Chapter 23

"Talia? Talia, look at me."

I could hear Rhea, but I didn't respond. I couldn't. All I kept seeing was Leo's little face, screwed up in anger. He looked so much like the males of the pride right then. Like he was disgusted with me. He wanted to leave, said he didn"t care. This was all my fault. I listened to other people, tried to do what I thought was best for him, and he hated me for it. I was the world's worst mother.

"Frank, I'm gonna take her home. I hope that's okay."

"Sure, sure. She gonna be alright?"

"I… I'm not sure how much you know… She's in recovery and–"

"I know. Teddy told me. She was mistreated. Honestly, we were both surprised she offered to help me. She looked downright terrified at the prospect, but it's good she's tryin' things. It didn't work out this time, but I hope that doesn't stop ya from tryin' again, Talia."

No. I was done trying. I was told my whole life how worthless I was. I should have listened. Every time I tried to make things better, things only got worse. Kiara left, Leo hated me. I should've just stayed with the pride. Isolating me was a smart choice. They knew how much trouble I'd cause.

Hands on my shoulders guided me out of the kitchen, through the back door, and down the alley to the front. I didn't see any of it. I was barely aware of where my feet were going. I was pushed into a seat and buckled in, just barely aware of Rhea's scent as she leaned over me.

"Leo's with Malcolm. Teddy's on his way to him now. He's okay, Talia. Can you tell me what happened?"

I didn't answer her. She'd only argue with me if I told her it was my fault. She was a loyal friend. A friend I didn't deserve.

We drove in silence back to the compound. My lioness was curled so tightly in my mind, I almost couldn't feel her. She was ashamed for suggesting something that upset Leo so much. We both were. The forest flashed by the windows, but we saw none of it. I wanted to curl up in a corner just like her. Leo would be better off without me.

Leo arrived with Malcolm and his family not long after I did. He stormed past me and slammed his bedroom door so hard, it rattled in the frame. I flinched only for a second before smoothing out my face again. Leo was better off when we were in the pride. When I showed no emotion and stayed away from everyone. It would be hard to go back to that after weeks with Teddy encouraging me out of my shell, but I had to. I needed to give Leo what he needed. Otherwise I'd lose him completely.

"Thanks for bringing him home," Rhea said softly. I should've been the one to do that, but I could only stare at Leo's closed door. Maybe I should call the pride. Ask them to take us back. Leo would be happier there. And there'd be a lot more females to take care of him instead of me.

"Where's Teddy?" Rhea asked.

"He, uh… He's headin' home." Malcolm replied. "Said somethin' about this bein' his fault. I'm not sure. He wouldn't talk about it. Just apologized to Leo and asked me to bring him here. Did she say anything?"

White noise filled my ears and the voices faded away. Teddy was leaving. I was working so hard to prevent that from happening that I estranged my own son and I still didn't accomplish what I'd hoped for. I ruined everything.

Without a word to anyone else, I turned and went to my room, shutting the door quietly behind me. My back leaned up against it and I slid to the floor, hugging my knees to my chest. The voices of the males in the pride filled my head, reminding me of my place. Reminding me of how stupid I was, how worthless. I was ashamed of myself. I should've known better than to want more.

I didn't know how long I sat there. I never looked at a clock. I didn't look at anything at all. My eyes were open but unseeing. My whole body shut down until I could only feel numb. It wasn't until Leo came looking for me that I finally blinked.

He knocked on the door, his voice no more than a croak. "Mom?"

Shifting away from the door, I gripped the handle and opened it without looking at him. This was how I acted at the pride. This was what he wanted to go back to. I wasn't going to show him how upset I was. He didn"t want to see it. I didn"t want to upset him anymore.

From scent alone, I knew the apartment wasn't empty. There were people in the living room, their voices low murmurs. The light spilled into the room, but no one followed Leo and he closed the door behind himself, shutting us back into darkness. I didn"t realize before that it had gotten dark.

He stood beside me, eyes averted. I desperately wanted to hug him, to tell him I loved him, but I wouldn't allow myself that luxury. He didn"t want that from me.

A sniffle caught my attention, and my gaze lifted slowly to look at him. He was frowning at the ground, tears slipping down his cheeks. He wiped them away quickly, but they kept falling. His shoulders shook with the effort of holding them back. An ache so sharp it was physically painful stabbed me in the chest and my lioness, who had been quiet since Leo's outburst, started demanding we fix it. I refused. I'd just make things worse.

She could only take a few minutes of watching our cub cry before she took over. My clothes tore from the force of the shift, and Leo stumbled away on instinct. She wasn't angry with him. She was angry with me for sitting there like a lump, fighting the urge to go to him. She had no such problem. The second she could, she pulled him closer with her paw, nuzzling him.

Her purrs drew out his cub, and he shifted next to me. There was something always special about interacting with him like this. Our animals' needs were simple. My lioness plucked him up by his scruff, jumped onto the bed, and settled him in the middle with her body curled around him. He made little noises, still upset, but he buried himself against her side and her growling purr settled him eventually. Only once he was asleep did she relax.

We stayedthat way all night. I didn't usually stay shifted, I was too skittish to settle like that for long, but Leo needed us to be strong, and my lioness refused to give up the reins until my spiral stopped. Until my head cleared enough to remember why I came out here. What my purpose was. I didn't come to Blackridge to heal myself. I came out so Leo could have a better life. A life without fighting or fear. A life with friends and family, people he could rely on who cared about him. Kiara was supposed to be part of that. I'd hoped Teddy would be too. Since neither of them stuck around, I needed to be better. I was his family. He was my cub.

My lioness rumbled her agreement. Our cub. We're supposed to protect him. Lionesses in the wild were the ones who protected the cubs. He was mine, and I was going to be better for him. I was selfishly trying to make myself better. I needed to be focused on him. He was the reason we came out here. He's who I lived for every day.

Even as a lion cub, Leo woke up grumpy. He grumbled and yowled, unhappy with being awake. My movements woke him, and he wasn't happy about it. I wasn't going to rush him into getting up, but neither of us ate anything yesterday. He had to be hungry. I jumped down from the bed and wandered into the closet so I could shift and get dressed. When I came back out, Leo was still scowling at me in his fur. I put my arms out.

"Breakfast?"

He came willingly, letting me pull him into my arms. I brought him to his room and waited for him to get dressed before we headed for the kitchen, hand in hand. The compound was quiet. Our apartment had been empty and, from the lack of sounds, I had to assume the rest of the compound was as well. That was good. Leo wasn't up for visitors right now.

I was pulling out the ingredients for breakfast when Leo finally spoke. "When will Teddy get here?"

I froze, staring blankly at the open fridge. I didn't know what to say to him. I heard Rhea and Malcolm last night. Teddy wasn't coming back. It still hurt to think about. I didn't want to hurt Leo by making him think it was his fault. It wasn't. It was mine. I let Teddy get close to us, I ignored Leo's needs, and I drove them both away. No matter how hard I tried, I was never going to be good enough to keep Teddy with us.

"You aren't listening."

Runa's melodic voice drew my attention out of the fridge. She almost never came into the compound. But there she stood. Or sat. She was sitting on a stool at the island, her purple eyes glowing as she studied us.

"I-I am. I just–"

She shook her head, cutting me off. "Not to him. You aren't listening to the signs."

"What does that mean?" Leo demanded.

Runa's gaze dropped to him, and she raised an eyebrow. "The universe sent you both a teddy bear to cuddle, to ease the pain a little. But you're both so very stubborn."

Leo looked confused and annoyed, glaring at her. "What are you talking about?"

She blinked slowly, but didn't seem bothered by his anger. "Unless you let go of the past, little cub, you'll never truly be happy." She turned to face me. "You are stronger than you think. You just need to be reminded of that."

I didn't respond. I couldn't. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't strong. Whenever I tried to be, I only made things worse.

She sighed, resigned. "Stubborn. I–"

The door to the compound flew open, and a harried Ethan rushed inside. I'd gotten to know most of Blackridge, but Ethan was unknown to me. The crew seemed wary of introducing us. They told me his story, about how he struggled with his animal. They thought it was better to wait until I was more comfortable with males. My heart hammered in my chest, but he wasn't looking for me. His head whipped around to Runa, eyes wide.

"Carmen's in labor. The doc won't get here in time. We need help."