Chapter Sixteen

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

LEIGH

“Is everything okay in there?”

“Uhhh.” The fear and uncertainty in Luca’s voice is almost comical. “Yeah, I’ve got everything under control.”

I’m not sure if he's trying to convince me or himself.

He was so confident when he told me he’d handle this diaper change. Because in his words, how hard could it be?

Which probably makes this all the more enjoyable. It's karmic retribution for all the blowout diapers I have changed alone over the last two years.

Still, it was incredibly sweet of him to handle one of the dirtier aspects of parenthood.

In fact, he’s really stepped up today. He’s handled everything from giggles, to meltdowns, to going with the flow and adjusting his carefully thought-out plan. Including when Zach didn’t have the patience for the many layers of painting needed for ceramic ornaments.

Of course, Luca handled it by paying the shop’s teenaged employee an extra couple hundred dollars to finish them for us. But who am I to judge when he has done everything to make today special for Zach?

And me.

You’d never guess Luca has only missed one Christmas with Zach from the way he crammed five years’ worth of activities into one day. We’ve painted ornaments, caught snowflakes on our tongues, and sang Christmas carols at the top of our lungs (much to the dismay of passersby). At the town’s small Christmas market, where Luca bought everything Zach touched to wrap and put under the tree, we sipped hot cocoa and laughed until our sides hurt. There was even a sweet moment Luca bought me a bracelet that had coffee cup charms because I did a double take while browsing. He had no idea it reminded me of my mom and our mornings together.

The magic of Telluride only made it more special. The small valley town is like something plucked from another time—every building is made of brick and every storefront has a purpose. There are restaurants, a post office, and a hardware store. Coffee shops, a bookstore, and a clothing boutique, each with lights sparkling in their windows to celebrate the upcoming holiday. There’s no missing thesense of warmth radiating at every turn despite the frigid temperatures. People fill the sidewalks, but unlike in New York, where they walk with intent. Here, they stroll like they have nowhere to be except right here.

A loud cough that almost sounds like a gag pulls me from my dreamy thoughts, and I lean against the bathroom door.

“Is it supposed to be everywhere?” Luca asks, and seconds later I hear an actual heave. “And the smell. What died in this kid's ass?”

Pressing my lips together, I manage to stop my cackle, but there’s no mistaking the humor in my tone. “Let me in.”

“No, I got this.”

I press my palm against the door, like he’ll feel my encouragement through the wood. “Are you sure?”

There’s a delay in Luca’s answer, leaving me seconds away from going to the register of the small coffee shop to ask for a second key.

“Yeah. I’m almost done.” There’s another faint gagging sound, followed by Zach’s faint giggles.

Three tense minutes pass before the handle to the bathroom jiggles, and Luca appears with Zach in his arms.

I expect shock and horror to be etched on his face, but both my boys are all smiles.

My stomach flips, then tightens.

Nope. Not my boys.

Geez. A single one-sided conversation with Luca about what he wants us to be and I’m already considering him mine. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all I’ve thought about all day. Him and me. Me and him. It’s more complicated than a trigonometry equation. But every time his big blue eyes lingered just a fraction of a second too long in my direction, traitorous butterflies took flight in my stomach, and I definitely took notice.

Something has shifted between us in my mind, and I’m not sure I like it.

Maybe Indie was right, and I just need to fuck him.

It’s not productive or a good idea, but maybe if I get him out of my system, I can think about everything objectively.

I swallow hard, forcing the thought from my mind.“All clean?”

“Yup.” Luca pops the P at the end, as he lowers a squirming Zach to his feet.

“Hote?” Zach asks, pointing to where Holt and Enzo linger for a chance with the pretty redhead behind the counter,pretending to check out the selection of Christmas treats.

Freaking men.

In New York or Telluride, they’re all the same.

“You can go to Holt,” I say, watching as he quickly takes off and crosses the small shop. I wait until Holt has his hand and looks over at me, nodding a confirmation that he has him.

When I turn back, Luca’s watching me with a glimmer of a smile. “You trust my friends.”

I tilt my head to the side, hiding the instant panic that grips my chest. “Should I not?”

“No, it’s not that. I just—” He rakes a hand through his side-swept hair and squeezes the nape of his neck, a sheepish twinkle in his eyes. “It means a lot to me that you’d trust them. They’re my family.”

It takes me by surprise. Not only because he’s right—I do trust them—but also because it’s a slightly foreign concept for me. Sure, I trust my girls back home, and my neighbor Cynthia, who has become a surrogate grandmother to Zach. And then there are the guys on the Renegades. But those relationships took time and a lot of therapy on my part to foster. The Bucket List Boys—they came in like a wrecking ball. From the very moment I arrived, they demanded my attention. My trust. Over and over again, they’ve put my heart at ease, taking care of my son like he was already one of them. With them, it’s just been…easy.

If only it could be that easy with Luca.

“They’re good to Zach,” I admit.

“And you,” Luca adds the part I kept silent.

“And me,” I echo.

Because they have been good to me. A silent force showing me, despite my reluctance, there are people out there outside the family I’ve created who can care about Zach and me.

I’m still reluctant to believe it’s forever, but they’ve made cracks in my walls, and I fear I’ll absolutely miss them when we’re back in New York. Because even though they claim they aren’t going anywhere, we are. Home.

Fuck.

Why does this all have to be so complicated?

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Luca asks as he reaches up and tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear. His hand lingers on my cheek for a moment, his fingers rough. It’s innocent but feels intimate, and I restrain myself from leaning into his touch.

“I—” I pause, not ready to talk about the revelations of the day. So instead, before better sense takes hold, I blurt out the one thing we’ve yet to talk about. “What about your real family?”

He drops his hand, his face hardening into a scowl. “What about them?”

“Why are you here instead of there?”

There’s been this kind of we-don’t-talk-about-it aura from, not only Luca, but all the guys too. He’s told me over and over he’s not the guy he was before and made a few comments that make it sound like this is his only family, but none of it adds up. Christmas is for family, and I know damn well he’s got one that didn’t just let him go willingly. Even a Google search didn’t give me any solid answers—believe me, I tried.

Luca’s shoulders fall along with his gaze. For a long time, he contemplates what to say next until he finally looks up through his long lashes and sighs. “I don’t want you to think I don’t want to give you an answer. I do. I’ve owed you the explanation for months—years really—but can we put a pin in this until tonight? You deserve the whole story, and the apology you don’t want me to give. I can’t do that in the five minutes we have before either Zach comes looking for you, or Enzo and Holt need rescuing.”

It’s a fair request, but it doesn’t stop the tense feeling that I might need all the answers before going out with him this evening. I should have let him talk yesterday at the cabin instead of insisting he hear my side of the story. It was petty, but I needed him to hear me. I needed him to understand I didn’t need his words.

Only now I do.

How am I supposed to set the pace on whatever this is when I don’t have all the facts?

While I can do casual with just about anyone else, there is nothing casual about what’s brewing between me and Luca Donati.

I give a soft nod. “At dinner then.”

“Thank you.”

And because I can’t help myself. I wink and whisper, “Good boy,” as I walk away.

Luca groans and a swarm of drunk bees take flight low in my belly.

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

The rest of the day passes in a Hallmark Christmas blur. One where Luca and I don’t cross paths unless we have to. There’s always at least one of his friends between us, and any time we talk, it’s short and uncharacteristically sweet. None of the guys say anything, but if their arched brows are anything to go on, they know something’s off.

After finishing in town, we take the gondola back up to The Village so Zach can take a nap.I retreat to the guesthouse to get some work done.

Luca's detailed proposal for Monarch Hearts is spread out across the coffee table. I flip through the pages, reading every thoughtfully placed plan.

It’s immaculate.

Incredible.

Honestly, I want to use his proposal as a template for every partnership moving forward. He took my ideas and expanded on them in a way that is not only efficient but allows for growth within the program to include more locations in each city, local events, and partnerships.

If I wasn’t the current face of Renegade Hearts in New York so Willow can run the baseball team, I might ask if I could head up this branch, if only because I want to see how it all plays out.

In every detail, I can see Luca’s unique thoughts. There’s compassion and honesty. Loyalty and ambition. I see him—wearing his heart on his sleeve. The man who jumped in with both feet when he found out Zach might be his. The man who spends Christmas with his best friends, honoring the one they lost. The man who wants to get to know me so he can give my son the family he deserves.

And even though I am desperate to know the rest of the details that made him this way, I am smacked with a gut-wrenching truth.

It doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t. Fucking. Matter.

Of course, I still want to hear it. It’s important for me to know, but this man is who he says he is now. Of all things, it took rifling through this damn proposal for me to see it, but what he said is true. We aren’t the same people we were ten years ago, and the man he is today is a man I want to know.

I don’t know how he did it, but that smooth-talking, obnoxious asshole wormed his way back into my life and heart.

There’s still the question mark of what will happen if we find out he isn’t Zach’s father. But it would be a disservice to Zach, and myself, not to give him a chance.

Right?

My head spins, briefly unable to make sense of it all. There are still so many unknowns, and the need to protect the hearts of me and my son. But then I imagine what could be…

Holidays with the Bucket List boys.

Baseball games with Zach on Luca’s shoulders.

Always having a date for stupid galas Willow doesn’t want to attend.

Vending machine closets at said galas.

It’s all there, in vivid detail, and for a split second, it doesn’t seem so scary.