9. Jude

She's denied me but I think she's coming around. I'll show her what being a true mate means. She's jaded from the shit Shadow put her through. At least that's what I've gathered from the little bits and pieces she's told me over the last few hours. She's kept to her word, giving me little bits of what happened to help me understand and letting me ask questions. She's jaded from more than just Shadow… there're also the fucking seers.

Seers keep screwing me over. First they play my father against me and my brothers. And now my mate has yet another reason to question my claim to her all because of something a seer once told her. The seers are wrong. I've no intention of going back to my father's pack and never will. Life is good with Devin. I trust him to make the right decisions, so I don't have to worry about anything other than my mate and her happiness. I glance at Lena, grateful to be outside under the warmth of the afternoon sun. This morning has been easy going so far, little conversations kept light, and small moments where I swear she must feel something.

I watch Lena swing little Reece in her arms as he giggles. I glance between them and our little one who's fighting sleep in Lizzie's arms.

Lena was hesitant to let Lizzie hold our little boy, but I'm glad she allowed it. I want to see Lena's wolf. My own is dying to get out and run with her. Grace and Lizzie sit next to each other in the grass cooing at the little boy.

I squat in front of Addy to get down to her level. "Does your wolf want to come out?"

"Woof! Woof!" Addy and Reece start barking and chasing each other. I'm not sure if they understood, but they'll get the picture when I shift. I smile at my mate. "Let's go for a run." She nods reluctantly and looks back at Lizzie and Grace.

"We'll stay with the kids," Grace says, and I swear Lizzie must say something too because she shares a look with Lena. It's a moment that lasts a bit too long with a flash of emotion from Lena that's quickly eased. I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy that Lizzie's bonded with her, Lena can hear her, and I can't. Swallowing thickly, I focus on the gratitude that she has someone to ease her worries. Finally, as I calm the growing tide of emotion, Lena stands, heads to the edge of the woods for privacy with me and slips off her dress.

I'm mesmerized as she stretches catlike and smoothly transitions into her wolf. Shades of tan and white meld together in her fur and call to me to rub against it. Before I'm even aware, my wolf takes over. His desperation outweighs my consciousness. Perhaps aided by the pull of the moon coming. I shift and run to be by her side. Feeling the sweet stretch of release. My wolf rubs his side against hers and playfully nuzzles into her neck. Her wolf responds with caution. Lowering herself to the ground. I pace around her, waiting for her to rise. She doesn't and my wolf doesn't understand; he whimpers, nudging her.

At the sound of a small gasp, I look up to see Reece and Addy staring wide-eyed and stiff as boards watching us. I don't understand their reaction, but my wolf smells their fear. For a moment, I question allowing my wolf to stay seen. I know I'm a rather large wolf and that could be intimidating, but still their fear is unwarranted. My wolf lays panting on the ground with his tongue out. Looking between our mate and the younglings. He barks once wanting someone to interact with him without fear. But all the bark does is jolt the children. Our mate responds by rolling to her side and exposing her belly.

At the sight my blood runs cold. She's afraid. Her wolf is terrified and so are the children. And I have no idea why. I urge my wolf to crawl to her, so he doesn't upset her, and lick her neck. She stills at the contact before relaxing. He nuzzles into her again and then rises and jumps playfully over her and nudges her to play. He wants to run with his mate. The pain that radiates through me, from him, is chilling. As much as Lena is my mate, her wolf is his and something's happened. He doesn't understand and he whimpers again. I don't blame him. I want to see her run as well. She's strong and healthy. She's stunning, but her fear detracts from the beauty.

She slowly rises, keeping her head lowered and my wolf nudges under her chin and pounces playfully at her. She finally barks back. From the corner of my eye I see the children quietly approaching. This morning I gently prodded for Lena to tell me little bits and pieces, but I never asked about her wolf. I never asked about the children's wolves either. My heart beats slowly, realizing perhaps I should have. I can smell their fear, but I'm happy they have the courage to approach. Is it possible they've never seen someone shift? I can't imagine that's the case. I turn to them and little Reece steps back and trips over his own feet, landing on his butt. My wolf chortles and slowly paces to him before lying beside him so he can pet me.

At first, the children still with fear. But my wolf is patient. Content to be around children. Around family. The thought makes my heart clench. It's been too long since I've seen my brothers. And now that I know they have a mate, I long to see them even more. After a moment Reece and Addy pet my wolf and my mate lays beside me. My wolf wants to run, but he's content just lying lazily so long as our mate and the children are happy. Addy squeals with a mix of delight and disgust as my wolf licks her face, leaving a trail of slobber behind. Reece claps his little hands and yells, "Mo! Mo!" More. His happiness fuels my wolf to scoot forward and give him a slobbery kiss. He shrieks with joy as he pushes me away.

It's an odd feeling, allowing my wolf to take over and not having complete control, not being able to communicate with Lena and only watching. I wish nothing more than for her to hear me. Baby? I attempt but she doesn't respond, and her wolf doesn't seem to notice either.

A noise to my left distracts me. In the distance, Vince and Devin talk on the steps of the house. As I catch Devin's eyes, he motions for me to join them. My wolf is reluctant, but I push him to move, and I give my mate one more nuzzle before rising and galloping toward the steps. Without breaking my stride, I shift. I'm left feeling uncertain and have far too many questions as I obey my Alpha and leave Lena and the children in the field.

"Alpha?" Devin looks pissed. He's usually fairly intense and has a look about him that warns people to stay away, but over the years I've learned the subtle hints of his emotions. And right now, he's truly pissed. I can't help but to worry that it has something to do with Lena until he speaks.

"Fucking vampires." I look to Vince expecting him to flinch from Devin's response. I'm shocked that he doesn't, considering his mate is a vampire.

"What happened?" I ask.

Vince only huffs, sitting with his legs wider on the steps of the porch. Both of them wear blue jeans, with Devin wearing a collared shirt and Vince wearing a white tee that stretches across his broad shoulders. "Veronica's queen is getting pushback from other covens. A faction is growing and they want her support."

"Support for what?" I join them, sitting on the steps and watching my mate prance around while the children chase her. Even with the pleasing sight, nerves rattle their way through me.

"They're revolting against the Authority. More than just the vampires."

"Everyone's fed up with the corruption," Vince speaks with distaste. "The threats and laws about blood and feeding…" Vince cracks his neck and looks back at the house. No doubt thinking of his mate.

Devin gets to the point. "An internal war has started among the vampires. Veronica's coven wants protection."

"It should be easy enough since they're close." I answer knowing I'll need more information but fairly certain it won't be much of a challenge. Vince doesn't look convinced, and a chill runs down my spine. "What kind of war are we talking about?"

"A cold one currently. Only spoken threats. Each is counting their numbers and gathering alliances. The division is growing." Vince gives Devin a hard look that gets my attention.

"Jude, there's something you should know." My body stills at Devin's tone. I don't fucking like it.

"Your father's pack is going against the Authority. They've made their loyalty to the vampires known."

My blood turns to ice. That's a stupid decision to make. My father's a fool. Even knowing he'd planned to have my brothers and me killed, I hurt for him and his pack. His decision to rise against the Authority will cost them. The words from the woman in Alec's office ring in my head. That I should go see my brothers. My hand runs along my jaw as I let my emotions settle.

"If there's anyone at all in your old pack that you want spared, now is the time to reach out to them. We will offer them protection." I nod, acknowledging my Alpha. I remember nearly all of my old pack. The only one I hold ill will toward is my father. My jaw clenches as my wolf growls with anger. My mate's eyes fly to mine as she stills in shock and lowers herself. I silently scold my wolf for startling her and rise to go to her.

"Any news of my brothers?" I have to ask before I go to her, hating that we aren't bonded so she can't hear me. It would kill me to know that they're siding against the Authority.

"Not that we've heard." Vince answers as Veronica walks to him. Her long black dress blows easily in the afternoon wind. I nod to her as she approaches, and she does the same to me.

I tell them both, "I'll reach out to my brothers and decide what to do."

The moment Devin nods with approval, I make my way back to my mate. In my heart, I already know I'll have to go to them. I have to offer my old pack protection against my father's unwise decision. But the thought of facing him chills me to the core.

It's unsettling. So much of the day is unsettling, although there's so much to be thankful for.

Lena shifts into human form and immediately bows as I approach her. The children stay still and go quiet. It's more than obvious she's still startled and they're cautious as well. I offer them a smile and without hesitation sit in front of my mate cupping her chin and kissing her sweet lips as soon as she raises her head. Tension breaks in an instant and her body relaxes.

I hate her submission and her fear of me. I'm determined to break it.

"I saw you were angry." Her eyes stay on my lips as she speaks. I wish she'd look me in the eyes. I stay on the ground in front of her and kiss her again. I revel in the fact that she kisses me back and relaxes in my embrace.

"Nothing you need to worry about, baby." I smile again at her niece and nephew, and they smile back with toothy grins. It only takes a prod from Lizzie and Grace to play chase and Addy yells out a squeal and starts barking and running. Reece attempts to chase her but trips over his little legs. He squeals and gets up quickly to follow his big sister.

I grin at them and watch as Addy runs circles around Reece. "You'd think he'd shift so he could keep up."

"We weren't permitted to shift." Lena looks uncomfortable as she speaks, and as much as I'm shocked, I'm grateful for her admission. My teeth bite down hard, and I struggle to relax. It takes everything in me to contain my anger.

"Do they know how?" I can't believe he'd hurt their wolves like that. At least they're young so the damage will be minimal.

"Addy did once." Her words are soft and coated in sadness. I rein in my anger once again before wrapping an arm around her and pulling her between my legs. She turns her body to face the children but looks over my shoulder at Lizzie and Grace. Devin's whispering in Grace's ear and making her blush. It's not hard to guess that he's bribing her with a baby of her own as she passes the little boy to Lizzie. I can see Lena's fingers twitch to hold her baby.

"I think she might keep him if you don't go get him." I whisper, teasing her. A quick flash of fear crosses her faces before she shakes her head, and the hint of a smile shows on her face. She rises, but keeps her eyes on me, as if she expects me to stop her. I kiss her thigh as she reaches for her dress, slipping it on easily. Lizzie sees Lena approaching and mocks a pout before giving the baby a quick kiss on the forehead. She smiles brightly as she holds the little boy up for Lena.

Listening to the children play and watching my mate cuddle our baby makes me yearn for an even bigger family. It reminds me that I've yet to claim my mate. The full moon will be here soon, and I want to make sure she knows I intend to claim her. That bastard mark from Shadow will be ruined as soon as I get a chance to scar over it.

She settles beside me and raises the wiggly baby to her breast. "Just in time." She sighs happily as he latches.

"I want to claim you on the full moon." I'm almost ashamed of how blunt I am. Her smile falls.

She seems scared to speak but finally she answers. "I don't want that."

Shocked by her statement, a crushing weight comes down over me. I lean forward in the grass to get closer to her, to ask why and to try to understand, and I immediately curse myself as she hunches her shoulders. As if she's preparing for a blow. I slowly put my arm around her and kiss her shoulder.

Although I'm saddened by her admission, I'm grateful she's at least being honest and no longer censoring herself. I need to find out why though. I need to destroy whatever is standing in her way of accepting me. I don't know what would become of me if I cannot claim my mate.

"Does it matter that much that I'm not an Alpha? Are you ashamed of me?" I know the seers promised her an Alpha as a mate. My chest pains with the thought that she doesn't see me as a worthy mate.

She stares back at me as she rocks the little one who is quietly eating. "You're not the first to tell me I'm your mate."

"He had no right." I check my anger and calm myself. That bastard is dead. There's nothing more I can do regarding him and I refuse to speak his name. "Don't you feel a pull to me," I whisper, "even just a little?" I remember the moment we had in the bedroom and pray she felt it too. I wait with bated breath as her hazel eyes find mine. She nestles into my side and sighs. I love the contact and so does my wolf.

"Yes." She barely whispers with her eyes closed. My heart soars in my chest. A weight lifts off my shoulders and I feel my lips pull into a grin, but it's quick to fall.

"Then why won't you let me claim you?" If she feels the pull than it will only get stronger as the moon approaches.

"I'm scared," she answers in a hushed voice, staring at the ground rather than at me.

I can't help but to push for more. "Why are you so afraid? I won't treat you like Shadow did. You have to know that."

She shakes her head. "You've already treated me with more kindness than he ever did."

"Then why don't you want me to claim you?"

"The burn." Her hand not holding her baby rises to the mark on her neck as tears well in her eyes.

I've heard it can hurt. I've also heard it's nothing but pleasure. All I know is that it must happen for our bond to be complete. "I promise I won't hurt you as your mate."

Although she nods and seems to agree, I can see it in her eyes that she doesn't want to be claimed. She doesn't trust that I won't let her suffer the pain on her own. A deep hurt settles in my chest.

"Think about it?" I ask her. "For me."

She stares back at me, as if seeing through me, before promising, "I will."