It stopped her from doing a lot, which was why she could not simply fly passed that incident like everyone else had done, as if it were nothing. She had this terrible reminder with her at all times.

At least her bedroom, which had become her sanctuary recently, had over-sized windows, so she did not feel like she was missing out on the sunshine. Her four-poster bed with delicate lacy curtains dangling down was where she now spent most of her days, elevating and resting her sore leg.

The only thing neglected in her room now was the gorgeous dressing table where she used to enjoy sitting and examining her face while she had brushed her hair for hours on end.

Now, she did not even wish to see herself.

"Lady Langley?" The soft rapping that could only be caused by Nancy Benson, Kate's maid with her dark hair twisted up into a tight bun and her long dark-colored uniform hanging to the floor, shook her from her sadness. Not fully, but enough to remind her that there were other people in the world as well as herself. Plus, Nancy always had a lovely, friendly smile, one that Kate had always found contagious, even when she was a little girl. "May I enter, please?"

"Come in." Kate sighed. "And as I have expressed to you before, you may refer to me as Kate—"

She stopped herself before she got too far into that statement. She had been saying the same thing to Nancy for years because she was close to her maid and enjoyed the idea of them being friends, but Nancy would not give in to her. She considered it disrespectful and enjoyed her position at the Langley house too much to upset or insult anyone.

"Mr. Andrews has asked me to inform you of his arrival." Nancy curtseyed low. "He is back to check on you."

In her nightgown, in the bedchamber, was not the way that Kate wished to be seen by anyone, but Mr. Andrews had been assessing her ever since the accident, so this was not a sight that would trouble the doctor now.

Thankfully, Nancy handed Kate a paisley shawl with which she could cover her shoulders and torso, giving her a little bit of dignity.

"Please, let the physician through. I shall see him right away." Kate attempted to sit up once more, expecting the pain now so that it was easier to push through the agony. "Thank you very much, Nancy."

There was never any way for Kate to prepare herself for a meeting with the doctor.

He was a nice enough man, who never did anything to make her upset or uncomfortable despite the horror of her situation, yet Kate wished she did not have to see him at all. She wished that she could close her eyes and shut this nightmare out entirely, taking her back to the moment when she was dancing with Douglas, and absolutely everything was perfect.

Burning tears pricked behind Kate's eyes, but she would not let them fall. She refused to allow herself to cry. Not now, not in front of the doctor. She did not want him to think of her as weak and broken by the accident. Even if she was...

Kate snapped her eyes open as soon as the footsteps of Doctor Andrews entered her room. He stepped with purpose, each stride strong and powerful, until he stood beside her bed. He said nothing as he placed his black leather medical bag on the floor, followed by a very unwelcome walking cane which Kate could not take her eyes off.

"Good morning, Miss Langley." Doctor Andrews smiled warmly. "You are looking very well today."

"I am?" Kate was not expecting that. Since she had been involved in the accident, no one had said anything positive about her looks. She had not made any effort to be beautiful since she had barely left her bed, never mind the house.

"You have color in your cheeks that was not there before. I would take that as a positive sign. Now, I do need to check your leg. I want to see how your torn ligaments are doing."

This did not excite Kate. She knew that it would be horrible, but she would not fuss. Not aloud, anyway. If she could keep her emotions and agony inside, she would do so. Her parents had raised her with that sort of refinement. However, as soon as he touched her, it was impossible to keep the grimace from her face. The pain had not improved at all.

The torn ligaments might have been improving, but not enough.

"You should be putting more pressure on this leg than you currently are." This was not said in a scolding manner, but Kate felt it shoot through her in that way regardless. "I know you will not like the walking cane, but it is a place for you to begin."

Kate eyed the deep brown cane with disdain and filled up with hatred for it. It had become the enemy. It might have been trying to look discrete with an intricate silver design of the handle but it screamed for the sort of attention that Kate did not want. "I do not think that will help me."

"You cannot walk without it, though, am I correct?" Kate could only nod. "I see, and I assume you would not like to be in a position where you do not regain the full use of your leg." Kate did not move this time. "Because while I cannot guarantee it with the walking cane, you are sure not to get anywhere if you refuse to use it. You will need to give it a try."

Kate felt like that was easy for him to say, but not for her to do. She did not want to continue this struggle with her leg. She would have much rathered him come to her with a miracle cure so she could return to how her life had been beforehand, but that was not happening. There was no miracle cure. This was all up to her.

"I shall give it a try." Kate's voice was quiet, for she could not muster up the strength to be cheerful. "I will see what I can do."

"The more effort you put into trying to heal, the easier it shall become." Doctor Andrews cocked a knowing eyebrow at her, proving that it did not matter what she said, he would not believe her. He knew that she had resigned herself to giving up. "It will seem very challenging at first, but I believe in you, Lady Langley. I would love for you to work your hardest."

Kate was not convinced, but she also was not going to argue with the doctor. If he wanted her to try, then she would. Perhaps she would even do it just to prove him wrong. If he doubted her, then it would drive her to give it a go. Then if he was wrong, she would tell him as much, and he would never be able to doubt her again.

***

The sun was a little less painful to look at as Kate leaned against the wall of her large, stately home with turrets bursting up toward the sky, reminding her of her childhood dream to be a princess. She used to sit at the windows at the top of her house, waiting for her darling prince to come and rescue her.

Huh, how silly that was.

But she wasn't here to daydream today. She needed to get ready to attempt the garden on the doctor's orders. It had taken her hours to drag herself out of bed, make her way down the stairs, and get outside. She'd been helped all the way by Nancy, but now she was here, she was not sure she had enough energy for this.

She used to love the gardens, before all of this. The exotic flowers, some of which she planted herself, the apple tree orchard where she used to gather up the fallen fruit pieces, and the bushes in which she could hide away and read her books were a sanctuary.

Now, the gardens were a heart-breaking challenge that she needed to complete.

"Do you need anything else from me, my lady?" Nancy asked warily. Kate shook her head. "I shall be inside then."

Kate watched her go, wishing she could ask to go back to bed instead. But it had been almost as much of a strain on Nancy as Kate, so she did not want it to be for nothing. She would try the cane for Nancy as much as the doctor.

At least she could be sure that Nancy would not gossip about her and the use of the cane behind her back. Not like the ton might if they should see her.

The idea made Kate shudder painfully.

"This should not be so much of a challenge," she whispered angrily, pushing away thoughts of the faces she, quite frankly, never wanted to see again. "I should be able to walk."

She could take a few steps without the cane, but not many. Her right leg was tender, sore, a little swollen right now, and very weak. She found if she leaned on the cane, taking the weight off her right leg, she could move a little further—in an extremely unladylike, ungainly manner. There was no way for Kate to make her walk more glamorous for polite company. Not with the limp and the cane.

It was so embarrassing. She wanted to weep; she wanted to give up on herself.

"I shall not use this cane in public," she groaned aloud. "Not among the ton. Not a chance."

Kate had always liked being talked about before; she'd found it exciting to be the center of gossip. But that was when the gossip did not hurt her. Now, every word spoken behind her back was painful. Sometimes sympathetic, but mostly others were simply grateful that it was not them suffering so. Being seen with a cane would only make that worse. She did not want anyone to have more to discuss in regard to her.

Unfortunately, nothing else had happened to attract attention away from her. She was still the center of everything, which meant she would not be seen in public for a long while. The idea of all eyes upon her now terrified her.

Kate was far from the person she used to be.

She took a step, and a whimper automatically fell out of her mouth. Frustration careened through her entire body, tightening every single one of her muscles.

That would not help things, which Kate understood, yet how was she supposed to control such things? Her emotions had a mind of their own.

Walking was an activity that she had all but mastered eighteen years ago, just after her first birthday. Once she had learned the right way to put one foot in front of the other, that was supposed to be the end of it. She was not supposed to be in the exact same position years later.

When a small child learned to walk, it was considered adorable, a real achievement. For Kate, all of this was dreadful.

A bench lay up ahead. Kate had no choice but to make that her end goal if she wished to achieve anything today. It would have been quite easy to hide away back in her bedchambers with a demand to be left well alone. Everyone had become accustomed to that request now, but the doctor needed more for her, Nancy, too. Kate also wished to bypass the look of disappointment that her parents simply could not hide every single time they looked at her.

That look was sheer agony.

"Come on, leg," she hissed in what was supposed to be a motivational manner, but again, it was more pure temper. "We need to keep on going. We have to."

Burning hot tears balled up behind her eyes. The anger began to subside and become something entirely more painful as hurt took over.

Self-pity. An emotion Kate truly despised.

The carriage should not have lost control like that. It was not supposed to happen. She had not even been given answers as to why the driver careened off course on what should have been such an easy road to drive along.

She did not know why she was the one who landed underneath the carriage.

Perhaps if she were ever to meet the man attached to the coffee-colored eyes, she could get the answers that she so desperately needed. But he could not see her now. Not like this.

Kate lunged forward and grabbed onto the bench, practically dragging herself along the rest of the way. It might not have been the achievement she had been aiming for. She did not make it the short distance from the house to the bench with only the use of the cane, but she had done more than she thought she would this morning.

Kate took a seat on the bench to rest for a while. Even she had to admit that there was something up lifting about being outside. Not that the sun beating down on her shoulders could solve all of her life's problems, but it was a little nice.

Maybe she did not need to focus on the idea of facing the ton as yet since she was likely a long way off from dancing at a ball again. She might not have to worry about that ever again; Kate was not sure if someone as crippled as she was would ever be invited.

Perhaps if she simply tried to get herself outside in the sunshine, once a day only, merely to sit on this bench or one of the others in the gardens, then that could assist her.

It would please Mr. Andrews. He would no longer have any criticisms to throw her way about not even trying to walk. He would be over the moon to know she had even been using her walking cane.

If it meant she could sit in the sun alone like this, with no one bothering her other than the birds tweeting in the sky, then it would be worth it.

This was the most peace that Kate had experienced in a very long time.