29. Chapter Twenty-Nine

Alec was behaving strangely. I hadn’t been around him in a while, and I didn’t know if this was his new normal or if something was wrong. He was moody and short-tempered. I assumed it was because he’d only been with his heart for a short while and he was still learning to control his emotions after being without them for so long. It felt like it was me though. Had I done something to upset him? He kept looking at me with a bitterness in his honey-coloured eyes and it hurt that I might have put it there.

I also wasn’t sure about this crusade to see the Witch Queen. She was the one who’d stolen his heart in the first place. Surely that kind of history was going to cloud his judgement where she was concerned.

Cassian nuzzled the soft spot below my ear, distracting me from my thoughts.

“You’re so tense, princess.” He nipped the skin and I shivered against him.

“Stop it,” I said, but without any heat to my words.

He smiled against my neck before swiping his tongue along the length of it. “Not gonna happen.”

I laughed but it was cut short when I caught sight of Alec staring at me with daggers in his eyes. Oh, boy. I think someone needed a hug or something. I looked up at Cassian and pressed a soft kiss against his lips. “I’ll find you later. I just need to talk to Alec.”

“Cheer him up, princess. He’s been a moody bastard for far too long.”

I stood up, walked over to Alec and held out my hand. “Come with me.”

“Lori…”

“Nope. No excuses.”

He heaved a sigh, but he grabbed my hand and let me lead him out of the common room. I walked a bit further down the corridor and ducked into the training room. Alec followed, pretty much dragging his feet, and stopped in front of me before folding his arms across his chest.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, trying to get straight to the point.

“Nothing,” he grumbled, gnawing on his bottom lip.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

I heaved a deep breath and planted my hands on my hips. “Fine. Be miserable if you want to, but it’s not fair for you to take that out on the others.”

Alec rubbed his hands down his face. “I know. It’s just…”

I took a step closer, instinctively wanting to comfort him. “Just what, Alec?”

“I know what you have with them is special, and I know I’m new to the whole emotion thing but—” He broke off with a frustrated grunt.

“Does it hurt to see me with them?”

He blinked down at me, taking a step closer and closing the gap between us. “No, I just… I think I’m jealous.”

“Jealous?”

He smoothed my hair behind my ears. “Yes. There’s something about you Lori, I want you too and I’m not sure how to process everything. Seeing them happy but needing to keep everyone safe and not knowing how to talk to you or whether you were even interested in anything more with me.”

For the first time since knowing Alec, he looked vulnerable. He’d always been confident, cocky even, sure in his own skin. But this version of Alec in front of me was raw, cracked and exposed.

“What must you think of me,” he said with a huff of a laugh and a self-deprecating smile.

I reached out, but he took a step back. “I know you, Alec. Even without your heart, you were a good man. You protected me, fought by my side and for me. And now, with your heart, you are still all those things and more.”

“Lori, I don’t know if I can ever be the man you deserve. I’ve done things. Things I’m not proud of, and I’m struggling to reconcile the man I am now, with the man I was before.”

My heart broke for him, a pain that was sharp behind my solar plexus. It was like a physical blow and a gasp escaped my lips.

He hung his head, his hair falling in his eyes as he looked away from me. I couldn’t even begin to understand what he’d been through, but I knew I could be patient.

I cupped his face with my hands, pulling his gaze back to mine. “I can wait, Alec.” I brushed a soft kiss against his lips. “For you, I’ll wait for as long as it takes.”

He leaned closer, brushing his nose against mine. “Hopefully that day will come.”

Afew hours later I was back in the training room except this time I was with Edwin Garrick, the only other Shadow Mage I knew. His grey eyes, shimmering with starlight in their depths, held me immobile for a moment while he studied me. Apparently, there were only three known Shadow Mages in existence: me, Edwin and Tobias Locke. The only thing I knew about the third one was his name and nothing else.

“What are you looking for?” I asked warily.

“I’m just getting a sense of who you are. The last time we met, you weren’t a vampire. I’m figuring out if that’s changed your magic.” He cocked his head to one side. “So far, I don’t sense any other change.”

It had been some time since we’d seen each other, and I’d almost forgotten how sharp his features were. He was very striking, and he kind of looked like he’d cut your heart with a spoon if you pissed him off.

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

He shrugged. “Not sure. Can I try something?”

“Sure.”

“You’re very quick to trust,” he said with a raised brow.

“Not really. I’m just betting your curiosity about my magic and me being a Shadow Mage outweighs any harm you might otherwise consider.”

He barked a laugh and stepped closer. “Probably. Hold out your hands.”

I did as he asked, and he wrapped his hands around my wrists. His fingers were rough against my soft skin. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Electricity hummed in the air as I felt the soft caress of his shadows wrap around my forearms. They felt as soft as silk as they moved up my arms, but I knew how deadly they could be if Edwin wanted them to be. Just like I’d willed mine into a blade to hurt Mordecai.

I could feel a tugging sensation beneath my sole plexus.

“That’s just me,” Edwin said softly. “Close your eyes and feel for your magic. Try and wrap your shadow wisps around mine.”

I reached down into my core, searching for the magic that I knew was there. I’d had a rocky relationship with my magic, from not understanding it, to starting to master it and then losing it. I’d felt that loss keenly. Strange how it was only after losing it that I realised how much I yearned for it. And now it just felt like it was continuously slipping through my fingers.

I groaned in frustration. “I can’t do this.”

Edwin clutched my arms tightly. “Yes, you can. You were born for this, Lori. Don’t let fear stop you. Try again.”

I searched inwards again, but my magic was just out of reach. “I can see it, but I can’t get to it.”

“You can do it.”

Pain lanced through my skull as I reached harder for it, but it still proved elusive. “Fuck.”

Edwin let me go when I pulled away. I paced the room in agitation, my annoyance fuelling my self doubt and making me growl.

“This is pointless and stupid and—”

“Hey,” Edwin snapped, and I stopped in my tracks. “Give yourself a break. You’ve been through the greatest pile of shit but you’re still here. I believe you will master this.”

“Why?”

“Because you have me as a teacher and I’m awesome.” His smile was wide and cocky, his eyes shimmering with mirth.

I snorted. “Modest, too.”

“Damn right.” He walked over to me. “Now, let’s try this again. Stop trying to reach for it, let it come to you.”

“Okay,” I said as I held out my arms and took a deep breath. “I’m ready.”

He grasped my arms again and his magic slithered along my skin, familiar and welcome. This time I let the sensations wash over me like a cool breeze, settling beneath my skin and becoming part of me. Instead of reaching for my magic, I let Edwin’s tempt it out of hiding.

A coolness unfurled in my core sending a shiver traipsing up my spine. I closed my eyes and sank into the sensations. I imagined my magic as a black curl of smoke, surrounding my arms and reaching for Edwin, tangling with his magic until it swirled and moved like a snake.

“Open your eyes,” Edwin whispered.

I did as he said and gasped. It was just as I’d pictured. My magic was slithering around Edwin’s, twisting and turning and shimmering as it moved. “Whoa.”

“See. Told you that you could do it.”

It had felt as natural as breathing. “Can we do more?”

Edwin’s smile grew wide. “Hell yes.”