Chapter 41

41

It’s Tommy who meets them at the airport. He’d called Lena, saying they had to talk about the wedding and that he needed to see her as soon as possible. They drop off Pearl first, and then Shelley. She looks pale and stressed as she strides to her front door. But there’s a sense of determination there too, Lena decides as she watches her friend step into her house.

She and Pearl know that Shelley can handle this, and that they’ll be there for her every step of the way. So as Shelley greets her kids, and then whisks Joel upstairs to their bedroom for a talk – to ask him to move out, and give her space for the time being – Lena senses that something is different in Tommy too. Even so, she’s not quite ready to forgive the fact that he lied by omission when she was in Scotland. That’s how she views it; that he wasn’t open with her. It’s so confusing to her, and so unlike the man she loves.

‘It’s just the way I am,’ she says as, alone now, they pull up close to her flat. ‘I suppose I must still be insecure, even though I pretend I’m not.’

Tommy’s eyes gleam with sudden tears. ‘You’re making out this is your fault and it’s not. It’s all down to me and I’m so sorry. There are no excuses, darling. I was just swept along, and I realise that sounds pretty pathetic. I should’ve told you what was going on, and then you’d have been fine.’

They climb out of the car and she glances at him, a wry smile playing on her lips now. ‘Well, maybe not fine… ’

He exhales, taking her hand as they make their way to her block and upstairs to her flat. ‘Well, it’s made me realise something important.’

‘What’s that?’ She fixes her gaze on his as they step into the hallway.

Tommy reddens and looks down. ‘That I need to stop snapping to attention when other people want me to do stuff. My parents, I mean. And even Daisy?—’

‘Tommy, I never want to get between you and Daisy,’ Lena exclaims.

‘No, I know that. But even so, I reckon we should do things our way now. Me and you. What d’you think?’

She nods. ‘That’s… that’s good to hear,’ she says cautiously.

In the living room now, Tommy pulls her close and kisses her. ‘I missed you so much on Christmas Day,’ he tells her. ‘And I’m sorry you were upset…’

‘Tommy, it’s okay now,’ Lena says firmly. ‘Being logical, I knew Daisy wanted you there with them. You’re her dad. It’s natural. I just…’ She winces. ‘Please, let’s just be honest with each other from now on.’

‘Yes, definitely.’ His dark eyes radiate kindness as he steps back. ‘And you’re right. Daisy wanted me there. But you’re my family too, Leen.’ He glances towards the tree and then goes to pick up a small tissue-wrapped gift from beneath it.

‘What’s this?’ she asks. She and Tommy exchanged presents before she headed to Scotland.

‘Just a little something for you from Daisy.’

Lena blinks in surprise. Daisy has never given her a present before. She peels off the turquoise paper, gasping at the delicate beaded earrings. ‘I love them,’ she exclaims, and Tommy smiles.

‘She made them herself. We conferred on colours, although actually…’ He laughs. ‘She didn’t listen to a word I said.’

Lena strides to the mirror and fixes them on, examining the beads in bright blues, greens and pinks. The joyous colours she loves. ‘They’re perfect,’ she says, welling up now and already picking up her phone to call Daisy.

‘They are,’ Tommy agrees. ‘And so are you.’

Joel moves out two days later to a friend’s across town. He takes his studio kit so he can work from Mark’s, holed up in his dingy box room for God knows how long. It’s shameful of course, having to crash at a mate’s. But what hurts Joel most is that Martha and Fin – although certainly surprised – accepted the new situation without copious tears or even saying very much at all. But then, separation is hardly unusual among their friends’ parents. And Shelley has handled it with her usual thoughtfulness, suggesting that she trims her work hours so she’s always around for the kids after school. Not that they’re little ones, of course. ‘But it feels important,’ she explained to them all, when she chaired their excruciating family meeting, ‘that I’m around as much as I can be at the moment.’

Her job seems safe for now but Shelley suspects it’s time to try something new, to stretch herself and spread her wings. A more senior role at another care home is coming up later in the year, and she plans to go for it. Hopefully by then, everything will feel more steady at home. But for now, as the days and then weeks spin by, her family settles into its new shape, and a new way of doing things. Running their home is a team effort now – between her, Martha and Fin.

‘They’ve risen to the challenge,’ she tells Michael when they chat. They have fallen into a pattern of texting, just light and friendly messages that always make her smile. Somehow, one always seems to land when she is feeling wobbly. Then every week or so, usually late at night when his guests have gone to bed, they’ll talk at length. She’s found herself looking forward to these calls, when she’ll curl up on the sofa with a glass of wine. ‘Martha will be leaving home next year and Fin won’t be far behind her,’ Shelley tells him now. ‘Really, it was time to stop running around after them. I keep telling them I’m giving them life skills,’ she adds, and he laughs.

‘Good for you. You know they’re going to thank you in the long run.’

‘I do hope so.’

‘You know so,’ he says, and her heart seems to lift. ‘Honestly, you’re amazing. They’re lucky have such a brilliant mum.’ At times like this Shelley can hardly believe that she’s spent so little time with Michael, face to face. Because now it feels as if she has known him forever.

Meanwhile, when Joel sees the kids it tends to be out at a Vietnamese place, where they order copiously and chatter away, strangely more open and relaxed with each other than when he was at home. Perhaps they feel a little sorry for him, now that he no longer has his studio or even a proper home of his own. He doesn’t know. They certainly don’t go into the ins and outs of the split, and he’s relieved about that. As far as he is concerned it should remain a taboo subject whenever they’re out together. Of course Joel misses his family but in time, when he’s found a flat and he and Shelley have dealt with the finances, he reckons he’ll be okay. After all, as he wrote in his secret document: We only have one life to live and everyone owes it to themselves to squeeze the maximum fun and joy out of it. Once your one life is gone, it’s gone.

He’s musing on this now as he and Martha and Fin leave the restaurant, full of noodles and tofu and spicy peanut sauce. And that’s when he spots her. Carmel with a ridiculously good-looking man strolling along the street towards them.

He’s way younger than Joel. He’d put him at mid-thirties tops. Joel quickens his pace, aware of Martha shooting him a curious look, and he turns his face away to avoid eye contact with the dazzling couple. But somehow his gaze is still pulled around to the left, and as they pass each other, he sees a small smile playing on Carmel’s crimson mouth. And then they’re gone.