Chapter 2

Noel

Icalled Esther the moment the ambulance pulled out of our driveway and didn't even bother to turn their lights on. I'd instinctively known he was dead the instant I'd woken up to use the bathroom and couldn't hear him snoring on the other side of the bed. Maybe that had been what had woken me up, the absence of sound for the first time in nearly five years. It had taken me ten minutes to turn on the light and check for sure, but I knew those minutes wouldn't have mattered anyway. His lips were blue. His face slack. I shook off the memory.

I was free.

My hands shook as I pulled open my dresser drawers and forced myself to move calmly as I brought my folded clothes to the suitcase on the bed. No one knew yet that my husband was dead and I had hours before the hospital called them and my brother-in-law came to get us. I had time to make sure we had everything we needed.

The sun was coming up and I could hear the girls chattering to each other in the bedroom just as I finished packing my things. There was so little that I wanted from our house. It had never felt like mine anyway.

Straightening my sweater as I got to my feet, I walked slowly down the hall, savoring the last few minutes of quiet before the crazy day ahead.

"Mama!" Ariel cried happily, bouncing on her bed as I opened their door. "Nana's got a runny nose!"

"Good morning," I called softly, the smile on my face not nearly as hard to come by as I'd feared. "Did you sleep good?"

"Nana spit out her blue binky but I gave it back," Ariel replied importantly, hopping off her bed, her little yellow blankie slung over her shoulder.

"Diana," I scolded jokingly, walking to the crib to poke my youngest in the belly. "Did you throw your binky off the bed so sister would have to come get it?"

"No," she replied, giggling. "I not."

"She did," Ariel murmured, leaning against my hip. She didn't sound the least bit put out by it.

I ran my hand over Ariel's hair, my heart thundering. We were leaving. We were finally leaving. I could barely catch my breath. Ariel would never have to—no. I stopped that train of thought before I could finish it. I would think of the implications later. Rejoice later. Once we were safe with Esther and her husband Otto.

"Let's change your diaper," I said to Diana, scooping her up out of the crib. "Ariel, you want to pick your outfit for today?"

"Can I wear the purple dress?"

"Oh, I suppose," I said with a teasing sigh. "Don't forget your underwear and tights."

"Okay!" She hopped on two feet across the little room to her dresser.

"How about you?" I asked Diana, rubbing her back as I carried her toward the dresser. "What do you want to wear today?"

"Dress," Diana murmured around her pacifier.

"I suppose that can be arranged."

The next few minutes were a whirl of activity as I wrangled the girls into clothes and brushed Ariel's hair, but eventually I herded them out of the bedroom toward the kitchen.

"I want pancakes," Ariel announced, skipping ahead of me. "With bananas."

"I don't think we have any bananas, tootsie pop. We'll have to pick something else."

"Oatmeal," she roared, lifting her hands like paws.

"Are you a lion?"

"No, I'm a tiger."

"Scary." I shivered. "Do tigers roar?" It was a serious question. I couldn't remember.

"They do," Ariel replied firmly.

"Do tigers like oatmeal?"

"The smart ones do." She climbed into her seat at the table and waited while I put Diana in her high chair.

"How about an apple with your oatmeal?" I asked, shaking out my hands as I grabbed some plain oatmeal packets out of the drawer. Straightening my back, I mixed them with a little water and put them into the microwave.

"I love appoes," Diana sang, spitting her pacifier onto the high chair tray.

"They're your favorite, huh?" I said, glancing over my shoulder at her as I grabbed an apple out of the bowl.

"I like oranges," Ariel contradicted. "But I can eat an apple."

"Well, that's good." Only years of conditioning kept me from rolling my eyes as I sliced their apple. "Since we have no oranges."

"We should go to the store."

"Maybe tomorrow."

The beep of the microwave seemed too loud and I watched out the window as I fixed the girls their plates.

"I put brown sugar on it," I whispered to Ariel as I set the plate down in front of her.

I grit my teeth and bowed my head as she automatically closed her eyes and prayed out loud for her and Diana's meals.

"Nice job, baby," I murmured, putting Diana's plate on her tray.

"Can we do puzzles after breakfast?" Ariel asked, swinging her feet.

"Absolutely."

"And bubbles," she asked slyly, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye.

"Maybe this afternoon," I conceded. Bubbles were a special treat and I wondered for a moment if she knew something was up.

They were used to Caleb being gone in the mornings for work and they'd slept through the chaos of the paramedics the night before, but maybe she could sense it. I wouldn't have been surprised. Ariel noticed everything.

It only took a few minutes for the girls to eat, even though Diana took the time to sing quietly to herself between bites. As soon as they were done, I quickly washed their dishes and pulled down the wooden puzzles for them to play with before heading into their room.

The girls had way more to pack than I did. Between the diapers and clothes for both of them, the keepsakes I kept in the top drawer of their dresser, and the stuffed animals they were most attached to, I'd filled another large suitcase and duffel bag. Stashing them in with my suitcase in the bedroom, I wandered back toward the living room. There were a few photos of the girls that I wanted to grab and a throw blanket my mom had made as a wedding gift, but for the most part we were fully packed and ready when I sat down on the floor to help them with their puzzles.

"This is a meerkat," Ariel told Diana.

"Cat."

"No, meerkat," she corrected.

"Cat."

"Meerkat."

"Cat," Diana said firmly, pointing to the puzzle piece.

"That's right," I said, shooting Ariel a look before she could argue. "What's that one?"

"Lion," Ariel answered quickly.

"I was asking sister," I replied with a sigh, raising my eyebrows at her.

"Lion," Diana parroted.

"What about this one?"

Ariel squirmed.

"Elphant."

"That's right," I leaned down and kissed Diana on the head. "That's an elephant."

Ariel sighed.

"Did Ariel teach you that?" I asked the baby.

"Yeah."

"She's a good teacher, huh?"

"I'm a really good teacher," Ariel boasted, perking up.

I leaned against the couch and watched them play, savoring the moment. They had no idea that in just a few hours their lives were going to change, that they'd woken up to a different life. Neither of them would've understood even if I'd tried to explain it. The changes were good. Answered prayers, if I was being generous and lucky if I wasn't.

As I listened to Ariel try and teach Diana how to say caterpillar, I wondered at my lack of emotion. My husband was dead. The man I'd shared a bed with and built a life and family with was dead—and I felt nothing except relief.

Two hours, three games, and a diaper change later, the sound of Harley pipes filtered in through the window. I was on my feet before I'd even realized that I was moving.

"Noisy." Diana wrinkled her nose.

Kneeling on the couch, I looked out the front window and my breath caught, relief making me sway.

"Who's here?" Ariel yelled, scrambling onto the couch next to me.

"Your uncle," I whispered as the motorcycles and a dark SUV pulled onto the short gravel driveway.

"Uncle Ephraim?" she asked dubiously.

"No." I shook my head, my eyes still on those motorcycles. "Your uncle Otto."

"Who's that?"

I ran my hand down her hair as I climbed off the couch.

Hurrying down the hallway, I grabbed the two newborn photos of the girls off the wall. Stuffing them into the top of the girls' suitcase, I dragged it and the duffel into the living room.

"Mama," Ariel called as I raced back down the hallway. "There's a big man at the door!"

"I'll be right there," I called back, dragging the other suitcase off my bed and into the living room.

He knocked as I set it next to the others and I took a moment, smoothing back my hair as I tried to catch my breath.

"Why do you have bags?" Ariel asked curiously as Diana crawled on top of a suitcase.

"Because we're going on an adventure," I whispered conspiratorially.

"We are?" she whispered back, her face lighting up as Otto knocked again.

"Yeah." I grinned.

"Yes," she hissed, jumping across the floor.

With another deep breath, I reached for the door and swung it open.

My sister's husband was exactly the way I'd remembered him. Huge, imposing, frowning, and kind.

"Good to see you, Noel," he said, his lips tipping up in a small smile as his eyes met mine. "Been waitin' for—" His mouth snapped shut and his eyes widened as Ariel poked her head around my hip and grinned up at him.

"This is Ariel," I said, pushing her forward until she stood beside me. She wrapped her arms around what was left of my waist and I felt myself straightening a little with pride.

"Well, hello Ariel," he murmured, crouching down to look at her.

"Mama," Diana wailed, finally realizing from her perch on the suitcase that we weren't alone.

"And that's Diana," I said with a watery laugh, pulling out of Ariel's hold so I could grab my youngest. As soon as I'd picked her up and handed her the binky she'd dropped, Diana was quiet again, watching Otto suspiciously.

"Diana," Otto replied, smiling at my youngest. "Hi, honey."

"Don't worry," I rasped, huffing out a laugh. "There's only two."

Otto looked pointedly down at my belly. "Almost three."

"Almost three," I conceded.

"Good thing we brought my mom's rig," he said, still smiling as he looked me over. "Got plenty of room."

He jerked his head toward the SUV behind him, and my breath caught when I saw the man standing next to the driver's side door. Planting my feet, I willed my body not to betray me as I swayed.

I'd known somewhere in the back of my mind that there was a chance that Otto's brother Titus would come with him. It made sense that Titus would come if Otto was bringing people with him, and I'd known that Esther would never send Otto up to get me alone… but I still hadn't even let myself imagine it.

The boy that I'd loved, dreamed of, imagined, and prayed for was only a few yards away. The memory of his weight cocooning me in the back of his car, our hands and lips frantic for just a few more moments together, hit me like a slap to the face. I sucked in a sharp breath. Unlike Otto, Titus was completely different from the boy I remembered. He was taller, broader, held himself differently, dressed differently. His face, though, that was as familiar to me as my own, if a bit older.

"You got car seats?" Otto asked, jerking my attention away from Titus.

My face burned with mortification. "They're in the truck," I murmured, grabbing the keys off the small hook by the door.

"You want to just take the truck?" Otto asked as he took the keys from me.

"It's not mine," I replied distractedly as Ariel grabbed her blankie off the couch and dragged the basket of toys over next to the suitcases.

Otto tossed the keys out the door to someone standing outside, asking them to grab the car seats, then turned back to me. "You okay?"

My gaze snapped to his. "Yes."

He watched me for a moment, ushering me farther into the house. "Alright. What do you want us to grab?"

"Just these suitcases and that bag."

"And the basket," Ariel added, pointing. "That one."

"That's all?" Otto's dad, Tommy, asked in surprise as he stepped inside. He hadn't changed since the last time I'd seen him. "Hey, sweetheart," he greeted with a soft smile. "Been waitin' for that call for a while. Glad to see you."

"Thanks for coming," I said, my nose stinging as my eyes began to water.

"Always," he said, his eyes softening even more as he looked at Diana. When he caught sight of Ariel, he froze dramatically. "Whoa! Who are you?"

"Ariel," my eldest said, tilting her head in question. "Who are you?"

"I'm Uncle Otto's dad," he said, looking down at her. "You can call me papa."

"Okay," she said easily, glancing at me to check my reaction.

"You wanna come with me to bring the bags out to the car?" he asked, lifting both suitcases.

"Put your shoes on first," I ordered hoarsely when Ariel looked at me to make sure it was okay. She raced over to the shoe basket. I'd left one pair for her to wear, her other pair was already packed.

"I'll be right back," Otto's dad told her as he carried the suitcases past me.

"Esther wasn't sure what the situation was up here," Otto said quietly as we watched Ariel pull her rubber boots on. "You think there's gonna be problems?"

I shook my head, but waited until his dad had come back in and grabbed the girls' bag and basket in one arm and Ariel in the other before I spoke.

"My husband died last night," I said quietly, knowing that the words would mean nothing to Diana. "No one knows yet."

"Okay," he said, nodding. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into his side, the hug as awkward as it was comforting. "You wanna make sure you haven't forgotten anything?"

"I'll make one last sweep," I replied as he let go of me. "Give me five minutes."

"Take your time," he said as I put on the backpack I used as the girls' diaper bag and hurried back to their room.

I looked around the room, taking in the crib and twin bed, the dresser I'd painted with little daisies, the curtains I'd made from a vintage sheet. There wasn't anything the girls would miss. In my room, I found another photo of Ariel and Diana that I'd forgotten on the top of my dresser and after a few moments of hesitation, I pulled open the closet and pulled out the Moses basket that both the girls had used as newborns. I'd saved and scrimped to get it for Ariel and it made me sad to think of the new baby never using it. The living room didn't have anything I wanted to bring with me, but in the kitchen I remembered the vintage butter dish my mom had found at a garage sale when I was pregnant with Diana and grabbed that, too.

When I reached the front door, Otto gently took the basket from my arm and put the photo and butter dish inside. "All set?"

"All set," I confirmed, stepping outside.

Ariel was standing with one of Otto's brothers, and they were shaking their arms and legs like they were having some kind of joint fit. I glanced around the yard and finally realized just how many men Otto had brought with him.

"Like I said," he murmured as he guided me down the steps. "I wasn't sure what we were walkin' into."

"I'm sorry," I replied quietly.

"Don't be." Otto shook his head once, firmly. "We were happy to do it. Your sister's losin' it. Can't wait to see you."

"Yeah?" I asked, my voice wobbling.

I'd known that my sister would help me. It's why I'd memorized her phone number all those years ago and never forgotten it. Esther's support was as sure to me as the sun rising in the east—but that didn't mean that she'd be happy that I'd called her in the middle of the night, hysterical. We'd made a plan for me to move in with her when I turned eighteen and I'd never shown up. I hadn't even called. That changed things.

"I bet she's back at the house cooking and pacing and decorating," Otto said with a small chuckle.

"Decorating?" I asked as we reached Ariel.

"Don't be alarmed if there's a Welcome Home Noel banner or somethin'."

I hoped he was joking.

"Me and Uncle Rumi are gettin' the wiggles out," Ariel informed me, still shaking her arms out at her sides. "It's gonna be a long drive."

"Uncle Rumi, huh?" I asked, looking up at Otto's brother.

"Cool?" he asked, smiling gently at me.

"Cool," I confirmed, smiling back.

What was it with their family? I'd woken them up in the middle of the night, with no warning, and they'd driven to a completely different state to pick me up—yet each of them seemed happy to be there. Happy to see me. I didn't understand it.

"Car seats are all set," Rumi said, opening up the back door. "This one's yours, princess," he said to Ariel. "I think."

"Mine's purple," Ariel replied, looking around him. "Yep!"

"The other one isn't buckled yet," Rumi said apologetically as he lifted Ariel into her seat. "Figured we'd do it once you were inside. Doubt you could get in otherwise."

"Thanks," I breathed, glancing at Ariel before I rounded the back of the SUV.

My heart beat in my ears as I reached the other side and found Titus holding open the door, Diana's car seat dangling from his hand.

"Hey," he murmured quietly, his eyes roaming over my face before finally moving to where Diana had laid her head on my shoulder.

"Hi," I rasped. I felt frozen in place. It was so hard to wrap my head around the fact that we were only three feet apart. If I wanted to, I could reach out and touch him. I wouldn't, of course, that would be completely insane.

"If you climb in, I'll help you get this seat buckled in," he said after a moment.

"Right." I hurried forward, the toe of my sneaker catching on the gravel. I stumbled a little but caught myself before he could. "I'm fine." My voice was high and reedy.

Climbing into the back of the SUV while holding Diana and trying to look even slightly graceful was impossible. Between my belly, backpack, the lack of space, and Diana clinging like a monkey, it felt like a miracle when I finally dropped onto the center seat.

We were silent as I helped him buckle Diana's seat in, the tension between us palpable, and I looked up almost guiltily when Otto leaned in the front seat just as Titus closed the back door.

"You just let us know if we need to stop," he said as I buckled Diana in and pulled her blankie out of the diaper bag. "If not, we'll drive straight through. We'll be right behind you."

"You're not driving?" I asked in confusion as he moved out of the seat.

"I'm on my bike," he said, shaking his head. "I'll see you in a while."

Once Otto was gone, a mountain of a man climbed into the passenger seat and Titus settled into the driver's seat. Our eyes met in the rearview mirror.

"I like when you sit with us," Ariel said, reaching for me.

"Me, too." I looked away from Titus and smiled as I held her hand.

I wrapped my other hand around Diana's, running my thumb over the back of her chubby wrist as the car pulled out onto the pavement.

"You like this adventure so far?" I asked Ariel. "Pretty fun, right?"

"Are we going to see zebras?" she whispered seriously.

I couldn't hold back a snort and I tipped my head down to hide my face from the men in the front seat. "I don't think Uncle Otto has zebras," I whispered back. "Sorry."

"That's okay," she murmured glumly, looking out the window.

"We haven't met yet," the large man said, turning in his seat with a smile. I tried, and probably failed, not to stare at his piercings. "I'm Bas."

"Noel," I replied. His eyes were warm on mine.

"The famous Noel," he said, his grin widening. "Nice to finally meet you."

"Famous?"

Titus murmured something that I couldn't hear. Bas ignored him.

"Your sister's mentioned you quite a bit," Bas replied cheerfully.

"Good things, I hope," I replied nervously.

"All good things," he agreed before turning back around.

The car was quiet as Diana and Ariel fell asleep and I stared out the windshield. As we got farther from the house, then out of our little town, and eventually across the state line, I felt the tension leaving my body bit by bit. I'd been up since three in the morning and by the time we passed through Portland, my eyes were growing heavier and heavier. The baby in my belly jerked and kicked and I fell asleep with the realization that the little person in there was going to join a completely different world than Ariel and Diana had.

"Let her sleep," Titus ordered sometime later, waking me up himself.

"She'll want to be awake when we get there," Bas argued.

"We're still a few minutes away."

"Like…three."

"Don't do it—"

"I'm awake," I muttered groggily, lifting my head up from where I'd slumped over Ariel's car seat.

"Jackass," Titus muttered.

The sight of familiar streets passing by had me sitting up straighter and smoothing my hair out of my face.

"I gotta go potty," Ariel whispered, her eyes bright.

"We're almost there, baby," I murmured, smoothing down her hair, too. "When did you wake up?"

"A long time ago."

"It's been about thirty minutes," Titus clarified, his eyes meeting mine briefly in the rearview mirror.

"And you let me sleep?" I asked Ariel.

"You were sleepy."

"I up," Diana announced. "I up, too."

"You're awake, too?" I asked, smiling huge at my baby's grin. "Did you have a good nap?"

"No."

Bas laughed.

"Of course you didn't," I replied.

"We're here," Titus announced as he turned into the long driveway.

Otto and Esther's house was as beautiful as the last time I'd seen it, but I could barely look at it as Esther walked out onto the front porch, a little girl that had to be my niece standing at her side. My sister was glowing.

I'd seen her in every mood, sad, angry, happy, frustrated, but I'd never seen her as excited as she was when Titus pulled up to the bottom of the steps and parked.

And I was stuck in between the car seats. I must have made some kind of noise because Titus's head snapped up so he could look at me in the mirror.

"Give me just a sec," Titus ordered.

I worked on unbuckling the girls as he moved back toward Diana's door and threw it open.

"Come here, princess," he murmured, pulling her out of her seat like he'd done it a million times. "Hey, Bas, can you give me a hand?"

I sat with my heart in my throat and within moments, Bas had helped me unbuckle Diana's seat and pulled it out of the way so Ariel and I could climb out of the car. The moment my feet touched the gravel, Titus was handing Diana to me.

"Go," he ordered softly, jerking his head toward the porch. "She's been waitin' a long time."

My steps were slow at first. Nervous. But it only took a few seconds before I was pulling Ariel with me as I hurried toward my big sister. We were both crying as she met me at the bottom of the steps, her arms around me and Diana, squishing Ariel between us.

"You have babies," she cried.

"So do you. She's so big! I can't believe how big she is!"

"You're so grown up."

"I missed you so much."

"I'm so glad you're here."

"I'm sorry it took me so long."

"Oh my god, you're pregnant!"

"So are you!"

The words mattered less than the feeling. We were babbling by that point, and for the first time in so long I felt pure unfiltered joy fill me. We'd made it. It had taken years longer than I'd thought it would, but I was finally there, with my sister again.

Esther let me go and carefully dropped down to her knees. "Hi," she said, her eyes bright with tears as she looked at Ariel. "I'm Auntie Esther."

"I'm Ariel," my outgoing girl replied. "Do you have zebras?"

"We don't," Esther replied, laughing a little as tears rolled down her face. "But we have a cat named Mr. Sir. He's big and orange and he likes to cuddle."

"You do?" Ariel asked excitedly.

"Sugar, you're gonna get stuck down there," Otto said in exasperation as he stomped toward us and reached for Esther.

"I was not," she argued, letting him help her to her feet. "Why would you even say that?"

"I put your socks on for you yesterday," Otto replied flatly.

"I wanted to talk to Ariel," Esther muttered.

"Oh." He smiled down at my daughter. "Yeah, I can understand that. She seems pretty cool."

"I am," Ariel replied, nodding. "I'm really cool."

"And who is this?" Esther asked, reaching out to gently rub the baby's back.

"This is Diana," I replied, pulling the pacifier out of her mouth with a pop. "Can you say hi?"

"Hi," Diana murmured, reaching for the binkie in my hand.

"You don't need it right now," I whispered in her ear. She stopped, grabbing for it with a grunt of annoyance.

"Hi Diana," Esther said, her eyes crinkling in amusement.

"And this is Flora," Otto said, lifting their daughter—who'd been standing at the top of the steps watching everything unfold—into his arms.

"Flora Noel," Esther added, reaching out to smooth my hair back from my face.

"Hi, Flora," I breathed, trying not to blubber as I looked at the niece I'd never met.

She and Ariel could've been sisters, they looked so much alike.

"We have the same name," Flora said, smiling. "And the same hair."

"I know. Pretty cool, right?"

"Very cool," Otto answered, putting Flora down next to Ariel.

"I still can't believe you're here," Esther said, grabbing my hand to tow me toward the house. "Come inside. How was the drive? Titus usually drives like a maniac, but I'm guessing he behaved himself with you guys in the car."

They brought us inside and set us down at the kitchen table. There were no decorations, but Esther had clearly been cooking all day because the house smelled like freshly baked bread and my favorite beef stew. It felt like I was in a dream as Ariel and Flora ran off to Flora's room to play and Otto's mom hugged me and proceeded to steal Diana right out of my arms. Esther put a bowl of stew in front of me, urging me to eat. She chatted with me about her pregnancy and how well-spoken Ariel was, told me about the bedroom they'd set up for us, and generally kept our conversation light as people came in and out of the room. It was all very welcoming and easy, almost like we'd seen each other only days before—except for the fact that she didn't move more than a foot away from me at any point. All of Otto's sisters-in-law had shown up to wait with Esther and the house was noisy and chaotic for a while as they said their hellos to me and goodbyes to everyone. It wasn't until the house was quiet, with only Otto's parents left in the living room, that I realized I hadn't seen Titus since he'd handed me Diana and ordered me toward my sister.

"Okay," Esther said with a sigh, shifting in her chair. "Now, tell me what happened."