12. Chapter Twelve

Ihated that Alec had stuck me on patrol with Cassian. All he’d done for the past few days was ride my ass about Lori and how I was the dipshit because I wouldn’t admit what I felt. That was fucking rich coming from him. It had taken him dying to realise he had something to live for. I knew how I felt about Lori, I wasn’t running from it, I just couldn’t do anything about it. That wasn’t the path I was set on and Lori wasn’t part of my future. Elissa was. She and I would unite the two most powerful mage houses and we would become the greatest force ever once we were bound. It was my father’s dream, and I couldn’t disappoint him. I couldn’t take the pain and suffering that would follow if I failed him.

I rubbed the spot above my heart on my chest. The ache that sat there pining for her was just getting worse. I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t interested in food. I couldn’t even look at Elissa. She just stared at me and there was this gaping chasm between us. I wouldn’t talk about it and it was just festering, lingering between us and growing like a parasite. It was killing everything that was good between us leaving nothing but this empty carcass behind. I was becoming a hollow shell of who I used to be.

Cassian looked and me and shook his head. “You’re an idiot.”

“I know,” I growled. “Doesn’t mean I can do anything about it.” Why didn’t he get that? Did he think I could just upend decades of planning because I was in love with someone else. In the grand schemes of my father, that was insignificant.

“You should just tell Octavius to fuck off.”

I snorted. Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen. Octavius Crowe was not someone you told to ‘fuck off’. If I said that to my father, he’d probably cut out my tongue and make me eat it. That was just the kind of guy he was.

“It’s not fair on you or Elissa. You need to tell him—”

“I know!”

“It’s killing you, Fenris. Can’t you see that?”

I stormed away from him. He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t know and it just hurt to see how he could see how badly not being with Lori was affecting me. Fuck, I probably looked like death warmed up.

“Hey!” Cassian grabbed my arm and halted me to a stop. I pushed at him, and he stumbled back a few paces.

“Leave me alone.” I walked away again.

“Pretty hard to do when we’re on patrol together.”

“Go away, Cassian.”

His hands slammed into my back. “Make me.”

Wind whipped around me as I used my magic to call it to me. I thrust my hands forwards and watched in smug satisfaction as Cassian was thrown from his feet into the tree behind him. He jumped to his feet, a feral grin on his face. Why did this guy love pushing buttons so much?

He charged at me, midnight scales erupting on his skin as he drew from the strength of his dragon.

“Come on, Fenris. Let it out!” He slammed his hands into my chest and anger welled within me.

I roared as I drew my magic from the earth, sending dirt in Cassian’s direction, blocking his next attack. He laughed, spurring me on. Lightning crackled in the air as my anger swirled in my gut. I was going to fry the bastard, zap him with millions of volts of electricity and see if his ice dragon could thaw that motherf—

Pain sliced through my midriff.

“Fenris!”

I looked down and saw blood pooling around an arrow. I’d been shot. Jesus fuck, that hurt. My knees buckled and I fell to the ground.

The wind rippled around me as Cassian changed into his dragon and went after whatever it was that had attacked us. A demon probably. We’d been skirting the boundaries of the Conclave and they were getting bold. Testing our defences. I’d been stupid enough to let Cassian distract me and now…

I fell to my side, the smell of dirt drifting around me. I buried my fingers in the soil while Cassian roared overhead, the occasional ripple in the wind as his wings flapped above me.

Maybe this was better. Maybe dying would put things right. Coldness began to seep into my bones, and I was so tired. So very…

“Fenris!”

Someone slapped my face.

“Fenris! Don’t you die on me, asshole.”

I groaned. Hands roamed my body. Pushed on my abdomen.

“This is going to hurt.”

“Wh- what?”

I screamed as the arrow was yanked back out of my body. The pain was unbearable and white lights danced in my vision. This was it. I was going to die. Again.

The world came sluggishly back into focus. Where was I? It smelled familiar. I cracked open an eye and was grateful for the low lighting. I took a deep breath and instantly regretted it. Pain blossomed in my side, and it felt like I was breathing with razor blades in my lungs. I looked down at my stomach and saw bandages smattered in blood. What the Hell had happened?

Monitors beeped behind me, the repetitive sound reminding me that I was still alive and still stuck on a path that I didn’t want to walk.

“Where is he?”

And there was Elissa. Fuck my life.

I closed my eyes and pretended to go back to sleep. Yeah, it was a dick move, but I wasn’t in the mood for another argument.

The door opened and feet shuffled behind a determined pair of clacking heels. It was probably Levi following behind Elissa as she marched in here. I knew she had a right to be here, but I just couldn’t muster the energy to deal with her right now. If it was Lori… well, I probably shouldn’t follow that train of thought.

Elissa gasped as she stepped closer to the bed. “What happened?”

“They were on patrol and a group of demons attacked. He was shot with an arrow, but it missed everything vital. I’ve fixed most of the damage, but he will need rest. He was very lucky.” That was Levi, his matter of fact tone trying to keep Elissa calm.

A manicured hand wrapped around mine and I had to try my hardest not to flinch. I mustn’t have covered it well enough because the next thing I knew, Elissa was leaning over me and stroking my face.

“Fenris? Are you awake?”

God, she sounded so fucking hopeful, and it just made the ache in my heart more painful. I hated doing this to her, to us. It wasn’t fair. I knew that the right thing to do was break everything off, but I was too much of a coward.

I heaved a sigh and opened my eyes.

“Oh, thank God,” she said.

Levi gave my arm a reassuring squeeze and quietly left the room.

“I was so worried about you. When I heard that you’d been injured—“

“Who told you?” I snapped.

“Why does that matter? I’m your fiancée!”

She had a point but I wasn’t in the mood.

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I know we’re having a bit of a bump right now—”

“A bump? You call this a bump?!”

“Yes. We will get married in a month and everything will work out fine.”

I scoffed. “Really? You really think we’re fine?”

“We will be. You’ll move on from her and we will be happy.”

“You can’t believe that?”

Her jaw clenched. “I have to. The alternative is unthinkable.”

She was right but it didn’t make it any easier.

“Fenris,” she said softly as she laced her fingers through mine.

“Don’t touch me.” I yanked my hand away, unable to bear the feel of her. It wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted her, I wanted Lori. I craved her touch, the feel of her skin against mine, her soft whisper in my ear. I didn’t want this. “Leave, Elissa.”

“Fenris—”

“Leave and don’t come back. I can’t do this. We can’t do this. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“Don’t do this. We’re supposed to be together.” Tears filled her eyes. I was hurting her, but I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t bury myself any deeper inside the shell of a man I was becoming. Soon there would be nothing left.

“Elissa, I can’t marry you.”

“But what about your father? My mother? This has been planned for generations! And you’re going to throw it all away for what? Some woman you might love?”

“Elissa!”

“No!” She yelled as she stood, looming over me. “I will not let you ruin this. We’ve both come too far to let all this go to waste.”

“We don’t belong together. I’ll make you miserable, can’t you see—”

Levi burst into the room, his red hair wild and his chest heaving with every breath. “She’s back.”