CHAPTER 37

1507

S he was used to being alone, which was why it surprised her how much she no longer wanted to be. Meeting Agnes had been an accident. Frances hadn’t been careful enough, going to the farm during the day to pick a few things to have for her supper that night. She knew better and had to be more careful, but she’d lost most of her already small food supply to an animal of some kind that had entered her burrow when she’d been away, hunting squirrels and rabbits to skin and cook. She’d been hungry and hadn’t noticed the woman in the field at first, emerging from the tree line before she’d seen her, and it had been too late. She’d worried in that moment that she’d gotten herself caught and that she’d have to leave again.

As much as she loved living on her own, she’d lied to Agnes a bit when she’d told her about how great her life was. Being free was worth it, but there was a lot of work just to stay alive that she hadn’t let on about. Building shelters was hard work, and it was never done on that first night, so she often had to lie out in the woods she hid in, hoping that no man or animal came upon her in her half-built shelter. She was always cold, no matter the time of year. Her pelts helped keep her warm, but not by much. After a few nights of suffering, she was usually able to complete her new home, and it was warm enough, but the first sign of something getting too close meant she had to leave and do it all over again. It was safer that way, but it was a lot of work.

When Agnes had introduced herself, Frances had taken a chance, believing the woman to be like her: someone who didn’t want to follow the rules of a man but wanted to make her own rules and maybe even live her own life. Since that fateful day one month ago, Agnes had entered the woods several times. It wasn’t every day, and they never made plans because Agnes didn’t want to, for fear that she wouldn’t be able to keep them, but Frances would stand at the edge of the tree line just out of sight and hope that she’d see Agnes even working the field with her mother if not to come for a visit. She lived for the days when Agnes was alone and continued walking.

Frances would rush back to her shelter and try to make sure it had enough space for the two of them to lie down and talk. She would run her hands through her hair and try to recall when she’d last had a river bath. Agnes’s family wasn’t well off. She knew that. Still, she felt like she wanted to dress up when Agnes visited, even though she had nothing else to wear other than the clothing she had on her already and the animal pelts she’d managed to weave more than sew together to keep warm.

Today, she stood at the edge of the woods, waiting, hoping to at least see her. It was how she spent most of her time during the day when she wasn’t out searching for food. On the days when Agnes showed up in the field, she’d see her looking up, looking for her, and even though Agnes couldn’t see her, Frances would smile at her, and she’d think about what their life might have been like if Agnes could live with her. As she watched the woman leave the house and tried to see if her mother or anyone else was behind her, she knew it would all soon be over because Agnes didn’t live with her in her small shelter made of sticks and mud. She lived in a house with her family, and soon, she would be married and living in another village.

“I could come with you,” she said to herself as Agnes walked into the field, carrying a woven basket. “Wherever you go, I could come with you, live in the woods, and we could still see each other.”

Frances smiled at the thought but knew that it wasn’t likely. It would be too hard. Agnes would have a husband, and that would mean he would be touching Agnes how Frances wished that she could. It was against God’s law, but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t believe that she could live in the woods outside of Agnes’s new house and watch her raise her husband’s children.

When Agnes continued walking past where she would normally stop, Frances moved quickly, hurrying back to her tree, and straightened the few items, awaiting her arrival and trying to pretend as though she hadn’t been watching her, hoping for this. Then, Agnes gave the bird call that they’d practiced in order to let Frances know that it was her and not someone else approaching, and Frances walked out of her shelter and smiled softly at her.

“Hello,” she said.

“Hello,” Agnes replied. “I only have a few minutes. Then, I must get back to work. My mother has been asking me where I’ve been disappearing off to, so I think she’s figured out something is different with me.”

“I understand,” she replied.

“I brought you some things,” Agnes added. “It’s not much; only what I knew I could get away with bringing to you. My mother nearly burned the bread, but before she could feed it to the chickens, I took it.” Agnes pulled out a small loaf of bread. “And I’ve got some other things in here, too. For you. I just have to bring the basket home.”

“Thank you,” Frances replied and took the basket. “But you don’t have to bring me food. I’m all right out here.”

“It’s… It’s a gift.”

“A gift? What for?”

“I’m leaving soon. My father returns with my future husband tomorrow, and I… I won’t be able to visit you anymore.” Tears welled in her eyes. “We’ll be leaving back to his village after that, where we’ll be married. I… I found out that he’s my father’s age and has a daughter from his first wife who died, and he needs sons, so I suspect I’ll be a mother soon.”

Frances set the basket down just inside her shelter and said, “Come inside? ”

“I shouldn’t. I should get home.” Agnes wiped tears off her cheeks.

“Agnes?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t want to say goodbye to you.”

“I don’t want to say goodbye to you , either. My time with you has been the best of my life.”

“Stay,” Frances said without thinking.

“I can’t. I told you that I have to get back before my mother–”

“No. Stay with me, Agnes.” She moved toward Agnes and took her hands.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll take care of you. Or, we’ll take care of each other. I want you to stay with me. We can go anywhere you want, find that land I’ve heard about, and build our own house there. We–”

“I can’t do that,” Agnes interrupted.

“Why not?”

“I’m supposed to marry him and have–”

“You don’t want that.”

“But it’s what’s right. Women are meant to care for their children and their husband and the home.”

“I’m a woman. I’m not meant for any of that.”

“You’re different,” Agnes said.

“How?”

“Because you–” Agnes stopped and looked down at their joined hands. “I see you looking at me sometimes when we’re here; how you… look at me. It’s…”

“How a man should look at a woman?” she asked.

“Yes,” Agnes said.

“I’ve seen you look at me the same way, Agnes.” She dropped one of her hands and cupped her cheek, daring to press her forehead to Agnes’s. “Run away with me,” she added softly. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll… be your… husband. I promise you, we will have a good life together. It might not always be easy, but it will be ours . ”

“I can’t,” Agnes said and pulled away from the embrace.

“But you want to?”

“I can’t feel this way.”

“Yes, you can. And you do. You can’t change it. I’ve tried, and I can’t change how I feel, Agnes. I don’t want a husband. I want a wife. I want to be her wife.”

“You can’t want that. God doesn’t–”

“I love you,” Frances interjected. “I love you, Agnes. The days you visit me are all the best days of my life, and the days you’re not here are the worst. I miss you the second you leave, and I cannot wait for you to return. I watch you in the field, working, and I wish that I could take you away from the life you don’t want. I only need you to say yes.”

“What I say or want doesn’t matter to anyone else. Why does it matter to you?”

“Because I love you,” Frances repeated. “If you tell me that you don’t feel the same way about me – and I don’t mean because you think it’s wrong, but because you don’t feel it – I will leave right now. You’ll never have to see me again. I can’t stay here another minute and watch you leave with him, so I either run with you, or I just… run.”

“No, don’t.” Agnes got closer to Frances but made no move to touch her as she stood inches away from her, dipping her head down to look at the ground.

Frances used her fingers to lift Agnes’s chin, bringing their eyes together, and rested her forehead against Agnes’s again.

“I…”

“It’s okay if you can’t say it yet,” Frances told her when Agnes was struggling. “But do you feel it?”

Agnes nodded, moving Frances’s head along with her own, and Frances breathed a sigh of relief.

“Run away with me, Agnes,” she requested softly. “We can live the life we want, not the one they want us to.”

“How? I can’t hunt like you. I can’t live in the woods.”

“I couldn’t, either. Until I had no choice. Now, I can. We won’t always live in the woods like this.” She motioned to her shelter. “I promise you, I will find a safe place for us to build a home. No one needs to know where we are.”

“I’m scared,” Agnes said.

“I know. Me too,” Frances replied. “But you have to decide because he’s on his way, Agnes. He’ll be here soon. And once he’s got you, it’ll be harder to get away. You know what he’ll expect on your wedding night.”

“My mother told me years ago, yes,” Agnes said.

“This is it.” Frances cupped her cheek again. “Run away with me.”

“I have to go home.” Agnes sniffled.

Frances pulled back and stepped away from her then, feeling her heart breaking inside her chest from the realization that this was goodbye. She’d have to pack what she could and leave before nightfall in order to have a little time to build some kind of shelter where she ended up.

“I need to bring some things with me,” Agnes added.

Frances looked up at her and asked, “What do you mean?”

“Can we leave tonight? I’ll have supper with my family. Then, I’ll wait for them all to go to sleep. I’ll bring what I can with me and meet you here. Can you ride a horse?”

“Of course,” she replied.

“We only have three. I don’t want to steal from my family, but we should be as fast as we can. If we’re walking, my father will just come looking for us, and he’s a good tracker. If we’re on the horse, we can put a good distance between us.”

“All right. I’ll pack up everything here by then, and we’ll leave.”

“We’ll have to ride through the night,” Agnes said as she wiped at her cheeks.

“We will, then,” Frances confirmed before she kissed Agnes’s forehead. “We’ll ride for however long it takes to get away from here.”

“Frances, can we do this? Please don’t lie to me. If we’re caught, you know they’ll do horrible things to you. And my father might even let them do bad things to me, too, before they send me to whomever will still have me.”

“I knew when I met you.”

“Knew what?” Agnes asked.

Frances kissed her nose and said, “That I loved you. You walked up to me, and I knew. I want to be with you, Agnes. We can do this. We can be smart and do this.” She gently pressed her lips to Agnes’s lips. “We can be free.”

“And together?” Agnes asked.

“Yes. Together.”

Agnes pressed her lips to hers this time, and Frances couldn’t believe that this was happening. She deepened the kiss, and Agnes responded by pulling Frances into her body. Frances knew they shouldn’t do anything more right now, but she couldn’t stop herself from enjoying their kiss; her first kiss with the woman she loved.

“I love you,” Agnes said a moment later. “But I have to go now.”

Frances pressed her fingertips to her lips and smiled.

“All right. Tonight?”

“Tonight,” Agnes confirmed. “Um… I need the basket.”

“Right.” Frances reached inside her tree before she removed everything from the basket and handed it back to Agnes. “I’ll pack all this up for the journey. We’ll need it.”

“I’ll try to bring more, if I can.”

Frances nodded.

“Agnes?”

“Yes?” she asked before she turned to go.

“Please…”

“Please, what?”

“Please be here tonight. Don’t let anyone at home talk you into staying.”

Agnes didn’t say anything, but she nodded. Then, she was gone.

◆◆◆

Later that night, Frances waited. The few possessions she had were packed in a bag she’d brought from her home years ago, and she sat in her shelter, wrapped in her pelts, ready to go as soon as Agnes arrived. She didn’t want to start a fire because if Agnes got caught escaping, someone might see it and know where she was running to, so she sat there, cold but not freezing, waiting for Agnes to arrive.

“Something’s wrong,” she said to herself. “It’s too late.”

They needed to be far away by first light, and it was getting too late for them to be able to do that. She stood up, left her shelter, walked carefully to the edge of the woods, and looked at the house. The smoke from the fire inside was billowing out of the chimney, but there were no candles or lanterns lit inside. With the full moon in the sky, she could see, but the house was too far away. The horses were inside the barn, so Frances decided to take a chance and headed that way through the woods as far as she could go before she had to walk through the field. At least, they could meet here and leave faster than Agnes having to get the horse and meet her in the woods after.

“What are you doing out here?”

Frances froze just outside the barn, hearing a male voice inside it.

“Edward, what are you doing here?” Agnes asked.

Agnes was already in the barn. She must have made it outside before Frances had gone to check on her and had been about to take one of the horses.

“One of the horses hasn’t been eating. I was told to check on him. You’re supposed to be asleep. What are you doing out here, Agnes? Why do you have a bag with you?”

“Edward, I need you to pretend like you didn’t see me here and go back inside.”

“This is about your husband, isn’t it? What are you doing? Are you trying to leave, Agnes?”

“Edward, please…”

“Agnes, you can’t go. We need that dowry. You know that. Father is on his way home. We–”

“I can’t marry him, Edward.”

“Of course, you can. You’ll do your duty to this family like we all do. Now, get back in the house.”

When Agnes yelped, Frances couldn’t wait any longer. She pulled open the door and burst inside the barn. Edward’s back was to her, and he had his hand on Agnes’s arm. He was pulling her toward the other barn door in the direction of the house. Agnes saw her. She looked terrified. Frances picked up a board from a pile and rushed toward him. Before he even knew that she was there, she hit him over the head with the board, and he fell over.

“Did you–” Agnes covered her mouth with her hand.

Frances knelt down and felt under his nose.

“He’s breathing. We need to go,” she said. “Now!”

“He’s my brother.”

“Agnes.” She pulled on Agnes’s hand. “Which horse?”

“The one in the middle is the fastest.”

“Let’s go.”

“I can’t just leave him here like this.”

“Agnes.” Frances held her face in both of her hands. “He’ll be all right. We have to go before he wakes up.”

“But…” Agnes pointed at Edward.

“My love, please.”

Agnes nodded rapidly.

“Get on the horse,” Frances told her.

She helped Agnes up and found a bag in the corner of the room. She laid it over the horse, strapping it in quickly, and tossed in her few items, noticing the ones that Agnes had added to it already. It would have to be enough. She climbed up onto the horse and took the reins.

“Are you ready?”

Agnes wrapped her arms around Frances’s middle, rested her chin on her, and said, “Yes.”