Prologue

Iwas so tired. Tired of pretending everything was okay. Tired of putting one foot in front of the other just to make it through the day only to have to face the same desperation and madness eating away at me the next day. Tired of not being good enough, or smart enough. Tired of having to constantly brace myself for the impact of his words and hands. Tired of letting him continually strip pieces of me away.

There was nothing left of me. Nothing but the hollow shell I could see in the mirror in front of me. I hated that I looked like him. Like my father. That every time I saw my own face, I saw him.

I swiped my hand across my cheek, wiping away the tears I’d lost track of counting.

Pathetic. That’s what my father would say. All because I was letting my emotions show. I was an embarrassment to him. The mighty Octavius Crowe, head of the Arcane Forum, leader of our people. My dear old dad.

I scoffed. Maybe I was pathetic. After all, I was hiding out here in the bathroom instead of schmoozing it up with the mages out there. My father wanted me to network. I would be inheriting his position in the Forum and that meant I needed allies. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t what I wanted, it was the way of the Crowes. We stood tall, showed no emotion and we ruled.

I looked at myself again and weeped. How did I end up here? I felt lost and adrift. Cracked and broken. Maybe I was beyond saving at this point. Was there anything left of me even worth saving?

I stared down at the gun on the counter in front of me. Wouldn’t it just be easier to end it all? I wouldn’t be there to embarrass my father anymore. But more important than that, I wouldn’t be able to feel anymore. The pain. The sorrow. The aching desperation to just be seen. All of it gone.

I’d have to remove my magic first. Become human so my powers wouldn’t try to save me if I pulled the trigger. But I had the amulet for that. I pulled it out of my pocket and placed it next to the gun. It was such a small, innocuous thing. A plain gold disc with small runes carved around the edges. It wasn’t much to look at, but it had been difficult to find. Not that that had stopped me. I’d had determination on my side when it came to my own demise. I’d carried the amulet with me for such a long time, it’s weight heavy in my pocket and even heavier on my soul and, as I stared down at the items of my destruction, I realised, there was no one left to care if I was gone. No one would notice. But that wouldn’t matter. Because finally, finally, I’d be free.