Chapter 10

Ten

Early on Christmas morning, Esau slipped from the bed, leaving a sleeping Joaquin nestled in the covers. He peeked through the drawn curtains, smiling when he found snow falling outside. He'd only seen snow once before in his life—a ski trip to Utah he'd been invited to through a special program for foster children. When they'd gotten there, the snow had been man-made thanks to a dry, warm season, and had felt more like ice pellets than the flakes he'd seen on TV.

He smiled, remembering that trip. He and Joaquin had gone together with a huge group—not long after they'd met in the same foster home. They'd been dancing around one another for weeks, confused by the mating pull as teens, especially him, a human, who hadn't any clue beings like Joaquin existed. The first night at the lodge, Joaquin had gotten him alone and come out to him.

In more ways than one.

His whole world had changed that night. Glancing over his shoulder, he eyed his mate, his heart full. While he missed San Diego and their lives there, he sensed they were on the path they'd always been fated to walk. Turning back to the window, he watched the falling flakes, joy filling him.

He"d planned to let Joaquin sleep in while he made breakfast, but the child within refused to ignore the opportunity. Crawling back into bed, he gently woke Joaquin.

"Keeno?" He grinned as Joaquin groaned in his sleep. "It's snowing, and I wanna go out and see if for myself. If you want to sleep, I'll leave you be—but I'd rather you come down with me."

One of Joaquin's eyes opened. "Snow?" He frowned. "Sounds cold. And we haven't bought much winter gear yet. We'll freeze."

"It doesn't have to be long," Esau said, sliding out of bed. "And you can stay here in our warm, comfy bed if you wish. But I'm going down to see my first real snow."

Joaquin smiled while groaning. He stretched, yawning. "How can I let you go alone to see snow for the very first time?" He sat up. "Wait. We went on that ski trip. You've seen snow."

"Manufacturedsnow," Esau said, sliding on a pair of sweatpants. "This is the real stuff."

Joaquin threw back the covers and stretched again. "True." He rose, reaching for the sweats he'd discarded the night before. "Let's go see some snow. But I'm not staying out there too long. I hate the cold."

Esau continued to dress, adding an extra layer of clothing on top. Once Joaquin was ready, they headed down, exiting the hotel and moving out onto the street. The road they faced was quiet—several buildings were being renovated directly around them and the street cordoned off. Plus it was Christmas morning. Most folks were sitting beside their trees, opening presents.

Across the street, a few feet down, was a small grassy area—or what had been before the snow. Esau marched across, lifting his face to the white stuff. It swirled around him and landed on his tongue. "This is so cool."

"Cold,"Joaquin corrected beside him. He tucked his hands under his armpits and shivered.

"You can go back inside if you don't want to be here."

Joaquin sighed. He turned to Esau. "I want to be wherever you are, my love. I'll shut up."

Esau grinned.

"For a minute," Joaquin added.

"Oh, Keeno," Esau murmured as he reached down to collect some snow in his hands. It was cold—colder than he'd anticipated, yet he packed the snow together and tossed the poorly formed ball at Joaquin, hitting his mate square in the chest.

"You wanna play, do ya?" Joaquin brushed the snow off his jacket and lowered for a snowball of his own.

Havoc ensued. Esau packed another and the war was on. They pummeled one another with snowballs, laughing and yelling and allowing their inner children to have their fun. When Joaquin tackled him, dropping them both down to the snow, he roared with laughter. Lifting his gaze to his mate, he couldn't stop laughing.

Until the love he felt for his mate sent a spark of need through his body, warming the winter chill. Joaquin felt it, too. His gaze grew molten, the need evident. He lowered his head and captured Esau's lips. The kiss lingered, sipping at one another, until a bit of snow slipped under his collar. He jerked away, squealing at the cold.

"What?" Joaquin asked, alarm on his face.

"It's fucking cold." He grabbed the front of Joaquin's jacket and tugged his shifter closer. "Let's go inside and get warm."

Joaquin purred. "I thought you'd never ask."

As soon as they returned to the room, Esau peeled out of his damp clothes and piled them in the corner. "I need a hot shower. Now." He grinned. "Wanna join me?"

Joaquin tossed his wet clothes onto the same pile. "No doubt, mi amor."

Once they were under the warm spray, the kissing continued. Esau caressed Joaquin's muscled chest, pinching the nipples just the way he liked it. Joaquin lowered his hand, sliding down Esau's torso and gripping the root of his shaft. Esau met his mate's gaze. He wanted to offer the man he loved equal pleasure, but Joaquin's dysmorphia made it difficult. Some moments were better than others, but it was always hard to gauge which was which.

He didn't want to ruin a moment by crossing a line.

"Can I…" Esau whispered between kisses to Joaquin's neck. "Can I jerk you off, too?"

Joaquin stiffened ever so slightly before he met Esau's gaze. "Yeah."

Esau captured Joaquin's lips as his hand slowly drifted down from one tight nipple. Carefully, he trailed the tips of his fingers over Joaquin's long, engorged flesh and cradled it, stroking from base to tip. He held his mate's gaze as he caressed, their hands moving in concert. His on Joaquin and Joaquin's on him. They jerked one another off, watching one another closely, as the warm water sluiced over them, washing away the cold from outside.

"I love you," Esau whispered. "Every inch of you. You're the sexist man I've ever seen. You make me so hard."

Joaquin's eyes turned molten once more.

Esau gasped, his lover's hand tightening over his cock. "That feels so good. Yeah, baby, just like that." The motions threatened to throw him over the edge, but he refused to fall into the abyss alone. "Do I make you feel good?"

Joaquin closed his eyes, pressing his forehead to Esau's chin. "Yeah," he gasped, thrusting his hips forward.

"You're so fucking hot, Keeno."

Esau sensed Joaquin growing closer as he held his own orgasm back. The second Joaquin tensed against his hand, he let go of his own impending release. Two seconds after Joaquin groaned and trembled against his hand, he came, shooting a thick load into his mate's strong hand. They leaned into one another in the aftermath of their pleasure, the only sounds their gasping breaths and the running water.

Steam billowed around them. Joaquin's jaw tightened, his body grew rigid.

"Don't," Esau whispered. "Don't leave me."

"I'm right here," Joaquin grumbled.

"No, you're not. You're in your head."

Joaquin scoffed. "You can't understand."

"No. I can't. I won't pretend I can," Esau paused. "All I do know is that I love you. I want to bring you the same pleasure you bring me night after night. It's not fair for you to go without."

"I don't go without." Joaquin lifted his gaze. "Your pleasure is mine, Esau."

"And that's truly enough for you? Living vicariously through me."

"It has to be."

Esau sighed. "I don't want to make this about me and what I want to give you. But I can't help feeling like this relationship is unequal and that you deserve more."

Joaquin smiled. "You give me everything I need and more. Never assume otherwise."

Esau ached within, but ultimately, what was fair or unfair was Joaquin's call. If he was at peace with that, then who was Esau to force the subject? "Okay."

Joaquin smiled. "And I did just come, so…"

Esau grinned in return. "Was it good?"

Joaquin captured his mouth, kissing him roughly. "Yeah, it was good. Better than good. My knees almost went out from under me it was so good."

Esau loved hearing that. "I'm glad."

"How about we go make some coffee, get into some warm clothes, and open some presents?" Joaquin asked, squeezing both of Esau's ass cheeks, one in each hand. "And don't think I didn't notice there's a few more under the tree than yesterday."

"You're not the only one who can play Santa, mi amor."

Joaquin stared up at him, the molten cast still visible in those silver eyes. "Let's go open presents… and maybe go back to bed?"

Esau smiled. "You read my mind."

After the coffeewas brewed and they'd opened the presents, Esau leaned back into Joaquin, back to chest, cup in hand. Joaquin loved cradling his man in his arms, the quiet moments of intimacy powerful. They stared at the twinkling lights of the meager tree and wished he'd been able to provide more.

Instead of pushing them until they'd had to abandon the home they knew.

"There's one more present I didn't give you," Esau murmured.

"Oh?"

Esau took another gulp from his cup before lowering it and reached into the pocket of his pajama pants. He handed a slip of paper to Joaquin.

On it was an address written in Esau's hand.

"What's this?"

"A house not far from here w?—"

"Where you want to move?" Joaquin supplied.

"No.Where a demon lives."

Joaquin blinked. Weeks of not hunting was killing him. He longed to get back out on the prowl, his jaguar displeased. "We can't… Esau. My desire for revenge nearly got us killed in San Diego. I'm not tempting fate again. I can't lose you. I won't."

"You think I don't see you yearning to get out there to kill demons? You've worn a path in this shitty little room night after night, watching the street from the window, aching to go out. I can't sit back and watch you pace like a caged beast. You were made to hunt demons. It's who you are."

Joaquin eyed the slip of paper.

"We can go surveil the place tonight if you want. There won't be many folks out on the streets on Christmas."

Joaquin eyed Esau. "And what if this ends up alerting Buer where we are? Then we'll end up running again. I doubt your abuela is going to keep covering our asses if we make stupid choices."

"You're unhappy, Keeno. I can see it. This place…" he smiled. "You hate it here. You sit in this hotel room all day writing code and pace all night. You rarely leave. I can see you're struggling. One kill. One demon to get a little frustration out."

Joaquin had been struggling. A new town he didn't know. The cold. The lack of decent Mexican food. Boston was full of Dominicans, and while some dishes were similar, it just wasn't like what he was accustomed to. He was homesick. Boston was nothing like San Diego. Not that he'd expected it to be, but he felt lost. Like he was sliding into a dark hole of depression.

They were in danger. He had no time for melancholy.

One kill. One demon to get a little frustration out.

Maybe it would be enough for a while. If they were careful.

"Okay… one kill," Joaquin said.

Esau grinned. "It'll be good for you."

"On one condition," Joaquin murmured.

Esau cocked his head, confused.

"I go alone."

Esau's smile faded. "No."

Joaquin shook his head. "Nonnegotiable. Your break from hunting continues until we've gotten our feet under us again." And maybe longer.

"You know about the treaties, I'll be safe."

On Christmas, demons left humans alone. He wasn't completely sure why, but a hunter they'd crossed years before claimed that Heaven and Hell had several treaties and in one of them, Christmas was sacred. Demons were not allowed to harm humans on the night of Christ's birth.

Or the time between his death and his resurrection. All else was fair game.

He didn't know if that was true, but what he did know was that every December twenty-fifth for over a decade the demons had avoided Esau like the plague. They'd barely fought him off when he attacked. Some had even allowed Esau to kill them without trying to defend themselves.

He, on the other hand, was fair game. Being a shifter, he apparently didn't count in the treaty, even though he was part human. But Esau would be safe that night. He could breathe easier and leave his love in safety.

Even the Assassins would not be a concern.

"I don't want you out there alone."

Joaquin shook his head. "If I go, you stay. Period."

Anger filled Esau's eyes, but it shifted to worry with the creasing of his brow. "I can be lookout. I won't fight."

"No."

"You don't get to dictate terms to me."

"You are my everything,"Joaquin spat. "My lone responsibility on this planet is your safety. I will not fail that."

"They won't attack me. I'll be fine."

"Dammit, Esau, will you listen to me?" He saw the pain blossom on Esau's face, and it was a dagger to his heart. "I know you think we're safe here because your Abuelita told you we would be, but no matter how far we've gone, it will never be far enough to avoid the Assassins."

"Only more reason for me to come. What if they find you? I can help fight them off and they can't do a single thing to me."

"We assume."

"If there's no treaty, you shouldn't leave me here alone, right?" Esau asked. "You won't leave me to fight off the Assassins alone, will you?"

Joaquin scowled. "Salt on the window sill. Salt on the threshold. They won't be able to pass."

"I don't understand why you won't let me go!"

"Because your fighting is over."

Esau frowned. "You don't get to determine that."

"Baby, you were done before we left San Diego. I could see it in your eyes, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself. The fire isn't in you anymore, and I won't force you to go out when you don't want to anymore."

"It's what we do. We fight."

"No. We love. That's what we do."

Esau opened his mouth, but Joaquin cut him off.

"I won't have you pushing yourself and dying just to keep me happy. Esau, please. Let me have this… and know you're safe here."

Esau searched his face, an argument ready on his quivering lips. After a moment, he closed his mouth and shook his head. "Fine. I'll stay home. I'm not happy about it, but I'll stay. Salt the windows and the doors. Happy?"

"Yeah," Joaquin whispered before grabbing the back of Esau's head and planting a kiss on his mate's lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Esau whispered back, but there was disappointment in his tone.

Joaquin leaned back against the bed and dragged Esau closer, cuddling.

All while mentally counting the hours until the sun fell, and his jaguar could come out to play.

As Ashand Colby picked on one another across the table, Gideon passed the breadbasket to Luca after taking a piece for himself. Daniel stole the container of freshly grated Romano before he was finished with it. Gideon gasped, reaching over Daniel's arm to snag another bit.

"How dare you, Daniel! You never steal a man's cheese." He tossed the shreds clustered between his clutched fingers on top of his mountain of spaghetti and meatballs.

"Stop hogging the cheese and I wouldn't have to steal it," Daniel shot back, sticking out his tongue.

"Oh, it's war now," Gideon said, tickling Daniel's side.

Daniel hooted with laughter and nearly dropped the container of cheese. Ash deftly caught it and lifted it high. "I am the savior of the cheese." He dumped a bunch on his own plate. "All hail me."

"I wasn't done with that!" Daniel complained, grinning.

Ash tossed some cheese at him.

"If you two start another food fight, I'm out," Colby said, chuckling.

"Food fight?" Daniel asked his brother. "That wasn't a food fight." He grabbed Gideon's bread and flung it at Colby, hitting his brother squarely in the chest.

"Now you steal my bread?" Gideon slid his plate a little farther from Daniel. "I need to protect my food from you, it seems."

Luca handed the breadbasket back and Gideon snagged another piece while Colby took a big bite of what had been his.

"I only steal out of love," Daniel said.

"Oh?" Gideon asked. "Then what would you do if you hate—" Pain slammed into Gideon's head. Everything turned back, and he was transported to Hell again.

Memories he vaguely recalled replayed… but in reverse. Demons walked backward, ripped flesh resealed. The sounds were the wrong way, as well, even more sinister sounding than before. He searched the scene, confused. How had he gotten there…?

And just as quickly, he was suddenly back at the table, as if nothing had happened.

"What the fuck was that, Gideon?" Luca asked, eyes wide.

Gideon breathed hard. The pain was gone but the memory still fresh enough to feel the sensation of it lingering.

"Giddy?"Daniel asked, rubbing his arm gently.

Once he'd breathed through it, Gideon sat up straighter.

"What was that?" Luca asked again.

"I don't know." He considered what he'd seen. "I was down there again," he murmured, not saying where to prevent Daniel from freaking out. "I saw everything, but it… it was running backward. It was… weird."

Daniel snuggled close. "Are you okay?"

Gideon forced a smile for Daniel. "Yeah. I'm okay."

Daniel hugged him. "Good. You scared me."

Gideon cringed, hating that he'd worried Daniel.

A portal opened just outside the dining room, and Cassius appeared. He eyed Gideon before casting a glance around the table. "Sorry to interrupt dinner, but I need to talk to Gideon."

Panic mounted as Gideon rose from the table. He stepped into their living room and turned to face Cassius.

"One of your demons has just been murdered."

Was that what I just felt?"My demons. I don't think I want them referenced to as such."

"Thedemons you bound, then." Cassius sighed. "I portaled in as soon as the spell alerted me, but the assailant was fast and got away before I could capture him."

"Who was it?"

"No idea other than a shifter. I think it was a panther. That made it even harder to see in the dark, though the snow helped." Cassius shook his head. "This guy was fast. I've seen big cat shifters before, but nothing like him."

Gideon frowned. "I wonder why he targeted one of ours? I masked them well. Not even Lucifer could find them."

Cassius' head cocked, silent a few heartbeats. "How do you know Lucifer couldn't find them?"

Gideon winced inwardly, realizing his slip. "Word gets around. Lucifer and crew have been searching for the missing demons and can't find them. I hear they can't sense them anywhere."

Cassius' eyes narrowed. "Where did you get that information?"

"We all have our little secrets, Cassius. You have yours. I have mine." It was rare he knew something Cassius didn't, and he reveled a bit in that moment.

Cassius searched his face before turning to pace the length of the living room. "Lucifer couldn't find them, but this guy could." When he turned back, he offered more detail. "This shifter was quick and clean. He was in and out in the blink of an eye. There was a sense of intention in the room. It lingered heavily in the air and felt like retribution."

"Retribution on the demon—or the man?"

Cassius shook his head. "That, I can't tell you. If he was targeting the demon, he might have the others in his sights, too. I'll need to watch closer." Cassius focused on Gideon. "If what you say is true, and Lucifer can't find them, then who or what could? Your magic is strong. If you masked them, something powerful broke through somehow. We need to figure out what we're dealing with."

A shiver raced down Gideon's spine. He wasn't sure he wanted to face whatever could find what Lucifer couldn't.

"Maybe Raymond can help?" Gideon suggested.

"How?"

"He might no longer be employed by the council, but I'm sure he still has contacts there. Maybe he can find out if the Celestial Council might be behind this? I'm sure there are other powerful beings out there, but none that immediately come to mind."

"Good idea," Cassius said. "Even if they're not behind it, there might be rumblings of another power in the area that we need to know about. I'll go talk with him now and let you know."

"Okay. What do you need me to do in the meantime?"

"Wait. Be ready if another demon falls."

Esau paced the hotel room,his entire body a raw nerve. Joaquin had been gone hours and it shouldn't have taken so long. Had he been hurt? Caught by the assassins? I shouldn't have let him go alone.

Joaquin's words haunted him all night.

I know you think we're safe here because your Abuelita told you we would be, but no matter how far we've gone, it will never be far enough to avoid the Assassins.

He'd stupidly thought they were in the clear. It's the only reason why he'd handed over that demon's address, that and sensing Joaquin's caged beast within was roaring to get out. His grandmother had assured him they'd be safe, but maybe she'd been wrong.

Couldn't be.

Esau felt it in his gut. They were where they belonged. The Assassins would not harm them. How he knew, he could not say, but something told him Joaquin's fears were unfounded. Yet, he was smart enough to not live by gut instinct alone. There was still a threat seeking to do damage, and to assume otherwise was idiotic.

A threat that could be out there harming Joaquin.

The snow… Joaquin's jaguar would stick out against a world of white. What if the demon caught him? Esau grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. Promise or no, he couldn't stand by and do nothing. He whipped the door open…

And found Joaquin there, key card in hand.

Joaquin frowned. "Where are you going?"

"To look for you. I was worried."

Joaquin advanced, and Esau stepped back to let his mate through. "I told you to stay here."

"You were out there for hours. I feared the worst. You just reminded me we're not as safe as I assumed, remember?"

"And just what would you have done if you'd made it out there?"

Esau flung his jacket to the small couch. "I'm not without skills. I've killed demons right alongside you for years."

"But what if I'd been dead and not there to protect you?"

Esau recoiled. He lifted his gaze, meeting Joaquin's. "If you were dead, then what's the point of living?"

Joaquin charged forward, grabbing Esau to him, frantic. "Don't you ever say that. If anything happened to me, you move on. You find a way. Do you hear me?"

Esau refused to lie. If there was no Joaquin, there was no him. He couldn't imagine a life where Joaquin wasn't with him.

Joaquin gave him a shake. "Do you hear me? You find a way."

Esau swallowed back sorrow at the thought of losing Joaquin… yet there was something throbbing within. Something he didn't understand and couldn't put a voice to.

Another reason to live.

The thought sent a shockwave through him. He trembled in Joaquin's arms.

"Please,Esau. I need you to tell me you will go on if there ever comes a day I am no longer here."

Esau couldn't speak. He simply nodded his head, tears burning the backs of his eyes. Joaquin tugged him into a tight hold, his arms nearly squeezing the life from him. He melted into his mate's embrace, wrapping both arms about Joaquin's neck.

His gaze blurred as his thoughts returned to that other reason to live.