CHAPTER 47

Dariux held his breath, afraid to know the answer, yet desperate for it.

“I don’t know if we should, Dariux.”

He exhaled, his chest deflating, along with his hopes and dreams. Releasing her, he walked to the other side of the room, trying to create some space in the small room. There was no place to pace, so he just braced his hands on the old-fashioned mantelpiece.

She either must not believe him or didn’t love him in return. This was what he feared about human relationships. This was the reason he had been trying to avoid emotions and entanglements his whole life.

He had never felt turmoil like he did at that moment. Anger, frustration, yearning, hopelessness.

“Why? Give me one good reason, damn it.” Above all, his overriding need to understand drove him.

“Because we haven’t even tried to be in a relationship yet! How do we know if it’s going to work out, if we will be able to navigate our differences? Will we still feel the same way some time from now?”

“I don’t know, Kalli!” he snapped, still not turning to look at her. “You are the expert in love. You tell me. All I know is that I had a carefully engineered life that I thought was perfect. I had designed everything to suit my tastes and wants. And now none of that satisfies me anymore.”

He turned to see her stricken face. It did nothing but provoke him further. How dare she make him feel, only to hesitate now?

“Can you explain to me why that is? Why on earth or in heaven would I prefer an imperfect human who challenges me, drives me crazy, and ties me in knots over a parbot designed to please me in every sense? Because I sure as hell don’t know! But that is how I feel. So for the love of all that is good, help me understand.”

She came to him, placed her soft hands on his chest.

“I know love is scary. But I’m not saying no. I’m just saying not yet.”

He grabbed her by the waist, holding her to him. “Not good enough. I need order in my life. I need to restore balance. What game are you playing? You wanted my love? You have it. Now deal with it!”

“You stubborn man!” She struck him in the chest, pushed to make him release her. He didn’t.

“Have you considered that I’m asking you for time for your sake more than mine?” she challenged.

“What do you mean?”

“Not long ago, you were dead set against love and human relationships. Now you have fallen in love. Congratulations! You have just proved that a period of human interaction can cause feelings of closeness and even affection. But how do you know it will last? How do you know you won’t feel differently a month or a year from now? That you will yearn for your robot and your perfectly engineered life?”

“Are we talking about me or you? Maybe you are the one doubting the permanence of your feelings.”

She shook her head, leaning her forehead on his chest. “My feelings for you have not changed. And I don’t foresee they will ever change.”

“Then why doubt mine? You saw my results. I am telling you how I feel. I am here, damn it. What more proof do you want?”

“I don’t know why you’d want me.” Her voice was so low, he didn’t catch her meaning. Surely, he had misunderstood. She could not have uttered such a stupid sentence. She was too smart for that.

“What did you just say?”

“I said,” she repeated, stronger this time. “That I don’t know why you’d want me long-term when you can design a robot that’s perfect for you. Or maybe find another human who is closer to your ideals.”

Ah! That’s what was behind this reticence. Fear. Insecurities. That, he understood.

“Do you know how many parbots I’ve had?”

She shook her head against his chest. He cradled her cheek and lifted her gaze to him. “Six. Do you know how many upgrades and customizations I’ve run on them?”

She shook her head again.

“Neither do I, but the number is in the range of the hundreds. Do you know how many human partners I’ve had?” He didn’t wait for her to shake her head but provided the answer. “Nine. Most of them were one-night stands. I’m telling you this not to brag about my sexual exploits. But so that you understand, I have had the chance to design my perfect parbot. I have designed her. Many times over. In fact, Elena, my current parbot, is my masterpiece.”

Kalli once again struggled in his arms, but he held her fast. He was trying to make a point, damn it.

“She has every feature and quality I thought I wanted. And yet she doesn’t tempt me anymore. It feels like a veil has been lifted, and I can’t overlook the fact that she is simply a robot. And I crave more.”

“Fine, I get it. You crave human relationships now. And I am just the first one since your conversion. It doesn’t mean you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with me. Even in centuries past, when there weren’t any robots, it didn’t work that way. What happens when you meet another woman who is more compatible with you?”

“Who do you think is going to be more compatible with me than you?” He was genuinely puzzled.

“I don’t know. Someone who doesn’t challenge you, or drive you crazy.”

This time, he laughed. Loud guffaws of belly laughter. He couldn’t remember laughing that hard in a long time. His feisty sprite once again struggled to be released. Her struggles did nothing but rub her against his naked body and arouse his cock, which was always half-cocked—ha! Half-cocked—around her. He laughed even harder at his lame wit.

“I don’t understand what’s so funny,” she muttered.

“You.” He took a deep breath. “You think I want a docile, compliant woman? For that, I could have stayed with my parbot. Those are the things that make me love you, sprite. You know your own mind. You have convictions. You have spark and passion. I am hard-headed and bossy. So sometimes we clash. But I love that you are my equal. I love your mind as much as I love your body.”

“And yet I look nothing like your parbot. If that’s your ideal of feminine beauty, I’m very far from it.”

At this, he sobered. “I don’t look like your parbot either.”

Her eyes widened, and he knew he had her there. “Is that the type you prefer, Kalli? Nerdy, pretty, well-groomed. Polite. I bet he always did your bidding. In bed and out of it. I’m not like that. In appearance or temperament. Do you like me the way I am?”

“You know I do.”

“Hmm. Yes, you do. You take my orders so well.” Her eyes had darkened with desire, and his cock stirred against her, but he ignored it. For now.

“But we are not talking about me,” she reminded him.

“You want to know if I still prefer women who look like my parbot. Yet you admitted your own preferences changed. Why couldn’t mine have changed as well?”

“Have they?”

How could she even ask? Couldn’t she feel the steel rod of his desire against her belly? Couldn’t she see the naked need in his eyes? But her vulnerability stirred something inside his chest. He remembered the confession she had once made that she had never felt good enough. That no one had ever preferred her.

“Kalli, I’ve had women of every type you can imagine. Smart, intellectual, bossy, submissive, creative, accomplished. Some have been tall, some short, some curvy, and some slender. Yet no one, ever, has inspired as much desire as you do. None have made me love her.

“I know you want guarantees and reassurances. I know little about love. This is the first time I have experienced it as an adult. You are the expert here. All I can tell you is that if this love theory of yours is true, I’ve got a severe case of it. I can’t imagine ever feeling any different, ever wanting another woman as I want you. Is that enough? I have no way of proving it. Only time will tell.”

“I want to believe it is, Dariux. But I want it so much I may be deluding myself.”

“Don’t. Stop overthinking. Just feel. Let me love you. Let me spend the rest of my life proving it to you. Will you?”

“Yes.”

He swallowed the word from her lips. Afraid to ask what she was saying yes to. Yes, to marrying him? Or yes, simply to allow him to hang around for a while?

He needed to believe it was the former. The intensity with which he wanted to be her husband frightened him.