35. Chapter Thirty-Five

Jasper had carried Iveri up to one of the bedrooms, where she still lay sleeping. She hadn’t woken yet, but I knew she would be fine. It was like I could sense it. Like we were going to be forever tied together.

“Are you there?”I asked the Sin Reaper, hoping she was okay. That life spark wielding had done a number on us.

Yes, I’m here. Just resting.

I watched Iveri, the steady rise and fall of her chest indicating her deep slumber.

“So,”I said, drawing the syllable out. “Want to talk about the whole assimilation thing?”

I could sense her hesitating, almost like she was taking a moment to collect her thoughts.

I was never meant to be a singular being. I just… I want to feel whole, Lori. I feel like something is missing.

I knew how that felt to some degree. When my magic was suppressed and when I’d lost touch with the Sin Reaper, even though it had been a challenge to accept them, I’d felt their loss like a visceral thing.

“What about Iveri? Can you not return to her?”

She’s human now. Neither of us would survive long. Do you… not want me? she said dejectedly.

“That’s not what I meant. I just thought you might want a way back to her.”

There was a silence between us for a moment, and I thought she’d vanished, but I felt a warmth seep into my skin. Was she giving me a hug?

Lori, I know I’m asking for a lot, and I won’t hate you if you want to keep things as they are, but it wouldn’t be fair on either of us if I didn’t tell you how I felt.

I thought about what she was asking for and, if this was what the Sin Reaper needed, then I’d give it to her. Even if it felt like I was losing a friend.

“Okay, what do we need to do?”

Really? Even though we’d be stuck together forever?

I laughed. “Yes, even then.”

Wow. Okay. Um, let me just collect myself then I’ll do it. You don’t have to do anything, just don’t resist.

The words of the old man popped into my head then, that I needed to achieve balance. Perhaps this was what he meant.

Okay. Here I go.

“Wait!”

There was a moment of silence while she paused waiting for me. Not that I knew how to say goodbye, not that it was really goodbye, but it would never be the same and I think I just needed a minute to grieve that.

Have you changed your mind?she asked quietly.

“No, I just… we…” I took a second to collect my thoughts. “I know it’s been a strange road and that you were never meant to be with me but I’m glad you’re here. I think I’m gonna miss your snarkiness.”

She snorted. I don’t think that’s a word. But I’ll always be here, just more like your conscience than an actual presence. I’ll still get you to roll your eyes at me, if that’s what you’re worried about.

I laughed, more out of relief than anything else. “Okay. Then go for it.”

There was a moments hesitation and then she said, Thank you.

“You’re welcome.”

She nodded and it felt final. Like the last nail in the coffin. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and then relaxed.

A warmth spread through my skin, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. It intensified to the point of being almost unbearable and then…nothing.

My mind suddenly felt spacious, but I felt warm. Like I was wrapped in a permanent embrace. Would it be like this always, or would it fade over time? I couldn’t tell, but I felt less disjointed, less fragmented. Maybe the old man was right. Maybe the right path was joining all the parts of me until I reached balance.

I took a deep breath and centred myself. For the first time in a long time, I felt a glimmer of hope that everything might just be okay.